Should I mention CDing on my dating profile ??

[elliemoss]

Hello,

It's been over a year since I have dated someone and I'm feeling like having some love/romance back in my life. I've been on dates through various mainstream dating sites and I have met some really interesting ladies and a few special ones however I have never mentioned my femme side to any of them.

I have really come to embrace my femme side more than ever over the past year and have grown and learned to love and accept this side of me. As you all know living without expressing your femme side makes for a vary monotonous grey boring life. So I guess I'm after the "holy grail" I'm looking at having my cake and eating it too.... a loving female partner who would enjoy or at-least tolerate a crossdressing boyfriend.

So as I am about to go back on some dating sites again I'm thinking should I just be brave and honest and put it in my profile? I guess it would filter out any ladies who would have a problem with it but at the same time I could miss out on someone really amazing that maybe once we got to know each other really well I could tell her about my femme side? Maybe I would get close to zero interest either. I'm 30, quite good looking and have always never had a problem getting dates/interested ladies.

It's a gamble either way I guess?

What would you do? Would love to hear?

Thanks in advance

[Vieja]

You are right. It is a gamble. Once the genie is out of the bottle you can't put it back.

But if you are comfortable with it go for it.


Vieja

Me? No guts no glory.

[elliemoss]

Thanks Vieja, yeah that's what I'm thinking. I'm comfortable enough with myself now that I don't really mind putting it in my profile and putting maybe the last photo in my profile as my femme self. It's a bit nerve wracking but would be really interesting to see if I get any replies and if I do well at least the elephant has been tossed out of the room.

[sometimes_miss]

Here's the thing. Yes, it's honest to put into your dating profile that you crossdress. However....it may severely limit the number of women who respond back to you (for me, that's been a handful in the past 18 years). In the past, I've tried running two almost identical ads; one that mentions my crossdressing, the other that does not. And every time, the one that mentions crossdressing gets basically zero responses from women (I get responses from prostitutes, dominatrixes, and of course, men). The other ad, with NO mention of crossdressing, I get plenty of responses.
If you're 'out', you will have a much better chance, as you'll be able to put up a picture that women can see what you look like as a guy and as a woman. Women partially get their identitiy by how 'well' they choose a mate; even in today's age, you still hear girls describing their husbands as 'a good catch'. And crossdressers are considered the worst catch possible. You don't EVER hear a woman bragging to another about her crossdressing hubby. EVER. Most would probably be extremely embarrassed to have anyone know that their boyfriend/husband crossdresses. So even the very few that might like it don't want anyone to know. It's sort of along the lines of say, having a husband that has a huge Barbie doll collection with all the accessories, or maybe a husband that likes to play with my little pony, collects those toys and goes to the meetings where those fans are. It's not something that most women want people to know about their husbands; but even worse. I know, I know, you're going to read on this forum about all the happy wifes of the lucky crossdressers here. Out of how many? And how many of those women truly like it? A few? Out of all the thousands of crossdressers here? Like you, I've never had problems getting dates. But I have yet to meet a woman in real life that will tolerate a crossdresser as a mate. I don't doubt that there are a few single women out there that would be ok with it; in this big, wide world, there simply must be some. I just don't know how to find them. But like I mentioned, as long as you're 'out', try it. You can always put up a new profile without the mention of crossdressing.

[Nikki.]

^ what she said. I believe you should be honest about it before any level of serious commitment, but you're not going make it out the front door very often if it's in your ad.

[Vieja]

Ellie after thinking on this a bit I think that my problem that as an 88 year old rather dumpy looking male I feel I

would look ludicrous. Ah vanity.

Vieja

[Jenniferathome]

Ellie, I think if you noted such a thing, your average reader would skip past you. Unless you have a need/desire to dress a significant amount of the time, you are setting off alarms. It will appear to the casual reader that this is a much bigger thing than it might be. These women have zero vested interest in you, yet. They don't know you. Your dating pool will be significantly limited if you take this approach.

When you get to know someone, you start with very basic information. You don't know her baggage and she doesn't know yours. Meet first, find a connection and if it seems like a good connection, open up.

[Pat]

I suppose it depends a lot on how central CDing is to you. Because once it's in the profile it assumes a lot of importance. For example, if you found a profile where the person mentions that they love to assemble plastic tank models you would tend to think that's going to be a big part of who they are. You might think it's a little weird and move on -- it's not like there are only a few profiles out there.

One thing you might consider is just putting in a couple of photos of you in casual tween / fem presentation without mentioning crossdressing in the profile. To go back to our model builder - they might have a photo of themselves assembling a tank model without mentioning it in their profile. It's an interesting look into their character without dragging the conversation down a rat-hole.

Both the tank builder and you can address the issue on some future date.

[Amy Lynn3]

ellie, I will give you what has taken place with me, being on dating sites. My profile is all male, without Cding being mentioned. I have run some private test so to speak and here are some results.

One lady I met as all male and we became intimate almost from the start. I wanted the cat out of the bag so to speak, so I underdressed the next time I saw her. It came time to be intimate and as I removed my cloths, she wanted to know what was going on and I told her, She wanted me to remove the femme items and it never hampered our sex life. I broke it off with her after awhile, which had nothing to do with Cding.

Another lady I wanted to date and as we talked by email I told her I wanted a partner who would except and help me with my dressing. She agreed, but she noted that it would not excite her, but if it did me, she would help. The bad part of that her old boyfriend came back into the picture before we got to meet. UGH !

Another lady I talked with by email and before we met, I told her of my desires. She blew a head gasket and wanted to know why a good looking guy would want to do something like that.

I have tested the waters with others about my desires online, but the three above give you an idea of what I run into when letting women online in on my secret. Don't know if that helps, but I can say.... I have had no problem meeting women when I never refer to Amy.

[Kate Simmons]

That would have to be totally your choice my friend.

[Devone]

Ellie , my feeling is if you are looking for a girlfriend who doesn't mind or encourages your femme side ,there should be dating sites that addresses who you really want to be.Because you may find a women who you really like and then you find out she doesn't approve , what a let down.Just my opinion miss Ellie, Devone

[Kimberly2112]

Like any other kind of advertising, an online dating profile is all about making the product (you) appeal to the customer. Unless someone is specifically trying to meet a crossdresser (and I'm guessing this isn't a very large market segment) this isn't going to be a big selling point. And like Jennie said, giving it too much attention in your profile makes it seem like that it's the main focus of your life. By all means bring it up early in a relationship, better to find out soon if it's going to be a problem and move on if it is. But your profile should be giving people the impression that you're a fun, interesting person that they'd like to get to know.

[Tracii G]

I have been on a few dating sites but not recently and I had it in my profile that I liked to get dolled up and go out as a female.
I got 3 hits with in a few hours from local ladies that thought I was quirky and the idea of me dressing was interesting and sounded like fun.
I picked one to respond to and we dated off and on for over a year. We are still good friends.
Sure I got some that thought I was crazy and were turned off by the idea but hey thats the chance you take.
I never posted a pic of me in girl mode and figured if they were up for it I could email them one later on.
Oh and I had one nice fellow that was interested so I went out with him too.In fact I have been on a date with him recently just to catch up on old times.
You just never know, you might find a nice lady so its worth a try.

[Closeted Kat]

if you have no trouble getting responses i envy you, i don't mention my CDing on my profiles and I get very little in terms of responses. I'm also 30 (today is my birthday). I think i agree with others that maybe you want to make a separate profile for that. I do know from my sites that i use that OKcupid has listings for all sorts of gender relative postings such as gender non-conforming and transgender, if that is any help to you. Good luck out there.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ellie , See line #4 in my signature......

[elliemoss]

Thank you so much everyone for the fantastic feedback and advice, some really amazing nuggets here.

Very interesting stories, I'm thinking now what I will do is on the most popular site just put up a usual profile without mentioning my femme side at all and on a less popular site put the same ad up but just slip a small line in that I like to dress in female mode and go out to clubs/bars but I won't put a pic of me in femme mode up.

[Jackie7]

My experience is different. Sixteen years ago - when I was in my early 50s - my marriage collapsed with CD as only one of many long simmering issues. I already knew from being just a little bit out that some - a few- women found cross-dressing men to be interesting, whilst no women ever found any interest in men who kept deep secrets from them. So I reasoned that the way to find a friendly woman was to be out with it in the first place, and I started dressing two or three days a week, mostly in Manhattan. I made more new friends than I lost, and within 18 months I had met the wonderful woman whom I married in 2010. Contra to assertions higher in this thread, she is delighted to have a cross-dressing man and has no problem whatsoever with it.

So I think if I was single again, in these days of online dating, since I know I am CD and do not expect that to change, I would not hesitate to put it in my profile. There are real women out there who would enjoy knowing a CD man. Your chances of finding one at random are pretty low, but much better if you can get out with it in the first place. My 2 cents, as one who has truly been there.

[elliemoss]

My experience is different. Sixteen years ago - when I was in my early 50s - my marriage collapsed with CD as only one of many long simmering issues. I already knew from being just a little bit out that some - a few- women found cross-dressing men to be interesting, whilst no women ever found any interest in men who kept deep secrets from them. So I reasoned that the way to find a friendly woman was to be out with it in the first place, and I started dressing two or three days a week, mostly in Manhattan. I made more new friends than I lost, and within 18 months I had met the wonderful woman whom I married in 2010. Contra to assertions higher in this thread, she is delighted to have a cross-dressing man and has no problem whatsoever with it.

So I think if I was single again, in these days of online dating, since I know I am CD and do not expect that to change, I would not hesitate to put it in my profile. There are real women out there who would enjoy knowing a CD man. Your chances of finding one at random are pretty low, but much better if you can get out with it in the first place. My 2 cents, as one who has truly been there.

wow Jackie, what an amazing story! So happy for you!! That's really given me some encouragement and made me feel very positive about the future.

[Helen_Highwater]

My inclination is not to include it.

It vastly increases the likelihood that potential partners who, all other things considered would find you a suitable match, will simply pass you by. Lets face it there's not going to be that many women who have CD'ing on their list of must have traits. That's not to say that once they've got to know you and the chemistry is there they won't be open to the situation.

However, if you should encounter someone that you think you could enter into a long term relationship with then at the earliest stage possible you should tell them you CD. Even after a couple of date you'll have some picture of what they're like and if they're really not open to "alternative" life styles you'll know that a relationship and a future including CD'ing aren't mutually compatible. Time to part company before you make the big reveal.

[Leelou]

Ellie, while I respect your desire to be completely honest about your crossdressing, I definitely would not include it in your dating profile. From my years on this site, the most common theme from members that have found accepting women is to tell them early, but not too early. Get to know them to the point that there is a mutual desire to take the relationship to a serious commitment level. That seems to be the best time to reveal. It's very possible that the woman may reject you because you CD, but it's also entirely possible that she can deal with it as many women have chosen.

I've come out to two women, that were both accepting. One more so than the other, but neither bailed.

The other thing I have learned here is that it's never a good idea to wait until you're married to reveal. Some marriages survive a late reveal, but I'd say most don't. You're very young, be patient.

[Virginia1983]

Why subject an innocent person to your dishonesty? Perhaps you should be open and honest with yourself and truly accept yourself for who you are before dragging a civilian into the mix?

[PrivateXDresser]

Not everything needs to be on your profile. There should always be a little mystery for the date and getting to know you process. I'd save it for a getting serious conversation, not getting to know you.

[Tina_gm]

Just expect few positive responses. Lesbians will likely look past you because they are only interested in the "real thing" Unless you are TS, perhaps transitioning in which case they may view you as the real thing. Cis gendered hetero women will likely look past you too. It is kind of how hetero works. You are representing something they are not attracted to.

The upside is that which you do get positive responses to, and it may take quite a while to get any will be a great match for you. Either you will find a woman who just doesn't care about the gender binary, or has a thing for it. They are out there, but it is a needle in a haystack kind of thing.

Most of us would love for this type of situation https://youtu.be/NDJbyoYfe9U Please feel free to watch the whole thing. The entire series in fact. But in the video I linked, you can skip to about the 5:40 point. Now, imagine finding a girl who so likes crossdressing, that she herself likes to dress and act just like a draq queen, and of course what occurs from the point I mentioned through the end. Congrats to the luckiest CDer in the world. But for the 99.999% of us, this is not nor ever will be our reality, and we should stop chasing this dream.

[Krisi]

"Should I mention CDing on my dating profile ?? "

Sure if you want the whole world to know. Remember, once you let it out, you can't take it back.

Unless you spend most of your time dressed as a woman, I would say "no". Meet someone first and if it seems like things are working out, you will have time to tell her (I assume) about your hobby.

Have you ever considered dating someone you met in real life? At work, at the store, at a dance or club, etc.