The battle to overcome the purely sexual charge of crossdressing!

[JeanTG]

Let's rid ourselves of this Puritan impulse instead.

I don't really think it's a puritan impulse. I'm in my 50s, and my sex drive isn't what it used to be. Whereas once dressing did provide sexual release, now it provides calm and well-being and a sensual kiss from the more delicate feminine fabrics. If you ask me it's more enjoyable now because it lasts longer

[lisa_vin]

Hi Julia!

I felt this way into my very late 30's before it calmed down enough to allow me ALL of the joys and benefits of crossdressing. I am 61 now and am very happy, comfortable and content with who I am and what I do. I am not alone as I have been married for 37+ years. About half of those years have been quite stressful and challenging as I wrongfully chose to hide my cd'ing side from my wife when I found out very early on before we were married how opposed to, sick and disgusted she felt about men who would do such a thing. I foolishly thought that I could stop cd'ing after getting married or that maybe she would soften her stance on it over time.

One day, she came home from work unexpectedly and discovered that I had been into her dresser and confronted me on the other side of a closed and locked bathroom door. After my admission came months of ugliness, coldness, despair and countless threats of divorce. Finally, she gave me an ultimatum to see a psychiatrist/psychologist to "fix" my problem and "cure" me......OR ELSE! Well, after months and months of therapy, the therapist concluded that I am who I am and cd'ing is and always will be a part of who I am and I simply can't be "cured" or changed. All of this was explained to my wife by the therapist and that she would have to learn and accept me for who I am or decide she could not and move on. She didn't like it at all but chose to stay with me as long as I adhered to a strict DADT setup. I have to be extremely careful and diligent not to leave anything out in sight to remind her of my cd'ing or face a few days of ugliness until her memory and anger subside. But, that is the price for my dishonesty and the breaking of my wife's trust by not telling her about me BEFORE we were married. I very strongly suspect that she would NOT have married me knowing this beforehand so I can fully understand her feeling cheated out of being with someone else who better fits what she truly wanted as a husband.

[LilSissyStevie]

I don't really think it's a puritan impulse. I'm in my 50s, and my sex drive isn't what it used to be. Whereas once dressing did provide sexual release, now it provides calm and well-being and a sensual kiss from the more delicate feminine fabrics. If you ask me it's more enjoyable now because it lasts longer

I think the Puritan impulse is that feeling of shame. I don't have sex with my wife as much as I used to because my libido has declined. But I don't try to frame this as having overcome my heterosexuality so that now our relationship is on a loftier plane of comfort and well being with each other.

[lisa_vin]

I'm a fetish dresser, Lisa. But, I don't relate to u because I started dressing in my 50's. Dressing brought sex BACK INTO MY LIFE!

I think u left out some important info. R u married now or were u? Or, do u date? Women could satisfy your sexual urges. If they vanished, dressing MAY do it for u again!

On the other hand, I'm so hooked on Sherry, online dating real women has been a let down for me!

Hi Sherry!

My problem was that getting married did absolutely nothing to quell the urge to cd. It has been and always will be a central part of who I am. Months and months of therapy with a psychologist/psychiatrist only strengthened and confirmed that. My wife demanded the counseling to "fix" and "cure" me and was very disappointed when she found out from the counselor that it was part of who I am and could not be "fixed". We've been married now for 37+ years and have a very strict DADT agreement concerning my cd'ing. Any slip-up by accidentally leaving something out that she finds results in days of anger, ugliness and silence so I have to be extremely careful and diligent.

[Alice Torn]

Lisa, That has to be a very stressful way to live, something like a prison, and she is the warden. Your girl stuff is verboten contraband .

[lisa_vin]

Interesting discussion on Testosterone levels. I actually suffer from Low T and see an endocrinologist about it. I have had the low T for years (at least back to the late 90s or early 2000s.) I wonder if there is any connection between my CDing and my low T. Could once influence the other. My biggest concern is that CDing drives my T lower, since lower T levels can lead to bone problems and other issues. I currently use T replacement but I am iffy on that as well.

Sincerely,
Larua

Hi Laura!

I too have had low T for years. I give myself an injection every week and the T level has to be checked every few months. I've found that there is absolutely no difference in the feeling or urge to cd either pre or post injection. I, personally, don't think there is a connection between the two but I'm speaking only for myself.

[PaulaQ]

Finally, the sexual aspect of it began to wane and just kinda' suddenly went away and I could finally enjoy all of the good feelings and benefits of crossdressing. It was like some kind of giant evil weight had been lifted from me. I still have a slightly heightened awareness of what I'm wearing but it is a good awareness that brings with it such happiness, relaxation, contentment and a nice feeling of being a "whole" person. Can anyone else relate?

I can definitely relate to those feelings, but I don't think you are going to like what I'm about to say. The sexuality associated with CDing went away for me very rapidly, right after I came out to myself and began my transition. My gender therapist observed that the loss of sexual feelings towards CDing was one of the indicators that this was a gender identity issue, rather than being an expression thing - i.e. the folks who lost their sexual urges tended to be the ones to transition. I read this in an NHS study, as well. (I think ReineD had posted the study a couple of years back.)

So like anything else, I'm sure this isn't a 100% reliable indicator. But still, I thought I ought to mention this, because it is one of the more reliable indicators my therapist has found, and it is backed up by that study.

I'm just saying that it's possible you may, in fact, be a woman, and the reason those clothes feel right is because they are your clothes.

I guess all I can say is that you should pay attention to the way you feel when you aren't dressed, and if your mental or emotional health begins to take a severe downturn during the times you aren't dressed, you should talk with a gender therapist. One of the things I began to notice, three years ago, wasn't how good I felt dressed, but rather how horrible I really felt all the rest of the time. The negative feelings are, in my opinion, a far more reliable indicator that a person is in real trouble with regards to their gender identity.

[lisa_vin]

Lisa, That has to be a very stressful way to live, something like a prison, and she is the warden. Your girl stuff is verboten contraband .

Hi Alice!

Yeah, it can be stressful but I made it that way by not telling her before we were married. She knows about my clothing and where it is and she knows I underdress daily. As long as it's out of sight it's seemingly out of mind with her. The underdressing satisfies my need to cd pretty well so I don't fully cd much anymore.

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I can definitely relate to those feelings, but I don't think you are going to like what I'm about to say. The sexuality associated with CDing went away for me very rapidly, right after I came out to myself and began my transition. My gender therapist observed that the loss of sexual feelings towards CDing was one of the indicators that this was a gender identity issue, rather than being an expression thing - i.e. the folks who lost their sexual urges tended to be the ones to transition. I read this in an NHS study, as well. (I think ReineD had posted the study a couple of years back.)

So like anything else, I'm sure this isn't a 100% reliable indicator. But still, I thought I ought to mention this, because it is one of the more reliable indicators my therapist has found, and it is backed up by that study.

I'm just saying that it's possible you may, in fact, be a woman, and the reason those clothes feel right is because they are your clothes.

I guess all I can say is that you should pay attention to the way you feel when you aren't dressed, and if your mental or emotional health begins to take a severe downturn during the times you aren't dressed, you should talk with a gender therapist. One of the things I began to notice, three years ago, wasn't how good I felt dressed, but rather how horrible I really felt all the rest of the time. The negative feelings are, in my opinion, a far more reliable indicator that a person is in real trouble with regards to their gender identity.

Hi Paula!

You bring up some very interesting points. However, I do feel as if I'm a man with a feminine side and something as simple as just underdressing can still bring feelings of happiness, contentment, relaxation and completeness as a whole person. If there is such a thing as reincarnation or a past life then I was most likely a woman in it.

[PaulaQ]

That's good to hear, Lisa. Just watch for bad feelings, that's all I'm suggesting. If you find yourself growing increasingly dissatisfied, morose, depressed, anxious, etc., and those feelings go away or lessen substantially when you are dressed, get help. Please. Hopefully none of that happens to you, and you can simply continue on as you are. Odds are, that will be the case.

[summerbunny]

Rubs me as in brush up against me like when slow dancing.i get excited and it can go no wear but in my abdomen cavity.pulsing sensation that subsidies.

MY tuck is so secure i can wear a G-string bikini underwear with no wardrobe malfunction.

I don't know how that stops u, SB. Altho, the "glue and tape" part sounds terrible!

I always tuck and I've been having sex that way for 10 years!

[Devone]

First of all Nadine , your gorgeous, I'am in my mid 60"s and I still get stimulated dressed, that why do it ,I love the feeling. I started in my mid teens when I discovered my mother's bra in our pools dressing room, put it on and I was hooked.After that I felt guilt because of my Catholic upbringing , and surpressed my feelings for a long while.Still continued dressing through the years and purged many of my outfits along the way.Always had a healthy sexual drive most of my life.About 6 years ago I was discovered by my wife and she was not too pleased.She asked me to go see a Doctor, thats the best thing that happened to me.The Doctor told me that my cross dressing was imprinted on my D.N.A., it was just a part of my make-up so don't worry about it and that I will continue for the rest of life to be stimulated when i dressed. Took a load off my mind and the guilt was now such a big deal.In the last few years the urge has resurfaced and I really enjoy the stimulation and sexual release I get when I dress even if only in private.Devone

[NicoleScott]

The battle to overcome the sexual charge of CDing?
I never took up arms. Just a hand. ha!

[DonnaP]

Must say I started that way but in twenties I began to relax and enjoy feeling like a Woman. It feels so good to wear panties thongs Bras and any Women's clothing it is just so much more comfortable. Especially jeans I buy only Amanda jeans the tit great and I have removed all tags and throw in wash and have never heard a peep from my wife. She either does not care or does not realize and all that is great with me.

[glynnis]

I am 73 now and still get sexual urges when I dress.Thays not why I dress but it just happens.All my clothes are femail .I am a very lucky gurl my wife knows and encourages me.We sometimes go out for drive together but I dont get out of the car and mingle with the general public.

[Mariselle]

Rubs me as in brush up against me like when slow dancing.i get excited and it can go no wear but in my abdomen cavity.pulsing sensation that subsidies.

MY tuck is so secure i can wear a G-string bikini underwear with no wardrobe malfunction.

Summerbunny, thanks for your response to the baseball player thread which was deleted. You wrote, "This guy gets so many postings about his feminine butt,hips and thighs". Do you indeed think his butt, hips and thighs are feminine? If so, what aspects or characteristics of his those features do you find feminine? Thanks again.

[lisa_vin]

That's good to hear, Lisa. Just watch for bad feelings, that's all I'm suggesting. If you find yourself growing increasingly dissatisfied, morose, depressed, anxious, etc., and those feelings go away or lessen substantially when you are dressed, get help. Please. Hopefully none of that happens to you, and you can simply continue on as you are. Odds are, that will be the case.

Thank you very much for your concern Paula! I truly appreciate it. I must say that I cannot recall a time when I approached the darkest end of that spectrum, even when in full male attire (as for doctor's visits).

[Devone]

Just out of curiosity, why is being aroused by the dressing something one needs to "get rid of"? I mean, what's the downside? I hear this a lot from other trans (mostly older), I don't get it, why is arousal a bad thing? Men are designed to be, well, aroused, like we are designed to breathe and drink water etc.

Vickie, I agree arousal is a good thing and the release after is something beyond amazing. I'am in my mid 60's and being aroused by dressing is not a problem for me , that why I love to dress . Devone

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Wow Tracy , a hand job under your robe while under the dryer in rollers in the salon by your GF sounds over the top.So I take it your GF is not your wife ? Sometimes I wish I had an adventuresome lady like that. We got to keep it exciting as we age.Devone

[VenusfromMars]

Hi y'all! I wonder how many others have had to deal with this.

I have been crossdressing since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I've always loved the silky softness and happy, content and "whole" feeling the clothing gives me. However, somewhere around the very early teens an overwhelming sexual charge began to take over and changed things. Suddenly, whenever I put on anything feminine at all, I was overcome with the sexual charge and had to "relieve" myself. As soon as this occurred, I immediately felt embarrassed, ashamed, dirty, ugly and utterly worthless as I couldn't wait to rip the clothing off of me and get away from it. However, I would gradually gravitate back to the clothing and put it back on only to become overwhelmed again and go through the very same ritual. This went on for many years up until my very late 30's or so. It became a challenge as I battled those sexual charges every time I put on the clothing with the goal being to stay in the clothing longer and longer to enjoy all of the other wonderful feelings and benefits it gave me. I absolutely despised those feelings I got when the sexual aspect got the best of me and I would get angry with myself for being so weak.

Finally, the sexual aspect of it began to wane and just kinda' suddenly went away and I could finally enjoy all of the good feelings and benefits of crossdressing. It was like some kind of giant evil weight had been lifted from me. I still have a slightly heightened awareness of what I'm wearing but it is a good awareness that brings with it such happiness, relaxation, contentment and a nice feeling of being a "whole" person. Can anyone else relate?

HI Lisa, I can totally relate to your story, The only thing is for m that feeling of Sexual charge does not seem to go away.
I do not consider it a bad thing in total, I enjoy the feeling of wanting to please myself when I'm feminine trying to postpone the unavoidable.
I guess this is why I sometimes ask my self what I am. I have the urge to dress as it gives me sexual pleasure, a feeling of being sexy and desired by others (In my fantasy).
I'm wondering if this is a wrong thing to feel this way?

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Just out of curiosity, why is being aroused by the dressing something one needs to "get rid of"? I mean, what's the downside? I hear this a lot from other trans (mostly older), I don't get it, why is arousal a bad thing? Men are designed to be, well, aroused, like we are designed to breathe and drink water etc.

HI Vickie, I feel the same way.
For me the sexual tension it gives me is a big part of my crossdress experience.
The feeling of being sexy, possibly desired by men or woman is the thrill.

[CONSUELO]

Oh my goodness. Reading more of the replies reminds me that in our society, despite decades of sexual enlightenment, there is still a strong pressure to feel bad and sinful for feeling sexual pleasure. Don't feel guilty. It is what it is and is harmless and you should not berate yourself about it. Stop feeling guilty!

[phili]

Same thing happened to me- and I'm relieved, too. There are a lot of books now on sexuality in general, and sexuality with aging, and if you have any residues of feeling guilty these might really help you see the various aspects of sensuality and sexuality with new eyes! Both my wife and I were amazed to realize that the patterns we learned as young people were so fragmentary and restrictive.

[Leighcdmd]

Never entered the battle....hung up the white flag long ago. Have been dressing since early childhood and am now in my sixties. I was thinking just last night how interesting it is that after all these years that I still get a thrill out of dressing.....even if it is something as simple as slipping into panties under my drab clothes.....something that I have been doing 24x7 for many years. Notwithstanding the many ways that crossdressing has complicated my life, I find myself thankful that something as prosaic as getting dressed, for many of us, provides an extra level of enjoyment.

[Jaymees22]

Yes, I can relate, now I've come to the conclusion that life is too short to feel guilty. At my age (71) anything that gets me aroused is a welcome thing. For the most part my dressing is not a sexual thing anymore just a relief that makes me feel better. Occasionally I will have a Happy Ending to my dressing time or a Happy Middle and sometimes a Happy Beginning!

[Roxy]

Very similar.
The sexual charge has waned but is still there. I hope it never dies completely. I love the feeling and I think it makes me a better lover to my wife.
They say "if only you walk a mile in my shoes" well I think I've done that and I love your shoes...can I wear them everyday!