Not in the closet as much as I thought

[Maria 60]

We had a day off this week and went to a park about an hour from home and enjoyed a beautiful day together, and believe it or not no Maria I just wanted to relax and enjoy the day.
On our way home we went to a outlet mall that we go to often, and there is a store there that I buy most of my pantyhose at discount prices, but it is a hit and miss. Sometimes they don't have certain sizes or colours and it's a really small store.
When we went in I notice the regular women wasn't there, she must have been the owner or manager and when I asked the girl there where the other women was, she pointed to the parking lot and told me they were having a tent sale and she was working over there. We went to check out the tent sale and my wife was checking out the swim suits and the women we usally see there came over and greeted us and told us she hasnt seen us in a while and how we were. She then grabbed me by the hand and started showing me all the different things on special and showing that the things we usally buy are less then half price, which felt very uncomfortable for me.
As she was showing me around to my surprise she had a rack with slips, WOW my favourite and they were beautiful, I made a comment that those slips must be her top sellers since I can't remember the last time I seen a women wearing one, she told me that I would be surprised how many women still wear them and that a lot of women will wear them as nighties because they are so light and cool and then she shocked me and told me they are very popular with cross gender and closet crossdressers and asked me if I wanted to buy a few. WOW! what did she mean by that. I looked at her face and she had alittle grin, I then I asked her what she meant with that comment, she said nothing and turned around and started walking away, I stopped her and asked her she must of meant something and to humour me on how she has come to her conclusion. She said that she is only speculating and has no proof but that when we go into her store and she sees us whispering and that she sees that I'm not comfortable there and it's very commen for a man to want his wife to wear certain pantyhose but we are to conspicuous, and that she has been doing this for many years and is very experienced and is more then sure that my wife is short and is definitely a size "B" and could get away with a "C" but they wouldn't fit her properly and would be uncomfortable. Wow she was right, the two times a year my wife wears pantyhose she borrows them from me and she does complain they are uncomfortable. She told me she is only telling me this because we are regular costomers and she fells comfortable talking to us and explained again that she was only speculating and does not discriminate or judge her costomers and that she has a lot of cross gender clients and is more then happy to help them in anyway and apologized if she offended me in anyway. I told her no and she pitched me cheek and told me to ask her if I need help with anything and she walked away. I went back to my wife and she pointed out to me that they have some great slips there and I told her what happened and my wife said that I'm not in the closet as much as I think. I bought my regular pantyhose I really wanted to buy one of those beautiful slips but didn't want to proof her theory to be right, and when we finished paying we said goodbye and gave me alittle wink. What a great person with a great attitude, I think I will feel more comfortable in her store now. I thought I would share this story, after all I can't tell anyone else, I could only share this with my friends here.

[Pat]

It reads as a very sad story to me. She approached you and you denied yourself; she gave you an opening and you rebuffed her; you decided not to buy a thing you wanted because it would confirm the truth and then you finish up saying you'll be more comfortable in her store now. Honestly, it makes me want to weep for the tortures the closeted put themselves through. Why not just relax? Lean into the acceptance? And allow yourself some joy? Clearly she wants to be an ally. Clearly your wife is OK with it. But you draw a circle around yourself to keep happiness at bay. "so sad."

Just my impression though. I'm probably reading it wrong.

[Laura912]

I have established a shopping relationship with the manager of a women's clothing store in a mall near here. She very gently asked if the clothes I was looking at were for me. After a split second I said yes. Ever since, when I go into that store, she takes care of me, helps select clothes that fit, and gives style advice. Her eye for colors I like is wonderful. You have an opportunity to enjoy a similar relationship so go for it. The manager already knows.

[Teresa]

Maria,
I'm inclined to agree with Jennie, especially as your wife is Ok with your dressing, she wouldn't have minded if you had chosen one of the slips.

I have a great relationship with a SA in a charity shop, she now keeps things aside for me, she knows my style and shoe size , she's not offended if I turn something down, I have shown her pictures of me wearing some of the things I've bought .

[Allisa]

It doesn't take a lot to put 2 and 2 together and figure out who may be a CDer or some other kind of gender variance. It took a lot for her to come forward to you about her theory and possibly lose a regular customer. I'm sure many SA know but keep it to themselves as not to embarrass or offend. I did have one event but in reverse with my fave SA at my usual shoe store when I stopped in on my way home from work(tired of sitting in traffic) and it took a while for her to recognize me, when questioned why I was dressed as I was(sweaty and dirty) I explained I needed to work to afford all the shoes I buy, her response was I thought you were a hairdresser, so when I quizzed her why a hair dresser she said well the way you dress and your hair is so nicely styled I just thought...it just goes to show, you never know.

[deebra]

Maria, I agree with Jennie, Laura and Teresa, you need to go back and ask that S.A. for help, have her help you select and buy 2 or 3 slips, establish a relationship with her by acknowledging you are a C.D. and keep going back to her. What a wonderful S.A., if only the rest of society was like her. I know this from experience, now do it!!!

[SherriePall]

What hurt was passing up a bargain on those slips!

[suzanne]

Those SA's are doing more than just being nice or professional or increasing profitability or whatever else you can think of. Many of them have seen the anguish and contortions the closeted go through and they genuinely want to help by making you more comfortable. Because to them, for a man wearing a dress is not the crime some of us were raised to think it is. And these women are experts at reading people's body language from gaging customer reactions to their merchandise. They can tell when someone is interested or not.

Another thing that happens is that seeing a man being comfortable in a dress shop is not that common, so they are remembered. In my favorite store, there is a small section of chairs and a stack of magazines. There sit the reluctant husbands and boyfriends who are afraid to show an interest in what their ladies wear. If a man actually were to browse, it gets noticed. Not in a negative way, mind you. It's just unusual, and you tend to get remembered for it.

So, please, please, please try to find a way to get comfortable with who you are, because #1 your wife is right when she told you you aren't as closeted as you think #2 it's not a big deal and #3 SA's can tell and they want to help.

BTW, I think you should go back to that store and apologize to that SA for lying to her and making her uncomfortable. Then buy that goshdarn slip.

[Teresa]

Suzanne,
I often think they should make a creche for male shoppers, give them some magazines and a big screen ! The girls can then go and do their clothes shopping in peace, and Cders ! It has created a problem for my wife because I now take longer going through the women's section than she does, she's not happy about that !

[Stephanie47]

I have to agree with the other ladies. You had the opportunity to establish a very nice relationship between you and the owner. I'm also sure in her mind you confirmed that you are a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing. And, your wife is correct. Women seem to have a sense about men who are overly interested in women's clothing.

PS: What was the label of the slip and style. I love full slips.

[Angie G]

Yes what everyone has said to you I echo. Let thin woman know and help you. She doesn't care if you dress or not.
Angie

[MissTee]

If you go there often, which it sounds like you do, then you'll have other opportunities to ease into the acceptance this lady seemed to show. I know it's hard when we spend so much time being guarded to just up and admit it. I would have likely done the same and at least downplayed it.

To your second point that we're not as closeted as we think, I feel that's true to. Women have a very curious nature and I must certainly feel they figure us out before we even notice they may be figuring us out.

[2B Natasha]

I too have to agree with Jennie. What a sad story about denying yourself. Denying your own happiness. Denying your freedom. Denying your comfort in a social situation. Especially since you are out for all practical purposes.

What I also don''t understand. Is why if your wife " Borrows " your PH that don't fit. Why don't you take the opportunity to buy several pairs in different colors that ARE her size. That way. The next time she asks at least she can be comfortable.

[Christine 2]

Your wife is fine with your dressing

[Dana44]

I agree with Jennie however, don't dwell on it. The next time you go there do not disagree with her and let her know that you are a CD. She will not share that and will help you a lot. Do explain and apologize as you had rebuffed her. She is your ally and it can only get better. It is okay to be out of the closet a little.