You did nothing wrong, you should never apologize for protecting your safety. She is a stranger, and you can't give strangers the benefit of the doubt like that in this day and age. She could have robbed you, or she could have had drugs or something else illegal on her and if you were pulled over by the cops you could find yourself in trouble.
Fortunately, she probably only had a two hour walk home. I'm guessing Oakwood.
Lorileah,
I have to agree with you, losing the plot does happen sometimes , we hope it doesn't happen to us !
Some harsh words from some replies, Krisi you have to give people the benefit of the doubt , think it through and try and help ! Shrugging your shoulders and saying it's all your own fault is not always the answer !
We don't call dispatch for incidents such as this. Every night there are several people that 'need' a ride because they missed the bus, got on the wrong one, or were too drunk or high to get off when they should have. The bus company doesn't have somebody in a car or van to transport people all night that 'need' a ride. It isn't that I didn't have empathy, but yes when it comes down to it I was looking out for myself. Like someone pointed out, they may have had drugs or a weapon on them. They are a stranger. I did not know them. I felt bad and almost wish I did give them a ride, but I keep thinking about if I got pulled over and she stuffed some drugs in the seat. She wouldn't go to jail, I would. It wasn't worth the risk. As my therapist pointed out, just because someone is in the transgender spectrum doesn't mean they are a good person. I have put several TG/CD's off my bus for bad behavior. Well, I could have called the police and admit I didn't think of it. Would the police even show up for that though? The only time they give someone a ride is to jail. Now in retrospect I could have called for a cab, but she did have her own cellphone too and remember she didn't want to call anyone for help.Originally Posted by Lorileah
I've been in some desperate situations myself and the purpose of this post was to help people plan for contingencies in their outings. Someone mentioned an emergency bag in case something happened to them while they are out and need to change real fast. That is a great idea and made my own. What if I am out at the mall and my son was hurt at school? I can change in the car without having to drive home.
Last edited by AmberDay; 03-28-2016 at 12:53 PM.
“But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.”
― Ellen Wittlinger,
"we could mix all three, the two gendered and the one non-gendered, "she", "he", and "it", to make "shi...". No, nevermind, that won't work either... "
Alimarx SDMB 2004
Several of the points I made were acknowledged and restated by Amber and others. Personal safety is always the main concern when going anywhere. That includes having your vehicle in good working order. I will restate, please make sure the gas tank is full. I always do a walk around to make sure my brake lights, headlights and directional signals are working correctly. I also mentioned carrying a change of clothing. Nobody wants to have a breakdown while wearing a dress and heels without a change of clothing. If you're going to take a drive, I recommend staying off the freeways where the distance between exits may be many miles. If my car breaks down on the local streets I can pull over to the curb, change and worry about getting home en homme. Of course, I always have credit cards and cash and the number of an all night cab service.
Amber's rider obviously had not made adequate plans for her outings. And, it really does not matter whether she is transgender or not. A woman alone on the streets at the time of night is an easy target for any creep.
Last edited by Lorileah; 03-28-2016 at 01:33 PM. Reason: no you didn't and no we didn't. Now go read the rules about posting what you posted
I didn't say call dispatch to take them home...you call dispatch about welfare so they can call the police. You left someone, who apparently was at risk, on the street alone. If you feel OK about her getting somewhere safe, cool. I don't think you do because you posted about it. I know many bus companies don't let you use you private cell while on the job, so a call to dispatch to ask for them to call someone (police, fire, anyone) about a welfare check would have been in order I would think. OR if you are allowed the use of your own phone, 911 would have worked. If the police had said "Not our problem" you at least threw it in their court if something DID happen.
With the number of transgender people killed or attacked or raped now, I just think we, as the transcommunity, would be a little more cognizant that you left an at risk person. You as much said she was distraught and scared. I pray she did get home in one piece. We warn people not to be out alone...and that is where you left her. Yes you broke a rule for round trip...was there someplace ON that round trip she would have been safer?
Sorry but what I see is "I did all I could" when I know there was more that could have been done. Police take people from bars all the time on welfare, they don't take them home but the jail or hospital would have been safer for her than a city street. If the company doesn't have a contingency plan for say a woman alone in a situation that could be harmful...or worse a child, they should. Easy Peasy. If this person had mental issues, let's choose Alzheimer's, and was wandering the streets, you wouldn't call someone to check?
That is all my personal feelings and I think I am jaded. I really do. I heard all the excuses in the world when I had my business. I cannot ever remember not directing someone to somewhere that they could get what they needed. Like I said, I hope and pray that that person wasn't hurt. You'll never know. The only time we hear about someone getting attacked is when they are in our circle.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I'm with Lorileah too. This was a highly vulnerable T-girl in the middle of town in sub-zero (in my money at least) temperatures and you're worried she might have drugs? Why, were you bothered she wouldn't share?
The point is you could have done something but did nothing. Worried about your safety? Take her picture and send it to someone, insist you search her bag, ring someone to let them know you might be a bit late, contact the police in advance. I don't know US public transport or social care, but there's a good few options right there
I'd also ask all the people responding saying Amber had empathy, is this the same level of empathy and understanding you expect from your SOs, friends and work colleagues as you come out to them? This girl was in a position of her own making, that is true. She clearly hadn't planned what she was doing but she may be running away from something, be mentally ill. Whatever the reason, it left her at serious risk of being beaten, raped or murdered. Could any of you sleep at night if that had happened? I couldn't
All I can say is 'common sense' is a misnomer. It's not that common.
I do not believe that "you did all you could do"..It also seems like the person didn't have the enthusiasm to ever be a threat to you. Shame on you.
Shame on me......... really? Why? For caring about my safety? It seems that several of you care more about her safety then mine. I was already robbed a couple of years ago by a 'nice' guy. I gave him a ride and he put a knife to my throat and got my money and my phone. I was surprised he didn't take my car. But I should have risked that happening to me again? So the lady may have been robbed herself or raped. But what if she did that to me, or set me up to have it happen? Bunch of hypocrites. I challenge those that are attacking me to give the next stranger a ride that asks for it. The next time you see a hitchhiker or someone approach you asking for a ride, give it them. You won't though because it isn't smart. You aren't going to risk your safety. Instead, you attack me for caring about mine. I doubt you would give a stranger a ride. Would you tell your kids to pick up strangers and take them where they need to go?
I should have given her a ride just because she was TG/CD? Google Donna Perry, the transgender serial killer out of Spokane, Washington. Just because someone is a crossdresser or transgender doesn't mean they are safe to be around.
OMG, really? Yes, I was wanting to have her drugs in my car. I have a wife and four kids at home, a good career. It is definitely worth it to throw all that away over a drug charge.
This is why I don't hardly ever come on here. My wife is right, this forum is like high school. I try to give advice on making certain you have a way home while dressed so you don't get stranded, but instead I am bullied and harassed because I wouldn't put myself in danger. I do want to thank you ladies though for absolving my guilt. As I have reread what you have written, I am certain now more than ever I did the right thing. SHE DID HAVE A CELLPHONE, SHE DIDN'T WANT TO USE IT!!!!!!!! She could have called the police herself. She could have called a taxi for herself. If I thought of it at the time, I would have told her to do that, but it isn't my responsibility to remember details like that. I can't believe I try to help people by not getting stranded and I am attacked. Wow. I am done with this. Like the school bullies, you have successfully pushed me away from wanting to be here anymore. Almost every time I share an experience or offer advice I am attacked.
Last edited by Shelly Preston; 03-29-2016 at 03:38 AM. Reason: Parts removed
“But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.”
― Ellen Wittlinger,
"we could mix all three, the two gendered and the one non-gendered, "she", "he", and "it", to make "shi...". No, nevermind, that won't work either... "
Alimarx SDMB 2004
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