Clubbing

[StefaniLara]

I'm starting to get antsy. At first, I was content to dress up and stay in. Then I progressed to night-time drives. I plucked up the courage to make the drive to Dallas from home as Stefani, and I even went shopping during the day while I was up there. But now....

I want to enjoy the night life. I've never been big on going out ever. I'm very much a homebody, but I can't help but feel as though I'm ready to explore a little of that aspect of my personality, out in the wider world. It'll be risk to do so in town, but there is a gay club in downtown that I think I may be able to go to. I may try it out in boy mode first, just to try it out. Then, if I'm comfortable, I may go as me.

I never thought I would get to this point. I envy those with the courage to just go whole hog, but I'm impresses with my progress nonetheless. I'm enjoying the journey more than I thought I would.

[sara.rafaela]

Hi Stefani, Yes, enjoy the journey. Take your time. Checking the place in boy mode is a good idea. I have been doing this for a while and I think clubbing is the thing I enjoy most.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've met some TG girls when I was going to Houston a lot on business, and I know that there are some meetup groups in both Houston and Dallas.

Sometimes you need a wing woman who knows her way around.

[Jenniferathome]

Stefani, if you don't like clubs as a guy, you won't like them in girl mode. Being out will be fun, but why not do something you like? Movies? Museum? A quiet wine bar or dining out? You really don't need a gay club. If you are doing something that you genuinely like to do, you will be more comfortable.

[Ceera]

In my own case, I've found that while en-femme I am much more interested in going out to clubs and other social venues than when I am in male mode. Perhaps it is just that my girly self is trying to catch up on the years of social experience that my male side took for granted. Perhaps it is because my feminine aspect is far less concerned with society's expectations. Whatever is the reason, my girly side sure loves to go out and experience the world!

My first forays into night life were to a gay nightclub on a night when I knew they were having a drag show. I figured if my presentation wasn't yet perfect, the people who came there mostly expecting to see guys dressed as women would at least tolerate my presence. I found that several other TG girls were regulars on those nights, and they welcomed me as a sister among them. The other patrons welcomed me as well, and I had a blast.

As I have become more competent and confident regarding my makeup, voice and the rest of my presentation, I've widened my range, trying going to a normal restaurant, or a grocery store. I soon found I could go anywhere and be accepted at face value, and I love it!

Go for it, dear! Have fun. Just remember to take the same precautions a GG should when out alone, and you should be fine.

[PattyT]

Your journey is a very common one, starting out small and gradually going out in the open more. It seems that a lot of us have gone this route. Just keep experimenting and go along with what is most comfortable to you. Don't worry. Your on the right track for becoming a full scale CD.
Going to bars, even gay ones, might be a little difficult, but not out of the question. Still, the CD community and the gay community are two are 2 different things. They do have public scorn to some extent in common, so there is that common ground. They might welcome you more than they would a straight person, but still you are not part of their community as a CD. Maybe ore like a guest they can tolerate?

Jenniferathome gave some really great advice:
"Stefani, if you don't like clubs as a guy, you won't like them in girl mode. Being out will be fun, but why not do something you like? Movies? Museum? A quiet wine bar or dining out? You really don't need a gay club. If you are doing something that you genuinely like to do, you will be more comfortable. "
The places he suggested, especially movies and museums, are fairly safe placs as the people there are more focused on the topic on hand. I like to go to museums, especially when they have a special exhibition. The lighting id often a bit subdued as well. It's pretty essy to blend in as people are just too busy to notice you.

[JaytoJillian]

Hi, Stefani. The Oaklawn neighborhood in Dallas is one of the friendliest LGBT areas in the country. I have gone clubbing at Station-4 (S4) in Oaklawn a couple of times, and it was totally a blast! People were super friendly, and I got chatted up all night both times I went there. While I am not a big club person when in guy mode, going out en femme--for me--makes the experience totally different in a good way. People approach me, they ask me to dance, they talk, buy my drinks--none of which happens if I am out in guy mode.

[docrobbysherry]

There's a definite thrill to clubbing dressed, Stefani. As a guy I have no interest in it for a number of reasons:
Loud, crowded, feel odd dancing alone, too old to attract the women I'm attracted to. And, my male friends r way past the clubbing age.

But, look what happens when I dress:
It's still loud but I have always used ear plugs in clubs and overly loud venues.

Crowded means something completely different when in fem mode. Brushing by guys is "interesting" and against women and T's? Well you're just one of the girls now!

Dancing alone is normal en fem. I find GG's, T's, and men will often come over and dance with me. Plus, I can only dance for 15 minutes before my back gives out in drab shoes. But, can dance all nite in 4"+ heels.

I look 50 years younger from the back dressed and maybe 20 from the front. And, most of my T club friends r 15 to 40 years younger than I. They keep me feeling younger.

Add to those points: It's a lot of fun and I get to dress hot, sexy, skimpy, or wild compared to dressing for vanilla venues!

Any T that doesn't at least try visiting a T friendly club/bar may be missing out!

[ThereseW]

Stefani,
I am at a similar point. I think the advice of going out with a "wing woman" is good, especially the first time to a club. I know I will have a "deer in the headlights" look on my face the first time I walk into a club!! Best wishes for a fun and safe night out!
Therese

[Nikki A.]

I'm not into clubs myself although I do occasionally do go. Have fun and give it a try. Many LGBT clubs do often have CD nights, check it out, you may find it more comfortable.

[Maria 60]

I think you are doing fine, sounds like your taking it slow and not willing to expect any unnecessary surprises. Nothing wrong with checking out the situation first and know what to expect.

[StefaniLara]

I'll have to check out S4, JaytoJillian. Heading out to Dallas would be safer for me, since I would like to keep this a secret from my coworker. Thanks for the tip!

Hi, Stefani. The Oaklawn neighborhood in Dallas is one of the friendliest LGBT areas in the country. I have gone clubbing at Station-4 (S4) in Oaklawn a couple of times, and it was totally a blast! People were super friendly, and I got chatted up all night both times I went there. While I am not a big club person when in guy mode, going out en femme--for me--makes the experience totally different in a good way. People approach me, they ask me to dance, they talk, buy my drinks--none of which happens if I am out in guy mode.

[sherri]

Stefani, if you don't like clubs as a guy, you won't like them in girl mode. ... You really don't need a gay club.

For the sake of discussion and experience-based advice, I disagree on both counts. As a guy, bars never interested me, still don't. But as a gurl, the need to socialize is very strong and while I'm still not overly fond of the bar/club scene, they are terrific places to mingle, relax, be yourself and interact without worrying about being clocked or judged. And gay clubs are waaayyy more tolerant and safe for TGs, imo. In fact, I would not recommend going to a straight club unless you're with companions and have good reason to think your presence will not be resented.

[StefaniLara]

Were I to go to a club, Sherri, I would definitely go to a gay bar, probably Club 212 in downtown. I'm thinking about checking it out one day, in boy mode, just to get a feel of it. I know they do shows, and a few girl friends of mine have expressed interest in taking me, so we'll see how that goes.

[lorren]

Hi, My female name is Lorren. I am married and she don't know that I dress. I been dressing for about 6 years now and I am 59 but look much much younger. I am only 5,6 at 136 lbs., shaved body, nice thin girlie legs, tanned, blue eyes and blonde hair. I want in the worst way to go to gigi's bar. I want to wear my schoolgirl outfit that I look really sexy and hot in. What can I expect going there. I love showing my silky smooth legs and letting my ass cheeks peek out a little. When I am dressed, I get strong urges wanting a hot guy to be attracted to me. I really want to try sex with a guy and I am 100% a bottom and love taking it this way. Any suggestions. I don't want to go alone and I need to find someone to go with me.

[Georgette_USA]

Lorren
Not to be too judgemental.

But you say your are married. So you find this to be OK, deceiving your partner even more. Maybe you should be more open with your partner.

I guess if this GiGis bar is a friendly LGBT place. Doubt if you would have a problem in that outfit.

Say you want to try sex with a guy, and love taking it this way. Contradictory statements.

And I hope if you do to use protected sex, else you could make your partner hate you more if found out.

[AnnieMac]

Yeah, why does it always have to be a gay club?

[sara.rafaela]

Yeah, why does it always have to be a gay club?

When I first started going out, it was a gay club. The idea of going to a Hooters, neighborhood dive, or to a bar filled with heavy drinking 21 year olds seemed intimidating. I will still not go to these places. The impression for me was that the people in a gay bar would be more tolerant to cross dressing. I have found this to be somewhat true. I have found some gay clubs attract a wide clientele; and yes are quite entertaining. I have found others are quite all gay, quite tolerant; but in these I tend to get ignored; which is not so entertaining. I now prefer to go to places that are straight, and cater to a 30 to 40 year old Clientele.

[lorren]

Thank You and good advice. I think its more fantasy than living it out. I do love my wife and I should just stick with my love for dressing. I wish I could share with her but I know she wouldn't understand.... Thanks again.... Your sweet....

[sherri]

Were I to go to a club, Sherri, I would definitely go to a gay bar, probably Club 212 in downtown. I'm thinking about checking it out one day, in boy mode, just to get a feel of it. I know they do shows, and a few girl friends of mine have expressed interest in taking me, so we'll see how that goes.

Omg, I didn't realize you live here! Of course you should go about it however works for you but sweetie, let me assure you, there will be zero problem going to 212 fem, and even alone if need be. I've been doing it for 15 years without any problem whatsoever. You will not be hassled or treated rudely, and even if the totally weird, atypical issue were to arise, the bartenders will watch out for you. I don't get out as often as I'd like lately, but there's another gurl named Rhonda who hangs out there a lot and she would welcome making your acquaintance and introducing you to people. And of course I would be happy to do the same. I promise I would tell you if there were any issues, so just relax and have an adventure, you'll luv it and wonder what took you so long. Kicked Back is another safe place ... we used to have several others but they've gone by the wayside.

Btw, I am really enjoying your blog! xoxo

[StefaniLara]

Omg, I didn't realize you live here! Of course you should go about it however works for you but sweetie, let me assure you, there will be zero problem going to 212 fem, and even alone if need be. I've been doing it for 15 years without any problem whatsoever. You will not be hassled or treated rudely, and even if the totally weird, atypical issue were to arise, the bartenders will watch out for you. I don't get out as often as I'd like lately, but there's another gurl named Rhonda who hangs out there a lot and she would welcome making your acquaintance and introducing you to people. And of course I would be happy to do the same. I promise I would tell you if there were any issues, so just relax and have an adventure, you'll luv it and wonder what took you so long. Kicked Back is another safe place ... we used to have several others but they've gone by the wayside.

Btw, I am really enjoying your blog! xoxo

Thank you, Sherri. I'm just nervous going out, since I've never been big on bars or clubs, and especially since I'm not out. I am, however, compelled to go out. It's as though my soul needs to see the light.

[Katie Thompson]

Hi Stefani. I love clubbing in gurl mode but totally hate it in boy mode. The same thing goes for shopping for clothes (but I wear flats and a knee length skirt to the mall and heels with a mini skirt to the club). I definitely agree that having a wing gurl (or girl) is very helpful. If you have a smile on your face when you are chatting or dancing with someone a good wing gurl will let it all play our and if you have a scared "OMG get me away from this person) look on your face they will jump in and sweep you away from the uncomfortable to a more happy place. Best of luck to you pretty lady.

[Genifer Teal]

While you may find some level of acceptance, we don't really fit in with the gay crowd. I don't know how the general level of acceptance is in straight clubs by you. A club atmosphere usually expects extremes and unique looks. Don't go it alone, both for advice and safety. My first experiences were not what I hoped for. I gave up for a while. Then things got better once I made friends in the community. Good luck to you. Don't wait. Time keeps ticking. We don't get younger.