How come you are not transsexual?

[flatlander_48]

When I first started dressing, I was surprised at how little of the common guilt and shame that I felt. If I was going out for, say, 5-6 hours, might feel it for the first 15 or 20 minutes while getting dressed. After that, it was over. The rest of the time was just spent functioning and interacting with others as my alter-ego, DeeAnn. These days, that initial shame and guilt has long since vanished. Some here view themselves as 2 distinct personalities; one male and one female. For me it is one personality, but different traits become stronger or weaker as a function of presentation. In other words, all traits exist all the time, but some may be more intense considering presentation.

In the last year or so, I've realized that the notion of feminism was always much closer to me than I thought. By junior high school, or early high school, I knew what Dolman sleeves, peplums and bust darts (and many other things) were. It wasn't that I was consciously trying to learn; it just stuck. Women's fashions of the mid-50's to the early 60's also made a very strong impression on me.

Years ago when I started doing some personal introspection work, someone who had known me for all of 30 minutes said that I had peaceful and gentle soul. Historically my relationships with women have been very good; usually quite a bit better than with men. I suspect that there is a relationship here as my default personality is low key and non-aggressive. Usually women take me into their confidence fairly easily. I prefer consensus building instead of command and control. Not that I can't do these things, but it isn't usually my starting point. Anyway, all this seems to point towards a distinct feminine component to my personality.

One final point: when I started dressing, it didn't feel foreign to me. Obviously women's and men's clothing have very different sensations as a function of material, weight, design, etc. It's hard to explain. The sensations felt new and old at the same time; perhaps something like the idea of getting in touch with a past life. I don't know how else to say it.

I think any one of these things by themselves wouldn't necessarily have a lot of impact. However, taken in aggregate, it struck me that I was in a place that was beyond Crossdressing. It all seemed almost too easy and too comfortable for me to become DeeAnn. I feel comfortable as Don and as DeeAnn. I'm not distressed wearing male clothes and I'm not distressed wearing female clothes. They are all just My Clothes.

So, my conclusion was that I am transgender to some degree, but not enough at this time to warrant considering transition. The amount of time spent as DeeAnn seems to be sufficient and things appear to be stable.

DeeAnn

[Lexi_83]

I am a gender fluid androgynous male. ive.//

I refer to myself as "in-between" but "gender fluid" seems to be a more modern description and therefore more easily understood. Thank you.

[ReineD]

When I first came here I thought that I was just a crossdresser, but I discovered that I was actually trans.

What does this mean?

The word "trans" or "transgender" is ambiguous. It is used to describe a wide spectrum of people. So do you identify as male, or female, or are you gender fluid, meaning you don't identify solidly as either a man or a woman but some combination of both or you fluctuate between the two based on how you feel on any given day. Does this make sense? A gender of "trans" by itself doesn't really describe any gender.

Some transitioned folks - people who now live as the opposite gender than their birth sex - use the word "trans" to indicate their process or the fact that they were indeed born a certain sex but have transitioned. But these folks still ultimately think of themselves as being either men (for FtM) or women (for MtF).

So what do you mean, by "trans", exactly.

[Rachael Leigh]

I've come to the point to refer to myself as trans gendered and no I'm not going to transition or do the hormone thing.
As has been mentioned it is a broad term and for me it works. I'm also gender fluid and it took me some time to accept this but once I did I became more comfortable with myself.
I have a male side and I'm good with it but without question I have female side that has a need to express herself.
At times it does feel as if I have two different personalities but more and more they seem to be more alike then I ever thought.

[Sarah Louise]

I don't feel like a girl, but I love getting dressed like one and trying to look as glamorous and pretty as I can. I don't know why I like doing this, but I know I like doing it.

I also love being a husband to my wife and being what I am and that's a man.

[Nikki.]

Since I'm new here I'll assume this joke has been posted a million times, but it still makes me laugh: "What's the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual? About 5 years."

I think one of the reasons I find it funny is that I really don't think it applies to me. When I reached the conclusion (or more accurately when I got over the shock), that my occasional dalliances wearing lingerie were far more than just a lil bedroom kink, that I had gender issues, and that I had been suppressing the desire to fully present as a woman, I decided to stop living in denial and really try to understand where I was at. after a ton of reading and reflection, I determined that I have no desire to transition. I don't have any problem with my guy parts. I'm happy being a guy. But I also really have an innate desire to present as a woman sometimes. And that desire waxes and wanes. So being a gender tourist as Jen put it, fills that need.

[Alice Torn]

I am a part time crossdresser, or transvestite, and like to present mainly in the closet, as the very tall lady of my dreams, that i never met. I am turned on very much by Alice, in my mirror, but after several hours or a day, take her off, and go back to my guy mode, though at times, i would like to have been born a lady. It is not feasible or practical, for me, though, and my troubled life would become tremendously more troubled.

[Jazzy Jaz]

If one identity you refer to is black and the other identity is white, then I must be some kind of mix of pink and blue!

[PattyT]

Obviously there is no sinlge answer to this question. It all depends on how the indivudual feels. I'm am on the category stated by the person who started this thread, in the sense that I dress because it feels food and natural.
Nicolsmyth stated,
"I am a crossdresser. I have never felt like I was trapped in a man's body. However, I do enjoy dressing and feeling feminine especially the feelings of relaxation and calmness that comes with it. It's my "warm bath" if you will."
I can easily identify with this.
There is a wide range of views, going from the one above to those who feel they are women trapped in a male body. These variations make this forum fascinating.
In the end result, it is each to his own.

[rachelatshop]

I don't feel like a girl, but I love getting dressed like one and trying to look as glamorous and pretty as I can. I don't know why I like doing this, but I know I like doing it.

I also love being a husband to my wife and being what I am and that's a man.

HI, I almost didn't post here, but this post says exactly what I feel. When I first came to this community I was searching of find out where I stood in the cross dressing spectrum, and thanks to the girls here I have been able to feel comfortable in knowing where I stand.
Thanks to all of you
Hugs Rach

[Maria 60]

To me the word crossdresser is self splanatory, cross-dress, wear the other sex cloths. I don't want to identify as a women or act like a women or in any means change to a full time women. I love being a man. I'm a crossdresser.

[Sometimes Steffi]

For me, to be transexual would mean that I would want to be a girl 24x7, either with hormones and surgery or without.

I don't want to be 24x7, but maybe 8x1. I enjoy the 4 consecutive girl days at the Keystone Conference, but at the end of the conference, I like to take my boobs off and put them back in the box for a while.

[alwayshave]

I love wearing women's clothes, makeup and lingerie. I love looking and feeling like a women. However, I know under that I am a man and do not reject my male body parts. So, nothing beyond being a crossdresser.

[heatherdress]

I don't get the question. Transsexual relates to gender identification. Cross dressing relates to clothing and presentation. We are who we are and do what we do. We cannot answer why we are not a gender that we aren't.

[PaulaQ]

My opinion is many of the people here who don't and won't transition ever may self identify as men, but really aren't cisgender men. Instead I think some here are essentially a non-binary type of identity, and one where their gender dysphoria is mitigated sufficiently by dressing. This isn't to say they aren't masculine identified far more than feminine identified - but they aren't really cisgender men - they are something else.

Others are simply feminine men.

Others still are gender fluid - itself a non-binary identity.

All of this is OK,and are perfectly valid ways to be.

Of course some on here are women, and just don't know it yet...

[mechamoose]

But I'm curious about those who haven't made the leap.

I'm both. Male and female, Yin and Yang. My genes don't define me. I happily wallow around in the genderslosh.

I love my girl self, but if I went all that way I'd miss the beautiful rack of antlers that is my XY self. Both are important, and both are beautiful.

[trisha kobichenko]

My experience has been that I am gender fluid, with my mood. I enjoy male pursuits, and have been successful in that area. I enjoy female pursuits, and though I can't measure success as a female, since elements of my male persona preclude female presentation, I totally enjoy being female in private.
My enjoyment of male things, coupled with my family situation totally prevent me from considering a transition. That said, I don't think I would even consider it without a path back, since I am so comfortable in both worlds.
Make any sense to anyone but me?
Trish

[mechamoose]

Yep.

You don't need to cross in order to enjoy yourself. You are YOU, warts and all.

[trisha kobichenko]

Steffi, I totally relate. Who knows why I am the way I am, I just know that is how i am.
Trisha

[ClosetED]

The question is partly semantics "How come you are not transsexual?"
So you have to have definitions of TS vs CD vs TG vs other connotations, and not all agree on what those words mean.
Using my definitions, TS, as it has 'sexual', means you desires to be a different sex than you are biologically/genetically. And that you wish to have sex with people of the opposite sex of what you feel you are (and possibly the same sex as well being bisexual)
TG - 'gender' - means more of what society sees you as and intereacts with you as. You can wish to present only 1 gender or be gender fluid and change back and forth.
Crossdressing is an action but does not connote a reason why you are doing it - to present a different gender or as part of being transsexual.
On this site, CDing is usually used for those who are gender fluid - they identify their sexuality as male but like to present a feminine appearance, as best they can and for a variety of reasons. Some are for sexual release, others for the hard to pin down explanation of calmness, peace, happiness, etc.

So why am I not transexual? I do not hate my male parts and not not want a man to be my bed partner. I moved past the sexual gratification and found the calm, happiness of just being as pretty as I can. I think I do this as I want society to like me, which is a natural instinct. I do not think, while being an average to good-looking man, that I got the amount of attention I needed, possibly due to upbringing that left me attention starved. I saw that pretty girls got attention with little effort, so I dreamed of looking like one. At that time, I thought you had to be a girl to look like one, but that is the confusion and normal society restrictions. I would love to choose how I present and change back and forth without society being upset. I think I would present often as Ellen, as I think I look better as woman than as a man, but it is more work and why be restricted when I am lucky enough to do both appearances well?

One could ask - why are some transexual? Do they feel society will not accept their presentation as feminine unless their hidden sexual organs match their outward appearance? Do they wish to experience the sexual act of being penetrated from the front so much they go thru surgery which reduces the sensitivity of the nerves? I decided a while ago that I was not TS, so I do not know these answers.

Hugs, Ellen

[Ressie]

From what I've heard and understand, being transexual means one is unhappy with the gender they were born with. Don't transexuals actually despise having the sex organs they were born with? And why do we have to spend so much time thinking about what category we're in?

Maybe, it's because there are endless shades of gray area. I might have been happier if I were born a female, but there's no way to know. I had feelings that I wanted to be a female as a teen, but I've never hated being a boy to the point of being unhappy about it.

I gathered long ago that I'm a transvestite. Yes, that's what it was called back then. Now days I realize I'm in the gray area sexually and in gender (gender fluid?). No thoughts or plans of transitioning.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not transsexual because most of my life is normal male. The desires to be female and dress in female clothing come from underlying connections to affection. Like Pavlov's dogs that salivate when a bell is rung, I connect being dressed, and behaving like a female, to receiving physical affection (not sex), whether it ever comes or not. Because as a child, the only time anyone ever touched me without the intent of causing me pain, was when I was dressed and behaving as a girl. Apparently when something like this goes on for long enough during certain periods of development, it can become a permanent part of your personality. If you want to learn more about it, read my bio, the link is at the bottom of my post.

[flatlander_48]

And that you wish to have sex with people of the opposite sex of what you feel you are (and possibly the same sex as well being bisexual)

Sexual orientation and gender identity are independent. Transsexuals can have any sexual orientation, same as anyone else.

DeeAnn

[Jenny22]

If its possible to be TS in heart and mind, then I'm TS. Every morning, with few exceptions, I dress fully feminine and stay that way until circumstances require I go drab. This forum has been of immense help to me in coming to this realization. I've known since childhood that the boy-me really didn't fit my strong feminine instincts, and having older sisters didn't help as they developed into womanhood, and I didn't. Nevertheless, I tried to be a boy and did all of the boy things, though I wasn't very good at most of them. I didn't know that there were gay people, though I was never attracted to boys as a boy. But as I learned more about sex from dubious sources (I never had "the talk" with Dad), my feminine feelings towards boys began to heighten and I began to fantasize about being the girl in dating and, yes, sex. I still have those feelings, today, only much stronger. If today I was 60 years younger, I would probably fully transition at some point. So, yes, I consider myself to be TS in heart and mind.

[PaulaQ]

If its possible to be TS in heart and mind, then I'm TS. Every morning, with few exceptions, I dress fully feminine and stay that way until circumstances require I go drab.

Hon, gender identity is in your heart and mind. I'm not a woman because I take hormones and have had surgeries. I'm a woman because my heart and mind tell me I am. Maybe this is something you should consider exploring further?

Don't transexuals actually despise having the sex organs they were born with? And why do we have to spend so much time thinking about what category we're in?

Some do, many don't. It's not that you have to be in any particular category, or use any particular label. It's nice if you use labels for political purposes sometimes, or to help explain yourself should you be so inclined to do that. Rather, I think it's important to be who you really are, and to think about that as honestly as possible. Ideally your life in the world should reflect who you really are as a person. Unfortunately, our society discourages this type of authenticity in life rather strongly, sometimes even violently.

The biggest difference, in my opinion, between a crossdresser and a transsexual (we really are trying to get away from that term) is that for someone like me, the difference between who I really am, and who society demanded I be are so large that I couldn't abide them. In my case, death was preferable to living a false life. Not all of us fall into such dire straits, so I'd caution you from making too much if any one symptom of this.