Anyone following the drama on my blog, which seems to be my life of late, is aware of the turmoil between Miss Girlfriend and I. Last week she gave me, well an ultimatum may be unfair and inaccurate. She simply wanted to know if I ever saw myself wanting to live as Cadence full time.
I waffled on telling her my true answer as long as I could when she recently pondered the question during a tumultuous point of discussions. Last Tuesday, I finally relented and told her my true feelings about living as Cadence. Of course that meant my relationship with Miss Girlfriend ceased to be.
We agreed early in that if things were to change between she and I, that we would actively pursue a friendship between each other; neither of us can fathom a life without the other in it. She is merely incapable of seeing herself in a romantic relationship with me as Caden.
So as of last week, I am now alone.This thought weighs heavy on me; I told her flat out, I suspect she may have been my last great romance. I suspect I may never find a woman who loves Caden more than David(my male aspect). I have never felt so completely dejected in my entire life. All my other breakups where m,y dressing was a factor, Cadence didn't fully exist yet. She was an idea, a concept. Miss Girlfriend actually contributed to the birth of Caden as a personification of who I feel I am. The rejection of Cadence by the woman who helped bring Caden to life, maybe even gave birth to Caden is tragic on an epic scale to me, but also because I had such high hopes on what her help and understanding meant. I had hoped that Miss Girlfriend would be "The One." I had invested in her emotionally. Complete in every way. She had my faith, loyalty, Love; everything a healthy relationship needs. But my Love was not good enough or vast enough to overcome the hurdle she had in her mind about her attraction to me as a woman. Oddly, when things went a little ugly, she played both sides of the coin;
"You arent a woman, you will never be a woman, its all just pretend."
followed shortly by,
"I'm just not attracted to you as a woman, and you'll be a woman for an intents and purposes."
The list of things or people tethering me to my male aspect are at an all time low. The prices I’ve paid are high, the loss I’ve already sustained is great. I just hope when I reach an end result that I find it was all worth it.
Ever & Always,
Cadence Lane