repressions and the consequences...

[Cdzinha]

I'm still looking for a link between a kind of CD repression and the triggers of some disorders..
My craving for CD comes in waves, alternating periods, and always after a few weeks of intense CD, unexplained pains or health problem show up... (now with a possible diagnosis of RA). At this moment I forget completely the desires about CD and a crazy search for doctors and diagnostics exams start up in a outbreak of hypochondria.

I think that in some way I do somatize all things that I feel due a sort of internal conflict... and
despite the meetings w/ thearpist I'm walking in the same ...

regards
CDzinha

[Amy Lynn3]

Cdzinha, welcome to the site. I can only tell you what you describe about the desire to crossdress coming in waves is the same for most of the members here. It is sort of the nature of the beast within us.

Association between crossdressing and medical issues is something I have no knowledge of, however, I am sure others can speak to that.

[Dana44]

RA is not in any way connected to physiological conditions, it is not caused by worries. For example I went through a lot of stress and now am in pretty good physical condition. My SO has RA and she was in better physical condition than me. She told me it sneaked up on her for years. You were probably getting it a while ago and linked it to your CDing, however the RA is not a cause of your CDing. Don't connect physical conditions to your thinking process. There should be no conflict and your therapist should be telling you that.

[pamela7]

i'd be concerned as to the therapy's effectiveness. Sounds like a battle royal within between at least two aspects, both of whom need to live through the body; male and female.
Somatisation comes from deep within the subconscious, so there's no quick fix, but enough digging should reveal all. Good luck, xxx Pamela

[suit]

A thought, a perceived pattern ? something related to imagination, a good active thoughtful imagination ?
Have you ever watched some hottie and imagined yourself an air molecule in her way as she swished her nylon clad legs, heals clicking, forward, slip sliding slightly across her tummy and ass ? the stresses involved with keeping her breasts from setting up a harmonic ? the calculus of finding out how much pressure that silk dress exerts on an curve ? ohhh her she comes and disturbs the air up and over as heat she generates has a chinny effect lamanar flow dictates you probaly won't bounce off, but be sweapt along up over oops through the fine bouncing hiar over her shoulders and spun in a slow wirlind behind ... just a little lower and you might have been swept down the gap between her neck and dress as she was on a mission head forward as she read something that needed attention .
if you can do that , bet some where along the line you felt fine quality fabric , and no doubt it was not grandpa's fine soft slippery fabric ,almost as slippery as fish gut's but dry neet and warm quickly . some where along the lines , imagine what panties must fit like ? ok....imagine how they feel ? what does her skin tell her brain ? surly it has to be some nice! ok what would it feel like to be her ass hugging panties. if you have and can wrap your head around that ...bet you have cross dressed just to see if your imagination is close. ooh and then all that endorphin high of naughty and the how to set a intense long lasting memory . the problem with that kind of "memory set" is it's way over valued in humans minds eye. oops did I say addiction ? that happy spot center in the middle of the brain can instantly be come addicted. We are only human and subject to all it's folly. " oohhh that feels good ! "

[Cdzinha]

Suit, I loved your post...

[Teresa]

CDZinha,
As you don't mention your age it's hard to know where and when the phases pass, the point is it changes as you get older, some come and some go completely.
I've lived with the gut craving since my CDing kicked in at the age of nine and has been with me ever since. Counselling has finally helped me to understand it and come to terms with it.
I hope you can find your own answers through counselling , in the end you have to achieve a balance with CDing in your life.

Suit,
I think I can understand what you're saying, all great in theory but not very often the mindset can get to that level when you're deep in the closet and your partner may be home soon. Thinking about asthetics of the material is wonderful but just getting dressed , madeup, going out the door and driving to meet others is far more fun.

[lisa_vin]

Hi CDzinha!

I'm no doctor but what you describe sounds a lot like fibromyalgia (yes, it really is a REAL condition). Since you already have a possible diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis which is in the same family as fibro, see a good, certified rheumatologist for a more definitive diagnosis. I've lived with fibro for many years and, from what you describe above, stress seems to be intertwined within the waves of intensity you mention and stress is one of the major triggers for fibro. I know fibro has been deemed an "imaginative" or "woman's" disease but men can suffer from it too. My numerous pains come and go and seem to range from very intense to a "far away and barely there" feeling. They also seem to affect different parts of the body each day as they seem to just "move around" for no apparent reason. There are many pain medications that can be used to treat them ranging from simple over the counter to strong prescription. I've had many, many tests, ct scans, mri's, x-rays and the works by specialists over the years to find out what is causing all my pains but they all found absolutely nothing (they did hint that fibro was the possible cause but they weren't qualified to render that diagnosis). A rheumatologist finally diagnosed my fibromyalgia as well as chronic fatigue syndrome and peripheral neuropathy.

I've been cd'ing since I was about 3 or 4 and I honestly can't recall it ever bringing on a painful episode but that doesn't mean that it never did. On the contrary, cd'ing calms, soothes and relaxes me like a sort of therapy and actually acts to kinda' lessen whatever aches and pains I suffer from that day. I now find that I don't really need or use any strong pain prescriptions (even though I've taken them in the past and they have helped) for my pain as over the counter pain meds work good enough. I don't wish to become reliant upon opioids so I don't use them unless it's a particularly nasty episode.

I hope this helps!

[Stephanie47]

I totally agree the desire, almost need, to cross-dress may come in waves or spurts. I and others have stated many times wearing women's clothing relieves stress. How does that work for an individual? I cannot really attest to that, but, why does are person decide to sit down after work and have a drink or smoke a cigarette. Stress has pretty much been shown to have an adverse effect on the physical body. Purely conjecture on my part, but, I'd say if a body is denied relief from stress, then there will be an adverse impact.

However, you're stating while enjoying cross-dressing you get unexplained health problems and pain. Perhaps, while intensely enjoying your cross-dressing you are ignoring the needs of your body. You're creating some imbalance. I'd discuss these issues with your physician. I'd also keep a journal of what you are doing, diet, etc., to assist any physician in coming up with a possible diagnosis.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Perhaps what happens when you crossdress, and allow the normally unexpressed side of you out, is that tensions which you routinely carry suddenly manifest themselves. In other words the femme side is the feeling side, so you instantly begin to feel things which the male side has learnt long ago to repress.

Make any sense?

It would be very interesting to see what would happen to these symptoms if you were able to stay dressed for a prolonged period- say a month or more. But I realise that is impossible... Anyhow, whatever you can do to reduce the conflict within you has to be the key...

My view, and it's not unusual, is that allowing your femme side to express herself is about completing the self, not about becoming a person of two selves or sides.

Be as one. Try doing yoga dressed en femme. Be kind to yourself. Eat as healthily as possible. Cut down on sugar, booze, coffee; things which are likely to upset your balance.

[sometimes_miss]

Stress can cause other things which are usually kept under control, to manifest themselves. You might want to keep a log of what you experience as well as your feelings and activities. That's the only way to find out if there's a definite pattern. Without written records, we tend to forget things.

[Julia1984]

Suit - I love your post. Are you a poet or what? If not, then consider a career change.
Just as youth is wasted on the young, maybe femininity is wasted on those who have always owned it, without knowing...
Just a thought!

Julia

[Mykaa]

A thought, a perceived pattern ? something related to imagination, a good active thoughtful imagination ?
Have you ever watched some hottie and imagined yourself an air molecule in her way as she swished her nylon clad legs, heals clicking, forward, slip sliding slightly across her tummy and ass ? the stresses involved with keeping her breasts from setting up a harmonic ? the calculus of finding out how much pressure that silk dress exerts on an curve ? ohhh her she comes and disturbs the air up and over as heat she generates has a chinny effect lamanar flow dictates you probaly won't bounce off, but be sweapt along up over oops through the fine bouncing hiar over her shoulders and spun in a slow wirlind behind ... just a little lower and you might have been swept down the gap between her neck and dress as she was on a mission head forward as she read something that needed attention .
if you can do that , bet some where along the line you felt fine quality fabric , and no doubt it was not grandpa's fine soft slippery fabric ,almost as slippery as fish gut's but dry neet and warm quickly . some where along the lines , imagine what panties must fit like ? ok....imagine how they feel ? what does her skin tell her brain ? surly it has to be some nice! ok what would it feel like to be her ass hugging panties. if you have and can wrap your head around that ...bet you have cross dressed just to see if your imagination is close. ooh and then all that endorphin high of naughty and the how to set a intense long lasting memory . the problem with that kind of "memory set" is it's way over valued in humans minds eye. oops did I say addiction ? that happy spot center in the middle of the brain can instantly be come addicted. We are only human and subject to all it's folly. " oohhh that feels good ! "

Suit, Have you ever considered erotic book writing? Wow, I think you should!