GG friend for you SO to talk with

[sara66]

When I came out to my wife she was unsure what to think. I came a huge surprise(understatement) I tend to be more of a manly man. (and girly girl) I knew she could only talk about some this with me. She needed another person to sound off with. We have a friend, who set us up, I have been very close to her for more than 25 years. Several years ago, before I was married, she came over to my house for dinner. I got all dressed up and was going to show her, however I could not do it. I finally gathered my self together told her I like woman's clothes. She was good with it, lots of questions.
My friend is the first to see my dressed (face time). she told my wife I did not look like a drag queen. This has seemed to help my wife quite abit. she is talking more with me & has suggested places for me to shop( still in drab).
Do any of you wifes have someone they can share with? has it been positive?
Sara

ps My friend and I are planning to go shopping this fall with me enfemm.

[reb.femme]

Hi Sara,

I agreed with my wife that she should tell her younger sister, as they are very close. A burden shared is a burden doubled and all that, so it gave her a person to discuss my dressing with. That was four years ago and I can dress at home and go out as I please. My wife isn't elated with this side of me but she accepts it and I think having an outlet definitely helped her.

Becky

[heatherdress]

Sara - It's all about you and your wife. It is good that your friend's comments seem to have helped some, but I would be very cautious about going out with a female friend while dressed and leaving your wife at home.

[sara66]

My wife knows, she is ok with it.She still don't want to see me dressed and think it would be safer.

[LelaK]

Seems like a friend to talk to like that for the SO is probably better than a marriage counselor. I heard the latter usually make matters worse and have over 60% failure rate.

[mechamoose]

Sorry that you cannot talk to her directly :/

It is kind of hard to find an XX person for her to relate to for this. You have kind of brought up very disruptive issues.

Not that you are wrong, I just see limited venues for help. Local PFLAG groups? Where else can she go? It isn't like her normal 'girl group' is equipped for this.

I would suggest that the both of you get involved with some kind of LGBT support group ASAP.

To quote Franklin: "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately"

Let me know if I can help :/

<3

- MM

[VirtuaGrl]

When I finally told my wife after eight years of marriage, three kids, and an additional two years of friendship and dating (before anyone says anything about the fact that I should have told her long before then, believe me I know and it is one of the very few regrets I have in life and wish I had a do-over), it was a terrifying experience for me because I had no idea how she would react and dreaded that she would leave me and take our children, but even in my relief when she stayed, I came to realize how utterly cruel it was sharing the burden of my secret with her. Although I had (at that point) twenty seven years to live with it and hide it, she was just being introduced to it and had no one she could share it with or talk to about it. She is a remarkably intelligent, open-minded, beautiful, and astounding woman, but even still she was battling with the stereotypes in her head and the fears that I secretly wanted to transition or that I was gay or that she wasn't enough woman for me. She couldn't talk to me because I, the husband she loved dearly and could never keep a secret from her, had kept a secret from her for a decade and she had never seen it coming. We lived in a fairly rural community at the time which just made things even more complicated because everyone knew everyone and she was mortified someone would find out and it would ruin her in the community.

As it turned out, she eventually broke down and told her best friend and business partner. I couldn't even be angry when she told me. Again, how cruel of me it had been to burden her with my secret. To her credit, she has never told another person (that I know of), although that may be because when our business tanked because her partner was a lousy mother (a long story for another time), she found out that her former friend and partner had blabbed the secret to a bunch of other people that turned against us and tried to use it to hurt my wife.

We have a recently divorced friend that she is very close with and I think could handle it that I have wished she would share it with. I still feel awful that she doesn't have anyone she feels she can share with. I don't think she knows about here, and quite frankly, although there are times I want to share things I see here with her, I am also afraid that seeing some of the things we discuss here would confirm her worst fears. I don't mean that as a slam against anyone here in any way. I just mean that for a good many of us here our "hobby" (and, yes, I know some here think it's dumb to call what we do just a hobby... Get over it) is perfectly normal or at least is something approaching normal. Despite what any of us may want to think and hope and dream it isn't normal. We're not a majority of the population. It is clinically aberrant behavior. A day may come (and I believe it is closing upon us) that a man presenting as a woman will be normal and commonplace, but that day is not, sadly, today.

Anyway... It's late... Im high... And I've rambled on long enough... My sincerest apologies to anyone I have offended... I do so appreciate y'all and love reading your success stories and my heart aches at your pains... Thank you for helping me recognize some times when I am in the grips of the pink fog... I only wish this resource was as readily available to me twenty years ago when I started scouring the internet for answers... G'nite y'all.

~ A

[Krisi]

I don't have any female friends who are not also friends of my wife so I'm not in your situation. I certainly would not have told a friend (male or female) that I was a crossdresser without first telling my wife.

So now my wife knows but nobody else.

My wife accepts or tolerates my crossdressing and she has seen me dressed many times. She would not be comfortable with anyone we know knowing about it or seeing it and I doubt she would accept me going clothes shopping with another woman.

I guess this just proves that there is a wide variety of situations here. We all have to do what works for us.

[sara66]

When I came out to my friend I apologized for this burden. She said since I am not her husband the is not an issue. I did talk to my wife quite a bit about telling someone. She thought it might not be a bad idea. No matter how good things are, you just need to vent. I love my friends.
Sara

[JamieG]

Not too long after I came out, I told my wife I was okay with her talking to her sister about it, if she needed to. She eventually did, and her sister was cool with it. I think that helped immensely. Who knows what would have happened if her sister had told her to "run as fast as she can,"

[MissTee]

In the beginning we (my wife and I) talked a lot about this "thing" called crossdressing. Fortunately for me she had a curiosity about it, but wasn't upset when I told her about it. I don't go out dressed and don't want to. At home is enough for me. I really believe that helps us. Anymore, dressed or not, we simply go through our day and focus on other things besides CD stuff.