Question About Where I am At

[jentay1367]

It seems to me that you are either a Woman or a Man. That construct is in the brain. These things have nothing to do with genitalia. I would postulate that if you're in the fluid spectrum, you still don't know. Once you do, you can either manage your feelings or do something to physically adopt congruence with your thoughts and feelings.
In my mind's eye, the burly guy driving a truck who knows he is a woman but has done nothing about it and told no one, is as transsexual as the post op who passes easily. Miss burly just hasn't followed the same path. On the same note, the person who dresses as a female and adopts some of the mannerisms and social behaviors of a woman to the point of passing, may or may not be trans. Only that person can know for sure. I digress. My point is, you either know or not, you either are or aren't. I don't think adopting behaviours or clothing will take you further in the journey. Lisa

[Kaitlyn Michele]

all i can think of is that you go to the pool in a bikini bottom...

[Georgette_USA]

That is definitely Non-Conforming.

So you do not have any confusion on your Gender, you are still a male but like to CD. The old idea of a "female trapped in a male body". Have you attempted any Gender Therapy. Or attended any TG/TS support groups. Must be plenty in CA, or do you live in the isolated areas. Not sure you will get much help here.

Others may disagree, but without the full Gender Dysphoria I would not consider you a TS but a TG yes. You can find so much on-line, but I think most all here would agree you need to consult a Therapist for a better understanding.

Prior to my full transition I did some of those, but tried to present as much as a male until I was ready.

Are you more concerned with the terms/labels you have for yourself, or what others may what to shoe horn you into. Do you not feel comfortable with being TG and Non-Conforming. I see you as Trans Gender Non-Conforming, and if you feel good about yourself, I would not worry about it. I say forget all the terms/labels and just enjoy yourself.

I assume your Avatar is when fully dressed and from what I can see presenting very well as a woman.

You mentioned that some of the CD threads may be not very interesting and repetitive, you have been here since 2013. I check them all out, but only skim thru most. Read and post to whatever areas you enjoy. If it is in the TS area, I say go for it, you may find some of it boring also.

[Tiffany Jane]

Are you happy with how you feel and what you see in the mirror represent that?

There's a label for that.

You are just being you.

Anything more than that becomes a web of gender, sensual, sexuality, and public opinion confusion.

Just be you.

TJ

[Nadine Spirit]

I am comfortable enough with being TG, I suppose what I am kind of seeking is others opinions/views/observations on me, that may indicate that maybe I am missing things. Sometimes I tend to be the type of person that needs to be smacked in the head with the frying pan before I even realize the bacon is cooking. So I thought maybe I would solicit the opinion of others

And..... I do constantly roll things over and over in my head. As I said, sometimes I miss the obvious, and I don't really like that. So.... maybe I am just kind of checking with others..... maybe it is more obvious to others than to me.

Oh - and thanks for the complements, yes my avatar is me while fully dressed.

The thoughts about the repetitive threads come from others who have posted to this thread. Originally I mentioned that I find the CD threads to be increasingly irritating. This thread is really about just asking, is my irritation due to not actually belonging to that group. Like, maybe if I was a CD, then I would be thrilled by those threads, I'd jump at the chance to discuss what panties I am wearing, I would be super helpful in offering advice on how to hide evidence of your "hobby," I'd never encourage anyone to ever divulge their dirty little "sexual kink."

Honestly - even in trying to be sarcastic about those topics makes me feel a bit ill inside. I just don't get how anyone can treat their gender variances with such a flippant attitude as to reference it as a hobby. - See here I go again, maybe because I don't see it the way that apparently so many other do, maybe that in and of itself suggests something to me that I just don't want to see.

Okay, I'm babbling again.... sorry!

all i can think of is that you go to the pool in a bikini bottom...

Well, granted it was Vegas, and what happens in Vegas....


Oh and lastly - yeah I have been considering getting a professional opinion. My area is quite rural, but I am sure I could find someone, it is Cali after all. There has to be somebody around here.

[ReineD]

Like, maybe if I was a CD, then I would be thrilled by those threads, I'd jump at the chance to discuss what panties I am wearing, I would be super helpful in offering advice on how to hide evidence of your "hobby," I'd never encourage anyone to ever divulge their dirty little "sexual kink."

Yeah, but there's a time element involved here too. I've seen members join and be into all these threads when they are just starting out with the CDing, only to get past them after they've been here for awhile, have come out to their wives, have begun to go out in public, etc. Even my own SO participated in makeup threads, etc, in the beginning.

It's just like newbie CDs who come here convinced that they look better than women when they are dressed, or that their wives don't approve because the wives are downright jealous of how much more gorgeous the husbands look while dressed. Or that GGs feel that CDers threaten their femininity. Or newbies who believe in the existence of gendered activities (women cook and do housework while men drink beer and fix cars). lol. And then after a while, these newbies do gain a more realistic outlook after they get over their Pink Fogs.

[Nadine Spirit]

Yeah I get you, but do you remember how upsetting my arrival was on these boards? Maybe you don't. I seem to have always been a thorn in people's sides. Thus my avatar nickname "Little Mrs. Snarky."

I never have identified with the threads you mentioned. In fact they have always seemed absurd to me. How could anyone ever think those things?

[ReineD]

Nadine, when you joined here, you had been CDing regularly for years. You weren't really a newbie.

Also, you already knew that gender can be fluid. A lot of our members come from areas where there are more conservative views and they've grown up thinking it was wrong for men to dress. They needed time to get past that. So a person's background (family upbringing, places they've lived, their education, their general exposure to more LGBT-friendly areas, etc) in addition to the degree of freedom they have at home with spouses, has a lot to do with the type of things they're interested in when they first begin to accept this side of themselves. But as they grow in their awareness and confidence and cease being interested in the types of threads you describe, this does not mean they are TS.

Some people can come to the realization they are TS, of course, but generally not. My SO's behaviors and attitudes are similar to yours and my SO has no desire to transition.

That said, the decision as to whether or not you are TS is yours to make. I'm rather pointing out that the path from being a closeted newbie who hasn't examined pre-conceived, stereotypical beliefs about gender, to a confident person who accepts the CDing, is not linked to transsexualism for most CDers.

[Badtranny]

Nobody knows. Most of us here don't care.

If you live your life as a dude and crossdress in private, that is literally the definition of a crossdresser.

If you're out to everyone as a crossdresser then you are openly gender fluid. In the year before my transition I went to a few events where I knew there would be some people from my professional life. I was openly transitioning after all. I was out, I just wasn't transitioned.

What's a TS? Who knows. The only real measure is the transition. Nobody goes through the pain of transition unless they are escaping some greater pain.

Just be whoever you are. Tell us about it, be proud, have fun, but be honest.

[Rogina B]

all i can think of is that you go to the pool in a bikini bottom...

To me,this and most stuff on Nadine's list can be taken as "being edgey" or "a reactionist" or "let's give them something to talk about"..I believe that if your female spirit wants out,then "selective exposure" and "hinting" don't cut it. What others think doesn't matter as this inner person wants out. For some of us,living openly has eliminated conflict and turmoil from it. Everyone's needs are different.

[Angela Campbell]

When I first came to this forum, I was not planning to transition. I always knew i was female but was sure I could never do anything about it. I was crossdressing and beginning to go out in public. I came here to get tips on how to improve my appearance. I found plenty.

I rarely ventured into the ts section because I was terrified that I was slowly moving towards transition, the people there were serious. Stern, unforgiving if you said the wrong thing, or didn't know much about transition. ( Or not doing things the "right" way). I stayed in the cd section for a while. The stories told of underdressing, going out for midnight rides, and such were interesting to me then. Beard cover, padding hips and wigs was good information for me.

Then as I began to transition these conversations began to have less intrest to me than the ones about hormones, name changes and surgeries did. Then the cd forum was of less interest to me. What color my panties were was not important when I was dealing with major life changes. The cd side appeared to me to be more about fun and excitement, while the ts section was about survival.

[I Am Paula]

Angela! I won't tell you again. Stop using MY life story.

[Nadine Spirit]

If you're out to everyone as a crossdresser then you are openly gender fluid.

... but be honest.

Yeah, I kindly disagree with your definition of gender fluid. But regardless, I do not identify with considering myself as gender fluid. Nothing about my gender fluctuates from day to day. What does change, is how I choose to present. My gender though is quite static.

To me,this and most stuff on Nadine's list can be taken as "being edgey" or "a reactionist" or "let's give them something to talk about"..

Cute. Yeah, that's what I am interested in, giving other's something to talk about. Funny how that is the exact same reaction I got when I showed up at my friend's engagement party with pink finger nail polish on. My friend didn't care, but her aunt was convinced that I did it to get a reaction out of people. Interesting how some people view other's gender expressions.

You know - it was also not seen as edgy when I had a coworker complain about my gender expression and begin to talk crap about me to my other coworkers, and I had to go to upper management and explain my TG status.

Your description of how you view my gender expression is belittling, just as many cisgender folks have been.

The cd side appeared to me to be more about fun and excitement, while the ts section was about survival.

That is an important difference to take note of. But ss it possible that there are those who transitioned or are transitioning, simply because they want to, and it does not involve huge amounts of pain, discomfort, ostracism, life upheaval, etc? Is it possible that there are some out there that transitioned because to them it was about fun and excitement? I think possibly.

As well..... isn't it possible to transition from either male or female, into something that is neither or both? Maybe that is what this thread is really about????

I mean, I can clearly see a difference between me and the average CD. And the average CD sees a difference between me and them. And obviously, I can see a clear difference between those of you who are transitioning or who have transitioned and me, and as well, many of you see a clear difference between me and you.

[Angela Campbell]

Well this part of the forum is about transexual experience and topics. I have no idea what it's like for gender fluid or a crossdresser who wants to transition for excitement.

I assure you that transition is not fun and exciting. We changed our lives and cannot hide. We go through intense pain and humiliation, and some of us lose everything.

[Nadine Spirit]

I didn't suggest that it was fun or exciting. I just asked if it was possible. Clearly you believe that it is not. Thanks for your opinion.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Y

I mean, I can clearly see a difference between me and the average CD. And the average CD sees a difference between me and them. And obviously, I can see a clear difference between those of you who are transitioning or who have transitioned and me, and as well, many of you see a clear difference between me and you.

reading about bikini bottoms feels exactly the same to me as what color panties are you wearing..

one of the interesting dynamics is that when cd's say "im kind of ts" or "maybe im ts"... i analyze that and think that is another form of crossdressing...another way to express a female side, and frankly i can guess it feels like a very achievable thing which must make it feel good..thats what i think about when you casually assume some people transition for fun....so much fun to be a girl..

stepping back from it, the theme of the OP is actually pretty repetitive around here and the follow on discussion is more of the same..kind of ironic..

and fwiw...if you held a gun to my head, i'd say you are gonna transition someday and look back and wonder wtf you were going on about.

[Megan G]

But ss it possible that there are those who transitioned or are transitioning, simply because they want to, and it does not involve huge amounts of pain, discomfort, ostracism, life upheaval, etc? Is it possible that there are some out there that transitioned because to them it was about fun and excitement?.

This is just my opinion but yes I suppose it is possible that someone may have began to transition because they thought it would be fun or exciting but I can guarantee you one thing... They did not find it all fun and exciting for long once they truly experienced what it is like to truly transition...

I would bet anyone that started transition for those reasons would most likely quit once shit started to get real....

[Angela Campbell]

In truth transition as defined in the sticky, meaning to full time never presenting as a man, not androgenous but complete. ...without the pain, humiliation, life upheavals. ......hmmmm never met anyone who did it.

Guess it's possible.

[Nadine Spirit]

reading about bikini bottoms feels exactly the same to me as what color panties are you wearing..

...thats what i think about when you casually assume some people transition for fun....so much fun to be a girl..

Hmm... lets see here, why did I happen to mention bikini bottoms.... could it be because someone asked what exactly I meant by gender non-conforming? Uh... yeah. Not because I started some thread to have people read about my "edgy" adventure, parading about in a bikini.

Oh, and yeah, I never assumed some people transition for fun. I simply asked if it was possible.

But hey, thanks for the constructive thoughts.

Clearly, this thread is just getting more folks annoyed with me.

So sorry for bothering some of you.

I do appreciate those of you who can discuss things and help some of us figure some things out better through constructive dialogue. I was simply hoping that some of you with far more experience could help me with your knowledge.

[Rianna Humble]

This thread has slowly defined itself as having nothing to do with the purpose of the TS forum.
Say good night, thread!