Sissy moniker

[Mayo]

the "sissy" connotation is used by some fetish dressers. It seems to go along with the common, "forced fem", fetish.

^ This. When I see the word 'sissy' in someone's name (or on a list of interests) on a site that caters to CDs, I automatically assume it's a reference to the submissive/feminized male cross-dresser. And leaving aside any discussion of what that says about societal attitudes toward non-masculine men, femininity in general, and/or women....

It's like the "I can say because I own it" mind set. Like you get special privileges just because you are in a subset. To me it falls with any other word that has been used for years to marginalize people. Every minority has had these words, and they were used to make the person less than whole or less than equal.
[...]
Now I do understand that a certain number of people role play in that genre. I get that they like to be seen as sub (I belong to the BDSM world myself). But honestly, I find being called that offensive. Maybe if I was in that circle and presented in that manner it would be different

I'm of that mind set myself - if you identify as 'A', you can call yourself 'A' if you want to. It's an attempt to reclaim a derogatory term as an identity. But because it is a derogatory term, nobody who isn't 'A' should use it to describe someone. It's usually a minority within a particular group that does so - gay men refering to themselves as [edit](e.g. Dan Savage, to use a well-known example), or trans women as the T-slur - and I most certainly would not use those words myself.

[Stephanie47]

Stephanie47 I'm aware some people are into self degradation too and want to be made fun of. I don't get it but if someone is into that I'm OK with it.
I hate when somebody assumes I am a "sissy".

OK, I did not feel I had to develop my thought process more than I had. If someone were to call me a sissy, it'd blow right over my head. I really haven't heard an adult call another adult who wears female clothing a sissy. The terms that do come to mind are "faggot and queer."

"I hate when somebody assumes I am a "sissy." What's your definition of "sissy?"

My definition of "sissy" may be different than your "definition." This is like many other experiences I've dealt with over my six decades. Before arguing, define your terms. Don't make assumptions. Define the term.

[Tracii G]

I thought I did many times in this thread Stephanie and I'm not arguing with anybody.
It seems when I get curious and ask a question people seem to get pissed at me for it.
There are some that ask questions and talk about masturbating while dressed and that seems fine.I ask a question and all hell breaks loose
I guess I'll just shut up so forget I even asked the question.

[Robin414]

Whoa people, we're all friends here right (that's WHY we're here isn't it), this is a great topic, let's keep it civil and respect the OP!

OMG, I've been possesed by the ghost of Katey888!?

[Mylie Taylor]

Its used by doms and subs, but that is an agreed upon, controlled environment. Its definitely not something I'd call a stranger and not something I would want to be called if I didn't ask for it.

[Charlessa]

I've always thought sissy was just for the crossdressers. but I don't know. I don't apply it to myself. only time is when posting a pic on social media I may use it as a hashtag

[Lorileah]

The word "sissy" is submissive? Interesting...being in that world, I would never consider most subs as sissies. We tend to be just the opposite. We aren't weak for sure and pain tolerance is above average. The word "sissy" to me, in the culture, refers mostly to those who dress in Lolita style and are actually closer to "Littles". See how where you use it can make a big difference?

I reiterate, I dislike the idea that "we" can use the term but not the rest of the world. The whole idea of "we own it" confuses people who aren't in our circle. It is that way with minorities all over. Words used in a culture, when used by those outside the culture is usually mean and can lead to reactions you really don't want.

[Mylie Taylor]

I should have been more specific since bdsm has more subgenress than heavy metal, but I was referring to what you pretty much described, the submissive Lolita kink. I see the word frequently used on Grindr and craigslist. I respect that it can be viewed negatively by some and positively by others. Either way it's certainly used in quite a few bedrooms.

[GreyEyeZz]

I agree Lori. I also would never consider most submissive as "sissy" nor most "sissys" as submissive. A person Can be both but that might be an exception.

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Maybe, maybe not robin. I like the idea of keeping it civil.

[Mayo]

I reiterate, I dislike the idea that "we" can use the term but not the rest of the world. The whole idea of "we own it" confuses people who aren't in our circle. It is that way with minorities all over. Words used in a culture, when used by those outside the culture is usually mean and can lead to reactions you really don't want.

Subcultures almost always have their own vocabularies that they use to convey concepts specific to that subculture, as code words, indicators of identity or membership, or whatever. Some of these may be unique words or, in the case of the current discussion, an attempt to reclaim derogatory words that have been used in the past to refer to them, as a way of taking power. To argue, in essence, that they can't do so because it's an offensive term to other people is to police their own use of language that they use to refer to themselves. Plus, it's ultimately futile unless you add these words to some legal lexicon of hate speech and imprison people for using them. People learn what words in a language are offensive as part of growing up in society and that you shouldn't use those words against other people, but I see no problem using them as self-identifiiers if you want to. It hopefully doesn't take an ignorant white dude more than a few uses of the N-word to a black person to learn that it's improper to do so, regardless of what he may have seen in rap videos.

Re. the word 'sissy' and CDs in general - I'd say that even within cross-dressers it's a subculture (referring to a specific fetish/interest) and so even most of 'us' don't qualify as entitled to use it.

[Ressie]

The word "sissy" is submissive? Interesting...being in that world, I would never consider most subs as sissies. We tend to be just the opposite. We aren't weak for sure and pain tolerance is above average. The word "sissy" to me, in the culture, refers mostly to those who dress in Lolita style and are actually closer to "Littles". See how where you use it can make a big difference?

I've found that sissies are always submissive. If they're not submissive, they ain't sissies in today's word of sexual deviance. A search for sissy porn and sissy chat sites will make this clear. That certainly doesn't mean all subs are sissies.

[StarrOfDelite]

I've found that sissies are always submissive. If they're not submissive, they ain't sissies in today's word of sexual deviance. A search for sissy porn and sissy chat sites will make this clear. That certainly doesn't mean all subs are sissies.

Yep! All it takes is one visit to tumblr and some basic search skills to quickly realize that there are six foot two, two hundred forty pound hairy males, with muscles bulging out of their leather motorcycle jackets, who are Subs.

It's like the syllogism, all trees are plants, but not all plants are trees.

[mechamoose]

Mayo, this has NOTHING to with this thread. It has everything to do with language. Elegant, beautiful language.

I'm friend requesting you just for speech reasons.

[AnnieMac]

I like the word sissy Like it much better than transvestite, or even cross dresser, sometimes. Maybe because I am a sissy - I like dresses and frilly girly stuff -explains it pretty well
I think. Sissy and proud of it

[Tracii G]

Annie am I to assume you just dress at home in that kind of clothing?
If you dress and actually go out in public I'm pretty sure you don't go the Lolita route right?
So if you were out dressed and some guy calls you a sissy ass faggot or some other demeaning term how would react?
I know there is a subset of dressers that have the fetish for that stuff but they probably don't go out in public.
I don't dress as a fetish I do it because it makes me feel normal to how I am inside. I know that in itself sounds stupid but it is what it is.

[Mayo]

So if you were out dressed and some guy calls you a sissy ass faggot or some other demeaning term how would react?

Context is everything. For someone who identifies as a 'sissy' in the bedroom, I'm sure it could be very arousing. When walking down the street that's likely to be a different thing entirely. Just because my partner might like to be called names during sex, it doesn't mean I'm going to use offensive language with every woman I see. 'Bimbofication' and race play use misogynistic and racist language and I don't want to be involved in them in any way because I find the terms used to be highly offensive, but if someone else gets off on that in private that's their business. Who are we to police what someone likes to be called as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else's freedom or well-being? People just need to understand that you don't use derogatory language on someone unless they specifically ask for it, and even then context makes a difference. It's related to the broader issue of consent - just because I may have said yes once (or even a thousand times) doesn't mean that you can take it for granted that I'll say yes right now.

[AnnieMac]

You assume wrong Traci G - I dress and enjoy normal everyday women's fashions. I don 't go in much for the crazier stuff. Although the Brolita thing might be fun to do once. My point
is I just don't find the word sissy offensive, nor do I find it describes my particular penchant for wearing certain clothing items. Faggot is another matter, that is an offensive word, full of
Making America Hate Again.

[Tracii G]

I guess we can agree to disagree Annie sissy and faggot are both offensive to me no matter the context.
Please no political comments no matter how sideways they may be.

[Fiona123]

To clarify an earlier post. I would never use the fa**** word under any circumstances. I only use sissy to describe myself, never in the pejorative sense.🌺