How long can you (or have you) sit (sat) on the fence?

[Robin414]

I mean to be 'gender fluid'

I'm not a CD and I'm not TG either, am I in purgatory!?

I can't help but think one if my most respected friends here (and a former moderator) pondered that same question before falling to the 'blue' side.

Can 'gender fluid' be a stable condition?

[flatlander_48]

In terms of stability, I think it comes down to time. For Gender Fluidity I would think stability relates to the portion of time spent in each mode. If that remains roughly the same over time, I would say you situation is fairly stable.

However, I would be concerned about fence-sitting as that may lead to hemroids... (Rimshot in the distance!)

DeeAnn

[Alexa CD]

I'm what's generally referred to as gender fluid, and I think it is unstable but stable at the same time. Stable as in gender fluid, but unstable in terms of how male and female, if that even makes sense. It's not really a day to day thing, more like months or years of change over time. How long have I sat on the fence? As long as I can remember, I can think back a long way, over ten years to early signs that I am either heavily gender fluid or transgender. I'm not even sure why I wrote CD into my username, because I don't think of myself as a crossdresser in the way most people seem to think of themselves here.

[ClosetED]

Well glass IS a fluid, so in physical objects it can be very stable. We don't have much experience in gender fluidity. I think the social environment affects the stability. The more binary a society, the less stable, I think. If you are in a society that freely accepts a non-binary state, then it will be more stable.
Hugs, Ellen

[Jaylyn]

I have been sitting on the fence and scared to move either way now, and it seems off and on for my whole life. I just don't have a clue how high the fence is at this point. I am also scared to move for fear of falling to an unknown depth, so here I sit not a TG but I think just a CD that loves crossing my legs in hose, heels and makeup to stabilize myself on the fence. Please don't shake my perch on the fence as I'm really not sure which side I might fall on.

[Kate Simmons]

I prefer to use the title "two spirited" which to me is self explanatory especially if we have taken ownership of ourselves.

[docrobbysherry]

Male, female, and gender fluidity r just words. Why do u have pick any of them? Just be who u r. If that is causing u problems in your life, Robin, there r experienced therapists that mite help u?

I call myself a CD only for identification purposes here. I don't identify as being like anyone else. But, since I never have been, it's not the issue for me as it seems to be for u!

[Pat]

There's a fence? I don't see no steenkin' fence. Be who you are. Don't let people -- even yourself -- tell you that you have to make some kind of forever-choice. If you have a sense of needing to make a choice, you don't know the answer yet. Once you know the answer, there's no more silly talk about choices -- you know.

I sense that you may have some confusion with terms though. If you are male sex and you're wearing clothes designed for a female you are a CD. It might not be the only thing you are, but you are that. And if you are CD and you enjoy it then there's a high probability that you are TG. It might not be the only think you are, but you are that. Under the transgender umbrella there are lots of different identities -- you may be one of them. But they only exist to describe, not to define -- so look at them and think, "does that describe me?" Don't look at them and say, "That seems to describe part of me, so I have to change myself to fit the rest of that description." It shouldn't work that way -- be who you are. If something needs to change, change the description.

[Tabitha_Sinn]

docrobbysherry, I agree. Just be who you are. But I guess we all need a *label*.

When I was 18, I was sure I wanted to be a girl. So much so that I was taking estrogen. Today, at 42, I enjoy being a man sometimes. Other times, a girl. I try to make sure that I have the option of being either to suit my mood :-)

By the way, Hi! I'm Tabitha :-)

[AllisonS]

I mean to be 'gender fluid'
Can 'gender fluid' be a stable condition?

You and me are going to find out. I think so. But, I don't like the fence analogy. For me, at my best, my sense of gender feels like a territory that was fenced and now is not.

[Allisa]

Not on a picket fence, ouch!!! I am a CDer by the meaning of the term, but am Gender fluid and very stable. I am male when needed(at work and other situations), and live the rest of the time as my female self, no I don't have others(wife, SO, etc...) to think of how I affect them. Maybe to be stable one needs to be solitary, kind of ironic huh? To be one ,one must be two. Ok one more non related thing, I don't know why anyone would want to be in a stable condition all that horse sh*t and flies.

[Stephanie47]

There are some day I just plain want to be attired as a woman. As long as your inner needs are met, I think you're in balance. I remember in science or math class the balance beam with the fulcrum placed a different distances from the ends depending on the weight placed on both sides. Dressing every day 24/7 or once a month or one a year? I also get the image of one of those water filed rectangular solids rocking up and down and splashing water all over the place. I'd hate that amount of fluidity in my life.

[Mykaa]

Robin, I have been this way all my life, Yes until I accepted this part of me I was riding the Roller Coaster, Im happy being me, all I wish to do is expand my horizons far enough to live a little with this new Old part of me. I feel stable, even a friend told me recently with all youve been thru if you were unstable I think you would have lost it. When I finally wear heels out and I mean like stilettos I think I will have broken a barrier for me, I can tell you, its coming. Im just going to have to work up the guts to go it alone Im pretty sure, wouldnt be the 1st and wont be the last.

[Eryn]

It all about being comfortable being what you are. Many times that involves giving yourself permission to do what you wish, ignoring society's stereotypes. It took me years.

[Teresa]

Robin,
Not sure I can answer that because I'm static as bi-gendered, it hasn't moved since day 1, I realise that now in hindsight.

I guess gender fluid being a stable condition is a contradiction, but does it worry that much to be life changing ? Go and have a glass of wine and don't worry too much about labels ! If you have no objections maybe I'll join you ? We can compare labels on the wine bottles instead !

[Rachael Leigh]

I do think gender fluid is a tough thing to be and it is how I consider myself but I do also put myself in the TG category even though I have no desire to go any further with this side of me. I don't think that makes me a fence sitter but maybe

[Robin414]

Thank you for all the awesome replies ladies, you've saved me enough time with my therapist to buy you all a drink! Stop by my place (it's the one on the right with the unicorn in the front yard and funky pink (sometimes blue 😉 ) smoke coming outta the chimney 😁

[Dana44]

Robin, I wish gender fluid was stable, but I am more female today than times before. But I do switch back to male at times. You do not seem to switch that much but have reported several times when you did. I consider us deep into the TG spectrum. I would say that although male was beaten into me that sometimes it is good to be male. I do all of my exercises at the club as male but have displayed painted toes, have long hair LOL, I am sure they think I am pretty feminine but they treat me well. So, yes gender fluid can be more stable. I hope anyways.

[Michaelasfun]

I'll prolly consider myself "fluid" forever..I have no plans to transition, but I love the expanded clothing selection this affords

[Robin414]

@Dana - I am a woman 'by default' I think but yes I have switched back to raging bull a few times, guess that's the fluid flowing, but it kinda hurts the head, that sudden movement.

Look what it did for Dale Earnhardt, maybe I just need a seat restaint on my helmet? 😁

Seriously though, Dale Earnhardt was tragic and he's sincerely missed!

[StarrOfDelite]

If you're going to sit on the fence for very long, I'd recommend wearing a pair of bicycling shorts with a very thick chamois inside, and stay away from the barbed wire variety.

The key thought I have about all of the labels is that they are all in the category of invented words which have been coined to avoid having to write a ten or twenty word description of an individual's psychological and physical hormonal balance states. The word "transgender" was invented in 1965 by a Columbia U. Psych professor who was making a report trying to distinguish transvestitism from transsexualism using the wildly incorrect understanding current at that time.

Either a person feels more feminine than masculine, or vice versa, or balanced between the two, and there's really no scale.

Back in the 19th century there was a political controversy which split apart one of the political parties, and the people who were undecided were called "mugwumps," for the reason that they were sitting on that mythical fence with their "mugs" on one side, and their "wumps" on the other.

So, maybe gender mugwump could be the next du jour phrase?

[Tina_gm]

Wow, one post it is unicorns and pink smoke, the next it is Dale Earnhardt.... the fluidity is strong with you dear girl. You don't know the power of the pink side!

[flatlander_48]

That's why they make Pepto-Bismol and also why it's Pink...

DeeAnn