observation and mimicry

[JanePeterson]

Did you spend your adolescence observing popular kids and analyzing their behavior in order to fit in better?

is this something everyone does? or do cis people just be themselves?

[Georgette_USA]

Don't know if it was observing the popular kids. I was always an odd kid, hung out with the other nerds. But did have to watch/listen to be able to fit in. Helped to not get beat up. Was not always the typical boy.

Everyone learns speech behavior and all by observation/analysis, that is how we learn to be ourselves.

As a MtF we learned by observing other woman to be able to pass/blend in as much as possible.

[Dana44]

Wow a psychology question. yeah as boys we had to see what others are doing. but my area was rough and the bigger boys beat us up all of the time. One leaned how to protect oneself. crazy yeah, and we fought back when we got big enough. WE had to learn to be men. Yeah the pecking order was real. I beat to my own drum all of my life and accomplished a lot. Had to deal with Type A personalities all the time and managed to be almost with them on many things so i was good in business. but I knew something was fishy with me and I beat to my own drum. But it took a while to identify the feminine feelings and as a result, when I switch, I may not be that feminine as I don't know how to show those feelings. I'm learning though.

[LeaP]

No. I preferred keeping to myself.

[Dana L]

I still do this. My whole life I've tried to learn how to be a boy, teenage boy, a man and a father. It has always been unnatural for me to try to mimic these observations though.

[pamela7]

No, perhaps it should have crossed my mind, but really their behaviours were not ones i'd want to copy. Sincerity mattered more, still does.

[I Am Paula]

Yeah, I had to learn thru' emulation to fit in with the guys. In retrospect, I failed miserably.

[Julia1984]

Hmm. I went to an all boys school so it was a bit odd, in retrospect. There were a few girls in the upper part of the school and of course, the A males wanted to hang out with them. My friends were all A males of one stripe or another, so I suppose I emulated their behaviour to a degree. Nevertheless, I was always more drawn to the company of girls, never could really DO that man stuff. Its been the same ever since then. Not sure if that proves anything other than that I can't do the typical male conversations about football roads and cars...Guitars or bikes, though, that's completely different!

[Badtranny]

As a MtF we learned by observing other woman to be able to pass/blend in as much as possible.

I have to disagree with this. May be true for you, but certainly not for me and I don't want new girls to think "we" all experience that.

[Frances]

I agree with Melissa. Whatever there is, it comes from within or has been formed early in life. There is no changing it later on.

[JanePeterson]

Personally, mimicry is at the root of my problems today (basically having a mans life) - mimicking women seems like I'd be just setting myself up for another crisis in the future... I'm tired of faking it

[Robin414]

I totally did that, I tried really hard to emulate the cool guys and I think I did it very well! That said, I'm beginning to realize that's all it was (acting), my 'default' is completely femme, I'm finding it more and more difficult to 'fake being a guy', I just don't have the energy for it anymore 😧

Maybe it is 'in my bones', just didn't realize it until recently?

[I Am Paula]

Georgette- I think the male behaviour is what was learned. The female behaviour was innate. Unlearn the male, and the rest is already there.

[Zooey]

This. The first time my mom met ME. she asked me if it was hard to remember to do all of these new gestures and things she was now noticing. I told her "No, it was hard to remember to NOT do them before".

[PretzelGirl]

Quite the opposite for me. When I was myself, I got beat up and teased. So I retreated into trying to blend into the woodwork. Didn't help. Got beat up more. I never had the confidence or maybe desire to pick up behaviors from others. It wasn't ever a consideration.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jane,

I suspect what you might be alluding to is Bandura's Social Learning Theory when children observe chosen models which provide cues to innate behavior (how one must/should act). These can include both masculine and feminine behavior or a whole host of other behaviors. As far as emulating cool kids, I was what we termed (in my high school) a fringe kid, not cool, not athletic, not a stoner, not nerdy. So I spent my time doing things I enjoyed and not really caring what others thought. My learned behavior was the product of growing up in a predominately female extended family (mother, sisters and female cousins) with the input of two very manly men uncles and several male friends. I socialized boy but on some level I also socialized girl so the innate behavior was set at an early age. When I joined the military I spent an inordinate amount of time hiding some of that innate behavior to appear mucho macho Alpha Male.

Cheers

Marcelle

[becky77]

I was a bit of a loner and only had one friend, I just couldn't fit in.
I hated football (soccer) but I made myself learn what it was about so I could join in the conversation.
I ended up enjoying football but I've lost any interest now, I keep an eye on the scores from ingrained habit. I tried watching the world cup recently but got bored.

I've never copied anyone at best all I did was tone down my ways and I learned to hide my emotions.
I thought I was pretty good at it but people still thought I was gay.

[Angela Campbell]

I guess I tried to watch the boys and fit in, but frankly I couldn't and spent more time trying not to be noticed.

[pamela7]

it's not even about joining in. I was good enough to be in the soccer team when the teachers' picked the team, but not once the captain picked it (his mates instead). I found the boys to be essentially selfish; they rarely passed the ball - all ego, whereas our girls hockey team were the county champions - yes, they passed the ball. This was consistent through my sporting life, where technically the girls were better, team-wise better, and company-wise better. It's quite a sad reflection on life and society.

[becky77]

Pamela I'm from the UK.
I was woeful at Football but I remember the other players still passing to me even though they knew I was a liability.

There is always the player that thinks they are good enough to win on their own, I found that was more the exception than the rule.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

I distinctly remember, as a young teen, modifying the way I walked and talked to try to be more manly in order to fit in. And part of that involved observing and mimicking the popular guys (the jocks). Sad that it took me so many years to understand what was really going on but now I find that walking and acting feminine comes very naturally. Shedding the learned male artifice will surely take a while but what comes out at the end is refreshing. I do observe women now to see how they walk and act but my goal is finally be myself. It is so empowering to do so.

[Beth-Lock]

i think there is such a thing as conformity. It is natural to want to fit in, and it can be done often without being dishonest or inauthentic. Of course, extreme conformity or non-conformity, is easier if you are a little crazy, drunk or both.

[LeaP]

As an extreme non-conformist type who isn't (usually) inebriated, I'll settle for crazy.

I played a team sport ONCE in school. Football (Real football. As soccer barely existed back in the day, perhaps it would've been a good choice for a non-conformist, but I digress… ). Again, being the non-conformist type, I didn't bother to show up for the first practice. So they made me SEVENTH STRING! Now that's inclusive! I quit after the first game - which we lost 48–0, by the way.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

reminds me of this...

I was a good goalie in soccer all through school... our high school was well known and competed for state titles many times (pennsylvania)....
I was late to puberty...15/16 ish.... i was a sophomore in HS...as jr year approached i QUIT the soccer team.... i was so very careful to fit in... but i had to quit and i couldnt say why

my dad freaked out ...my mom was bummed...the guys were pissed... they were all confused...WHY....
well...gosh i wonder... i just hit puberty... the varsity team traveled all over...stayed overnight ,etc....it was like getting clubbed over the head with my problem which i kept totally inside...

even though i quit, i fit in easily with the guys... but it was just all too much i guess...

as senior year rolled around...i was asked to play again... the state championship (We ended up runner up) was in play and everybody talked me into playing...
i played all through college and was very successful...i was getting stronger...i started to play basketball and hockey (although i wasnt as good)....
and to be honest...i enjoyed it!!! college and business school were crazy fun and i did well... despite many many xdressing episode and constant 24/7 fantasizing.

socially tho i had all these guy friends and i just got into the party scene....i got so wasted i was known for it...hardy har har...life of the party...tears of a clownette...
at 28 i met the inside of telephone pole face first after plowing into it wasted...i was a miracle... nobody goes head first out of the front windshield into a pole that broke and fell on top of me and the car...

at that point my face had 200 stitches in it ..my nose and eyelid were sewed back on my face..(beautifully by incredible surgeons who did it while i was sedated but awake on my ventilator...they didnt want to put me asleep.....ugh)...
at that point i felt motivated...i lost weight..my face healed better than expected...my job was going good... and in my mind i was free to do what i wanted...finally...

what did i do?? i got married and had kids...you all know the rest...

so many of us have their own version of this story...i call it an 'arc' ..

i know i'm off topic....

[flatlander_48]

JP:

I don't recall ever trying to emulate someone. However, I do remember being very careful about where I looked when in the locker room in high school.

DeeAnn