May have to tell my daughter about Karen

[somestimeskaren]

Early last week I got a text message from my 36 yr old daughter asking if she could come home.She and the man she is living with had an argument that was bad enough she grabbed some things and left.Her mother and I are no longer together and I was her only option.I like living alone,I can be Karen whenever the mood strikes.I don't know what will happen if this should turn out to be a long term deal.She thinks she could live here as long as she wants.I have the room, but it will affect my dressing time.My only option may be to tell her about Karen.When I dress I go all out ,wig, makeup ,nails, the whole nine yards.I don't want to worry about being caught.When my ex left I know for a fact she told my sister-in-law about my dressing,who told my old neighbor who asked before I moved if it were true.I made a joke about it and I didn't really care what she thought.If my sister-in-law knew I think maybe my son and daughter may have heard something, maybe even from their mother.When we split they were in their mid 20s.So my daughter may have a clue about dad as Karen.When my ex and I were married my dressing wasn't as involved as it is now,I rarely wore makeup or a wig,we only played in the bedroom.Now sex isn't a part of dressing,I feel complete when dressed.I can't give it up until she either moves back or moves out.The thought of telling is both exciting and scary.Don't now if I should wait or just do it.Wish I knew what she knows it would make it so much easier.Thanks for listening. Karen

[Dana44]

Maybe you could bring up the subject and see what she thinks first. If she knows at all she will then respond but it may be best to break it to her. I know what my daughter thought when she was at my apartment one time. She found my lip gloss o the bathroom sink and told me they were girl things and why do I have them. LOL But your daughter may be more accepting. I would bring it up like talk about the bathroom bills or something. You could just be inquiring.

[Teresa]

Karen,
I didn't have a choice with my daughter, she saw me ironing a dress that she knew didn't belong to my wife so I had no choice but tell who's it was. She was perfectly OK about it and has been very supportive, even to the point where she offered to let me dress at her home to go to a meeting near where she lives. She hasn't seen me dressed but I have shown her some pictures. The only problem I have is that she doesn't agree with my wife's attitude about my CDing , they have had heated words so I've asked to back off and not be caught in the middle of the situation. She's in her late thirties and married with a daughter and works part time so she has enough on her plate anyway.

I don't regret telling her and and I have a closer relationship with her now, I'm still dad with a twist !

[Nikki.]

Personally at your stage of life I would want to be free to be me. your house, your rules

[Melissa Rose]

For the sake of your daughter, let her get settled and more grounded before you drop a potential bombshell on her. She has been through what seems like a traumatic experience so why pile on more especially if domestic violence or intimate partner abuse may be involved. For the short term, you can dress late at night behind a locked door or when she leaves the house. You will probably be able to dress much less than before and with less freedom, but it may be only for a few weeks or months. She may ask about your cress dressing if she already knows or suspects so let her take the first step in the short term. If she does not ask, you should be able to get a sense of when the time is right or better.

[grace7777]

It is your home, and she is the one asking to live with you, so you should live your life as you have before. I think you should tell her at the beginning, so she finds out about it from you, rather than finding our on her own. You should not give up your lifestyle for her.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with grace7777 - tell her up front. And add that it's sonething you do for your own reasons (comfort, pleasure, stress relief, etc.) in private with no reason to have revealed it until now, and you expect her to honor your desire to keep it private. Get her commitment before presenting yourself.

[Kiwi Primrose]

I believe that she already knows. If her Mother and some other relations know then she will have found out (or been told) a long time ago.
I would start by asking her straight-out the next time you meet and go from there. You never know but you may be able to share and get tips and help to further your own experience.
Good luck and please keep us posted.

[Rachelakld]

I had to tell my oldest when she returned home for a year, 3 weeks after I told her I walked out the door dressed and straight into her best friend, who's like "nice outfit".

[Nikkilovesdresses]

No question, at 36 if she can't handle it that is definitely her problem not yours. I suspect it will open the door to a new dimension of friendship between you, and you're going to experience that most wondrous of things, your daughter is going to be stealing your make up.

[bridget thronton]

I suspect she will be ok with it - she is choosing to live with you (there must be a feeling of affection toward you)

[joandher]

just ask her what your ex has said about you when your having a talk, but answer honestly

[Angie G]

I would ask her if anyone told her things about you and see if dressing comes up.
Angie

[Amy Fakley]

I think I'd probably give her a week or two. See how things are gonna fall out. She sounds like she's been through a lot, and whether she knows already or not, now might not be the appropriate time to cross that bridge with her. It sounds like she just needs a safe place to crash, and maybe some dadly life advice.

If it was a domestic abuse situation, I swear to God, there is no freakin' way I'd let my daughter move back with an ass like that ... heck ... I'd not let her within sight of the jerk!

If it's going to be a long term thing, you'll know in a week or two, and at that point .... absoloutely ... it's your life, your house and it sounds like you paid a dear price for that freedom, and you should let her know how things are.

best of luck, and be sure to keep us posted on how it all turns out. Sending good vibes your way, girl!

[IamWren]

I agree with Melissa Rose and Amy...
Although being in her 30s and most certainly an adult, sounds like she needs the safe space and feeling of security only a dad can offer. Let her get settled in, get herself on her feet emptionally, re-establish/strengthen your bond with her and then let her know about it if you feel it will go in a positive direction.

Hugs,
Sayyidah

[Jodi]

She is 36 years old. She wants to come to your house to live, If she wants to live there, she should do it on your terms. Explain it to her gently. If she screams, rants, and raves, show her the door.

Use that set you were born with, Granted, she is your daughter, but she is well into adulthood.

She just might move out, and you will have time to dress.

jodi

[phylis anne]

interesting thread ,the only advice I would give here is that it is your court the ball is in and you alone must make the choice ,as you are the one in the situation
hugs phylis anne

[docrobbysherry]

Karen, I lived thru nearly your exact situation!

I began dressing after my ex and I split up. I knew exactly which days and weekends I would have our kids. So, for over 10 years I could become Sherry completely stress free!

Then, my daughter turned 18 and moved in with me full time. I was almost caught a couple of times. Dressing became chancy, kinda hit or miss, and stressful! I finally had to tell or she would have caught me! It didn't go over well with her.

But, now when I'm going to dress, she'll be warned and can take evasive action. And, no matter what, she NEVER comes into my bedroom looking for me unannounced.

It's not fun for her, but dressing's WAY less stressful for me now!

[somestimeskaren]

I wrote about my daughter moving back home a while ago and how I would have to tell her about my dressing if we were to live under the same roof.It looks like I have avoided that scary scenario as she and her boyfriend have worked things out and seem to be in a happy loving relationship once again as if it never happened.I am happy for her , she loves this guy and is happier with him than without him.Now I am thinking about telling her about Karen on my own terms ,it seems like there is no pressure now ,I can pick the right time and let her deal with it without her thinking that she'd have to be o.k. with it in order to live in my home.The more I think about it the more I like the idea of introducing her to Karen.I.d ask her to swear not to tell her brother though, they are twins and very close.That is my only concern.I pray he never heard anything about my dressing when his mother and I split.I am willing to have my daughter know but I don't want my son to know what he may have heard is true.I don't think I could handle that ,I'm closer to him than her ,I spend more time and do more guy stuff with him.For now I'll be waiting for the right moment with my daughter.P.S spent CANADA DAY dressed.

[lingerieLiz]

I wouldn't tell her. Even though our girls both know. You are putting her on the spot of knowing and not telling anyone. While my situation is different, family all know, it could be bad if your daughter can't handle it.

[MissTee]

Were it me, I would initially set aside my needs and help my kid out. Could be she needs a few days with Dad to sort life out, then off she goes. After a few weeks if it looks more long team I would have the talk. By then she may have already figured it out if you have girl stuff all over your place.