A little game

[Brooklyn]

There are times when I can forget that I’m trans and become just another woman, but all it takes is a trip to the restroom, a look at Facebook, or a glance in the mirror before I am reminded of this fact and start to feel quite inferior to other women in just about every way besides height. Even though I’m generally passable, and becoming more so, it’s hard not to notice that l'm a woman-in-quotation-marks to many friends and colleagues. Then, of course, there is a certain share of society that just hates us, and they are especially vocal right now.

So when I’m in a room with a lot of women and kinda down on myself, I have a little mental exercise: I start to imagine that I’m not the only trans-woman in the group, and then try to identify the other trans-women like me. Have you ever tried this? I notice things they do that don’t correspond to feminine ideals, or which masculine physical traits we share, and pretty soon I’m clocking half the room. I think, “Wow, she’s so fish, I hope I get there in a few years”, and “She must work on her voice a lot”, or “She is fortunate to have transitioned so early”. This never fails to make me feel better! A 50-year-old cis friend of mine once commented that with all the pressures of being a woman, even she often feels like an imposter in the female world. This was really freeing, because some days I just need to wear sneakers, over-eat, and hang with my queer friends and not judge myself. I know that in time, things will become easier - or at least I will have tried my best, toughened up, and found the right people to be around.

Self-acceptance is an ongoing process!

[LeaP]

Different, not inferior.

[Barbara Dugan]

I got that feeling when I am around my Latina transgender friends,since I am early on my transition and most of them have been full time for a long time,but as long I am accepted I feel OK... It's a good mental game!

[Badtranny]

These are the kinds of posts that keep me coming back here.

Real slices of transition life. I feel you with the queer friends Ash. Those are my people.

It is an unexpectedly lonely feeling to blend in as a hetero white girl. I wanted it with every fiber of my being, now I'm not so sure. I love being accepted as a woman, but I also love being a bit different. Sometimes I want to out myself just so I can be special. lol

Transition is a hell of a thing.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Head high and positive attitude. Keep confidence up, ID and gender markers reflect the right reality just in case anyone questions. We belong as much as any other woman even though the occasional demon might whisper in our ear from our left shoulder.

I do like your game notion and will likely try it out on my travels. Might be pretty funny. Like the picture everyone in the audience naked thing when on stage (that one works particularly well).

cheers... Jennifer

[PretzelGirl]

Self-acceptance is an ongoing process!

Ain't this the truth! I thought I was about to get a break and Wham! Another thing to occupy my mind.

Hang in there. Thoughts will settle over time. I really like the statement from your friend. Women can be the most accepting people and they can also be the most competitive.

[Kimberly Kael]

When we're so preoccupied with ways in which we aren't just like everyone else it's all too easy to forget that nobody else is, either. We're all individuals, unique in ways that are more or less obvious to the casual observer. Any technique you can use to remind yourself of that fact is worthwhile!

[STACY B]

These are the kinds of posts that keep me coming back here.

Real slices of transition life. I feel you with the queer friends Ash. Those are my people.

It is an unexpectedly lonely feeling to blend in as a hetero white girl. I wanted it with every fiber of my being, now I'm not so sure. I love being accepted as a woman, but I also love being a bit different. Sometimes I want to out myself just so I can be special. lol

Transition is a hell of a thing.

You see that's what I am Talking about,, Who the Hell wants to be Vanilla? Not Me,, I like being different,, I Love Shocking people,, Always have always will,, Some people just want to go through Life and Blend and just be Normal Jane six pack,, And that's Great,, But not for me,, I enjoy the reactions to WHATEVER,,,WHEREVER,,
Just to be different in some way is what I live for,, And I am not just Talking about Trans different,, Just different in general.

Extroverted people Crave it,, Introverted people Crave it too,, Maybe just a different degree but still in some way. I for one Fully Accept that I am Trans and that's that,, But just because I am Trans doesn't mean I will turn into some dainty little Miss Thang and all of sudden be someone Totally different than the person inside I am before Transition! My Special personality is still there,, And all of the Bad things still exist and so do all the Good things,,

Yea I get the Looks,, I get the Laughs, I get the Stares , But I told the wife,, Hell I can't tell the difference between the So called New ones and the Ones I have gotten before ,,lol,, I always got them,, Because I am DIFFERENT inside and outside than Most people,, I just act like I always have and just go with it,, I have always said Don't ask Questions you really don't want the answer too,, And if they persist than I will be the first to Lay the Boom on them and see what they thought they knew and give them the Truth of this whole thing and then we can move on. But if not I said it in the past I am No Right Fighter by any means,, I am fully aware of where I live and what it is all about and how they think and why.

But you gotta move on,, We can't let this one little thing break us,, The is a Micro second in our world,, I think about work 10 times more than thinking about Trans Crap,, People say Money ain't EVERYTHING,, Run Out !! Yull find out then,, Money makes the world go round,, And for all of you new Trans chix here reading this the Best advice old Fat Girl can give you is save your extra money and leave the Fancy outfits in the store,, You won't ever wear them any how,, Most of that crap you will Toss after a while,, Get a SECURE JOB !!! Find a way to make your money, No matter if is starting your own Bizzness, Working at a Family owned Bizz,, Some kinda way to make Money and be secure so you won't end up an unemployed half Transitioned Trans chix on Wellfare,,,,With no Money and No insurance !!!
JUST SAYING,, Love to the Mods,,,lol,,,,

[Jamie Christopher]

Very thoughtful post Ashley and thanks for the great read; I for one think you are just beautiful!

Jamie

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It is an unexpectedly lonely feeling to blend in as a hetero white girl. I wanted it with every fiber of my being, now I'm not so sure. I love being accepted as a woman, but I also love being a bit different. Sometimes I want to out myself just so I can be special. lol

drop mic

[Rachel Smith]

It is an unexpectedly lonely feeling to blend in as a hetero white girl. I wanted it with every fiber of my being, now I'm not so sure.

And yet when I am alone in my car I can't help to think how much better I feel now then prior to transition even if I am still somewhat of a square peg trying my damnedest to fit in a round hole.

[MonicaJean]

This is a great topic Ashely, I was thinking the same thing recently. And the more I compare myself with others, the less happy I become.

Where happiness = self-acceptance.

Thing is, when I go out for girls night out, I'm usually the one with the best makeup, cutest top, etc. They all compliment me! And all I'm doing is wearing jeans and a basic face.

But, when I head to the mall, it's easy to take a back seat to the women who have it all together.

We are all somewhere in the middle, finding peace and comfort where you are is key...and what you are doing Ashley is just that.