Sister coming to visit - time to reveal?

[Ceera]

Well, My life is probably going to get a lot more interesting in a few weeks...

My little sister and I have always been very close. She's 5 years younger and is my only sibling. But so far, in the couple of years since I started crossdressing, the concept of me finding and exploring my feminine aspect has yet to come up between us.

At first, I was literally half a continent away, so she would never be in a position to see me en-femme. So no reason, really, to tell her. But my 20 year old daughter and I just moved to a new house that is only an hour and a half's drive from where my sister lives, and... My sister's just volunteered to come down in a couple weeks and stay for several days, to help my daughter and I to get settled in - and also to bring a cat for my daughter...

So... my daughter and I will have the next two weeks to offload our cargo containers and get most of what is in the house unboxed and sorted out. Including a lot of boxes that are very clearly labeled as "Ceera's Clothes", "Ceera's Shoes", etc..

And even if I have all those girly things unpacked, one of my two dressers will be filled with girl clothes, and half my walk in closet will be girl clothes, and in my bathroom there will be wigs and makeup and perfume... And I can't pass them off as being my daughter's things, as she has her own bedroom and bathroom and closet on the other side of the house, and doesn't wear my size clothes or shoes.

And then there's the fact that my nails are done, my ears are pierced, and my eyebrows waxed...

So... It seems inevitable that before my sister's visit if over, she's going to find out that her beloved big brother is occasionally her big sister!

I hadn't planned on letting her know about the feminine side of me quite so soon, but... well, at least it will just be her, by herself, and not also her husband and 4 kids!

I don't plan to be hiding anything from my new neighbors. I've been en-femme at our temporary apartment and running around downtown for most of the day today, and most likely will go to the new house this evening en-femme for the first time, as my daughter and I continue moving things into our new home. I don't want to hide it from my sister, either.

I'm fairly certain that it will surprise her, but that she will accept it after the shock wears off. We love each other quite deeply, and I doubt this reveal could shake the bond between us. I hope...

[CDRMolly]

Hello Ceera,hope it all goes well,please let us know how it went!

Thanks,
Molly

[Roberta Lynn]

Hi Ceera,

Why don't you meet with her someplace in as much guy mode as you can manage.
You can tell her about yourself and give her time to get used to the idea of having a cross dressing brother.
This would also give her the chance to opt out of an extended visit if she had a problem with your lifestyle

I hope everything works out the best for you and your sister.
Roberta

[SharonDenise]

Good luck, Ceera. I told my daughters but its turned into a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. I would never tell my brothers.

[ChristinaK]

Good luck, Ceera. I think it depends on how open minded she is. I hope it works out beautifully.

I'm pretty sure my sister would freak out, then call me a pervert and not want to talk to me anymore. I considered it. Efore, then sobered up.

[Ceera]

So far, my daughter is the only family member who knows about the female side of me, and she is fully accepting and supportive.

I only go girly about 30% to 40% of the time right now, and when in guy mode the only things that show are my nails (currently pink French cut with gold glitter tips, but when I get them re-done in two weeks, before she arrives, I could have them done in a more low-key way) the pierced ears (for which I can wear a fairly masculine set of very small gold ball studs while my sister is here) and my waxed eyebrows, which I can disguise with a bit of creative use of eyebrow makeup to make them look wider and fuller than they are now. I am not on HRT or visibly changing to a more feminine face and figure in ways that can't be reversed.

The last time my sister saw me was at Christmas, when I hadn't yet had my ears pierced, my nails done, or my brows waxed. I'd rather hoped to tell her something like six months from now, after my ears have healed enough for me to go without earrings for a few days, and at a time when I could have planned to have a 'natural' look to my French cut nails, instead of girly polish. I could pass the nails off to the fact that I have nails that easily chip and crack, and the acrylic work protects them - which is absolutely true.

Her kids - my three nieces and one nephew - are the only close blood relations I have left, other than my daughter and my sister. I have a few cousins, some of whom are in the area too. I have one elderly uncle and aunt who live far away - my father's brother and his wife. But my parents and grandparents and wife are all gone now.

One of my cousins - a daughter of that elderly uncle and aunt - is openly lesbian, and the family accepts her orientation just fine. Two of my other cousins and two of my nieces have all recently posted pro-gay / pro-transgender posts on Facebook, so I know they should be cool with me. My sister recently thought it was humorous when a gay guy openly flirted with her husband in front of her. Her husband is absolutely straight and monogamous, and he himself made light of it. Neither was hostile about the idea that some strange man had found my brother in law attractive.

Over all, I really doubt my sister will have a bad reaction to the news. Especially since I only go girly part time, and I can easily enough refrain from doing it around her or her family if she would prefer a DADT approach. I have no real reason to go girly while visiting family members. So she doesn't have to feel like she is going to have to 'lose her big brother'.

[bridget thronton]

I would guess that if you sister loves you and she sees that you daughter is OK with your dressing that she will be ok with it as well

[~Katelyn~]

Good luck Ceera! I'm sure she will except you for who you are.

[ReineD]

Ceera, you might want to consider giving her a head's up before she sees all your clothes, wigs, etc, when she is your house guest. She might appreciate it. This is really no different than advising any married member to not tell his wife by walking in on her while fully dressed, but instead telling her about it first.

Good luck!

[Ceera]

Another positive indicator. My sister has known for years that I often play a female character in on-line games and virtual worlds. She even knows that in some of those virtual worlds, "adult activities happen". She's never had any problems with me having girl avatars in those games.

[looking_good]

It sounds like you are going to come out, and are going through the OMGs/Acccccks! that come along with it.

My two cents...be at peace, give her time and space to process, be honest and open.

Deep breaths, all will be as it should be.

[Ceera]

Well, I think I have a plan for how to approach my sister's visit.

She's been under a lot of stress lately, and my biggest reason for not wanting to come out to her so soon is that I don't want to add to her stress. I would much rather have her first visit to our new home be a happy and relaxing event. She's the one who has had to deal with cleaning up and remodeling our parents' former home and getting it ready to sell, so she and I can split the profits from that last remaining part of the estate. The time, effort and expenses that task have cost her family have been very stressful. I've been half a continent away, and couldn't help. Plus her only son just decided to rather rapidly marry a girl that my sister and her husband don't approve of. So if I can avoid adding more drama to her life, I'll do what it takes, even if it means I can't come out to her right away.

She doesn't arrive until the 6th. So I have some time to get our cargo pods unpacked, and decide where all my girl stuff will be before she gets here. I shouldn't have to worry about her helping to unbox and put away stuff that includes my girl things. My sister will be using my daughter's bedroom, while my daughter will happily sleep in her 'gaming studio', which she is currently more interested in living in anyway. That means the bathroom my sister will use is the one on the far end of the house from mine, where my wigs and makeup and the like are. She won't have a reason to look in my bedroom, bathroom or closet except for when I give her a tour of our new home.

Rather than have her encounter a walk-in closet in my bedroom area that is all girl stuff on one side and all guy stuff on the other, as I plan to keep it most of the time, I'm going to temporarily hang my girl clothes in the closet of a spare bedroom that we are setting up as a library. Officially, that closet is 'costuming and cosplay stuff, as well as some storage'. And part of what will be in there will be Medieval and renaissance clothes, cosplay clothes, and furry / mascot costume stuff, and my female stuff that is clearly in my size and not my daughter's won't be right up front when/if I open that closet. Ceera's shoes will be in suitcases or boxes or under-bed storage drawers. The makeup and wigs will be in cupboards that are less likely to be opened accidentally. In short, while it won't all be completely concealed, it won't be an 'in your face' display that makes it look like a girl shares my bedroom full time, either. And I certainly won't surprise her by walking into the room fully en-femme, with no warning, or having her wake up and find me as Ceera, cooking breakfast for everyone!

I'll still have my nails done, but painted in a fairly gender-neutral way (natural nail beds and plain white tips, French cut, fairly short), and will be wearing unisex gold ball stud earrings. If that brings up questions, or if she notices other things that lead discussions that way, it will be a good, fairly gentle introduction to the topic. If it goes well, and I have a chance to explain to her that I am both pansexual and gender fluid, and what that means, I will ask if she would like to see some pictures of me as a girl. And if that goes well, only then will I ask of she would like to see me as a girl in person.

But if she doesn't notice any girly things or ask questions that give me a reason to reveal, I'll wait to reveal to her later, when she has fewer stressers in her life - like after the sale of our parents' home is over an done with.

In the long run, I want my sister and her four kids all to be okay with both sides of me. But I'd also be happy with a DADT situation, where she asks me to only present male while around her or her husband. I have no particular need to attend family functions with her as a girl. I doubt I will ever live full time en-femme. But it would be nice not to hide it when they visit my home, and to be able to do girly things in the town she lives in without worrying about someone in the family seeing me.

As I hung my girl things in that far closet today, the 'girl voice in my head' chided me for 'hiding her' from my sister. I've come so far in terms of being at peace with being out in my community that it feels weird to hide my girly stuff in my own home. But it's only for a little while longer, I hope. And who knows? Maybe it will all go smoothly, and she will fully accept the 'big sister she has never met'.

[Ceera]

Coming down to crunch time... My sister arrives this Saturday morning, in about two days, and will stay for two nights in my new home.

I've had my nails re-done in a strictly natural look. Still a feminine length French cut, but no color - just clear acrylic nails and a clear top coat. Wearing very plain gold ball stud earrings. Trying to keep my girly aspects that always show now as low-key as possible.

All my girl clothes and shoes that I have unpacked so far are in the "costuming closet" at the far end of the house from my bedroom. But I still have 3/4 of a cargo pod to off-load, and in it is more than 75% of my feminine stuff yet! Trying to get all that inside and dealt with before she arrives, so my sister isn't faced with helping to bring in box after box that are clearly labeled as "Ceera's shoes" and "Ceera's clothes".

Looks like my new hot tub will get set up this friday or saturday, so my sister, daughter and I will undoubtably make use of it. That means there will be no hiding the fact that my arms, legs and torso are shaved, with no more visible body hair than my sister has...

I am hoping things will progress in a way that will permit me to gently introduce her to the idea of my having found my feminine side. But we will just have to play it by ear, and hope for the best.

[CherylFlint]

Sister? Truth be told, I very much doubt she'll be as in much "shock" as you believe she will.
That being said, I wouldn't spend a nano second worrying about whether she'll "accept" you, after all, you'll still be "you" dressed or not.
Relax; everything will be fine.

[Ally 2112]

I hope for all the best Ceera

[Raychel]

I hope all goes well for you Ceera.

Sisters can be great, I told my youngest sister and it went very well, I hope the same goes for you.

[Julia Welch]

This !!!

hi ceera,

why don't you meet with her someplace in as much guy mode as you can manage.
You can tell her about yourself and give her time to get used to the idea of having a cross dressing brother.
This would also give her the chance to opt out of an extended visit if she had a problem with your lifestyle

i hope everything works out the best for you and your sister.
Roberta

[MissTee]

Good luck, Ceera. Keep us posted.

[Ceera]

Well, the visitation by my little sister has been survived, and while she saw and commented on some things, she didn't find out everything, and I didn't end up doing a full reveal to her. Here is how it went...

Friday, my new hot tub got installed. They had some trouble with the setup, and had to do more work on it quite early on Saturday. They still need to connect the stereo and an optional handrail on Monday, but it was heated up and usable by Saturday night.

Saturday morning... While doing a last batch of laundry that contained a few feminine things of mine, my sister called, saying she would arrive in about two hours. I had just enough time to get that laundry through the dryer and sorted enough to get the girly things put away before she arrived.

Of course, she had to arrive while I was in the bathroom... My daughter let her in, and they were in the kitchen with my daughter holding her new kitty cat, when I came out. I was in full male presentation, with male clothes (well unisex outward appearance, at least) my hair back in a low pony tail. I had simple gold ball stud earrings on, and my nails French cut but completely natural, just a clear polish and acrylic layer. I was wearing a t-shirt, so my hairless arms were also exposed.

I got a happy welcoming hug from my sister, and I also met the cat. While my daughter and I were showing my sister around the house, my sister commented about my nails. Unfortunately, it wasn't a positive reaction. She made a somewhat disgusted looking face and said they looked way too feminine. I simply said, "Well, yes, they do. But my nails chip and split easily, and I recently decided to get acrylic nails done to protect them." She made it clear she didn't really approve, and I decided that if that was how she felt, I wasn't going to open up until and unless she indicated she wanted more answers to what she was seeing. As soon as I got a moment alone with my daughter, we agreed that Ceera wouldn't be openly discussed with my sister unless I decided it was okay.

We then went out to lunch at a local diner. While we were eating, my sister suddenly looked at me and said, "I see you pierced both of your ears." I calmly replied, "Yes, I was wondering when you would notice." She said, "Oh, I noticed that as soon as I saw you. The ears. The nails. And you shaved your arms. Your little sister sees a lot." But she didn't follow up on that any further, and I didn't volunteer any more. The topic moved on, and lunch remained pleasant.

Later in the day, while I was in another part of the house, my sister asked my daughter why I had two coats in my closet that were 'girl's coats'. My daughter and I knew that my sister had seen me wear the purple coat of that pair at Christmas time, and that she had definitely seen and read the labels inside, which clearly indicated they were from a women's product line. My daughter admitted they were my coats, and not hers or my late wife's. When my sister reiterated, "But they are girl's coats," my daughter calmly and truthfully replied, "They are nice coats, they fit him and look good on him, and they were on sale. That's all." My sister let it slide, and she didn't really ask any more prying questions in private with my daughter.

Saturday evening I took my sister and daughter to one of the best restaurants in town. On the drive there, I talked about the girl I had recently dated. My sister asked how old the girl was, and I truthfully admitted that she is in her mid to late twenties. The fact that the girl is half my age got a raised eyebrow and a, "Oh, really?" from my sister, but no terribly bad reactions. I stated immediately that my date and I are both okay with the age difference, that neither my date nor I are eager to jump into a 'relationship', and that both of us want to become good friends first. All that got a positive response from my sister. Later, while waiting to be seated for our dinner, I showed my sister a picture of my lady friend, playing her cello, and commented that she was in the last year of getting her Masters in music at the local university. I'd say my sister's reaction was 'politely neutral', and the conversation again moved on at other topics.

After dinner on Saturday night, we stayed up until 11:30 PM and got a lot done inside the house. Unpacked kitchen stuff and tidied up the kitchen and great room. At one point I went out and used the new hot tub, despite the fact that it was lightly raining. My sister and daughter decided they would wait for the next day, but they both encouraged me to enjoy my new spa. It was wonderful! When I got out of the tub, I found my sister in the rather cluttered studio with my daughter, rearranging things so my daughter could get to the cot she had set up for herself out there. My sister insisted she would be fine on the couch rather than displacing my daughter from her bed to that still messy studio and a cot. We relented, and set her up for the night in the great room, just outside my bedroom.

Sunday morning, I let the dog out early via the private door in my bedroom, then went back to bed once he was back inside. A few hours later, I heard my sister puttering around in the kitchen, and went out to join her. Everything was normal, and we had a pleasant morning. My sister got a shower in my bathroom while I worked on unpacking things, and then we got more stuff done while waiting for my daughter to get up, shower, and get dressed. No mention of any of my girly things from my sister, though at one point she did put some cloaks and other costume stuff away in the library closet where Ceera's clothes were hung. She might possibly have not noticed my girl clothes there, or may have thought they were my daughter's cosplay outfits or extra clothes. But at another point I am certain she saw some rainbow colored Sketchers tennis shoes in my closet, yet she didn't comment on them, either.

Had lunch at a local pancake restaurant. While waiting to be seated, my sister got a call from her husband. He was upset because my sister's three dogs were 'missing their mommy', and the dogs were not letting her husband get any sleep. He asked her to cut her trip short and return, so he could get enough sleep to work the next day. She didn't particularly want to go so soon, but I assured her it was all right. So she agreed to go back after dinner, as she had already planned on fixing a family menu specialty for us and teaching my daughter how to make it.

After lunch, my sister took my daughter out clothes shopping and to get my daughter's hair cut, colored and styled (which my daughter's hair badly needed). While they were out enjoying 'girl time together', I got some other shopping done on my own, and some other work done around the house.

When they got back, we all worked on getting things unpacked. My sister did comment that I had grown my hair long again, and I replied that abandoning my pony tail after my wife's passing hadn't worked out. When my hair was anything other than very short, or long enough to be in a pony tail, the intermediate lengths had cowlicks and wild flips of hair that just didn't work for me. (All quite true.) She accepted that explanation.

We had a pleasant evening, and a wonderful dinner together, and then my sister went home.

After she was gone, I asked my daughter if anything else had been asked behind my back. She said that other than the coat question, no, my sister hadn't asked anything abut girly stuff she had seen.

Finally, my daughter and I enjoyed the hot tub together tonight, an now we are both winding down.

I am certain my sister saw enough this weekend to get her wondering about what I am doing, and she probably saw enough to at least suspect that I am cross dressing. But she also seems to have decided not to openly question it, just yet. I plan to let her think about what she saw, and to later discuss it with her. Probably that will be after we are done selling my parents home, and when she is feeling less stressed out over other things.

[Mayo]

Based on what you've said, I wouldn't expect a positive reaction if/when you do come out. But she might be swayed enough by your daughter's acceptance to not make too much of a big deal about it, at least to your face.

Best of luck.

[ReineD]

Are you expecting your sister to put two and two together, and outright ask you if you crossdress?

I don't think that people who are not exposed to CDers on a regular basis, immediately think "CD" or "TG" when they see evidence of femininity in a man. Some may think of it, but others might wonder if you are instead developing an attraction to men.

Your sister did comment on a few things and you glazed over it, in fact you denied what you do by giving excuses that might have been plausible had she been a stranger, but might have seemed off because she knows you so well. And then all of this made her ask your daughter about the coats and not you. I'm wondering if she got the impression that you wanted to keep your sex life private, and so she stopped asking you about other changes she might have noticed.

I think you should have been honest with her. Why are you wanting her to guess?

[Ceera]

Her rather disgusted reaction to my very low key nails threw me off. And honestly, she has enough troubles in her life right now without me adding to her concerns.

[ReineD]

Ceera, obviously we have not met and I don't know your sister. But, one thing I do know is that often, CDers read "disgust" (or other negative reactions) in others when it isn't there, presumably because they're projecting what they believe others are thinking. I've seen this time and time again in this forum, husbands who don't tell their wives for years believing they will be disgusted, only to be hugely surprised when the truth comes out and it is not as bad as they thought.

It's true that people who are not exposed to members of this community might have negative attitudes they keep to themselves when they see a CDer in the wild, but people like siblings and good friends who know you and love you already will NOT think less of you (unless yours is an extreme-right, religious family?). Your sister might not like what you do, but this will not make her love you less and you do have good chances that eventually she will get used to the idea. It's not as if CDers have the same level of romantic and sexual intimacies with sisters as they do with wives.

I just don't agree with your approach of making her guess like this. If you don't want her to know, then you should get rid of all the evidence when she is around. If you do want her to know, then you shouldn't deny what you're doing when she notices things and comments on or asks about them. What you're basically doing by denying, is saying "No, you're crazy ... you notice things that are different about me but really it's normal, all guys get acrylic nails when their nails are brittle, shave their arms, grow out their hair and get pierced ears in middle age, have women's sneakers in their closets and wear women's coats because it suits their bodies better."