I think it was BadTranny but I'm not sure. Someone said the first transphobe you have to deal with is yourself. Where I am going with this is how have you all overcome your fear? But first indulge me while I explain a bit.
My entire life since age 5 I knew I wanted to be female. It never bothered me and I never overcompensated it was just who I was but I never intended to share it with anyone. It was my secret. I am tall, I figured I would look ridiculous and figured I would just go through life unfulfilled. To keep this from turning into a novel I will fast forward. I decided to transition at the start of April.
I had never felt shame or embarrassment over being trans, nobody knew and I was OK with it. Now that I have taken real steps to transition - Out to brother and 4 friends - electrolysis - transgender therapist - FFS consultation it is getting real. I WILL NOT go backward. That is more scary than going forward. But still I am scared. Not scared of becoming a woman. I am scared what people will think of me. Not my friends - real friends will accept me. It is people that shouldn't matter - acquaintances that will gossip or strangers when I am clocked.
Now it occurs to me - as whoever said it - I am the first transphobe that I have to deal with. I never thought I felt shame over this but obviously I do. Why else would I care what anybody thinks. I don't care if they know my eyes are brown. If I care that they know I am trans I must be ashamed.
That is something I need to come to terms with. Really. Not just being comfortable with my secret. It is not going to be a secret anymore. So I need to actually accept myself. The one time I cried with the 5 people I told is when I told my friend that I have to have extensive FFS because I don't want to look like a freak. At that moment is when I cried.
None of you can do this for me. I have to find the strength within. I have been through some really hard stuff. 2 Autistic kids, 2 heart attacks, cancer, 2 layoffs and best friend murdered. It should be easy to transition right? I am scared. I know that courage is being afraid and doing it anyway. But..... My question for all of you that have made this journey or are at least on it is ..... how did you summon the courage? What did you believe that enabled you to say - I don't care what anybody says or thinks about me or how they treat me.
I know I will find the courage but I thought I could incorporate some of your thoughts and experiences into the mindset I am building for myself.
Anybody got anything light to talk about??? Any new clothes or shoes lately? LOL !!!!!
Thanks
Kym