Finding the will to dress up

[taylormercedes]

So recently I've been having a bit of a struggle to dress up. For the last few years since I've been married I've gone through a couple cycles of dressing up. Usually it begins with approaching my wife with my desire to crossdress. From there I usually dress up for a few months, going out, buying makeup, buying outfits, wigs, etc...the whole shebang. Then inevitably my wife goes through a crisis of herself and tells me she can't see me as my male self anymore and that she thinks our marriage is in trouble. So I stop dressing up, I pack away the clothes and she gives away/ throws out other items of my femme self. I focus on being a good husband and letting her needs before my own. And then like some other crossdressers who try and stop the urge to femme up starts to creep back and we begin the whole cycle all over again. This has happened about 3 times now, and I'm at the beginning of a 4th cycle. But this time feels different. I want to dress up very bad, and go out, and wear leggings and heels, but I'm not finding the willpower to do so. I have the clothes out of storage and my wife is willing to go pick out make up with me, but I haven't pulled the trigger so to speak. I don't know why this is different and I can't work up the day to dress. I've pondered a few different reasons why such as: we're currently doing IVF treatments and I don't wanna tuck for fear or ruining any of my swimmers (if you know what I mean); a recent flare up of eczema has kept me cautious of shaving my legs; and lately I've been a little short in the spending fund as my wife is temporarily unemployed.

I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through periods where they want to dress up, and can dress up, but don't for one reason or another. And if so, what did you do about it. Also any suggestions to break my self out of this funk.

[sara66]

I think most of us go though this. I have been in a bit of a funk myself. you have a lot going on right now. The IVF is tough on both of you. Don't worry a pink wave will hit with a vengeance.
Good luck on the IVF.
Sara

[Lana Mae]

I go through the same thing! I live with my daughter who does not want to see daddy in a dress! I work part time and can only dress on my week day days off. In male mode 90% of the time. Sometimes I just do not feel like dressing for what ever reason. So I do not and just go with the flow! The pink fog sets in and I dress! Maybe today or maybe another day but it will set in!! Best of luck and good wishes with your other concerns!! (which may be why you are in a funk) Remember it never goes away! Hugs Lana Mae

[CarlaWestin]

It's like knowing that the water in the pool is cold.
You just have to dive in to feel how wonderful it is.
And, you might need to find a happy middle with your wife.
DADT ain't all that bad.

[Alice Torn]

I am an old bachelor, but i go through similar things. Have time to dress and go out, but with me, fear, laziness, and the guy side get in the way.

[Dana44]

Yeah, we all go though that. Life does get in the way sometimes. But you will get the pink fog one day. Take it easy and wait until the treatments are through if IVF is what I think it is. You two are busy right now.

[ClosetED]

Certainly the IVF and the unknowns it brings are distracting. Yes, if you warm the testicles that does reduce sperm counts, so tucking them up and certainly inside for extended periods will do that. I know A LOT about the whole infertility process and have read all of ASRM's position papers as well as a lot of literature and spoken to many REs.
So what to do - try to find what it is you really desire from CDing - a see if doing the minimum would be a balance. When you go too far, you know this is going to upset her and that is bad for the IVF. So do you need to go out, or would dressing alone be enough? You like leggings and heels - then you don't have to shave your legs. Funding - you have stuff in storage. If you need a refresher on makeup, you should be able to get a small supply to get you your feminine appearance. It doesn't have to be MAC.
Or look at pictures you kept of you when dressed - just seeing them may help
Hugs, Ellen

[Debra Russell]

Just remember - things change. Keep busy and be vigilant and patient it will get better - shop, come here and visit, or whatever you can to scratch that c/ding itch...........................Debra, by the way you look very pretty

[Jane G]

What I am getting from your post is you love your wife more than you love your feminine self. Welcome to the club, if that is indeed the case. Your life will be complicated and for the most part very happy.

[Pat]

My first reaction is that if you need to summon will power to dress, don't do it. Crossdressing is not a duty nor a responsibility -- it's an expression of an inner need. If you don't feel the need, don't do it.