Does anyone ever stop?

[Deborah]

[SIZE=3]If anyone does give up they usually don't come around here afterwards so i can't answer your question.[/SIZE]

[Kimberley]

Sorry, but I cannot accept conservative christian (or otherwise) values dictating a life. Our lifestyles are not founded in faith. Our faith has zero to do with our dressing. When they come head to head all hell breaks loose and usually the religion loses.

This is one of my beefs with The Vatican. It is okay to be gay but not to practice or celebrate your love for another human being. That is strictly reserved for heterosexual couples. COMPLETE hypocrasy.

Religions are applying the same standards to us in most cases. Sure, there are pockets of exception but they are usually pressured from outside to conform. Look at the problems with the gay Anglican/Episcopalian Bishop in the States.

How can a faith based counsellor be objective in dealing with gender or sexual issues? Their specialization is faith, not gender or sexuality. They can apply a faith based methodology but then the focus is no longer on our gender issues directly but rather how our lifestyle is viewed from a faith perspective.

I stand by what I said in the beginning. Find a counsellor who specializes in gender issues. The first thing they are likely to tell you is; "You are fine. Now lets deal with the real problems that are affecting you."

Just another 0.02 worth from someone who has been there.

Hugs,
Kimberley.

[Charlene Marie]

Hi Freo, I know what you are feeling girlfriend. I also visited a Psychologist about 5 times. She basically told me that as long as I wasnt hurting anyone or myself that it was OK. Finding one that understsnds or has experience in this area is difficult at best. Purging, yes I've been there too. I took care of my mother in law in our home for a year and a half. I would do it again for her she was a dear sweet woman. During this time I was able to get a hotel room on a couple of weekends and a few times when my wife was off work. I was the most miserable person on the face of the earth. You say since you were "Oted" I dont know who outed you, but believe no one understands us very well. I hope you can come to some happy compromise, good luck Honey.

[KimberlyS]

Oh Kerry, I was in a similar boat a few years back. I will not bore you with the details, but in short, my wife’s limited support went down hill as my need to CD went up hill. It came to a head after she said I was to quit. PERIOD. Well I tried it cold turkey. And it worked for awhile but then turned to more CDing behind her back, and Kim even going out. This all came to a head and I was very close to having the house to myself when my wife boldly said you need to go to counseling and she would go with. She already had counselor names and they were all Christian based housed in a seminary setting. Well three years later and three counselors; hers, mine, and ours; lots of education of myself and educating counselors; and lots and LOTS of time spent with my wife talking; things are going good, but we are still working on things also.

What helped us make it through it I think was:

#1 - We BOTH wanted to make our relationship work. Both of us were not willing to just give it up. Even with Christian based counseling I was going to make it work some how. IMHO too many couples are afraid to seek outside help. If we got to this point working together, how can we fix what we caused.

#2 - I was finally able to get all three counselors to say that there is nothing point blank in the bible against CDing. Yes you heard me right, nothing in bible against CDing, noting intro above, Christian based counselors housed in a seminary. Only society "Norms" were against CDing and many of the other things that get blamed on CDing, such as homosexuality, sex outside of the marriage, treating your wife wrong/lack of respect, ...and others.. I will say that while I did not get much understanding for along time out of the counselors on my CDing, they did help with other personal and relationship issues. And they helped to keep the ideas flowing that my wife and I worked on outside of the sessions. Most of the CDing issues were resolved between my wife and I without the counselors.

#3 - My wife and I both kept journals and we sat down and talked about what we had written in our journals and also about our personal and joint counseling sessions. We talked and discussed more than we had in a long time. We also talked about information that was found in books and on the internet in search of more information. This also include postings to forums like this. The personal and couples counseling/ helped us a lot with being better able to communicate with each other.

#4 - A lot of give and take on both my wife’s part and mine. At one point I even had to tell my wife if I was to give anymore I would not CDing anymore, and we knew that did not work very well. I gave my wife access to everything I had in written form, and on the internet including all of my mail and forum logins. Along with the give and take include a lot of time. Hey it took me almost 40 years to begin to understand and accept this side of me, she was not going to do it overnight.

But I will also go against most others here and say that Yes I do believe you can quit CDing. Now let me explain. Basically you can do most anything that you want to do. And that is within reason, with the correct internal drive, external support from the outside such as loved ones, and help from God almighty if you are a Christian.

Basically if you can redirect your CDing urge or replace that need with something else to fill that need, and you can get the positive support you need from others I believe on can "Quit".

But for me, I struggled with this one personally for a long time. But after looking deep within my self I realized I had a strong feminine male self/personality as long as I could remember. I was not going to reprogram almost 40 years of life that was part of my everyday life. I needed to learn ways to make everything work together.

For me personally I am a guy in a skirt with many feminine traits. But like I have told my wife, to protect my family from what society can do, I will always present to the public either a Male or Female person society can deal with.

I with you both good luck with your discussions and counseling.

KimberlyS-CD

[Shiny]

Nope!

[Mitzi]

My view of faith and cding...

To believe God approves or disaproves of crossdressing is just downright silly. As Kimberly stated, even the seminary based counselors conceded there was nothing in the Bible against it. Somewhere in the history of the church some person or persons decided homosexuality was not normal, that it was a sin, and canonized thar view. To many, crossdressing is viewed similarly.

So, to me, faith per se is irrelevant to crossdressing. The real problem where faith is concerned, is the deeply rooted convictions of a partner who truly believes it is a sin.

Mitzi

[Victoria_Tu]

A couple of tidbits.
1 What are you doing wrong dressing as a female.
2 I have tried to quit but I have always returned to who I really am. I have accepted that I am a crossdresser and if others dont like it, oh well.
3 Purge cycle gets expensive.
Hon just be true to yourself.
Hugs
Vickey

[womanatheart]

Could I quit?
Yes if I had a gun to my head. I could go dormant for a very long time to appease my family or situation. But, (you know what but means? Forget every thing before the word but..) would that fem urge surface when I saw that pefect dress, shoes, nylons, pushing the fem hair back, pefect fit blouse, perfect nails, well dressed woman, perfect tan line??? I really think it would come back. Now, I could only act on it when situation allowed. Wanting to be/feel like a woman is really in my genes, I believe.
But if my immediate priorities (family) were higher - I could subjugate my cd desires to that priority.
Love,
Stephanie

[Sarahgurl371]

Lots of responses here. My 2 cents:

I have been to 2 P docs. One with my wife (psychologist) in marital counseling, the other a psychiatrist that I went to of my own will - both to answer the questions, "is there something wrong with me?" "will this progress into something else?" "Is this an addiction (sexual)?"

The first said "so what" when I stated I was a CD. His concern was that it was causing a problem in our marraige. (she was and still is very unaccepting) His statement was to the effect of "Its only a problem if it causes a significant amount of stress or grief in your life" ie. - with your family, job etc. He also pointed out that he has had couples divorce over smoking and golf. Pretty benign things that he compared Cding to. He stated that he has seen many CD's and some are very prominent members of the community (see, there are others). He also said that he has had some limited success in "treating" ie. helping the patient to stop. His words were "with a very willing patient, and strong support, he has had some success".

The second P doc I went to, for pretty severe anxiety, (due to the state of our marraige and my state of purging to placate my wife) said to me after a couple of visits, "I don't need to see you any more. There is nothing wrong with you." He also stated that if I felt the need to continue "therapy" he would aim it towards self accpetance and esteem issues, not limiting or trying to cure my CD/TG tendencies. He did recommend seeing a gender therapist, his words were "you will probably learn alot about yourself". Of course my wife adamantly objected.

So ask yourself what YOU want to do. What is right for YOU. Then thats what YOU should do. Of course the people in your life will be affected, and should be treated with dignity and respect. Me, I am still trying to work out a compromise, I love my wife, and I am starting to love myself.

[MelindaC]

I'm not sure I can stop. I've dressed for 50 years now and the need is stronger than ever....!!