When you first began dressing, were you also confused with your sexuality?

[Sissy_Michelle]

Tammy,

I am sure this topic will make for a great discussion. Many will share their opinions and personal experiences, as I will. I agree with your comment about cross dressers not being gay... Curious even? Or at least have thought about being with the same sex.

When I was younger and first started cross dressing, I had help. My girlfriend. It started out as something fun to do, though I enjoyed dressing up for her and her friends quite often. My mom and her mom knew and we would discuss dressing at times, because they wanted to know how far or long I would take it. My girlfriend and her friends liked it I liked it and at the time that is all that mattered. One evening over several daiquiri they asked me if I had feelings about being with another guy, since I enjoyed dressing up so often. I told them I was a little curious but seriously doubt that I would "look for a male date" that I prefer women, and their company. After more daiquiri and everyone had changed into our slumber party clothes we started playing "Truth or Dare". Which was mostly daring if the bottle pointed at you. During one of the dares I had to walk to the corner store and pick up a pack of gum fully dressed. So after they dressed me up and put makeup on me we all snuck out and headed for the Time Saver. It was late and no one was out or about till we were in the store. One of my girlfriends friend's boyfriend arrived as we were walking through the parking lot. He didn't recognize me at all, and he offered to go get more daiquiri for us. So after getting back, I got very nervous because we never had a guy join us and I could be found out. So still under candle light he shows up and we continue to drink and play truth or dare. He did find out, we did kiss and touch each other, mostly what we were told to do. It was fun and exciting. The next day when it was just her friend and her boyfriend we sat down and spoke about what happened. We all agreed to the secret nor were we upset over it. They went to a different school, so I wasn't too scared of what happened getting out. We did end up together with her friends slumber party at other times. We never thought of ourselves as "gay" either because our our girlfriends or just because of our attitudes. We didn't mind those that were gay, but didn't hang around those that had an issue with that lifestyle either. The early 80s was a different time... Was I confused? Not really, I did think about it, but what I wore didn't effect the way I thought. I have always treated people by their actions not by what they wore.

Sorry so long.

@--}-----
Michelle

[Stephanie47]

Damn straight Tammy! Straight as I am not gay. And damn straight I was totally confused. My adventures started in the 1950's when I discovered my mother's nylon slips. She did the wash in the apartment and hung her slips to dry in the sole bathroom and in the long hallway to the bedrooms. I loved the feel of nylon. It was nothing like the fabric little boys wore. There was no sexual motivation involved. I would caress the fabric. I finally decided to put one on and enjoy the feel over my body. I was satisfied. I would also slip into some of her floor length nylon nightgowns.

The psychological troubles started when the usual male hormones started to rage. I had progressed to putting on my mother's bras and panties and stockings along with the slips, and, then the one dress I could squeeze into. Back in the 1960's there was no reading material readily available to read. The Kinsey Report was secure behind the librarians' desks. I really did not know if issues of men wearing women's clothing was in the Kinsey Report. I still don't know. There was no Internet. Play Boy was about as risque as it got in my local newspaper shop.

The widely disseminated belief was men who wore women's clothing were "faggots, queers, fruits" and other descriptive terms. That really set the mind spinning. Here was a teenager drooling over good looking girls, but, society said I was a homosexual. Where do you go for advice? Nowhere. Just suffer in silence and hide the cross dressing bit.

Of course, now the widely held belief is the vast majority of MtF cross dressers are heterosexual. I'm sure your boyfriend, age 24, cannot reconcile his feelings with societal expectations of a man. Even if there is no shame or guilt associated with cross dressing in his mind or my mind, there is still judgement in society. Anyone with half a brain and reads or listens to the news will see there is still a significant percentage of the populace who do not appreciate any sexuality that is not totally straight male and female, and, kink free. Of course, many of them have skeletons in their closets too.

[AllieBellema]

Honestly, sexuality never crosses my mind with whatever I do. I do it because I enjoy doing it and it makes me happy to see myself look like that in the mirror!

[Mayo]

Tammy, "straight" men do not watch at TS/CD porn.

That's why I added 'nominally' in parentheses before 'straight'. Masculinity being what it is, guys are raised to think the penis is one of the most important things in the world, but because they aren't allowed to look at other guys' equipment without being labelled unmasculine, we have the surreptitious comparisons, anxiety about size, well-endowed porn actors, POV porn, etc. TS porn exists to package penises in a form that's (just barely) acceptable for men to look at and even want. Perhaps it's actually appealing to closet bi guys who can't admit it to themselves, but my point is that plenty of guys who will swear up and down that they're straight (sometimes even to the point of being outright homophobic) will express an interest in it. Some small percentage will even search out trans sex workers. Some men who call themselves straight even visit gay hookup spots to receive oral sex from other guys. The 'straight man who likes dick' is practically a joke on LGBT forums.

I'm not suggesting that a guy who claims to be straight but enjoys TS porn will necessarily cheat, visit sex workers (TS or otherwise), or seek out casual gay sex - at least, no more than the rest of the 'mega-straight' guys (Katey888 addressed a facet of this in her post). In other words, even claiming to be straight (and perhaps even believing it) is no guarantee that things won't happen, but I don't think the fellow in this case is necessarily at any greater risk than any other guy. And maybe it's just a fantasy he enjoys - plenty of people have fantasies that they never act upon.

I'm honestly not sure how Tammy can get the sort of reassurance she's seeking save on the basis of his actions over time. Obviously there are some trust issues to be worked through, but if he's affectionate, respectful, considerate, caring, supportive, and obviously enjoys sex with her, he sounds like he's probably worth keeping.

[Tammy494]

Re-reading many replies on here provoked me to revisit the links that I had found, because I still have a screen shot on my phone. Well, seems like the stream of lies is absolutely never ending. I'm shaking as I write this. When I had originally found the links, I looked through all of them. Well, upon revisiting them my eyes came across one single little comment with a picture that looked familiar. What do you know, it's my boyfriend. And so I go to the profile, and apparently he is a porn expert with over a thousand friends who get to view the plethora of pictures and videos of him practically naked in women's lingire and my underwear and leggings, shaking his butt and playing with it. What a fool I am!!! I'm furious but I would still never exploit him or reveal his secret. I'm just so sick of the lies, obviously he is not who he says he is and the profile definitely portrays him being bisexual for sure, at least in my eyes and based on the ridiculous amount of videos he's liked. Well! I tried... I tried really hard, to help and understand him and most importantly to forgive and trust him. But this is my breaking point. I'm a broken woman.
Does anybody think this liar is worth staying with? Because I definitely don't.

[lemon_meringue_tie]

I pretty much always recognized that I was sexually interested in males, just not in any situation where I perceived myself as being male also. However, I find both sexes attractive. Though to me, there is a difference between attractive, and being sexually interested in.

[Katey888]

Does anybody think this liar is worth staying with? Because I definitely don't.

No.

I think by being prepared to come here and have the discussions you've had, you've demonstrated that you are deserving of someone with much more integrity and commitment towards you...

Head for the hills now - don't look back...

Katey x

[Mayo]

the profile definitely portrays him being bisexual for sure, at least in my eyes and based on the ridiculous amount of videos he's liked.

If you look at the thread titled How many photos and videos do you have of you dressed?, you'll see that a number of us have NSFW photos, and some even post them online. If your boyfriend's dressing is primarily a sexual fetish then I can understand it. Alternatively, he's stumbled on that particular site (rather than, say, this one) as a community of people who also dress and for at least some of whom the expression takes a sexual form. You say he's 'practically naked' and 'shaking his butt and playing with it' - are more than just a few of his poses explicitly sexual? is he showing his genitals in an aroused state? If not, then it's probably not particularly sexual for him. Even if it does have a sexual component (as it does for many of us) it still doesn't mean he's bi or gay.

You also say his profile 'definitely portrays him as bisexual for sure', which sounds quite emphatic, but then you add 'at least in my eyes'. Now, if he has explicitly identified as bisexual on the site (some enable you to identify your orientation, or say things like 'interested in men and women'), you can take that to the bank. If a significant number (more than 5-10%, maybe?) of his video likes show men (as opposed to TS women) engaged in masturbation or sex acts, that's probably also an indication of bisexuality rather than just curiosity.

If he's not showing himself nude or in explicitly sexual poses, if he doesn't identify as bi, if he doesn't have a lot of gay video likes, then he may just be expressing his CDing on a site that has happens to have a lot of rather dubious content. I still don't consider TS porn to be a strong indicator of bisexuality (as opposed to bi-curious). Maybe he has a significantly exhibitionist bent (and I don't mean guy in a raincoat in the schoolyard). Even if he's a straight CDer, given the attitudes associated with it I can understand why he wouldn't want to tell you about this site.

I still can't tell you one way or the other if he's worth keeping. The CDing and how he expresses it are probably a deep source of shame to him and he doesn't even want to talk about it with you. It's possibly even difficult for him to deal with so he compartmentalizes it off in one corner of his mind (and the internet). You have to look at how he is expressing it - to the extent that he does - to get a hint of whether or not he might actually be TS, or bi, to what degree he might be interested in a TS sexual experience, or whatever.

I know this is difficult for you - I'm sure it is for him as well - and I wish you the best. Given that this discovery has set your mind a-whirl and instilled significant doubts in you, you might wish to break it off just for your own peace of mind (which is a valid reason as far as I'm concerned). I don't expect he'll be any more open with his next girlfriend. You might wish to consider couples counselling, and if he agrees to that it's probably a good sign. At this point, whether or not he's ultimately trustworthy and straight is no longer really the issue - it's the distress you feel about the situation and, ultimately, you need to look out for yourself.

[Tammy494]

Mayo,
I have not yet confronted him about this. Let me start by saying that I wrote my last post in a bad emotional state. Ill be more specific, his profile states he is a closet crossdresser and sissy. His profile name contains the word bottom in it. every video is sexual but it's hard to tell if he is aroused because he is facing with his back at the camera. I would say there's about 50% men and 50% TS/CD comments, and friends. The biggest red flag was his comments to other people. When a man who isn't TS or cd asked if he was on another site he said "no just on here daddy". There were a few other comments as well. Believe me I did consider this as an outlet or a place for expression. But I'm not comfortable with any of it and I'm not comfortable with the lying. Is it true that many of you post pictures or videos of yourself almost naked? I do believe this is just sexual for him at this time based on everything else I found but I have no idea how far it goes and I feel like I will never truly know... I have not talked to him yet and I don't even know what to say

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Oh and for the record it isn't a strictly CD/TS site, it's an everything porn site... And yes most his photos or videos were almost naked and a couple were completely naked....

[Mayo]

Not many post explicit pics, but some do. Of all the things you've said so far, though, I think the part about being a sissy is the most telling, I don't know much about it but it can involve a desire to be in a submissive relationship with another man. Women too, sometimes, but if he's talking to men then that may indicate where his interests lie.

[Katey888]

Is it true that many of you post pictures or videos of yourself almost naked? .

Not on this site babe... And not on any other for me either!

I might have been a bit hasty last time but you've collected enough red flags here for an October day in Red Square - there are a lot of other sites that will feature these sort of amateur, self-posted vids and pics. I've come across the sites and while I don't feel threatened by them or judge the folk that post there, they are clearly related more to sexual gratification than any sort of CD expression. You need to thrash this out with him to really understand what this means to you and your relationship and if he needs to continue this and whether you're prepared to accept it.

So I'd do that and then probably head for the hills...

I'm sorry - I just don't see this with a happy ending for you unless he's prepared to sit down, be serious and commit to you by committing to stop the other shenanigans...

Katey x

[Tammy494]

Wow... I didn't actually realize that's what sissy meant. Kinda fits in with everything else on the profile and the kinds of videos he likes too... I'm a complete wreck right now, I tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but I can't get past this... Thank you for everybody's help and advice the past few months... I appreciate it a lot.

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It's okay katey, I never took it as you being nasty! Don't worry.. I'm bad at wording things sometimes and you all help me to think about what I'm saying or confused about more.... Thank you for your input and advice. I appreciate it so much

[Ashley Nicole]

Issues of gender vs. sexuality have taken me a long time to understand and be truly honest about.

Growing up, I acted, dressed, and WAS male. The thought being a masculine or feminine male wasn't ever really there. When I started exploring my sexuality, I was primarily attracted to females, but I was always curious on males (although looking back, the particular male archetype I was curious about was predominantly feminine). I identified as straight, but now that I am more comfortable about my sexuality I identify as bisexual. I have never had a gay experience as I am married now, but I identify that way.

I didn't start truly questioning the idea of gender until after I got married. No, there wasn't a particular event that led me to question it, nor was my wife the one that triggered it. It was something I just come into on my own.

To answer your question "When I first began dressing, was I also confused about my sexuality?": No, I was not confused. My sexuality was always there whether or not I was being honest with myself. When I began to question gender roles (especially my own), that was when I began crossdressing. As I started becoming more comfortable with where I fell in my gender, I started regressing and doing the same with my sexuality.

For me, it was not confusion, it was clarification.


After reading some of your other replies within the thread, it sounds like there are some more underlying issues in your scenario. This goes a bit beyond sexuality and gender roles, more into relationship issues. Fortunately, I haven't had too many issues in any of my relationships. As such, I don't feel I'm the best person to give advice as to what you might do. My apologies.

[heatherdress]

Re-reading many replies on here provoked me to revisit the links that I had found, because I still have a screen shot on my phone. Well, seems like the stream of lies is absolutely never ending. I'm shaking as I write this. When I had originally found the links, I looked through all of them. Well, upon revisiting them my eyes came across one single little comment with a picture that looked familiar. What do you know, it's my boyfriend. And so I go to the profile, and apparently he is a porn expert with over a thousand friends who get to view the plethora of pictures and videos of him practically naked in women's lingire and my underwear and leggings, shaking his butt and playing with it. What a fool I am!!! I'm furious but I would still never exploit him or reveal his secret. I'm just so sick of the lies, obviously he is not who he says he is and the profile definitely portrays him being bisexual for sure, at least in my eyes and based on the ridiculous amount of videos he's liked. Well! I tried... I tried really hard, to help and understand him and most importantly to forgive and trust him. But this is my breaking point. I'm a broken woman.
Does anybody think this liar is worth staying with? Because I definitely don't.

Tammy - No! Get out of this relationship which seems to be very, very unhealthy. Do not worry about trying to understand him. Way too many red flags! Even if you can understand and accept what you have discovered he does, what more is there that is hidden? Do you want to live with his behavior and his lies? Honesty does not appear overnight. Take care of yourself. Move on and do not look back. Have confidence in your feelings and judgment. Do not be manipulated. Do not feel guilty. Get some help for yourself. You deserve much better and will be much happier in a healthy, loving relationship.

[dana digs sweaters]

No. Never confused about it. I liked girls in grade school and that never changed. We are wired to be what we are. No one chooses straight, gay, whatever. Funny story, I had been dabbling in cross dressing since I was 8. But, when i was about 13, I wore my first dress. Moments before I put not he dress I wondered if doing so would "make me" gay. Like that's a thing. I mean I'm standing in my sister's room in pantyhose, a stuffed bra and her heels and I am wondering if a dress will put me over the top! Kids.... So stupid.

Funny story Jennifer. Thanks for sharing.

[AmandaM]

Tammy, get out! He says he's a sissy and calls men "daddy"? This is a guy who wants men to treat him as a woman in bed. If he was just curious, or just a vanilla crossdresser, I'd say give him a chance. But this is NOT what you have described. It is WAY more than that.

[Tammy494]

I plAn on confronting him tonight when I'm off work to break things off. And now I feel like I have to go get tested because who knows what else he's hiding. I can't live my life like this, I'm such a nice understanding attractive woman and I loved him unconditionally and he obviously just has no regard for my feelings or our relationship.

[jacques]

hello,
I started to cross-dress when I was about 8 years old... how could I be confused about something I knew nothing about?
I did no know what sexuality was; I did not know what cross-dressing was; and "gay" meant happy back in those days.
luv J

[Mayo]

Here's a wiki article on the sissy phenomenon that seems to do a fairly decent and non-judgemental job of explaining the kink. Note that it is relatively independent of sexual orientation in and of itself, but his interest does seem to be leaning toward men based on what you've said so far.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sissy_(transgender)

[Jenniferathome]

Tammy, RUN!

Some people are liars and live from lie to lie. There is no coming "clean." Get out and put this behind you.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Back when I was in high school (early 90s), people were becoming more aware that hetero TVs in fact existed and dressing and orientation were not the same (thanks to some very courageous people putting themselves out there in the public spotlight.) So I knew my desire to dress did not make me gay.

On the other hand, I may be attracted to women, but that does not mean there are women attracted to me I am pretty much an orientation with an extremely small number of possible partners. Kind of defeats the whole purpose I suppose.

Tammy, you are answering your own questions. Clearly this relationship is not going to work, and you are best cutting your losses. You should certainly not pursue it further and mix finances, get married or have children with him.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tammy, At four years old I didn't even know what sexuality was. ~~......

[T. Fonda]

I knew I loved to dress when I was 4 years old. My mom actually let me dress as a girl around the house for a few months. Not sure what she was thinking because suddenly all of my clothes were gone. When I asked for more, she replied only girls dress like that. Early on, I didn't question my sexuality because dressing was just me being me. It wasn't until junior high that I started to get confused. I had a crush on a few girls and loved their clothes at the same time. I briefly wondered if I was gay. It was at that time that I saw an episode of "That's Incredible" that had a story of a heterosexual male who worked as a female impersonator. He said it matched up with his cross dressing and his love of women and women's clothes. He said he was secure in his manhood. He described me and it was then that I realized who I was. I'm now 47. Unfortunately I've spent my whole life hiding the real me from everyone. My wife knows. Our DADT relationship is sometimes brutal for me because I want to talk and she doesn't. Any advice I have to a SO of a crossdresser is to let them talk..... listen to them, then listen some more.

[heatherdress]

I plAn on confronting him tonight when I'm off work to break things off. And now I feel like I have to go get tested because who knows what else he's hiding. I can't live my life like this, I'm such a nice understanding attractive woman and I loved him unconditionally and he obviously just has no regard for my feelings or our relationship.

Good for you, Tammy. Don't look back. Move on. Good luck. You deserve happiness.

[joanne51]

I have never had doubts about my sexuality. When I first discovered that I liked to crossdress back in my teens it was all about the clothes and the sensation of wearing them.
In later life with more opportunity to go all the way, I realised that I wanted to experience looking as feminine as possible.
While still physically male, I cannot help feeling feminine (if that makes any sense).
My next step is to mix in public dressed as Joanne. When that will happen I'm not sure. Being still in the closet, I'm limited in what I can do.