Stand up for yourself

[Kandi Robbins]

I've pretty much quit posting here due to the negative tone the forum has taken of late, but I felt compelled to share this story.

I drive a truck on a local route, scheduled pickups and deliveries, and had about an hour to kill today. After some thrift shopping I stopped at Walmart. I have been looking for a specific bra, color, type, size and padding, which I felt might be like finding that needle in a haystack. Today (in full male mode) I browsed the bras (as you may know, they have quite a few aisles of them) and BINGO! I found exactly what I was looking for. I then took the bra and went to the fitting room (which I have done quite often and done so often in this specific store). When I asked the attendant if I could use the fitting room (I want to make sure the straps fit my shoulder well), she simply scowled at me and said no. I said "really? and she repeated "no".

I turned and walked away and considered my purchase. Because it was the exact bra I had been looking for and I can always return it if it doesn't fit right, I made the purchase. The female cashier was pleasant to me and I left.

I had to make my next pickup, so I needed to leave but was not happy with my treatment. As I was driving, I called the store and spoke with the assistant manager. I explained that I was denied use of the fitting room and why (explaining I was TG and frequently shopped there and tried things on). She could not have been more apologetic, saying it didn't matter what I wanted to try on, the treatment I received was unacceptable. She assured me that this would be dealt with sternly and continued to apologize, indicating that she was so sorry I had to go through that. I assured her that while I was not happy, she provided the response I was hoping for.

I am not one to raise a ruckus or to militantly stand up for a cause, but right is right. I may be disagreed with here, but we will only change people's minds one at a time and today, I feel like I did that.

I had to tell someone my story.

[Nadine Spirit]

Great story and great way to handle that situation. Good for you!!! More of us should stand up for ourselves!

[Meghan4now]

Kandi, I've never gone to the fitting room at walmart. Why did you need to ask her permission? Is that a store policy thing?

[Alexa CD]

What do you hope happens as a result of your call? I mean what do you see happening as a result.

[Teresa]

Meghan,
I always ask out of courtesy , it may give them the chance to check the fitting rooms so there's no possible offence taken by other shoppers. Good manners are usually served with good manners !

[SeanErin]

I don't do the fitting room in guy mode, but just shopping and got the "Can I help you" with an attitude. Showed her what I had picked up and said "I am good" with the same tone and she scurried off.

[JenniferMBlack]

It is Wal marts policy not to discriminate in any way. What he fitting room attended did was against their policy. The assistant manager is giving you the Wal mart play book if anything is dine or not is another issue.

[ChloeCleveland]

Kandi, I think it's great that you took the time to call and stand up for yourself. Your voice may make it easier for the next crossdresser to use a fitting room at that Walmart location.

[AnnieMac]

What negative tone? Seems like the same old forum to me?

[LisaKarenAZ]

I just dealt with something similar with nail salons. My wife and I had been going to the same salon for a while, and when I asked for a ribbon to be painted on top of a nude base, and to keep the length I had, I got the response from the tech that men don't wear color, and that their nails are short. I didn't want to make a scene as my wife enjoys the salon and tech that she sees. The owner was an understanding woman, and had I made it a point, she would have handled it harshly with the tech.
So, I started to go to a different salon than my wife.
We both missed going together, so we discussed going together next week for our anniversary, and she asked if we should go to my place. I told her no, we'll go to your salon and I'll chat with the owner when I call to book the appointments. The place is under new management, and the new owner answered the phone. I told him the name of the tech for my wife, and he asked if I wanted anyone in particular. I told him " anyone that won't make me feel uncomfortable about color or extensions". His response was awesome, as he told me that he will make sure that his entire staff understands that judgement of customers and their requests will not be tolerated. He assured me that I will be treated with the utmost respect and dignity.

[Jenniferathome]

Kandi, I can't believe you didn't ask that person to walk with you the manager right then!

Of course, I think the question to ask when going to a fitting room is, "Which room should I use?" and not asking permission. The rooms are for that purpose.

[Dana44]

Way to go Kandi. Yep it Walmarts policy not to discriminate.

Lisa,

I get my nails done and they wanted to paint my toenails the first time LOL. But I had them paint my toes and nails for a trip. No Issues and no problems. I would go back to that store and ask for that again. Stand up to them, but be very nice. There are others out there that would do it for you.

[Tracii G]

You did fine and you let the manager know, that is about all you can do at this point.

[LisaKarenAZ]

Dana,
Thanks for the feedback. Luckily, I did find another salom that loves to do my nails. They actually did my extensions that I had done recently. The salon that my wife goes to is one that I had gone to for quite a while, but only did clear gel there. We both like the place, and now that they have a new owner, I am going back to get the full treatment. I already booked us for 2 full sets of gel extensions and gel pedicures, and the owner is happy I'm giving them another chance to get it right.

[docrobbysherry]

U ASKED if u could try on something u wanted to buy!? That's pointless conflict for me.

I don't shop dressed. I simply take all my girlie tryons into the men's changing rooms. If they have a "guard" by the changing rooms, I throw some jeans over them!

Usually no one there. And, I've never had a problem. Of course, I'm no T trailblazer.

[Piora]

Kandi, I've never gone to the fitting room at walmart. Why did you need to ask her permission? Is that a store policy thing?

It is with the Walmarts in Canada - at least in my neck of the woods. They have change rooms accessible only past a counter, where a salesperson asks how many items you have before allowing you to go past her into the change rooms.

U ASKED if u could try on something u wanted to buy!? That's pointless conflict for me.

As I mentioned to Meghan, the Walmarts in my area monitor what you're taking into the change rooms, and how many items.

[Mykaa]

You did nothing wrong, congrats on standing up!

[Robin414]

Getting bad (and downright offensive) service at any time deserves some push back for sure and way to go!

Not trying to be negative but I kinda see how this could be open to debate as well.

I can see her being (rightfully) repremanded and I'm sure she'll think twice before doing it again but the reason for thinking twice is the rub.

She went home, blew the story up and completely out of context told two friends, who told two friends...

Kinda bad publicity in the long run maybe?

Don't get me wrong, I totally get it, I'd have wanted to do a whole lot worse in your shoes...but...

[LydiaL]

For what it is worth.... I would never try on a bra in a store dressing room. I have learned what size is "good enough" as to how I present myself en-femme.

And, I ONLY buy strapless or convertible bras now (online). That way I never have to worry about getting positioning of the "girls" correct (fighting straps) and they do stay in place quite well, as a matter of fact.

Consider that option Ladies.

[nvlady]

Kandi, I have only two words to say to you. Thank you.

[docrobbysherry]

I've never shopped at Walmart! Guess I won't start now, either.

[marlacd]

I haven't seen a Wal-Mart yet that hasn't had a combined fitting room between the departments. She must have been some religious zealot, or something. You were well within your right to complain. One time, I had a cashier give me an odd look about a makeup purchase I was making. "Is there a problem?" I asked. All I got was a head shake, but she didn't stop me from buying what I wanted. Conquer the looks, and you can buy anything.

[Candice June Lee]

Hi Kandi
That's great, because so many of us will not do anything. We just walk away and never say a word. You seem to have handled it the right way. Getting into an argument with lady at the fitting rooms is not a good thing. Walmart is still a redneck store. I like going in there for a few things but tend to stay away from them if possible. We can only be diligent in fixing things the right way with all the negativity we are getting these days.

[rachael.davis]

At this point my reaction to a rude SA is to ask if they are being paid extra to insult customers, and drive away sales, then say if it's not too much of a bother can you point me to the floor manager?
I remain ice - queen polite, and ladylike through the whole statement.

[Lacey New]

Kandi,
Hurray for you! And from all of us who purchase female clothing in a variety of stores, thank you. What you did took some courage but that type of action will just make it better for all of us.
Lacey