Trans Sex?

[KymberlyOct]

I am newly transitioning and have been moving forward quickly due to my age and long term health concerns. I want to live my authentic life for as long as possible. My doctors are on board but with additional steps necessary. Anyway to my point. My initial impression is that the general public thinks Transwomen are constantly having sex. I think our community may have fewer partners than anyone.

I have posted on several transgender dating sites, some smuttier than others because I am interested in experiencing a man as part of my transition. My pictures must be at least pretty good because I am swamped with views, flirts etc. But none have the guts to actually follow through. It seems that transwomen in various stages of transition are a fetish to many men but I am getting the impression that very few want to do more than view pictures in their basement.

I am not asking this as a provocative, obnoxious question it is intended as a sincere question. I think I will feel myself to be bisexual and I know many Transwomen remain attracted to only women but does anybody find, partners? I am sure a few do but I am already starting to think it is few and far between.

[I Am Paula]

Transitioned three years ago, I've had one boyfriend, it lasted 8 months, but he decided he really was gay. Yup, it's tough out there, but you may find someone. If you really just want to get laid, try Craigslist, but in my opinion it's really seedy. Good luck!

[rachel1985]

Transitioned three years ago, I've had one boyfriend, it lasted 8 months, but he decided he really was gay. Yup, it's tough out there, but you may find someone. If you really just want to get laid, try Craigslist, but in my opinion it's really seedy. Good luck!

Paula, congrats on your journey.
I do have lots of questions before I even speak to my GP, but I'm thinking those are probably better off aimed at the GP etc.

Kymberly, your question is very much a valid one.
I know of a lass who's transitioned, and I'm too scared to ask her how she gets on. But, she seems happy.
I guess it depends where you live, and who's out there.

I personally am not into the whole seedy stuffs, especially those who like to enjoy photos in their basement.

All I can hope, is that when you've fulfilled your journey, you enjoy it, and find someone who'll love and appreciate you, as I hope in mine. xxx

[Georgette_USA]

Your title asks about Trans Sex, but your question is more to relationships.

As with all stuff related to Trans, there are some good some bad and many tales. Have many friends in the Pre/Post/Non OP stages.

As for the Sex part, I have not heard many complaints. But then again how many will tell other than their close friends.

As for the relationships.
I have one friend MtF recently married to a FtM. Have one friend MtF just engaged to a man. Have multiple friends in GF/GF GF/BF relationships.

Myself I had multiple times of sex Post. Many times with a Born Female, she knew my past. And multiple Born Males, who did not know my past. Finally settled into a LTR with my partner, a MtF Post. LTR don't always have to revolve around sex. My partner was never big on sex before SRS and even less years after.

I have always had questions about men who want to party with a Post. Figure they just want to try something different. But there are some that just want to develop a relationship with the person.
Yes there are some men interested in the Pre/Non TS, again I figure they want something different.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Hmmm. How to answer. No sex for 14ish years - no one said transitioning was easy and without sacrifice. Today sex is dependent on completed and healed srs. LTR also mostly dependent on SRS as well but also marginally flexible here under very specific conditions. NO for anything recreational or experimental or casual...I'm old fashioned with regards to relationships and intimacy.

As for attractions... Female (including MTF transitioned) although my inner self calls for the steriotypical loving embrace from a man and being made love to. This is likely to remain for the harlequin romances only as I remain challenged by that thingy I'm trying to rid myself of.

Life is simply complicated... Jennifer

[Suzanne F]

What a topic! Since I have a new well you know, I wonder if it will work right. At this point just a pain free beautiful vagina would be acceptable. However, before surgery I hoped for a sexually functioning rest of my life. Just goes to show you how priorities can change. I can report that the other night my wife and I really kissed fort the first time after surgery. Guess what? Something happened down there! So much so I quit because I was scared. Let's hope I get everything I had hoped for!
Suzanne

[Kaitlyn Michele]

trust me you did

[ReineD]

My initial impression is that the general public thinks Transwomen are constantly having sex.

...

I have posted on several transgender dating sites, some smuttier than others because I am interested in experiencing a man as part of my transition.

Stop posting on those sites! Of course they are populated by people looking for sex. lol

Do what we GGs do when we want to meet someone. Go out there in real life and meet people! Take a class, volunteer, become a regular at a coffee shop and meet the other regulars, in other words, move away from the anonymity of online sites and start interacting with lots of people in real life.

You mention your age, and if you're a senior then get involved in senior activities in your area. There are lots of widowers.

[I Am Paula]

Thank you ReineD- Although the internet has become the most common place for cis/het meetings, the trans cyber world seems to be populated only by trans fetishists.
Transwomen do better in the real world, where they can see, and anylize, face to face wether this is just another guy interested in your penis.

[STACY B]

ReineD You Crack me up,,lol,,, I was thinking the same thing,, Hell go to church,, Talk to people, Meet people at the store , Or join some kind of groups in your area,, All that Sex and Porn on the internet is asking for it,, You end up getting Locked up in some Crazy Guys Basement chained to the wall ,,, Why not just do it the same way as everyone else and play it safe?

Hell I would just as well be by myself than to open up myself to all that kind of Crap,, No way,, I don't know about most of you folk but I am content just hanging out and being left the Hell alone,, That is a Perk in my Book,,lol

[KymberlyOct]

As the original poster, thanks everyone for your replies. As I said in my post I am newly transitioning. Maybe starting my transition is better. Just had my 1st session yesterday at a fantastic transgender clinic at the U of MN. Anyway regarding my post, I agree with pretty much all of the advice I have read here. I was coming to the same conclusions myself although my very initial impression is that my original premise is true.

I can reasonably assume that some trans women have either / both fulfilling relationships and or sex but my initial feelings / logic still hold - I think that both of those are more challenging in our community than for the population at large. I briefly discussed this with my therapist yesterday - who I know from another setting - and she said of her 50 patients that some of them do actively date and have relationships even a few using the standard dating sites. She did agree that it is more challenging but I realize all of this is challenging. And it is NOT why I am transitioning - and yet relationships and sex are part of life so that has been a concern but NOT my main concern. Just wanted to throw the subject out there to get some feedback. Bottom line I think there will be some similarities to typical dating - meet people - get involved - do things - but don't push just let it come to you. Thanks for all the feedback.
Kym

[Zooey]

It is a challenge, and I'm one of the people who tend to date "normals" (just had a really fantastic first date last night, actually).

The unfortunate reality is that, if you're hoping to attract attention online at the mainstream dating sites, appearances and passability do matter. I'm competing with cis women, and getting initial interest is already less common for me than other women. Then I filter out the guys who just want sex or are total shitbags (aka most guys), because despite being trans I still have self esteem. Then, if we get to the point where we're interested in planning a date, I tell them I'm trans and see how they feel about it. I've occasionally waited until after the first date to tell somebody, but I feel safer with telling them before. Anyway, that's when 80% or so flake out.

Still, I've met a few really nice guys, and I'm hoping this new one sticks around a while. It's not impossible, but it's difficult. It's hard for everybody - cis and trans - but adding degrees of difficulty always sucks.

[KymberlyOct]

Thanks Zooey, Great reply. Sounds about right. Thanks for the perspective of somebody that lives it already. Somebody got the impression because of my original post mention of age and health concerns that I am like 80. LOL. I am in my 50s and have had a consult for FFS that will happen in 6 to 9 months which will include a face lift so hopefully I will look in my 40s. While dating / relationships /sex are not the most important thing I do want that in my life. Your post made me feel better. I expect it to be more challenging, just didn't want it to be as likely as finding a unicorn. LOL
Kym

[gonegirl]

I expect it to be more challenging, just didn't want it to be as likely as finding a unicorn. LOL
Kym

Ohh... if they know you're a transwoman, you will most likely BE the unicorn.... (speaking from experience)

[rachel1985]

I have to admit I'm finding the answers very interesting. So thank you for giving me the heads up for what I'm to expect.

My only concern is that upon transition, I know I'll be a lesbian, which isn't so daunting, but wondering if anyone else has gone down that route and how they've found it?

As for ReineD's comment, I love it! So true.
It's so much better to find someone in real life, doing normal day to day things, than meeting someone online, because it always seems seedy, or after one thing in particular. However I've found the people I've met to be somewhat strange overall. Some having issues that need dealt with before any relationship could or should form.

[JanePeterson]

A wise woman once told me:
"First figure out who you are, THEN worry about who you're going to (euphemism for sex)"

[samantha rogers]

First, we might point out that dating at all, once you are out of your 20s or 30s, becomes difficult. And dating for all people is somewhat contingent on appearance. Attractive exteriors tend to attract. Duh. Doesn't mean a less attractive person won't find someone, only that there will be more initial interest in someone with an attractive wrapper, whether male, female or whatever. This is part of all dating, isn't it?
Second, finding relationships is definitely safer and more likely to produce good results when done in "real life", as has been pointed out. But online dating has yielded successful results within the vanilla world for many people now, and can also do so for transwomen, so long as your skin is thick and you keep your wits about you.
As an experiment, about six months ago, I ran an ad on such a site. I made my trans status quite clear. Posted a couple of pictures. I expected a few sick comments and nothing more. In a week I was contacted by more than sixty people.
A few were sick creeps...ugh... but maybe 2 or 3 at the most.
Some were just curious. I answered their questions. Why not? My answers might help them know better how to treat someone else down the road.
Some were so uninteresting I never replied (There are a LOT of lonely widowers out there who apparently want nothing more than a new body in the bed next to them to replace the "wife" they lost... yeah, that's a turn on, right?).
Many turned out to be the kind who want to pursue an online relationship (and no, not a sexting relationship...yuck) but would not meet in person. I have found this to be very common. Lots of lonely people in this world.
But out of the group as a whole I actually did met a couple of people, went on very enjoyable dates and had a good time. No, they did not turn into LTRs but this was my choice.
The point is that I did meet some nice people, albeit not many, online. And that was from a single week.

I know transwomen who have stayed with cis female spouses through transition.
I know transwomen who have met and married straight males.
I know transwomen who have met and entered into LTRs with cis-females both straight and lesbian (those terms become kind of meaningless for TG don't they?)
But, in my experience, what I have seen most is a trend for transwomen to end up in LTRs with other transwomen.
Having something in common is always a great basis for a relationship, n'est ce pas?

Personally, I find myself now leaning into the beginning of a very pleasing LTR with a cis female I have known for 30 years. In fact, she was my gf at that time before I married my now ex wife.

But the sad take away from all of this for me is that there are MANY people...mostly, though not exclusively, straight males...who would date transwomen.... were it not for the fear of being perceived as gay.
Masculinity is such a fragile construct in this country it is really sad.
I think the day that the average guy comes to understand that dating a transwoman does not make them gay (or that it doesn't matter anyway) .... that will be the day everything normalizes for us.

[AllieSF]

Samantha,

This "(or that it doesn't matter anyway)" is truly the most important!

[samantha rogers]

Totally agree, Allie

[KymberlyOct]

I was concerned when starting this thread that my intent would be misunderstood. Basically I was concerned that it would come across that I was out looking to get some action. And I may not have chosen my words perfectly but it seems that my intent got across to most - so thanks. After my initial concern regarding the post I am very happy I did. I have definitely read some great replies that have hopefully helped others and definitely helped me through my thought process. I am very happy I found this forum, there are some great women on here.
Kym

[ReineD]

Kymberly, you've added an avatar since I posted and you did clarify that you are not a senior. My apologies for having misunderstood.

[KymberlyOct]

No big deal at all. I am smiling. I just figured out that the profile picture is not your avatar. I couldn't figure out why my pic wasn't showing. A little slow on the uptake. LOL

[tgirlamc]

Hi Kymberly... You sound like me when I was beginning transition!... After a lifetime of relationships with women I wanted to experience going out with guys and signed up on several of the dating sites thinking maybe some guy would write every few weeks... I too was inundated... Mostly hook up requests and a few who shared a bit of themselves in what they wrote to me and stood out... Long story short... As of last December I am engaged to the greatest guy in the world and we plan to be married in September just past our 3rd anniversary of meeting.... My life is so far from where I ever saw it going but I really like that fact!!! Transition is such an amazing journey on every level!!! I went into it originally thinking that I was making a choice that would lead down a very lonely path in life... I soon found out that happily, that assumption could not have been more wrong!!!

Take Care,
Ashley :-D