An emotional last few days

[EnglishBeth]

My wife (who I love dearly) told me on Saturday that we needed to talk.

She said that she can see that this isn't going away and that it is more than dressing. I really opened up (properly for the first time) and shed more than a few tears. She knew that I couldn't help it and that it isn't my fault. She was so understanding and not angry at all. She has been very distant lately and admitted that the anger had been building up because she didn't know how to address it. This anger has now gone.

I told her that I had been in very dark places over the past few weeks, to the point of actually considering ending it all. She listened and told me that this wouldn't help anyone and that we can work through this.

I am seeing my GP tomorrow to try and move things along, at the suggestion of my wife.

We are both scared about what the future may hold, but she has said that she doesn't want us to split, but can't say with certainty what the future will hold.

I am so grateful to have such a loving partner and am now well on the road to starting my transition properly and above board. The not keeping of secrets is such a lift of a burden and she has said the same regarding her feelings.

I don't know what the future holds, but now know that I need to do this and with the help and support of my wife, for the first time, feel that I CAN do this.

Apologies to others on this forum who are more forthcoming and sharing. Whether it is because I have kept this side suppressed for so long, I don't know, but I do find it hard to open up and accept that this is me. This is probably why I find it easy to comment on the more superficial elements, such as beauty, etc. I appreciate the feedback that I have received and thank you for your encouragement and support.

Rachel

[becky77]

We spend years and decades keeping this locked up and secret, it's not easy letting the barriers down.
The future is always uncertain, however she would have envisioned growing old together as a married couple, this will be tough on her. You both need to support each other.

I'm still with my wife, we live like very close friends. It works we are happy but there is a sadness I see sometimes because I stripped away part of her future and made things uncertain.
It can't be helped.

Best of luck at the GP, I'm going through the system so feel free to PM if you have questions.

[EnglishBeth]

Thanks Becky.

She sees us friends, moving forward, which is better than many alternatives. I feel so sad and guilty about her future at the moment. The important thing is that we are now communicating.

[becky77]

Guilt is a strong emotion, you feel guilty because you care. It would be wrong if you didn't feel guilt.

I bet when you married you meant every word. Things change, people change (not usually as much as us lol), you are responsible for upsetting the Apple cart but you can't help it either.

It's all part and parcel of the process.

[Wendy me]

something that everyone goes through .... i would say if you dont have or have had issues could be your not putting enough thought into were your going in my minde been through all that isues with out haveing surgery i am ready i know that my issues are family get getting them through any issues they have

[pamela7]

Wishing you the best of outcomes, Rachel, there are a few of us here in the uk going through this - together.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Lots of us have "been there"...

A compassionate and caring wife and a strong relationship is a blessing for anyone...i hope that you can figure things out quickly and get to a less dark place..

pls remember that it really is possible to live as yourself, that you need to be smart and thoughtful to navigate all the ups and downs of seriously assessing your gender and your options

and to be good to yourself and especially good to your wife

[Emma Beth]

Big hugs, Beth.

I know how hard it can bee to open up to your partner.
In the end for me it didn't work out due to a lot of unrelated issues related to my Family.
However, it does work out for many; I do wish the both of you the best of future luck.

[Sandra]

Rachel

I'm Nigella's wife who is on this forum, she is post -op 2 1/2 years and we've been married 29 years this August. How have we done this. we've talked and been honest with each other. Each step was discussed and nothing was rushed. I went to all of the appointments that Nigella had we kept nothing from each other. I guess what I'm saying is don't keep anything from your wife, talk to her, listen to her and her worries and concerns. It is normal to be scared about what your future's may hold, just take each day as it comes.

[MissDanielle]

Hugs.

Hang in there. I don't have anything else to offer other than positive vibes and support.