A few months ago after a long break I decided to get back into the dating world. During this time I had my fair share of duds but I have met a really amazing woman who after 4 months I can say I love very much! My time with her has been amazing, we spend alot of time with each other and have really awesome and some out-of-the box dates that I havent been used to in any previous relationship. She is really a perfect match for me.
...But I have a problem, the pink fog that is cross dressing is once again looming over me. While I was single I made serious progression on accepting myself as a Cross dresser and built a strong sense of self confidence in my feminine side. Now that I am in a committed relationship I find myself often thinking "Am i man enough for her?" I often worry about having to play the part as an alpha male almost to the point where I dont feel like myself anymore. This especially hurts my confidence in bed and has moderately affected our sex life causing me to have some sexual performance anxiety issues. This also seems to stem from a previous sexual experience I had with a man, I played "the woman" role and liked it. I still fantasize about it but I don't have desire to act on it again, I am fine with having experienced it once but it still seems to be holding me back.
On top of all of this I went and purged about a month ago out of fear she would find my things and think I am an inferior. I know crossdressing is a part of my life forever and is part of who I am but I fear it will ruin my relationship with this wonderful woman.
I love this woman and want to enjoy our time together but my desire to cross dress and constant anxiety hold me back. If any of you have been through something similar or can offer advice on how to cope I would appreciate it.
Hugs,
Jessica