Where to go from here...

[Dakota1981]

So I am looking for a little bit of help here to try and figure some things out. I am out to my wife and a couple other good friends.

When I say I'm out, they know I am wanting spend all my time at home dressed, that I have a very large urge to be female and that there is a chance that I MAY one day want to be out in public everyday as a female. I haven't thought really about that, but it has crossed my mind. This is not including occasional trips to specialty clubs where I could freely dress yet not be out so to speak. I'm not set to put a label on what I am right now.

When I look in the mirror when I'm completely dressed, I am happy with what I see. However perhaps I'm being a bit too critical in the early stages of this in saying that I want to always look good, damn good in fact. I have bulky muscular figure with some extra weight and I know it'll take some time to lose the weight. Having said that, I have no intention in transitioning using HRT or SRS because I am still attracted to my wife and enjoy being the "male" in the bedroom and don't want that to change via impotence and erectile dysfunction caused by HRT. If this was a different point in time and I was single, my plan may be a lot different.

I am also working on a very strict budget. We don't have a lot of money to spend on certain items such as breast forms but every time I dress, I get a bit depressed that I can't look down and see the peaks of boobs. I have made rice forms but I need a new bra to put them in. I'm in the process of finding one now. I have a new wig on the way, once again a cheaper one due to the budget. But the problem I have with all this is I want to look sexy, I want to look hot and I want to look somewhat believable. But knowing I won't be able to get that full female body, I sometimes wonder, "What's the point? Just go back to being a male full time. You'll never be satisfied." I don't want to feel like this. I came out to my wife especially because I really feel it's what I need to be. The big trigger for me is I can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror as a male or seen pictures of myself and didn't hate how I looked. But the minute I'm dressed, even dressed down, I look and see who I should be and who I'm happy being.

How do you get passed some of the doubts that you have when dressing and defining who you want to be? And doubting how happy I can be with my female looks? Perhaps I'm trying to be too perfect, too fast. I just have been getting this feeling that when I dress all the time when I'm home, I want to look amazing enough to go out in public dressed if I ever decide to go down that road otherwise I get discouraged. Any advice?

[Katey888]

Gosh Darryl! You've got so many things going on and interacting here...

In many ways you've answered your own questions with this statement:

How do you get passed some of the doubts that you have when dressing and defining who you want to be? And doubting how happy I can be with my female looks? Perhaps I'm trying to be too perfect, too fast.

For me, a lot of self-acceptance and satisfaction have come from discovering the motivation behind what I wanted to do (the WHY?) and then discovering - rather than defining - what gave that motivation an outlet and expression. All the things that you say seem valid, but perhaps you are just expecting too much, too soon...?

A lot of this is about your presentation - sure, losing weight in the right places will help, and some of us are starting from an advantage of being 'compact' as a guy (don't let that put you off...) - there will be some things that you simply cannot change (height, frame, foot size, facial features, etc.) but with experience, time, and choosing the right clothing then working on makeup techniques (DQ contouring toned down works well for me) you WILL be able to present a more feminine image - but it WILL take time... you have to try to give yourself the right amount of time - and a realistic period - to learn, practice, acquire the clothing, experiment (and I do understand how this can be hard on a budget), see what works and what makes you feel good.

Ultimately, a transformation salon would be a good way to start but is expensive - you'll have to trade time for cash outlay if you want to do it yourself, I believe... but your wife supports this side of you, so enjoy the process. Your avatar pic is quite feminine, so you're definitely on the way - but be prepared to put in the time, don't be discouraged by the makeup fails (they happen to all of us!) just keep going!

Katey x

[Rachelakld]

The first trick, is to accept your body, and work from there.
My early days I used balloons with water, but went to a bra fitting. The lady there fitted a B cup on me and I instantly had cleavage, revolutionised my dressing.
I now mostly wear push up bras and if I want super cleavage, a bit of tape to pull the flesh out to the front.
It's great for my deep V neck tops and dresses.

My breast forms are for if I'm feeling a bit naughty and want people checking out my breasts (which is not often as I prefer people to look at my face)
My wigs are synthetic from China at $30NZ ($15USD) for the dark brown and my kids talked me in to going for an $40USD black wig (okay they really wanted me in real hair at $250USD, but I rather spend money on them)

PUSHUP BRA, NO BREAST FORMS, $40 WIG
DSCF0049 (2)a.jpg

NO BRA, NO FORMS, $40 WIG
DSCF0090a.jpg

BREAST FORMS and same wig
DSCF0332.jpg

[heatherdress]

Darryl - As Katie suggested, you have a lot going on. You really need to slow down your journey in life and maybe enjoy finding the answers you seek, step by step, with your wife, in a loving and joyful way. If you are open, that is already good for both of you. Hopefully she will be accepting and supportive. Stay close to your wife, communicate, continue to be honest and try to limit your desire to spend all your time at home dressed. Maybe there are crossdressing groups you can join for enjoyment, learning and support. Maybe you should discuss your desire to be female with a professional therapist before you make a lot of personal assumptions. But most of all, slow down and enjoy who you are now.

[TaraGrace]

hi Darryl,

As far as shopping on a budget goes; thrift shops, ebay or aliexpress come to mind.
I use Aliexpress a lot to shop in china, and I just did a quick check, you will find a new bra, large bandsize for 3 to 5$.

You are welcome to pm me if you need some help, but keep in mind the one downside on china shopping is patience.. it usually does take a while (2-5 weeks) for delivery.

x Tara

[NatalieGirl]

"I am also working on a very strict budget. We don't have a lot of money to spend on certain items such as breast forms but every time I dress, I get a bit depressed that I can't look down and see the peaks of boobs."

I got a pair of PALS breast forms for $50. They come in various sizes, wiggle and bounce just right, and they will feel like a tit if someone feels you up. They are made from a mold of a real GG boob.

[docrobbysherry]

Darryl, here's my take on it. I'm 70 and this is how I look. Because I WANT t o look good, look attractive, look hot. If u want to badly enuff, u can look good!

I began dressing 18 years ago, and almost quit that first year because I saw a man in a dress in my mirror. Now, I never see that!

But, I cheat. I wear girdles, pads, and prosthesis to create an attractive female figure. And, a mask gives me a female appearing face. Some of those things cost. But, most of my clothes don't. I shop at thrift stores for those and u can, too!

[Alice_2014_B]

I suggest taking your time to figure it all out; you have a lot of things going on.
But at the same time you should still enjoy it all.
And as others have suggested, Thrift stores can be amazing when it comes to shopping on a budget. I've gotten my best dresses and skirts from Thrift stores. Also got an amazing pair of chunky-heeled boots from one too.

[Dakota1981]

I want to thank everyone for their wonderful advice. I agree I do need to slow down and enjoy the process and have fun. I dress in women's clothes at home all the time cause that's how I feel comfortable. When I do, I don't have boobs, don't wear a wig most of the time(my hair simply won't grow long. I tried when I was younger many times). Like everything else in life, things take time to come together and this will too. I have a supporting wife who loves me for me and that's all I could ever ask for.

Guess I just wanted to talk it out and get advice from the lovely people here. Thank you all. I can tell I will love being a member of this community.

[Marcelle]

Hi Darryl,

There is plenty of great advice here about creating some curves on a budget so that should provide you with some avenues. However, the best advice given was "self-acceptance" which in a way is the hardest acceptance out there. Most people won't care when they see you out and about . . . not that they are all accepting/tolerating . . . to be honest, most likely don't care as they have their own stuff going on so how you present, curvy, girly, muscular or whatever is of no consequence to them. Remember, women come in all shapes and sizes not just curvy girly. So in the end, you are the only one left standing who has to accept yourself and any limitations which go along with that. Once you are at that point, you may find that curves, girly figure and whatnot is not as important as you thought but being happy in your skin more important.

Cheers

Marcelle

[kittie60]

Hi Darryl.Hungary come to those who wait. Best wishes for you and your family.
You have so much going on for you that you must slow down a bit. Ok as others have stated thrift stores are an excellent place to shop.eBay also. I just bought a pair of forms for thirty dollars off eBay. Of course they come from china but I like them for everyday use. I'm 24/7 as female. Your pics look good. Everything all come together in time
Just relax and enjoy the fact that your family is supportive of you. That means so much. Remember the old phrase " good t

[Samantha981]

Hi Darryl,
Lots of good advice here. Take your time and enjoy the process. I know its hard - we want to have 'that look' that we are comfortable with right away!
Do check out thrift stores and clearance racks. It can be harder to find the right thing but is the only way I have been able to try many things. Easier to try items for a month or two then re-donate if they were inexpensive to start! I have given away many more clothes than I've kept (another factor for me is I have to keep things stashed so only room for items I really love). Regarding a bust, I do not have forms either. Have done the water balloon thing but kept moving around, so now push up bra with the silicone wedges they have at Target, very inexpensive. They can move too, but work well. Have read about flax or rice, I may try that. Nice thing is depending on the outfit can either take one wedge out, or add another in depending on the look I want .
Elf makeup is inexpensive and their products frequently get good reviews on totalbeauty.com. I've used a few of their products. I have done makeovers which can be expensive but is how I have learned best about makeup application and tricks soften my face.
There a lot of articles on line about body shapes and what clothing styles work for each. While its clear that a tight fitting mini is not right for me, there are styles that fit my body shape that are cute and help me feel comfortable and confident.
Enjoy the journey
Samantha