Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.
It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.
So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?
Kerry
I guess that is why some of us have purged ourself from all the fem clothes only to return to them in a stronger desire. I don't think I will purge again. (HUGS) FeliciaOriginally Posted by Freo_kerry
I have one question for you, Kerry. Does your counselor expect you to be able to quit? If so, he/she might not be well versed on the subject of crossdressing.
Some people do stop -- it all depends on the reasons for them dressing in the first place. Those who may just like the feel of a certain feminine garment, or those who just like to experiment with new things, are more likely to be able to stop than those who dress because it satisfies some inner need or desire.
I have stopped for almost 10 years when I got married. But when the urge came back to dress again, it came back even stronger. I have no plans to stop again. This is who I am and the world will just have to deal with it. If I am lucky my wife will make sure I have panties on when the put me in that hole in the ground.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
i don't think anyone could stop, it is an inner feeling that can be repressed for a time but i believe it always comes back, Why purg your items and just regret it later. Just like why try panties and then go back to men's, it just doesn't make sense. I have been doing it for about 45 years, i couldn't stop if I wanted to, But of course I don't want to.
Like somebody else has said, if your therapist is focussed on you stopping then I would question his/her expertise in this area. You may be able to permanently stop the CD-ing and hide your needs from those around you but inside there will be sadness and resentment and you will be presenting a facade to the world...for the rest of your life.
Hi kerry
Hmm this is an interesting question. I think if someone did stop completely would they be in here posting about how they stopped? Sort of like looking to find somene who overcomed alcoholism at a liquor store.
__________________
and you wrote:
Since I got outed last year I have been required to go for counselling sessions with a shrink to find the problem, get fixed up and stop doing it.
It just seems to me that with CD'ing being part of who I am that it must be very hard to stop a part of me from being expressed. Like a balloon being squashed between your hands it has to blow out somewhere.
So my question is does anyone ever stop, get healed, etc or do we just become more emotionally stunted in our life?
________
So when you say you got "outed" and had to seek counseling. There is more to this story obviously. Is this due to an wife or ex-wife, your job or your family? Since this is only your third post maybe you could elaborate to us on the why's of your counseling.
I think most therapists who are well versed in tg issues{as someone else said} know that stopping for some just never happens. I don't think it is "impossible" but could visiting a message board on the subject be good for one wanting to quit for once and for all?
I am not a crossdresser, just married to one who is very well balanced. THis is a non-issue in our life and his.
Also this is a very passionate topic. You will hear from people who have stopped and then went back to those who say it is impossible to do so. I personally have not met a crossdresser who stopped and never returned. But I have talked to numerous men who promised their wives they stopped but never did. They just learned to hide it better. I do truly feel that if someone stopped and never returned they would not be here giving advice on how to stop. This would be to tempting of a place to read about or post in. I think if anyone did stop and never did it again, they would probably do everything in their power to stay away from crossdressers and places the frequent online and in real life.
Good luck on what ever path you choose.
"I do truly feel that if someone stopped and never returned they would not be here giving advice on how to stop."
I was just going to say that!
I do not think anyone completely stops. Some may cut back on the urge. Right now I am going to a therapist for about the same thing and the only thing he is working on right now is trying to find the reason I cd. I feel that there is no actual cure for cding. it is up to the individual if he really wants to stop. I hpe this helps a little.
ok i am a crossdresser , i always have been thats who i am . have i ever quit ?? well at times i might have side tracked but always returned to my dressing ... knowing what i know now if i ever was put in a spot were i was told that i would have to quit . i would just say that i can't quit being a crossdresser and it's not a choise i make it's who i am ...it's what i do for somany of us it would be way too easy to just quit but just something that is a part of who and what you are just dose not go away....
Well, I look at it like this
Life Ain't a dress rehersal
we here for a good time
not along time
so why not be who we are
love
caz
Last edited by Sharon; 02-22-2006 at 10:44 AM. Reason: reduced font size
The question is do you want to Stop! I know that I Don’t, However I have only been dressing for about 35 years on and off. During the times when I have not dressed I have still had the urge. My female side is part of me take it away and I am not complete. So Dress and be dammed.
I hope you work things out
Dressing each day helps you Work Rest & Play
Freo Carrie,
2 words: CHANGE COUNSELLORS!
This (being transgendered) IS NOT an illness. Any counsellor who says or thinks it is has absolutely no idea about gender issues and should not be treating you. You CANNOT change who you are and you have already stated this is a part of who you are.
Fact. You cannot stop forever nor will you. You might purge (stop for a time) but it is inevitable you will return. (Ask yourself seriously if you can) You have already admitted that it is a part of you so that should speak volumes.
Being a CD, TG or TS anywhere on the spectrum is difficult and society does not generally tolerate let alone accept us. The stresses from that plus our own feelings of shame and guilt are the problem. These are the issues the pdoc should be looking at, not your primal needs to celebrate the feminine side of your personality. If your counsellor doesnt accept this then ask him/her if s/he can stop being heterosexual before you walk out the door.
Just because they have more letters after their name than are in the alphabet does not make them qualified to treat gender issues. This is a very very specialized area.
Check out the following links, then read them thoroughly. They are generally pointed toward TS but much of what they say applies across the continuum of CDing. These sites are put up by pdocs who specialize in transgender care and are very educational not only about us but also treatment and the professionals who work with us.
http://www.avitale.com/
http://www.doctorbushong.com/default.asp
http://www.transgendercare.com/default.asp
I hope this helps.
HUGS
Kimberley.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
www.transgenderlondon.com
Venus and Mars are not aligned; Good thing.
Where are all the rumballs?
I may not soar with eagles, but then weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...
To me it is like being gay in that you can not turn it on and off. A cure, yeah right. This is not a disease to be "cured" . I sure don't have all the answers but some of these unqualfied "therapists" really piss me off sometimes. Unless they too CD, how the hell would they know what to tell us.
Most of us have been doing this since we were five or six years old. I dress because I like it . My wife says that when I dress I seem very soothed and calm, like I have taken some kind of tranqulizer. I would never give that up.
My mother in law told my wife and me about a couple who broke up because the hubby was crossdressing. I said to my wife that I thought it was a big misstake for them to break up. I said to her ," crossdressers make the best husbands". We will never give a woman crap for taking to long to put on makeup,getting dressed or whatever. We know how hard it is to be a woman, first hand. No CDer would ever give up an understanding wife .
You do not say what brought this need for therapy on but I'm gonna assume it was the wife.
I plan on stopping when I'm to old( or dead) to get out of my wheelchair to pull on the nylons.
There is no "cure" and this is not a disease, but it sure is a lot of fun.
Petrina cd
Last edited by Petrina CD; 02-22-2006 at 11:40 AM.
I ditto kathy and tracy. Can't be any stats on those who stopped CDing because they ain' taking about it anymore. It's like taking a survey of the dead.
Those who claim that no CDer can stop completely are probably using that as a defense mechanism. ... maybe they have purged, but they haven,t stopped, everybody is that way, ain't they?
My personal belief: I don't know. Who does?
j-a
`Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
Kerry,
First, yes you can quit the dressing if you want to. Might be the hardest thing you ever do, but just like giving up cigarettes, booze, or heroin you CAN do it, if YOU want to. Won't change who you are inside, though.
However, if you say you were forced into counseling (and despite what your counselor says and how much you are paying him, you are turning to 'crossdressers.com' for answers), me thinks that you really don't want to quit.
So, either sign off this site, purge everything you own, and vow never to dress again, OR find a way to incorporate your femme self into your life--get another counselor who understands gender issues, if that's what it takes.
I get the sense that if you were caught again, there would be hell to pay... as Kathy says, there has to be much more to this story than we know about.
-Dayna
Self-professed godess of Photoshop... because a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!
From my own experience, you will only stunt your growth if you stop. This is a compulsion, addiction (some addictions are good. I'm addicted to food; =) can't live without it!), enhancement, or whatever word you may choose, but it is in no way harmful to you. You are expressing your uniqueness. I prefer to see how we are as a gift, because we are more able to see things from both sides of the gender line. The problem is not you, but the social mores that keep us from being more widely accepted. On the flipside, look at GGs. It way socially unacceptable for women to wear pants until (forgive me if I'm a bit off) the late 50s or early 60s, but look at them now. We live in an ever-changing society where what was wrong 10 years ago is now commonplace, but I digress...
My point is, you can put it up, you can throw it away (though that's a painful choice), but being tg/cd will never change, and you should learn to accept, no, embrace it, to shape yourself, both figuratively and literally, into a better you. If you don't it will still be there, at the back of your mind, waiting to be let out.
I'm having a problem with the word "cure" and the term "get fixed up". I'm not ill, thank you, and I'm not experiencing mechanical failure. I'm not even sure I need to know the reason I crossdress. It's just me, and if I can accept it, then others have to take it or leave it.
But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow[SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]
Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow[SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]
Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .- [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Nothing new to add here...
As someone stated (kinda), the only reason we, or others, want us to stop dressing is because it's a social stigma in our culture. If society accepted crossdressing as casually as it does of women wearing "male" attire, no one would care. Yet I'm sure our compulsion to crossdress would be just as strong, albeit expressed in a more defining way.
The analogy to being gay is right on. A gay person with strong libido might be able to remain celibate, but the desire will never go away. So it is with our crossdresing. To the extent one's crossdressing is sexual, a person with very low sex drive may be able to stop, or more accurately, abstain, more easily.
My thoughts...
Mitzi
Last edited by Mitzi; 02-22-2006 at 01:23 PM.
Hi. Well I stopped.....again and again and again....get the picture. I have been dressing for over 50 years and I have had times when I thought I had it under control but I never have stopped dressing or desiring to do so. I understand that this is me. Suanne and the other guy. But both are me, one in the same. I have been to the counselor also, years and years ago. By the way your avatar picture in your profile is quite good. You really look very fem. I know that you have put alot into your appearance and it shows.
Suanne
Who is requiring you to go for counselling?
I stopped for a long time. Then I discovered vintage Seventies dresses available online, and a whole new world opened up for me.
**************
I have a near zero sex drive and quitting isnt even in the picture. CD'ing is an expression of who I am not a sexual association. Like others I have quit, again and again and again. The stress from that isnt worth the resulting mental anguish.
I still say the counsellor is an idiot if s/he think they can "cure you". They cant cure who you are only attempt to modify behaviour and at than with great mental cost. So if that is the case, behaviour modification is creating a whole new set of problems. More than a few of us here can attest to depression and even suicidal ideation if not at least one attempt. Is this what the counsellor is seeking? GIVE ME A BREAK!!! This is why gender specialization in a counsellor is essential, no, critical.
There is still a lot more to this story than we know and it would be helpful to know more.
Kimberley
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
www.transgenderlondon.com
Venus and Mars are not aligned; Good thing.
Where are all the rumballs?
I may not soar with eagles, but then weasels dont get sucked into jet engines...
it depends on reasons.
Like many here said the councelor's approach in your case does not sound right.
Here is a link to a lady that did stop crossdressing. She has found herself in the C.G.Jung's theory of Anima. Ther are links on her site for the Anima Theory
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/
You can find all the info under Psychology link:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homep...ytg/essays.htm
Nina
Questions:
- How were you 'outed'?
- By Whom?
- Who is requiring you to see a pshrink?
find the problem... : For whom is your crossdressing a problem - you or someone else? You really need to provide a bit more color around your situation.
get fixed up... : Ain't gonna happen - there's nothing to fix.
You are who you are. Anyone - especially a pshrink - who tells you that you need to be fixed, cured or whatever is not acting in your best interests.
If your pshrink is looking to 'cure' you, you need to find a new one immediately - one with experience dealing with TG individuals. This is, of course, assuming you feel that seeing a pshrink will be benificial to you.
Also, you need to beware of those who are looking to TS track you. There are still some 'gender specialists' who will look to track you to transition. This is a 'last step' after exhausting all other options.
stop doing it : Well, that one's up to you. My personal experience (and probably that of every other crossdresser on the planet) is that you can run, but you can't hide. Yea, you'll tough it out for a while and maybe even sublimate the desire into something else, but at some point it will surface again and you will have no option but to address it.
See above. It is impossible to have an identity and not express it.
You become as emotionally 'stunted' as you want to be. Everyone is at a different place with all of this and most find a way to integrate it into their life in a way that is positive.
As I said above, the details of your situation are nonexistant so it is hard to address anything specifically. Please, fill us in.
Love & Stuff,
Donna
Just your average transgender non-op transsexual
crossdressing genderqueer transgenderist geek.
[SIZE="1"]The obligatory blog: http://wanderingaloud.wordpress.com/[/SIZE]
I find this to be very confusing. What exactly needs to be cured, or fixed up, or whatever? Why would a p-doc try to get you to stop dressing? This all makes no sense to me. It's not like you have a boo boo that you can put a band-aid on, and you're not doing anything wrong, so what exactly is the problem here? I just don't understand.
GypsyKaren
Posting Permissions
