On several occasions, I've been out places especially when we go shopping in one of the larger cities near us when I saw someone I thought was a t-girl: a CD or a TS. I wasn't sure how they'd react if I just went up to them and said, "Wow, you look great. If I wasn't a t-girl myself, I might not have realized that you're one of us."
So how would you react, and any ideas on what's best to say? I'd appreciate any comments, especially from newbies.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugsI'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.
There's always the possibility that they are really not.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Very carefully. You don't want to make any assumptions that aren't true.
Everybody is different. I would laugh and thank you for the compliment. But some others who may be convinced they pass, might be a bit peeved. And some others who are on pins & needles over being out, might just freak out. Plus the chance it could be a gg. Unless the situation is such that you can't avoid saying something, I would keep it to myself.
Just smile and let them enjoy their day perhaps?
Let them be. You might embarrass them or someone they are with. You have to respect their privacy. If you were at a CD function, that would be quite different.
If you see me out, please, say hello. I would love it, if you did. You will know me, because I do not pass. I'm just a guy in a dress.
This topic / questions has been asked many times, I think the general consensus is that most public sightings of CD/TG would not warrant any ununusual actions by another CD/TG other than a smile and say hello if you are passing each other.
If you end up striking up a subsequent conversation then you could go on further to bring up the subject perhaps.
There is beauty store I shop at that the lady at the makeup counter is TG, she is very pretty..her and I have chatted but neither of us has ever discussed our gender issues. As bad as I would luv to engage the conversation with her, I feel it is not appropriate for me to do so at her job / in public. So I haven't.
Alternatively if I run into you TG /CD's at the bar / nightclub get ready because I will come chat you up.
Key is not be a pest to people minding their own business.......also you are likley to find that some of the people you think are CD/TG are NOT that at all so beware
Way too Girly !I couldn't smell the smoke, and now I'll watch the flames
Out on Parole ......Woo Hoo
Sky captured my thoughts on this.
If your at a tg place that's one thing, if your out in the wild world that's very different, as for the freaking out, not sure I'd freak out but unless you were quick getting the 'I'm a cd too' out, I maybe turning on my heels and heading somewhere else, or I may not depends how vulnerable I was feeling. X
Last edited by Abbey11; 02-03-2016 at 12:19 PM.
OMG!! Owning my femininity .... and I LOVE it!
A CD might be a lot happier about it than a TS ... think about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.
thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er
I agree with Lauri and Abbey.
Please call me Lisa!
Smile but say nothing. Saying something, such as quoted in the OP, is another way of saying "you don't pass".
If you MUST say anything, leave out any reference to CD, TG, TS. Instead, something like "very pretty" or "nice dress" will do.
Imagine a stranger saying to you "wow, you pass so well". Wait a sec, if I pass so well, how did you know........"
Duh.
As a ts I would be very unhappy with someone that approached me like that!
I laughed to tears...!Originally Posted by NicoleScott
I agree with everything else, smile and not comment anything about crossdressing.
I don't mind discussing my gender issues with strangers; I do it often. But generally it comes up as I am fully dressed and I use my male ID, in other words, I have kind of initiated the discussion.
If you are wanting to complement me, I much prefer you stating something about my outfit that you like. As in "that skirt looks great on you." Or "I really like that color combination."
Occasionally people have come up to me and said "Wow, you look really good." In my mind I hear them follow it up with "... for a transgender person."
That to me is kind of a back-handed complement.
I have said to various women - I like your outfit, I like your hair, I love those shoes, cool nail polish. But I have never gone up to a woman and said "wow, you look really good." It kind of gives the impression of surprise that the person would look good, which isn't exactly a nice thing.
I'm with Nadine on this. Have been complimented, by women, on my "look" but I heard, "You look good... for dude in a dress."
If you read anything on this forum, you will see an irrational belief that people NOT commenting means that one is "passing." A "Hey, I'm like you," comment will shatter that perception. A casual, "I like that skirt or shoes," comment, IF ONE IS IN POSITION to logically make that comment could be appreciated. You would never see a woman cross the mall to make that statement to another woman.
And just like asking a woman if she is pregnant, what if your are wrong!?!?!?
Last edited by Jenniferathome; 02-03-2016 at 12:54 PM. Reason: speling/grammer
What is best to say? What a great question!
Oh here we go:
Say something with an air of demure admiration- as you would say to GG! Like the Dean of my division- "Wow, I love those boots, Mary, you have a sense of great style!" Or to my wife: "Kat- those pants compliment your ...' Wait--- leave her out of this. "Pardon me, [random person], but that is a really cool jacket.' Think of the person as a higher up- worthy of respect, you want to interact in a manner that engages with an elevation of social respect.
But only if you really mean it. Otherwise a simple smile and nod or "hello".
If they stare at you (some people will- not sure how to react- simply say "I just wanted/had to say/compliment you on that'.
How would I react? Flattered, both for the compliment, and the attempt to put the other person at ease. This is social grace.
One really should watch the entire 6 seasons of Downton Abbey- English social grace is intended to make the other feel welcome. Sometimes it is odd, but the idea is to allow the other to save face. If you a gracious enough to authentically compliment a person (no faking this stuff), it can onlt be taken as kindness.
This demonstrates awareness, genuineness, respect and observation of the feeling of others. Manners, are how we show other that we care about their feelings.
Then let it go- THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT. let it go.
it shows you interacted for reasons only of appreciation of art/style, and you respect their autonomy. Do not underestimate the importance of this!!!
A simple short act of recognition is a compliment, more than one- draws UNWANTED ATTENTION. Think about this.
for GGs and other cis folk- this is the usual, for someone who may be self conscious (for any reason) it can be a very sticky situation.
A friendly smile should be enough.
Smile knowingly, but that's about all.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I would keep it to myself as I have done in the past. You don't want to mistakenly tell Janet Reno she looks as good as any GG.
It would depend on the situation.
If we were amidst a crowd and you said that loudly I would be upset and angered that you "outed" me.
If it were off to the side and said quietly I would most likely accept it as a wonderful compliment and continue the conversation.
Context and circumstance would be very important.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I think if I were out and about when dressed, I would just want to be treated normally and addressed and acknowledged as a woman.
I would have smacked you good. You have no idea who it is, or why they are presenting as they are, and you NEVER, EVER, EVER out someone.
Ever. Get it?
the most I would have said you are very pretty .I like your hair or shoes or something like that if you wanted to talk to them other than that I agree with the rest just give a smile in passing.but what ever you say it should be flattering . just remember no matter if they pass or not they have feelings just as you do or any GG would have .So always be kind remember do unto others as you would have done unto you.if you wouldn't want the added attention then don't do it to them . but that's just my opinion and like they say everyone has a opinion.
I'd smile, say "thank you?" (yes with a question mark) and walk away wondering how in the heck you decided it was OK to invade my personal space and say that
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Posting Permissions
