Very hard weekend /come out to our best friends

[kiwidownunder]

Hi There
It all started on Friday talking to our therapist.
I am in the progress of changing to a transgender friendly GP and starting HRT.
This hasn't been easy for my wife and she has been very emotional about it.
Our therapist is concern that we have become quite isolated and that my wife has nobody to discuss this with.
Part of the isolation is that we are afraid we will loss family and friends over this so we have subconsciously push a lot of people away.(according to our therapist)

So on Sunday we had our best friends of 20 years come over for lunch , all was find until later in the day when my mate brought up that they where concerned about our drinking and that
we don't seem to catch up like we use to.
MMMM I thought do I explain whats going on (I had a few wines on board by now).
So I said that I am seeing a therapist and that I was transgendered!
To say they were shocked would be an understatement ,at first they thought I was joking and then realised I was serious .

So here's the thing my mates wife took my wife aside and told her she is a very black and white person about this sort of thing and that my wife has a choice she can leave me.
My wife answered her by saying its not as easy as that when you love this person.
I didn't go into details due to the shock factor but said to my friends wife that my wife has nobody to talk to about this and she feels alone and helpless.
Now I sit here on the computer thinking did I do the right thing is she the right person for my wife to talk to???

We haven't heard from them since ,I am hoping they maybe just in shock over this but I have a feeling we have lost our first set of friends over this.

Kiwi

[Megan G]

Kiwi,

I'm sure we all can relate to what you went thru coming out is never easy, especially to close friends and family. While you may be sitting there wondering if you did the right thing, only you can answer that. This is a big shock to them and they need some time to process it and wrap their minds around it. The person they thought they knew is changing..

Give them some time, they may surprise you and be really accepting. I know I had a couple of friends that were really put off when I came out to them but it did not take them long to come to terms with it and our friendship is just as strong as it was..

I wish you all the best

[arbon]

Its not easy.

Pretty much all my old guy friends were lost, they ran!
It sucks, but better to expect that than hold onto false hope.

[Megan G]

Kiwi,

I had a very close friend do the same thing, I lost him and a few others in the process of coming out. It also severely damaged my relationship with my family (mom, brother) as they could not accept either. Like Arbon said I went into it preparing for the worst, it still hurt like hell but I knew it was a possibility.

One thing to keep in mind, everything changes once you transition and this begins the second you come out to them.

Like I said give them time, they may come around, they may not. Only time will tell....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

so sorry!!! i wish there was more to say but its a real grown up thing to go through..

your best bet always is to thrive as the person you know you are ... see what i'm saying?? over time many people that turned away or felt you would fail will see your new life and the good ones will stick around or come back...they really will

it can be a loss and you are very vulnerable to feelings because you are "coming out", but its neccessary... and you are doing a good job in how you are doing it...

keep going, you can get through this, and the benefit is that in the end, you get to feel more alive than you ever have..

even if that feeling has downsides

[kiwidownunder]

Thanks Megan
Your support means a lot
I was 50/50 on how they would take it .
Its just I'm not a bad person , I have help him through deep depression been the first person to help him when he rang me etc.
I just feel sick.
I guess this makes everything very real

[Tonya Rose]

Relax Kiwi. A friend is a true friend. You were there when he needed you and if is a real friend will be there for you too if not you don`t need to let it bother you and just move along and forget about them..Your life is about you no one else but YOU!!!! And your S.O......

[Suzanne F]

Kiwi
Take a deep breathe. This is hard. You can do it and if you really need to you will. This is just the beginning. There are going to be some great days and some extremely difficult days. Try to remember who you are when these hurtful situations arise. I have been through many of those days. In fact I will post about some in a few minutes. Come here and scream when you need to and then dust yourself off and get to it! Only you know deep down inside that you are a woman. This is an inside job not as outside as it appears. Ask for help when you need it and take one step at a time. Oh and there are some beautiful supportive people out there. Keep looking for them!
Suzanne

[arbon]

Anger makes sense to me. Because you are not the person they thought you were. You are talking about a change that really can't be comprehended by very many people.

Your going to go through a lot of changes. A lot of people are not able to get their heads around it. They get angery.
Friends told me it was like loosing their friend. Guys I used to fish with, hunt with, boat with, my boss..they lost that buddy they had. I was not one of the guys anymore. They were mad about it. My brother really gave me hell for it. I lost all my best friends.

But you make new friends more aligned with the person you are.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kiwi,

Sorry to read about your angst and hopefully things will smooth over with your friends once they have time to absorb the information. I found coming out to friends was hit and miss with some taking the information in stride and others taking longer to absorb and understand. For the most part my circle of friends pre-transition has remained the same. I did loose one really good friend (more like a brother) which hurt immensely. However after three years he is beginning to come around and hopefully with a bit more time he will understand.

Keep positive as it is all we can do.

Cheers

Marcelle

[PennyNZ]

Go Kiwi go

You will do it and do it well

Plan for the worse and hope for the best
It will work out for you - for the best

Pen

[kiwidownunder]

Thanks everyone for your kind response
My friend text me wasn't a good text!
His wife hasn't reached out to my wife so I guess my hope that my wife may get some support from her was miss judged .
Seeing our therapist tomorrow will be interesting to get her take on this?

Kiwi

[ReineD]

I didn't go into details due to the shock factor but said to my friends wife that my wife has nobody to talk to about this and she feels alone and helpless.
Now I sit here on the computer thinking did I do the right thing is she the right person for my wife to talk to???

No, she isn't. You should ask your wife to join this forum. We do have a few GGs whose spouses have or are transitioning. We also have a private section for wives and girlfriends to get support.

[kiwidownunder]

Thanks Reine
She is a member but doesn't seem to want to get involved

Kiwi

[ReineD]

And I forgot to mention Kiwi, we also have wives whose husbands are not transitioning and who would not be able to stay with a husband who does. Not all GGs can live with full-time transitioners. Would you be OK with your wife talking so such GGs?

But ultimately, no matter who your wife talks to, she has her very own threshold (what she can and cannot live with) and ultimately people do end up marching to the tune of their own proverbial drum.

[kiwidownunder]

Yes I have no problem with her talking to anybody if it helps her in some way.
Ultimately I just want her to be happy !
Hopefully with us staying together but I realize that could change as I transition .
Sorry I should say as we transition.
Our therapist was a big help re our friends issue and my wife seems to be handling things better.

Thanks you again
Kiwi