No . . . not what you think . . . still very happy with my transition and my life. However as I have now broken 35 years of military service it is time to start looking at the next step and a different sort of transition . . . becoming a civilian. While it would be nice to just retire and spend the rest of my days waking up naturally and not to the blare of my alarm at zero dark thirty, my wife and I have specific desires for retirement which requires a bit more savings in the old bank account. I suppose I could just stay in uniform, it is what I know and the organization has been super supportive of my transition, but in a way it feels like a bit of a life line and a hold over to my "male world". So I decided to apply for a government job in my academic field (not my military field) and have been going through the competition process for the past three weeks and am glad to report I have made it to the short of list of 5 hopefuls from a list of 160 applicants. Now it is just down to reference checks and then final decision by the hiring directorate.
What does this have to do with being trans you might ask? Well . . . this is all Marcelle with no ghost of Marcel lurking around in the background to muddy the waters. I tested, interviewed, delivered a 10 minute presentation to senior management as Marcelle. It was both scary and exhilarating. Fear that being a trans woman would somehow shut me out the competition early but exhilaration that I was doing this as me, the way I was meant to be. I found everyone to be quite professional and having spent a good portion of my professional career reading people, I did not get the feeling it was an issue . . . awkward for some of the older men I came into contact with but not an issue. I will say in my final interview the one question that sticks out in my mind is "In our personal lives we sometimes find ourselves facing challenges. What is the greatest personal challenge you ever had to face and how did you deal with it and would you say you successfully met that challenge? Can you guess what my response was?
So now I am sitting and playing the waiting game. If I do get the job, then I will most likely be out of uniform within a year. If not, well . . . I can always serve seven more years to age 60. However, I would be lying if I said it doesn't matter if I don't get the job. This would be one thing in my life which is truly Marcelle's and not something inherited from Marcel . . . so keeping my fingers crossed.
Cheers
Marcelle