My little soapbox moment.

[PaulaQ]

I have often come across those who will make some throwaway remark against some group, who on being challenged will quickly retreat and admit that what they said was thoughtless and unbecoming of them.

Point taken - and it's great to meet people like that. I find that often, even when I gently point out "hmmm, you know, that joke, was really problematical in some ways, although I'm sure you didn't mean it to be", that people tend to dig in their heels and become defensive about it. But you are absolutely right that sometimes they don't realize they are using bigoted language, because such things are awfully ingrained in us socially. One of my friends called out a local political party chairman on a transphobic joke he made in a public speech. She did it in a letter, privately, and very politely I might add. He wrote her back after a time, and admitted he had to do some soul searching, and apologized for the remark.

It really is best to point out to people, as politely as possible, as I think hostility accomplishes little, that jokes like that aren't OK.

[Tracii G]

The mens room seem dirty comment I have a problem with.
I worked as a custodian in a office at 16 years old and the ladies bathroom was far worse than the mens room.
The ladies threw their trash everywhere even feminine hygiene products on occasion didn't make it to the trash can.

[Joan58]

Tracii G I agree completely about the womens restroom being the dirtiest. Worked at a truck stop as a high school kid. Everyone that had to clean restrooms hated doing the womens.

[michelle64]

This issue goes away when one has or had young daughters..the perverts are using this issue not in the way this issue was supposed to work...i wish this issue had never been...stupid we were..this is nearly as stupid as when the t movement erupted when the lgb crowd allowed us to be attached to there issues..another dumb move on our part..for the record i never had an issue when dressed using the ladies room long before some of our snowflakes felt the need to push an issue that never really was an issue..all my take

[sometimes_miss]

. Take any one of the people who make jokes, and tell them that their brother or best friend is transgender and you'll get quite a different reaction. When it reaches close to home then it stops being this nebulous thing. When a person hears that a best friend is transgender, even if they still do not understand they now have human qualities to attach to the label - all the things they know their best friend to be - and it stops being so funny. They won't start hating their best friend just because he is TG.

I think that Leelah Alcorn would have to differ on that idea......if she were still alive.

Inhabiting this 'safe area' for the gender 'enhanced' for too long leaves lots stuck in the pink fog, where things are good and everyone becomes enlightened when offered a reasonable explanation. Unfortunately, that's not the real world. For just like Gandhi's passive resistance wouldn't have worked in the face of the nazis, coming out to family and/or friends who think TG are freaks and perverts, doesn't guarantee that they'll suddenly think better of us; often, they reinforce their own beliefs, and think we're the foolish ones. That was my experience. While not universal, it's certainly very common. Mom even felt it was partially because she didn't take me to church enough when I was a kid, and thought that if I started going regularly now, that maybe I could 'straighten myself out'.

[Krisi]

I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. Just because someone calls the family restroom the "transgender bathroom" doesn't make him (or her) a "hater". People often joke about what they don't understand and people often make jokes to try to fit in with the crowd.

My suggestion to you is to just walk away from conversations that offend you. Your other option is to make a big deal out of this, report the people to management, etc. You'll probably make so many enemies that you'll have to quit your job.

[ReineD]

I think that Leelah Alcorn would have to differ on that idea......if she were still alive.

Leelah did come out as gay to her friends and they did accept this.

Leelah killed herself because she was 16 and her parents, who were steeped in their religion, didn't believe her. They took her out of public school, they took away her laptop and phone and forbade her to go on any social media, they completely isolated her from her friends. She was only allowed to go to Church where she correctly deduced the people there were against who she was. Leelah felt trapped with no way out because she didn't have the maturity to wait it out until she was an adult. She felt that waiting just two extra years would ruin her chances to transition and be stealth. She grew desperate because she convinced herself that if she didn't transition at 16, she would forever look like a man in a dress and would not be able to find love.

You should read her letter.

[char GG]

I see you live in Texas. Here in the north, "family bathrooms" have been common long before the "trans bathroom" issues came along. We have them in malls, department stores, health clubs; they are a huge convenience for moms with several small children, boys & girls, kids in strollers, kids that need diapers changed, etc. I used them when my two children were small - and that was a long time ago! Obviously, they are open to anyone who wants to use them.

I realize the attitudes differ all over the country and there will always be those that are intolerant of anyone whose views differ from their own. I realize that you may be more sensitive to their comments. Like Forest Gump said, "you can't fix stupid".