Yesterday was a big day....putting on my big girl panties

[St. Eve]

Yesterday was a big day....

My first time out of the car and into the world of muggles!

Doing my best to look like a GG on casual Friday....loving my new Aeropostal jeans ( 99 cents at Good Will.) Hoping to be comfortable in my 3 inch booties. Also bringing the pink sneakers if necessary, or, if I have the courage to go out on the walking path.

Pulled into Walmart and realized these are real people who are going to be up close and personal with no 2000 pound engine filled barrier...sat in the car for about 3 minutes - breathing and telling myself I could turn around at any time....did open the car door and walked through a crowded Friday afternoon Walmart parking lot and into the store, buying lunch and a purse (my first one) - checked out at the self serve. No one cared. Even got a smile from a woman walking with her toddler, who smiled, too.

Went for a walk on the green way...smiled back and forth with several GGs and a couple of GMs - No one cared.

Stopped into a crowded Publix for brussel sprouts and a steak for dinner - no one cared. The butcher asked if I was finding everything I needed, the self check out assistant smiled and wished me a great day.....no one cared.

I am glad I drove for a bit first so that I could remember people were looking at Stevie and not Steve. Such a challenge to remember to just smile at people instead of doing the Male head nod that says "I acknowledge you but I keep a straight face in case you are an enemy or in case anyone should get the idea I care about you as a person." Women either seem to smile directly or completely ignore.

Result of the excursion - elation and self-esteem. I have been waiting for more than 40 years for this day. Sad to know my SO will not be accompanying me anytime soon.

Can't wait for more.

Here are some picks:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...p-is-improving

Thanks in advance for your feedback and support.
Peace,
Stevie

[BettyMorgan]

I think the only mistake you made was purchasing Brussels sprouts. ; )

But congratulations on going to a Walmart. I walked into a busy Sears this winter, circled the first rack of clothes I encountered and fled back on Tuesday the door. I can concur with the elation part but I wish I was as brave as you! I hope you can here my loud clapping right now?

[MarciManseau]

Glad it all went so well for you, and maybe one day your SO will change her mind.

And, FYI, we love sprouts too Have you tried them in the steamer packs? Very yummy.

[Jenniferathome]

Well Stevie, good on you for getting out. Now, what was more difficult? Navigating in the real world or navigating past your own head?

The following comments should be a sticky:

The world does not put up barriers, we do that to ourselves. AND
Get out of your own head!

[Marcelle]

Hi Stevie,

Good for you. I am glad things went well and most importantly . . . you enjoyed yourself. Nothing wrong with brussel sprouts, a bit of olive oil, pepper, garlic and sundried tomatoes, wrap in tin foil and place on the BBQ for about 20 mins . . . scrumptious

Cheers

Marcelle

[suzanne]

A big, fat "Way to go, sister!". That first outing is the hardest, but also maybe the most satisfying, because it was the biggest hurdle and you'll remember it forever. No where to go but onward and upward. And, going forward, you'll only get more comfortable making eye contact and chit-chat with the people you deal with. BTW, if I looked as good as you do in your photo, I wouldn't hesitate to go ANYWHERE dressed up. That is a perfect look for doing everyday things this time of year, and you totally rock it.

[Ustour]

I'm still a long way from that

[St. Eve]

I think the only mistake you made was purchasing Brussels sprouts. ; )

But congratulations on going to a Walmart. I walked into a busy Sears this winter, circled the first rack of clothes I encountered and fled back on Tuesday the door. I can concur with the elation part but I wish I was as brave as you! I hope you can here my loud clapping right now?

Hi Betty, I am listening to the clapping, thanks!! It takes a lot of courage and hope just to walk in the door. You will find the courage when it is the right time. I came close to running out the door a few times, somehow, greatfully, just for yesterday, I refused to listen. I spent 40 years dreaming of doing what I did yesterday, and I know it is only because of the support of my local loved ones and this forum that I could even get into the car. Finally I am releasing the shame, hopefully it will continue....

Glad it all went so well for you, and maybe one day your SO will change her mind.

And, FYI, we love sprouts too Have you tried them in the steamer packs? Very yummy.

Hi Marci, I appreciate the thought for my SO, and, at the moment, I have to accept that she may never change her mind. Right at this moment, I am considering that her attitude is actually helping me with courage. If she were totally accepting right now, I might just stay at home where I knew I was welcome and never venture outside because of our fears.

I have not tried the steamer packs! I seem to be better at self care when I am en femme - yesterday I took the time to roast the sprouts in the oven - super yummy!!

Well Stevie, good on you for getting out. Now, what was more difficult? Navigating in the real world or navigating past your own head?

The following comments should be a sticky:

The world does not put up barriers, we do that to ourselves. AND
Get out of your own head!

Hi Jennifer, Thanks for the affirmation. Navigating past my own head was definitely more difficult. Truly a great question. What is helping the most is deeply accepting the truth of who I am (twin spirited, gender non-conforming, gender fluid, crossdressing.) The label does not matter, the more I simply accept and love who I am (to the best of my understanding) it makes it possible to go out into the world. I support the sticky you suggest!

Hi Stevie,

Good for you. I am glad things went well and most importantly . . . you enjoyed yourself. Nothing wrong with brussel sprouts, a bit of olive oil, pepper, garlic and sundried tomatoes, wrap in tin foil and place on the BBQ for about 20 mins . . . scrumptious

Cheers

Marcelle

Thanks for the affirmation, Marcelle, I DID enjoy the experience immensely!! Yum, that BBQ recipe sounds great! I splashed with olive oil, salt and pepper and roasted for 30 minutes at 400 degrees....

A big, fat "Way to go, sister!". That first outing is the hardest, but also maybe the most satisfying, because it was the biggest hurdle and you'll remember it forever. No where to go but onward and upward. And, going forward, you'll only get more comfortable making eye contact and chit-chat with the people you deal with. BTW, if I looked as good as you do in your photo, I wouldn't hesitate to go ANYWHERE dressed up. That is a perfect look for doing everyday things this time of year, and you totally rock it.

Hi Suzanne, thanks for affirmation and your kind words about my appearance, I hope I will be not hesitating to go anywhere in the future. I loved jeans and the turtle neck sweater, I need about 20 different styles and a pair of boots and I could go out all fall and winter here in the South. I am also thankful for a good GG friend who is helping me buy the right make-up and giving me tips. Chit chatting with random people would be a GREAT experience. I am still very self conscious about my voice! When I am not talking, I can imagine people thinking of me as a lady; however, in my imagination I am a man dressed as a woman the minute I open my mouth and somehow believe I would be treated less well. Or break the intended illusion, or something like that....

I'm still a long way from that

Hi Ustour, I was definitely a long way from that for 39 of the last 40 years. A lot can happen in a short time!! When I made the decision to start coming out, I went slow, got in to see a gender therapist, slowly came out to my loved ones and started interacting here. All of those things added up to yesterday - it was definitely a process. If it is what is right for you, and it may or may not be, you will find yourself outside one day!!

Peace
Stevie

[Suzanne F]

Congratulations! You looked great and the outfit was perfect for where you were going. Now you can build your experience and confidence. Welcome to being out in the world as a woman!
Suzanne

[kittie60]

Glad to hear everything went so well for you. Most of the time noone cares what we look like or whatever, there to caught up in there drab, mundane world. Best of luck on your future outings.

[Diversity]

Hi Stevie,
A huge congratulations to you!!! Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is a confidence builder for me and I am sure others as well. Best wishes to you for more such outings.
Di

[St. Eve]

Congratulations! You looked great and the outfit was perfect for where you were going. Now you can build your experience and confidence. Welcome to being out in the world as a woman!
Suzanne

Thanks Suzanne, experience and confidence geometrically improved - love being in the world as a woman - took me 40 years, but what is a few decades really....now I have a few decades to enjoy. Thanks for the affirmation on the outfit. I felt so comfortable!

Glad to hear everything went so well for you. Most of the time noone cares what we look like or whatever, there to caught up in there drab, mundane world. Best of luck on your future outings.

Yes, Kittie, I will learn to depend on that. Cheers to more "everything goes well" outings!

Hi Stevie,
A huge congratulations to you!!! Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is a confidence builder for me and I am sure others as well. Best wishes to you for more such outings.
Di

Thanks, Diversity, I am glad to share, a lot of my confidence came from this forum and the experience shared by others. i am grateful to give away what has been given away to me!!

Peace y'all
Stevie