The ultimate irony.

[I Am Paula]

A relative I haven't seen for eleven years is coming from England next week. Aside from the hilarity that she doesn't know I've changed (I have a weird sense of humour sometime) that's not the point.
She has changed her name from Lisa, to Anna.
While I fully expect her to call me my real name, in conversation about her visit with my family, I have dead-named her numerous times.
Each time I feel like a hypocrite, and I will concentrate on only calling her her new real name now.
I am creating my own double standard. Her escaping a name given to her by her toxic father, and me by my transition are equally valid.

[jentay1367]

Well, if she does dead name you, you can always get all passive aggressive and do the same to her. She'll probably learn pretty quickly that way...L.O.L.

[AllieSF]

I have definitely experienced that too. A bartender I like changed his name and I always mess up. A FtM made the mistake of telling me his previous female name and then the next time I met him I proceeded to call him "She" and "Her" about 20 times before throwing in the towel. Another MtF acquaintance recently de-transitioned changed their name and added to my confusion. All are obviously my problem alone. Take that and those occasional slip ups, I make too many mistakes! But, I keep trying to improve. Maybe one day??

[Cindy J Angel]

How about a up date gf

[KymberlyOct]

Paula, Don't be too hard on yourself about dead naming your relative. My Aunt changed her name and I haven't done it directly to her but when talking to other family members I slip all the time. I haven't lived this yet. I am only out to 7 people. Add my Mom to the list yesterday :-) but my intention going in is if it seems like people's hearts are in the right place that's good enough for me.

[Kate T]

You should be hard on yourself if you dead name her. Because you know how much it hurts, even when it is accidental or a "slip up".

I hope your visit goes well and you both have a good time and a chance to reconnect.

[KymberlyOct]

Yeah, that's true. I shouldn't dead name my aunt even when it is not directly with her.

[I Am Paula]

Ok, Cindy asked for an update. No probs with her name, I was the only one who didn't dead name her.
The truly funny part of the story- No, she did not get the memo. I jumped out of the car, kissed her, and said 'long time no see'. We drove about an hour, and she asked how Eric was. I told her Eric had died four years ago. Then she said 'And how's Paul?'
Long pause.............My sister and I were speechless. After regaining some composure, my sister pointed at me, and said 'That's Paul'.
We had a lovely visit, and I got to know her much better.

[jentay1367]

that's too funny, Paula. Who the heck did she think planted the kiss on her when you got out of the car?