Going out

[Alice 23]

I very vividly remember my first time going out. It was sometime last November. I was wearing a cute green sweater dress, maroon tights, makeup, wig, breast forms, and heels. My very supportive wife and I decided it was time to go for a short drive, so we waited until dark and made our move. It felt like it was time to move onto what I felt was the next step, but I wasn't quite ready to go out in broad daylight. Stepping out of the apartment that first time, fully dressed as I was, was so incredibly nerve wracking, but oh the adrenaline! We didn't want to stay out too long, so we just drove to the gas station about 5 miles away. My wife looked over at me from the driver's seat and said, "You're fueling". Oh boy, this is it! I thought for sure someone would clock me, but fueling the car went without a hitch.

Since then, we've gone out a few more times, and I've always had a ton of fun, in various outfits, but always at night. We stopped going out for some reason in the early spring, but Here lately, I've been wanting to go out again. However, I can't find the courage to go out. I'd like to go without my wife sometime, and in the daylight, but everyone I get ready to go out, the thought of doing that just gets me shaking in my heels! So what I'm wondering is, what encouraged you to go out the first time, and how did you find the courage? I know everyone says the muggles don't care, and I'm almost starting to believe that, but for some reason, I'm terrified to even open the blinds!

[Maria 60]

It was great the first times out feeling the breeze up my skirt and the sound of high heels. The first time I went out in daylight was when my wife desperately wanted me to drive her somewhere, and to convince me she told me I could drive dressed. It was amazing feeling the sun heating up my pantyhose legs and realized that nobody was really paying attention, and my car has a light tint on the windows which made it easier.
I got to comfortable with it that and it became a once a week drive, my wife encouraged it because she seen it made me more calm and then I stopped it myself, I was feeling I was wondering to far out of the closet. Once out it gets addicting and sadly as humans we always want more.

[Jenniferathome]

Alice, I do not think it is "courage" that is required. You have to be able to not care about what anyone might think or say. If you can get to the "don't care" stage, going out in girl mode is no different than in boy mode. Along with the "don't care" attitude, get the idea of passing out of your head. It's a virtual impossibility to pass as a genetic woman. The good news is that you do not need to. People really seem not to care. I do not pass and I go out. I wish I could articulate the "click" that happened in my head when I just said, "screw it." You can get there. Ask yourself why SHOULD you care what others think? Do you know them? Do you respect their opinions?

I reached the point where dressing and staying in was simply boring. Social interaction is just more fun.

[Allisa]

Got to agree with Jennifer the I don't care what others think attitude and if it's not going to jeopardize your means of income why stay indoors there's a big world out there to be enjoyed while "dressed". As for my motivation, I just said "this is it" and out the door I went, I was doing nothing wrong so why act like I was, now going home seems to be the problem.

[Alice 23]

That does seem to be what I'm struggling with the most, getting to the "to heck with what people think" stage. I don't know if it's because I live in a notoriously non-LGBT friendly state, or if that's just how I view the great state of Utah.

[Jenniferathome]

I've been out in Salt Lake. No issues. I don't think the LDS are any more judgmental than anyone else. Letting it go is incredibly freeing

[Rachael Leigh]

Alice I'm another one in Jennifer's court here it does take some courage but yes you just have to say to yourself it's just clothes that I'm wearing it's not like I'm going out to do anything wrong it's just clothes and be yourself and have fun with it and enjoy
Leigh

[Alice 23]

That is actually incredibly freeing knowing that, Jennifer! Thank you so much for sharing. And yes, that was the demographic I was concerned about. Having been raised in and around that group, I've met those who are totally cool and relaxed, and I've met those who were a bit more strict in their observance. I loved in a very strict neighborhood growing up, and I'm starting to realize they might be an exception to the rule.

[Jenniferathome]

As Leigh pointed out, you are doing nothing wrong so don't act as if you are. Chin up, eyes up, shoulders back. You've nothing to hide and people do respond to that.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My first time out, I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival. My wife was out of town, my daughter was living on her own, and I just made up my mind to go. I had to do some advance shopping for makeup, a handbag, and a scarf for my head, since I didn't have a wig at that time. I even rented a wench costume at the faire. I figured the Ren Fest was like Halloween, plausible deniability.

There must have been thousands of people there, and except for one drunk dude, nothing bad happened. Some ladies picked up on my costume, and smiled at me. I just gave them a big smile back. And the girls at the costume rental place just couldn't get over it; they were just so cool. And, while I didn't get Mam'd, I did get a M'Lady.

So, that was how I broke thru the "pink ceiling".

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Alice,
That first time out seems to go 2 ways ... Either it's OMG! I need more of that!
Or it's, OH F@€K ! Not for me!
I can feel you... Stopped at a gas station... No way out! Can't make it home, and back
without refueling. Just gotta do it! And then the "normals" surround you, those burnin' torches
are F'in scary! Right? Really though, everyone there is doin what you're there doin, just gettin gas!
Go out (In a safe area) do normal things, enjoy yourself (instead of being scared of others thoughts)
Honestly, you can't enjoy a night out if you're worried about somebody looking at you with a
negative view. That's a bit rare here, and hopefully more rare as we become more active.
Really! NO ONE CARES!
HELL! I hope this doesn't get boring for me!
Is there a support group for that ?
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Helen_Highwater]

So what I'm wondering is, what encouraged you to go out the first time, and how did you find the courage?

To answer your question, the first time I really went out in the daylight, (I'd been out to quiet country places where folks were thin on the ground), but what I really count as being out in the daylight was going out to the shops. This was the day after the night before when I'd been to a group meeting where others, and I don't in anyway mean to be unkind, who just won't pass told me of how they went out shopping all the time and no-one said anything or anything scary happening. It was at that moment I decided if they can, I can.

I to am one of those who won't pass close inspection. I dress to blend, try not to walk like a dude and just go about my business. If you shop, look the SA's in the eye, smile, be polite, make the usual small talk and just be a normal customer.

The first few minutes your heart will feel like it's going to burst, your guts will be a tight knot but that soon passes. Just relax and behave like you belong. As all the others have said, passing shouldn't be the benchmark, it's becoming comfortable that should be your goal.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Alice, I wasn’t encouraged to go out into the light, I just had to! But like you it was an exhilarating experience. The adrenaline rush was fantastic. I always like to read Jennifer’s posts, I always learn something new. It’s how you carry yourself, how you act, if you carry yourself and act like a victim you will become a victim. Believe in what you are doing, like it was said here, it isn’t bad or wrong; just be strong and do it. Don’t let them keep you in shadows. Take care, Brenda

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Alice,

For me going out the first time was equal parts terror and exhilaration. Thanks for sharing your story - I'm glad you enjoyed the experience!

Elizabeth

[irene9999]

The first time I went out was really late at night around my block where I live, it was really exhilarating and scary the same time! Like others have said, it's all about having confidence and not caring what others think and you'll be fine, but the first time is scary because you just don't know what to expect or how others will react! Lucky for me, I've never been called names or have had people point and laugh at me, I just sort of blended in

[Sometimes Steffi]

One time I was at a Sports Authority (RIP) looking to buy some femme workout clothes.

The was a GG there looking at men's athletic clothes, being very conspicuously nervous. Now she could be shopping for a dude friend or SO, but that should not cause her to be nervous. I assumed that she was looking in the men's department for athletic clothes for her. She was relatively tall. If I wasn't so nervous about looking for girl clothes, I would have gone over to her and offer my assistance.

[Lillybear]

My first time out my ex gf kinda wanted me to so I would feel comfortable with my desire to feel like a princess so we went to the mall and I have on a size 5 pair of Jean booty shorts and a pink t-shirt with sparkly letters the said princess she did my makeup eyebrows straighten my hair put a Lilly in my hair my legs were all shaved we did our nails pink put on heels and she made me walk like a lady through the mall a lot of people stared but had my hand and introduced me as Lilly or lil B for little b**** she got me a couple dresses then made me wait for her in the food court while she went into Spencer's where she bought some toys to complete my transition from being her man to her CD bubble butt princess and now I'm single and a bit lost...

[Krisi]

You say you've already been out in public dressed several times so what is it that's stopping you now?

If it's being seen by neighbors or people you know, underdress and drive somewhere and change. Or go to another city and get a room to change in. If you are around people who don't know you, it doesn't really matter what they think. And of course, don't dress like a hooker, dress like the other women.

[Alice 23]

You say you've already been out in public dressed several times so what is it that's stopping you now?

If it's being seen by neighbors or people you know, underdress and drive somewhere and change. Or go to another city and get a room to change in.

TBH, I don't really know why I've stopped going out. Every time my SO and I plan to go for a drive, I start finding excuses for no reason. I have no idea where this anxiety is coming from, just that it is and I will beat it.

This has all been very encouraging, and I thank you all deeply for taking time to reassure and encourage me. I've started to make plans to go out on Tuesday morning, underdressed somewhere, where I'll be able to change into full femme mode! Who knows, I might even wash the truck or buy a new outfit while I'm out! I'll keep y'all posted on my progress, probably in another thread. Thanks again!

[Teresa]

Alice,
I wouldn't worry too much at your age just take it slow, go back to taking a drive by yourself, maybe take a safe walk for a few minutes. I've only just got to it at my age, I'm afraid too many things got in the way for most of my married life , I never gave it a thought.

It easier as you get older , you don't care as much what people think, my greatest fear is they would think I was a silly old fool but thankfully that hasn't happened, I certainly don't feel it.
I was very calm about going out first time to my social group considering I was dressed in a long ballgown because it was a buffet and dance anniversary . It was January and very cold so I had to drive and find the venue in the dark, and then walk in wearing 4" heels to meet forty plus people for the first time, all I know it felt right and to be doing it , I even ended up on the dance floor which is something I didn't expect .

[nikkiwindsor]

Alice,

I too am nervous as heck when venturing outside even just a little bit. But, I really enjoy it. I'm so happy and content when en femme. Trying to summon up the courage to go out a little more. But, first I really would like to get my feminine walk, mannerisms and maybe even voice improved. I really don't want to be perceived as a man in a dress since that's not how I feel inside. I want my outside to be in harmony with what's inside of me.

Nikki

[barbara gordon]

Try to plan a trip out of town with your wife . bring your "drag bag". plan to go to a city to to a resort that is open to lgbt lifestyles.

I think Phoenix or Denver might be close enough to drive to for a weekend , or you can go to west hollywood in L.A. , Boston , New YorkCity , fort Lauderdale Fl , etc . Being anonymous in a place that accepts you can help make you feel more at ease .

You can try the Beach enfemme in Tampa florida , St Petes Beach Fl , and Fire Island /Cherry grove NY .

Going to any of these places and committing to a few days fully dressed can be a great way to develop your "Going out confidence" that you can then use when you go out closer to home.