Having a CD friend how important ?

[StarrOfDelite]

If I meet a person with whom I'd like to have a friendship, neither the person's actual physical sex apparatus, gender presentation, nor sexual orientation are factors. Their intelligence, character, and social attitudinal compatibility are the determining factors.

I like to have a Wing Girl when I go clubbing, It's been often pointed on this forum that a single person in feminine presentation is thought by many males to be a Target. I think it's easier for two or three CD's to blend than a singleton, too. I have two good acquaintances who often go out with me, but I've never seen either of them in Drab, and have very little desire to take our relationships past the Wing Girl thingy.

[Teresa]

Allie,
As I said my wife accused me of being homophobic but it's more to do with not relating to male to male relationship, possibly because I'm bi-gender on the female side.
I'm OK with going out with male friends for a meal drink whatever, my problem comes if I were dressed and the possibility of being misread as gay in a one to one situation.
I agree it's something I need to work on, I haven't asked my photographer friend ( who again isn't gay ) how he feels about meeting in our usual pub for a lunch time meal with me dressed . We've known each other for years so he'll give me a straight answer.

I should stress that I don't have a problem with the gay community, if you can be happy in a relationship it doesn't matter about gender !

[raeleen]

I think making friends with other cd's is important just to help build a community of support. Having other folks who have experienced some of that guilt many of us went through growing up, or just understanding how tough it can be to find clothes that fit right, is huge. You relate to others through these shared experience. Of course matching personality wise helps too, and is ultimately what seals the deal for two individuals to become friends, but the thing I think si important with meeting other CD girls is that you start to be able to uncensor parts of your lives. I'm not in a place where I can ask a good girl friend where she got her outfit because I think it's cute and I want to shop there. I can't explain to another friend that I experience vulnerability too walking to my car at night in a skirt and heels. But having someone I can talk about these things to makes a big difference.

What has been even more liberating is having some people (only a couple right now) who know both sides of me. I feel like I can truly be my fullest self and just talk! It's been amazing.

Ultimately, we all need support, and we need to find it in a way that works for us. My support is different from someone else's, but having it is what counts.

[Jaylyn]

Thus far I have never been out dressed, but have visited many on here that I consider an important part of my dressing. We discuss things over emails and by IMs although we have never met in real time. I find this helps fill a need for some communication about our CD habits and what we enjoy. Nothing ever sexual in here but usually about topics related to what we enjoy as CDs. It would be nice to meet one day. It's also very scary to me as I'm not out to the world and you really don't know a person just on the other end of a chat line. I do find it comforting to know I'm not alone in what I feel, do and act though thru the few I visit with. I think if I were ever to meet it would be in drab until I got to know them. The thought though of both being dressed is intriguing and exciting also.

[Teresa]

Jaylyn,
You should really try and and get together with a member close to you, It really does help balance your CDing and get things in perspective when it's face to face, I did as others suggest and do it in drab to get to know the person. It is then an interesting experience to meet dressed, especially when your first time is with a group of forty others , some with partners. Intriguing and exciting yes to a point but the basics of walking in heels on different surfaces, getting use to carrying a handbag, going to the bathroom and then meeting the public and staff at the hotel is quite a learning curve. I just kept smiling through the wobbles but once out there's no going back !

[Vintage4sarah]

In my journey of become the Tgirl that I desire to be, I found one of the most valuable tipping point was developing strong friendships with other Tgirls. This has helped with mundane details like make-up and fashion to more intimate talk about our past and relationship with others. One key element for me was not just "girl talk" (which I love), but, solid friendships with varied interest of many other topics.

[Charlessa]

I'd love to have a friend that crossdressed. I've never even met one. it would be awesome to have someone to talk to about this stuff. of course, there has to be a real friendship on other levels too. maybe one day.....

[TSKimberly]

I say that having a CD or greater friend is bordering on necessary. Who else am I going to talk to about stuff? For me, there is no one else.

[phili]

So many of us are solitary in crossdressing, and not otherwise, so we naturally wish we didn't have that wall dividing our lives.

I say it too, "If only we had a friend for this part of our lives... "but that is not that easy- friends are whole people and it is clearly simpler just to be ourselves with the friends we already have. If they are good friends, and we aren't asking them to be different- i.e. find us sexy, or talk about how interesting crossdressing is, etc. [lol!!], then it is going to be fine. If they aren't good friends, they might dump us, and any kind of social contact is better than none, so we don't want that, but int he end we are better off just being ourselves and finding people who we share interests with. In the end crossdressing is going to be understood for what it is - we are attached to it just like we might be to sports team logos, our jobs, our politics, or whatever else that people may be over invested in- but can still have fun with friends!

I feel very happy going to museums or wherever in one of my favorite outfits, and as I am blatantly not trying to pass, and not trying to get special attention, people either politely ignore me or are really nice and friendly - I think because I am clearly harmless. It is the next best thing to coming out to our friends- just having a normal person in the outside world accept us at a very basic level satisfies the need in a nice way. I can put up with being in the closet around closed minded neighbors with ease after I have a day out.

Bottom line is that if you are in need of a friend, I recommend just going out any place it is safe- and being yourself- it is like finding yourself- not as a split personality, but as one person! that is what friends do for us.

As you can see from my picture, I've come to realize it is not important [for being accepted and treated well] to pass, and actually works better when you don't try to pass- since that can feel confusing to others- what are they supposed to do- pretend? That isn't genuine, so it can make the encounter not feel good.