Who earns a Living in an Strongly Intolerant Business/Profession, How do you Cope?

[Sarah Doepner]

I worked 30 years as a professional civilian employee in Law Enforcement. My contacts included the Chief of police, anyone in the chain of command, detectives and patrol personnel. I watched as diversity training was pushed out that included race, religion, ethnicity and the LGBT community and the officers had all the right answers and, for the most part, employed that training in the field. However when they got back in the squad room where it was just them, they still displayed all the things they had been trained not to show in public. As a civilian employee I was already a second class citizen in the organization, so I wasn't about to come out to them, even if I was protected by law.

I have to note that during the last few years there were a growing number of gay and lesbian officers and administrators who came out and were respected after having established themselves in the previous years. Now there is a former officer who is in the middle of a FtM transition and seems to have the support of those who knew them on the job.

How did I cope? My GD wasn't severe, but needed to be addressed rather than suppressed, so I cultivated outlets away from where I worked. Those outlets ranged from regular closeted dressing at home, CD.Com and similar internet social options and trips out of town where I was part of the crowd if I went out. Eventually I was able to find a local support group as well and since I retired I haven't looked back. Those folks I worked with did not need to know, but I needed social contacts, so I found them away from the work place. It was little more than compartmentalizing, but it worked for me.

[kryss.cd]

I'm very private about CDing so it doesn't effect me that much. I was military for years and now I work in a warehouse moving freight with 95% of the staff being male. I just kind of tune out conversations that revolve around LGBT issues and it works out.

[Dana44]

I was in Engineering and for a large corporation. It seemed to be manly there and I never could thin of coming out to them. I was a closet dresser and sometime out and about and really in another town and on business trips. But after retirement, no more purging and really found myself in this time.

[Sarasometimes]

Carla, I think you have a great handle on your situation. Sure there are protections in place but going that route can still be very messy.
To others, I'm not discussing places where CDing is a possibility or that I would expect to cross dress at work. I'm talking about having to work with people who openly voice a hate or strong dislike for those unlike them and in particular those at a different gender spectrum place than their extreme macho manly man view.
Although it may not solve my situation it is nice to know I'm far from alone. My need for aspects from both extremes of the spectrum doesn't seem to be so unusual here.
I truly enjoy my work despite it being scary, stressful and dirty but I also enjoy equally the softer things in life like makeup, cozy fabrics and great salon appointment. Granted some of my feminine activities also have risks and stress like taking a fuzzy mascara coated brush and trying to put on mascara or the stress of which top goes best...

[JenniferMBlack]

How does anyone cope in a profession they cannot crossdress while working - which are most professions - they don't dress. When did anything change? Most work environments are not conducive to crossdressing for personal pleasure. It is always best to keep crossdressing out of the work place.

In my profession we wear uniforms so we all look alike clothes wise. But wouldn't or couldn't let my employer know. To fire and disown your grandson because he is gay shows a massive intolerance.

[Rogina B]

It is all about the need ! If you are a happy crossdresser ,then it is something you do on your time away. I understand that. However some of us "T Serious "girls have a need to live as we want. Our workworld isn't always accepting but we are out and overcoming the negativity. We have to live life on our own terms.

[BillieAnneJean]

I was on a jobsite with a guy who railed against the gay community. One day I asked him to think about what he would do if one of his kids came out to him. Would he disown that child. I told him to wait a day before asking. He came back to me and said he would accept it. We are best of friends now.

I was on a jobsite with two rebels and a Hispanic guy. The four of us had a break together. The rebel guys started saying inappropriate things about the Hispanic guy. I told the rebels that I would have the Hispanic guy live next to me anytime before them. This greatly pleased the Hispanic guy.

I was never invited on the rebel guy's projects again. And believe me I didn't care.

BTW one of the rebel guys was caught padding his time and expenses and giving a percentage back to his immediate supervisor, both of which had to leave the company.

You wouldn't believe the crap that the guys spew on jobsites. Maybe they are homophobic out of ignorance or fear or life long programming. But it is there and it has GOT to hurt their gay co workers.

[Erin Lafleur]

I work in a very male dominated industry and have always adopted a DGAF policy with respect to how others felt about LGBTQ issues or any other significant issues for that matter.
I really don't care what they think. I'm as likely to change their mind as they are to change mine.
One thing that I have learned through the years is that the only thing that you can prove in arguing with a fool is that there are two of you.
People don't look for information, they look for affirmation.
Couldn't care less...

[Sarasometimes]

Erin,
I like your arguing with a fool line, you are correct. Good attitude!

[Pumped]

I would not even consider CD'ing at work. We have 2-3 guys that are extremely homophobic and the talk gets a little crazy sometimes. I usually jump an and put in my 2 cents worth, that I really could care less, as long as they hold up their part of the job, plus they are not doing any harm to me. The homophobes just cringe and look at me like I have some rare disease. The real funny thing is the one guy is married to a very strong minded woman, and at home she rules the roost, but at work he is a real bad a** tough guy.

I wear a pair of woman's boots with a 3" block heel fairly often. My wife accepts them and I wear them on the road while visiting customers, but never at the office. I don't want to feed the animals. I have had a couple customer comments on my boots, but never anything bad, usually just a strange look and some comment about wearing such a high heel.

[Dee-anna]

i work away on a 2week on 1 off roster in remote locations as a exploration driller, an industry dominated by alpha males. i wouldn't Dress,Underdress or tell work mates that i C/D but when i get back to my room after shift i often put on panties and read this forum .

[Lacey New]

Yes - I can relate. Even though our company policy prevents discrimination and harassment for people based on their sexual identity, the truth of the matter is that trans people are viewed as just plain weird and have no credibility. The presumption is that all trans people are gay and the majority of people that I know at work just can't see beyond the fact that it is a man wearing a women's clothing. When I hear disparaging remarks, I tend to rebut by asking "Who cares?" or "Why do you care?". Obviously, I NEVER show signs of CDing at work and I remain deeply in the closet. It is simply a matter of professional survival.

[Raychel]

I am surrounded by intolerant and ignorant people all the time,
and with all this bathroom discussions, that only brings them out all that much more.

I just keep to myself thinking what total jerks they are, they just don't get it.

Sometimes it does get really difficult not to dive into the conversation, but I know that would end bad for me.
so silence is best for me.

[Mykaa]

Its called you do what you have to do, I am a responsible adult, I pay my bills, child support and my insurance. I get what is left and no it isnt always enough, but what in life is fair? No 1 is perfect and neither am I. Different people have different beliefs, respect is part of life, respecting another persons differences goes a long ways to "getting along".

[Fiona123]

I work in an office. Even though they have zero tolerance for harassment, I do not date come out. Like Laceys post below its a matter of professional survival. I feel fortunate to be able to wear panties.

[Alyssa Lane]

I work in a huge place (7000+) building cars, we all have a dress code and uniforms paid for us every year along with work boots. And HR gives out the "talk" every year as the students come in at summertime.

[Danielle_cder]

Omg if I told any one at my shop id probably be dead. How I cope, I love what I do, I focus on my job and keep my personal/home life where it should be��

[CONSUELO]

Reading these comments makes me feel very despondent. Oftentimes people are intolerant or say things because they have never properly thought it through and when they do their position softens. However some of the stories here are about people who seems to hold extremely intolerant views.
I worked for a major corporation in a job that took me from senior management in our company to senior management in other corporations. I was not interested in coming out as I loved my job and to have done so would have made it very difficult for me to operate. It was not just a matter of overcoming prejudice in one segment of the company but having to fight the battle over and over across many companies and many different social environments in many countries.

That said my company was very enlightened in many respects and fought discrimination on several fronts. That was the battle that I was happy to join and work on behalf of others.

[Angie G]

The business if fine it the jackass's I work with. I don't cope with it. I keep it out of there.
Angie

[Rogina B]

I look at things from a "TS" [T Serious] viewpoint. A happy CD usually has no reason to share as they are not in transition. However,I strongly believe that someone can be
an" alphabet allie" without "outing themselves" to people that need some diversity training which can be done in a civil way.

[LisaJ1]

I do,my co workers and boss do know I am a part time CD.Pretty good about it and have met Lisa.I work at an auto repair shop fixing cars.

[Rogina B]

Good for you LisaJ1.!