Military Brats

[PretzelGirl]

Done....

[Marcelle]

Hi Sue,

I truly love your comment about going in to "man up". It reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my uncles when I was floundering as a 17 year old youth (a bit of a problem child). He (my uncle) felt going into the military would teach me some discipline and make a man of me . . . hmmm. Now flash forward 33 years and after I came out to my family, I was talking to that same uncle and reminded him of that same conversation and we both had a bit of a chuckle. However his response was heartfelt in that he put his hand on my shoulder and said "No but it did make you a great person" . . . this coming from a man I was sure would never understand my need to transition.

I joined the military because I was floundering and heading down a bad path. I thoroughly enjoyed the military as it gave me structure. I didn't join the armoured corps but the infantry, although there were times on exercise when I saw the tanks drive as I was walking which made me think I chose poorly . I took to the infantry quite well and found skills in aspects of that field which I won't go into detail about but suffice it to say, the girl was good at what she did. However, I knew deep down something was missing and that I never truly got the whole "brothers in arms" concept. I made friends, participated in stereotypical guy conversations but I felt truly foreign and out of place almost as if I was trying to immerse myself in a culture and those around me knew I didn't really belong. I dabbled once with dressing at age 18 and enjoyed it way too much which seemed counterintuitive to my chosen career path, so I buried it and buried it deep. That, I truly believe was my decent into chaos. I had a lot of internalized emotional distress so I threw that into everything I did and engaged in hyper-masculine play/pursuits to prove I was a man and beat that part of me into abject submission. It worked . . . for awhile but I became bitter, angry and just a mean person to be around. Not being a big guy, I bulked up, took up competitive fighting, and gravitated to very solitary aspects of soldiering (any place I could be alone with my chaotic mind). I left the Infantry and took advantage of education programs obtaining my undergraduate and graduate degrees in psychology and then moved to Military Psychology. It was too close to home and I had plenty of time to analyze myself and what I saw I could not fathom so I left Military Psych and went back to what I knew . . . soldiering. I threw myself back into this with zeal and for a time it worked and helped me pretend to be a man again but that only lasted until about three years ago when things went dark and I knew what had to be done.

All this to say, I truly believe the military provided the impetus for me to transition. Specifically, since I spent so much time trying to be a man, I realized I was not. I know it sounds kind of odd but in trying to find/define myself as a mucho macho military dude, I realized it was all false, a façade which I could throw on to appease those around me but who I truly was, a woman, was still there just waiting for her turn at the wheel. The military also provided me with the confidence to finally be who I needed to be (okay . . . it took 30 plus years but I got there ). In addition, the military became my proving ground as a woman in that I had to sink or swim in a very male dominated environment (still floating by the way).

Cheers

Marcelle

[Ineke Vashon]

It won't be long before "sisters in arms" will be just another common term. Congratulations on your perseverance, Marcelle. Your story rings a lot of bells from my own, civilian, path.

Same goes for you too, Sue.

Ineke

[Georgette_USA]

I guess I qualify as a former military brat.

Time was 1969 and Viet Nam and the mandatory draft still in force. I joined the Navy for 6 year enlistment to get a electronics/computer education. And had NO want to be drafted to be shot or killed. I was never one to try the man-up route before or in or after.

When I was living off-base was able to experiment and find out more about myself, not much to find on TS back then. I was discovered during this time about 1972. After the Pyschs and Security people had NO problems, I went back to my job. I then knew I needed to explore more, as my life and career didn't end. After military in 1974 spent about a year exploring myself and meeting others, is when the Dysphoria really kicked in for me. So by 1977 had transitioned to family and work had surgeries and have not looked back. My youth and troubles and doubts are just memories now, but it all made me the person I am today.

I have NO regrets about my time in the military, as it did make me come out of my youthful shell and confident in my capabilities. Have always been in a very male dominate industry, but was able to be an Alpha female, that would be in charge of many men at times.

I know many ex-military from Navy/Marines/Army/Air Force that had somewhat similar backgrounds, and have met some of the Trans that are serving now.
If you are interested in many tales contact Bree Wagner who is a member here, she is working for/with many in service now. She told me it is OK for others to chat with her.

[PretzelGirl]

Done....

[JanePeterson]

What a great question Sue!

For me, I joined the Coast Guard right out of highschool - honestly the military narrative had always been in my mind since I was small - I have a tradition of military service in my family so it was pretty natural (almost expected) for me to choose such a path. Honestly, the advantages/privileges from attending a service academy (no tuition!?) kind of funneled me in that direction despite my academic interests laying elsewhere. Also, I felt quite a bit of pressure to be "successful" around the age of 17 because my older sister had run into some serious trouble with substance abuse, and I felt it was up to me to not become a burden.

Rather than trigger my dysphoria, the military environment put my denial and repression skills into overdrive. I tended to engage in solo activities/sports and never really had the male bonding typical of military life, but I never felt like I was ostracized.

My "closet building" skills honed over a lifetime of hiding, such as pretending to be confident when inside I was terrified or learning to read other people's emotions really well, lended themselves well to military leadership. I have always been more
focused on my crew than anything else, which combined with a whole bunch of luck has led me thru 2 afloat commands and a good run in project management.

I am hoping to find a place within the CG where I can help other folks facing gender questions. The ironic part is that now that I'm not in the closet anymore, many of the bonds/fear that attached me to the military in the first place are gone, so time will tell how the new policy of open service will shape my relationship to the service.

[ErikaS]

Sue
This is a very near and dear question, I for one joined the Army 30+ years ago and thinking it would get me out of the stink of what to do now it was 1980. The Army also gave me a base and someplace to stuff all of my self into and try my best to be the MAN. It worked for 10 years then i thought oh crapp now what to do i was a mess sometimes but got good and compartmentalization. What kept me going and not going over the edge was the mission. and the good people for the most part. I went into a few fields from transportation to the Infantry/Engineers. Is was the 2005 Iraq deployment that i started to admit to myself who i was but not really admitting it until 2014. I know a lot of military Trans people who were very over the edge Happy when the US military made the right decision. Its still a long road ahead for some but for others i has meant they can now embrace life and not choose death. I would also thank Marcell who in her own way and not knowing have helped me and others.

[RylieM]

I personally entered the Mass Army National Guard in 2000 not because I felt I needed to man up but out of a sense of duty and honor I feel every single american who is mentally/physically capable should do at least 4 years in one of the 4 branches whether active, reserve, or guard is up to each person. At the time i considered myself a crossdresser altho I did have the same interest in transitioning at the time just didn't know how enlisting did help quash that I purged not that I owned alot and didnt crossdress again for years after. If I had a chance to do it all over again I would in a heartbeat except 1 thing I would enlist in the navy as active duty just so happens i'm starting my medical transition right around the time I could of done it while enlisted which if I had my way and managed to stay in it would of worked out I wanted to do a 20 year commitment minimum. At Least now I can get my dd214 and id updated when its time for sure altho afaik I could of done that before.

[OCCarly]

I tried to join the air force because I wanted to be a pilot but had no money for flying lessons. Wanting to be a pilot was about as manly as I ever got. Unfortunately I got disqualified for being a sleepwalker. Funny thing is, hormone therapy cured me of sleepwalking. Who knew?

[Janice Ashton]

I work for the Military in the UK and have done so for 23 years dealing daily with all services, servicemen, their families and many others, so I don't really qualify to say 'In the military' but my company and the military have been very good to me since coming out as Janice. Well, to my face that is, behind my back may be a different question. Generally the LGBT is well supported within the military in the UK.

[Sarah V]

It is a good question Ms. Sue.

I was never raised a brat either, but my family on both my parents sides, had many family members who served in the military during their lives. So, with up with that family history knowledge and in growing up next to a major US military base in the Northeast, and coupled with a childhood parent instilled sense of duty to respect one's country like Ms. Rylie has so well pointed out, I had always kept military service in the back of my mind as a respectable endeavor.
(However Ms. Rylie, I must point out that you missed the 5th service, the USCG--a branch of the service I truly believe has the most interesting jobs and mission's :>))

For me, I also took the Ms. Sue approach, in that in joining the (military) service, it was never so much about me trying to "Man-Up" (though deep down in my psyche sub-conscious somewhere-who really knows) but more for that I liked to eat.....and in the late 1980's during the US's first real nation-wide white collar recession which hit the Rust Belt of Northeast especially hard back then, the military provided me with an opportunity to go from being a poor college graduate with very few good job prospects, to at least presenting me a path to give me a good start on having a successful life. And looking back on it today, I guess I did. I too had only meant to spend 4 or so years getting experience and waiting till the economy began to recover, but for some still really unknown to me reason (I guess it might have partially had something to do with all the neat "Big Boy" toys they let me play with, and all the excellent world-travel I was able to do) I stayed and ended up doing 27.5 yr's before I decided to call it quits and retire in early 2015.

And I must say, no doubt about it, Sarah would not be where she is today if it were not for serving in our countries armed forces.

It was such a wonderful and rewarding 50th B-Day present for me when Secretary of Defense Carter announced that the US DoD would open itself up to those of us who are transgendered and who want to join or who are already serving. Though truthfully, given the way my military career turned out, I doubt I would have ever desired to be out at work back then or even to be out today. But it is so refreshing to know that at least the option is now there for those serving who want it, and I certainly admire those of us who can do this while on active duty or who will want to. But I do need to say that the decision for a TG/CD person to come out in the US military of ours (as it exists today) needs to be long and hard considered individual decision based on ones individual military circumstances.

[RylieM]

It is a good question Ms. Sue. I was never a brat but my family on both sides had many members who served in the military during their lives. So, growing up next to a major military installation coupled with a family sense of duty to respect my country like Ms. Rylie has well pointed out always kept the military in the back of my mind as a respectable endeavor. However Ms. Rylie, I must point out that you missed the 5th service, the USCG--a branch of the service I truly believe has the most interesting jobs and mission's :>)

Your right usually im good about remembering them but guess not in this case they were one of the branches i spammed with tries to reenlist after my discharge I hopped between the navy, coast guard and air force active/reserved every few months for almost a decade untill I had my first of 3 TIA's.

[JanePeterson]

I must point out that you missed the 5th service, the USCG--a branch of the service I truly believe has the most interesting jobs and mission's :>)

thanks! We're the hard nucleus around which the Navy forms during times of war :P

[Donnagirl]

Hi all,
Guess my story mirrors most (funny that!).... Troubled kid, more interested in being the class comedian and trouble maker. Didn't mix with others well, kept to myself but always saw a military career as what I wanted. Returned from Australia to the UK to go to Sandhurst, (ended up living pretty close to Katey). Did the time with a regiment there to gain the necessary sponsorship but was told by the Sandhurst selection that, whilst suitable, I needed to 'grow up a lot'.

Returned to Australia, did a few years of a Law degree, decided to apply for Duntroon (Australia's Sandhurst or West Point). Was accepted. I found I enjoyed the lifestyle, the rough life. Took a while to workout what I wanted to do... Passed pilot apptitude training, found I shot a rifle extremely well, could run a PTI into the ground, held a few records for physical capabilities and out boxed all comers regardless of weight category. So, obviously I went to Military Police!!!!

Sadly I had joined at the worst outbreak of peace out country had seen. We sat on the sidelines during the first Gulf conflict and there were not prospects for any thing changing soon. I had fun, jumped from planes, ran our close protection, did sniper training (not allowed to wear the qual as no officers are snipers other than the chief instructor at the sniper school, a job I wanted).

After nearly a decade I decided that I needed a change and I went to join a state police force. Six months after leaving the Army I joined the navy to take up clearance diving. After a few years I reverted to reserve and went like looking for a police job. I ended up as a detective in our Homeland Security equivalent where I remain to this day.

Through most of that time I lived the boys life of adventure, hunting, fighting with Crims, flying planes and choppers, diving, riding big bikes and generally having a great time (apart from being shot and stabbed!) I'm sure none of that was compensatory, there was just no Donna... At 45 back she came,...

After a few silly years fighting, denying and being an a******e, I let her out. Now, I well I'm finally living. The strangest thing is I now know I was never really happy... I sure am happy now!

[pamela7]

really quite remarkable, Donna!

[Sarah V]

A career very well done there Ms. Donna!!

Like you, Sarah (me) is/has certainly begun to live a lot more like she wants to now that I am retired from the military.

And funny enough, and similarly to you, my post-retirement employment / career is now in Law Enforcement (something I always dreamed about doing when I was "in") and I am now an part-time officer in my communities local police organization. Still I don't think it has anything to do with "Manning Up" just the PD is a lot like the military and I guess that type of lifestyle (and just like my feminine lifestyle) that is just in my blood now,.....and I like that.