Found strength but still afraid of the last wall

[KaraK]

Hi all,

I've been quite away from this forum last months dealing with what was happening in Paris, in my head, in my life... I would love to say that I'm back on track, heading to my new life, but it would be a lie.

Still, I'm more confident with who I am, who I to be and what I am ready to do or lose to achieve my goal, to be happy and live as the girl I always thought I should have been.

I made big decisions that I'm quite proud of, like stopping dating creepy old strangersto feel alive and wanting to hurt myself just after because I was disgusting myself...
I also listed the people I wasn't ready to lose and globally I still have one or two friends who I need to share my story with. The others are mostly supportive and it gave me a strength I never thought I could find alone.
I'm no more afraid of losing my family, my friends, I talked with one of my sisters yesterday and she told me that it would be fine, that the other will be as supportive as she was the first time...
I moved in my own apartment, found a new job I like...

But even if I'm putting my life in the good way to finally enjoy it after 26 years of acting like I thought people expected to see me, like the boy they thought I was, I'm still afraid of losing the few achievements I made recently...
I mean I graduated several months ago and now work in a place I like, doing what I wanted to do since I'm 17 and I'm afraid to tell my bosses that I'm going to transition and face a wall. I'm clearly scared of this last step (also am I for the appointments with doctors who have my future in their hands as they just can say 'no' to my transition) but I'm working on it.

Good thing too, our representatives just voted an amendment to a new law which will ease the process of changing the sex of birth in our legal documents for transgenders.

2016 may be a better year than 2015

[pamela7]

good luck, in the end, you know what you have to do.

xx Pam

[KaraK]

Hi all,

Things seem to go on the right way as I'll probably begin Androcur within few weeks when all the blood tests of this week will be sent to my endo. As things are moving forward, I wrote a coming out letter to my closest friend that I'll disclose to them on august 6th. I'm afraid of their reaction, but time and help have made me stronger than at the beginning, and as some of you said, I have to live for me and not for others.

The "go" for HRT should follow this autumn to let me begin this "trip to myself" for Xmas and my Birthday, and deal with the last coming out at my office…

I hope everyone is fine and enjoy their summer. Take care

[tgirlamc]

Hi Kara!!!

The path ahead is filled with hurdles large and small but it still leads to where you need to be!!! All will be well!!!

Onward we go...

Ashley

[KaraK]

Hi! Thanks Pam and Ashley!

I'm sorry I was totally drown by work and family stuffs before my holidays. God I missed it, waking up at 9 or 10am, enjoying my breakfast and feeling myself not forced to wear suits and dressing pretty for me.

The big disclosure to my closest friends went well even if some adaptation is necessary. But as I am working on myself they'll have enough time to follow the changes during the following months.

On my way to begin T.blockers soon, reveal my true self to my bosses and clients and all my peers… fingers crossed and a glass of wine should be the starting pack.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kara,

I hope all is well and still moving forward. It is a long path (disclosure that is) but once it is all said and done . . . very liberating. Good luck.

Cheers

Marcelle

[KaraK]

Thanks Marcelle, I'll keep this post updated with the advancement of medication and workplace disclosing until New year's eve I hope.