Closeted teachers

[BettyMorgan]

I'm a teacher (at a large public school in Canada) who CDs and ventures out about once a month to a meetup with a group of other CDs and trans folk. We normally meet at a gay pride centre and then go to a bar that hosts a drag show. However, some of us haVe expressed a desire to go to a local coffee shop to meet, instead of the bar (less noise and more conversation). One of my biggest fears is bumping into or being recognized by a student or former student of mine.

First, I'm wondering if there are any other teachers on the forum? And If you are a teacher, have you ever run into a student while dressed?

One of my CD friends said, "They'd only recognize me if I walked up to them and asked if they have their homework done." Maybe I worry too much.

[bridget thronton]

Depends on what protections you have under the law. If you cannot lose hour job for being transgendered it is awkward but nothing more. I teach at university - i have run into students while shopping in the ladies section but not dressed - nothing came of it.

[suzanne]

Public school in Canada? Our right to not be discriminated against for being LGBT is pretty solid, isn't it? It seems you have a teaching opportunity on your hands. In seeing you dressed, a teen would get perhaps his first view of what a real CD looks like, as opposed to the myriad negative examples and misconceptions he has already been exposed to.

[heatherdress]

If crossdresser estimates are 10% of the male population, then approximately 10% of male teachers crossdress, so there are probably many other professors, teachers and school administrators who are members of this site. And thank you all for the important job that you do.

If anyone fears recognition when the crossdress, they should not take risks which may lead to discovery. Regardless of school district policies and laws, public recognition can adversely affect reputations, promotions, assignments, friendships and relationships. Policies or protective laws will not prevent embarrassment. Meeting in a local coffee shop does not seem like a smart place to be dressed, especially with a group of crossdressers who will attract attention. Pictures are very easy to take and post.

[Maria 60]

My sister in law is a teacher and she doesn't have no social media, no face book, no what app, nothing. When I asked her about it she says the principles when asked to hire a teacher will check there name and see if they can find anything about them on social media. I told her I don't think it's right, at the end of the day it is a job. I guess it's different when kids are involved. Be careful

[donnalee]

The problem with these laws is that they will find another nail to hang it on, figuring that if you don't want to be outed, you will not pursue it much further. You cannot assume that people's attitude changes when a law changes. If they want you gone they will find a way to make that happen.

[BettyMorgan]

Actually, the school district I work for has the most progressive policy to protect lgbqt students and staff in the country. And our provincial government just passed a new law making it illegal to discriminate against anyone based on gender identity and gender expression. So I'm not worried about my employment - promotions, or otherwise. I'm not concerned about colleagues. It's just a concern I have and wondered if there another teacher on this forum who understood.

[raeleen]

I totally have this question too, Betty. I'm actually about to begin teaching this fall, and have been out and about a few times in the LGBT friendly part of town. However I know that students from my school frequent the area too, and possibly encountering one is a definite possibility. It's not about my job security, but really about whether I'm ready to be that out and to discuss my gender identity with students. At this point, I don't think I am, and so I'm going to take steps to keep my femme side a bit more secure, but eventually I may be ready to talk with students about this, and at that point, I may end up being a bit more open about places to go. I think ultimately it's really about what you're ready to discuss and engage with kids around.

[GaleWarning]

I am a teacher who has decided to remain in the closet because I have seen how the teaching profession can ruin the careers of any who appear to be 'different' or 'dissident'. The organisation I work for at present seems to have a very pro-LGBT policy, but my students are SEN adults, and for this reason I have not changed my mind about staying in the closet.

I have a facebook page, but I will not befriend any colleagues. Some of our students are also on facebook, but policy dictates that they may not befriend any teacher. We are not allowed to say anything about our students on social media, or have any photos of them, which is a shame in a way, because they are wonderful human beings.

So silence is golden ...

[Pat]

So I'm not worried about my employment - promotions, or otherwise. I'm not concerned about colleagues.

So I have to ask -- why not just come out? If there's not going to be any blowback and you're afraid of being discovered why not come out so you can control the situation? It sounds like it would be no more impactful than your students finding out you're a war reenactor or a karaoke singer.

[Jaylyn]

Teachers have always and will always be held to a different standard in life. I'm not going to argue if it is right or wrong. Teachers should not influence kids one way or the other but show the kids how to think, problem solve, and teach them to be the kind that researches every problem and be able to draw their own conclusions. In other words teach them to think and communicate and work with others then they can make their own conclusions in life as to what they believe, what they want to become for happiness, and what is in their opinion is right and wrong. Too many teachers don't teach but use their influence on the kids to teach them what the teacher believes instead of teaching them how to achieve an understanding of how to reach their own conclusion on social behaviors. I taught them to think for themselves, problem solving, and to stand for what they have concluded is right for themselves. I believe many of our extended teachers especially college professors teach only their view points as they see the world and not teach all the facts on both sides of the issue and let the kids do their own thinking about the conclusions they feel is the right answer.
I feel teachers have totally different responsibilities than other workers we have to mold minds with the tools to make students successful in problem solving life skills. Life is tough for kids today being bombarded with social media, they follow things that are in style. I taught me students to be an individual personality, but to think things thru, and be accountable for their own decisions in life. It worked for me, and this is just my humble opinion.
By the way a teacher needs to worry about what kids see them doing after class hours. Some parents can make it hell for a teacher( maybe not legally) but the rumor mill has gotten many a teacher fired. Do you really want to fight a battle where parents come to school and tell the counsellors that they don't want their kid in your class. When the administration starts digging into your private life they and if they get too many complaints, you'll find that they won't fire you for what you are doing but find or create something else to get you with. Most teachers sign a moral clause in their contract and don't even know it. I know of one teacher/ coach that was fired because a parent made that teachers life a living hell to the school board. The school board finally got tired of hearing from the parent all the time and found some little thing to get rid of the coach/ teacher. I really think it was because that coach didn't play their kid as a starter on the football team. Administrators have lots of power and if you fight the firing then the next school district labels you as a trouble maker and you will find getting another job hard. One was fired for getting a DWI, the school wouldn't have known but a cop on the force knew he was a teacher and told an administrator. Teachers live by a whole different code of ethics than a hourly paid employee at a big chain store or oil field worker.

[heatherdress]

So I have to ask -- why not just come out? If there's not going to be any blowback and you're afraid of being discovered why not come out so you can control the situation? It sounds like it would be no more impactful than your students finding out you're a war reenactor or a karaoke singer.

It is usually always best to keep personal behaviors and beliefs out of the workplace, any work place, especially a behavior like crossdressing which can cause distraction, and especially in a professional career like education of children. Anyone who crossdresses at work risks conveying that their own personal pleasure is more important than the possible distractions they will generate by crossdressing. It is totally different if you are a transsexual person and then you should certainly dress and be supported appropriately. But crossdressers should not crossdress at work.

You really diminish the importance of teaches when you liken them to a reenactor or singer.

[Pat]

I didn't suggest Betty dress at work. Just that she come out as a crossdresser (you can tell people without having to dress to prove it.) She said (see quote) that she wasn't concerned about professional fallout. The comparison to war reenactor or karaoke singer was not comparing those avocations to being a teacher but to being a crossdresser. A teacher who is spotted by a student singing karaoke is going to be made fun of, but other than a discipline problem it will cause no professional feedback. From her description of the support/protections for gender identity at her work then being a crossdresser should be about the same level of hassle.

The deal with protections is that they're getting put in place so alleviate the fears that so many closeted people enumerate on why they don't come out. Granted at this point in history it's possible that it's a bold move -- first one in the pool and so on. But asking the question shouldn't be a problem.

[heatherdress]

Jennie - Sorry that I did not see Betty's second comment. I was focused on her initial comment - "One of my biggest fears is bumping into or being recognized by a student or former student of mine." If she does not seem to care if discovery would affect her professional reputation and career, then it should not matter what she does and how she dresses in her free time. Unfortunately, if she is discovered by students or colleagues, her private behavior may adversely affect her career and maybe her relationship with both students and colleagues. It usually is best to keep private activities or beliefs that may be controversial or distracting to others out of work. She may not lose her job but she may unnecessarily suffer negative consequences. Crossdressing is quite different than karaoke, especially when the crossdresser is an educator who is typically held to high standards of personal behavior.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is always a good idea to keep as much of your personal life out of your workplace as possible. It can only hurt you. Back when I was working in the corporate world, I kept my dressing private, they had no need to know (I was not transitioning) and it could only have caused problems. (I wasn't transitioning, so they could not have held me up as some kind of diversity poster boy if they needed one for some reason.)

When it comes to employment legal protections for being a member of such-and-such group, they are usually not worth the paper they are printed on. If they want to get rid of you, they will find something to do it, or at least make your life at work as miserable as possible. Go out dressed where you feel it is safe. Keep it as discreet as possible.

[giuseppina]

There may be legal protections available, but that won't stop employers, colleagues and parents from turning crossdressing in public into a job performance issue. Discretion is the better part of valor in these situations.

[Cheryl James]

As a former teacher I can say that the possibility of being recognized by a student while dressed kept me out of the public eye in my local area. If just one student, or former student, saw and recognized you, that news would spread faster than a grass fire. Right or wrong, teachers are held to a different standard. Society may be evolving, but a male teacher dressed as a woman is going to be seen as an oddity and would be gossip worthy. Depending on where one lives, it may, or may not, cost the teacher his job, but life could become very uncomfortable.

[satinfeelsgreat]

check out this renault twingo advert

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByMJBCwYsh8

dad - dressed and in queue.

[Krisi]

As a former teacher I can say that the possibility of being recognized by a student while dressed kept me out of the public eye in my local area. If just one student, or former student, saw and recognized you, that news would spread faster than a grass fire. Right or wrong, teachers are held to a different standard. Society may be evolving, but a male teacher dressed as a woman is going to be seen as an oddity and would be gossip worthy. Depending on where one lives, it may, or may not, cost the teacher his job, but life could become very uncomfortable.

That pretty well says it all. You're not going to be very effective as a school teacher with the students making fun of you, putting up posters in the hall, embarrassing you on Facebook, etc. Unlike carpenters and plumbers, teachers are not completely free to do anything they want when off duty. It will come back to haunt them.

That said, most of us would like to think that as a woman and away from our neighborhood, wife, etc. we would not be recognized. If you presentation works also as a disguise and you go to another town and not with anyone who is associated with you, you should be safe.

It is a risk and one that only you can judge.

[CONSUELO]

I believe that there are two issues here. The first concerns any potential legal issues if you are known to be a cross dresser who goes out in public. This is likely a minor issue as silly laws and rules that were in place years ago have largely disappeared.
The more important issue is the relationship between you and your students and how that might be altered by the knowledge that you are a cross dresser. As a teacher you are held to a different standard by both your employer and parents but also by your students. You have to have a relationship with students that allows you to command their respect for you as a teacher and an upholder of discipline in the classroom. If I were in your position I would tread very carefully on this issue. Look at how social media is used by many unscrupulous people to embarrass people. There are lots of trolls out there who would love to take any information like this and try to make your life uncomfortable

[Eryn]

check out this renault twingo advert

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByMJBCwYsh8

dad - dressed and in queue.

I think you meant this one:

https://youtu.be/FdpjM3OeLSo

If you do decide to take this path and you are seen you have to exert your right to do what you do and your further right not to discuss it.

"What you are asking is a private matter and not open for discussion."