But this is what I cannot understand. If a CDer wants to drink wine or eat a salad in guy mode, AND he wants to pretend that he's a guy, why can't he pretend to be a guy who drinks wine and eats salads. Lots of men drink wine and eat salads.Originally Posted by Jennie-cd
Reine
I'll eat pizza with a knife and fork when crossdressed and will use a napkin instead of the back of my hand.
Tina
Tina
I assume you are joking.
My father was taught to eat everything with a knife and fork. My mother was of the type that some foods can be eaten with fingers, just not be a slob about it. I would hope a parental unit would have taught you not to use the back of your hand.
Because he's afraid he'll give himself away. We see a pretty constant stream of questions in this forum that basically fit the form, "If I do <x>, will it 'out' me?" Where <x> can be almost anything -- what food they can eat, what clothes they can wear, what places they can go, etc. The key is they want <x> but fear allowing themselves <x> because it might reveal they are crossdressers.
To me, that argues that they are playing a male role -- they're asking the other actors around them if <x> fits the character they're trying to project. Sadly the answers are often couched in fear and paranoia. An actual cisgender man wouldn't even be able to formulate the question. He doesn't have to consider if some act projects manliness because anything he does projects manliness by virtue of the fact he's doing it and is a man.
I understand this isn't an insight that people are going to flock to. I just offer it because it was a truth I learned about myself. It might resonate with a few people or give them a branching off point in their own journey of self-discovery. I fully understand that there are folks whose world view says they can be 100% cisgender men who just happen to own $1,000 worth of crossdressing paraphernalia that they use on a regular basis. That's OK.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
The only people "playing a man role" are FTM crossdressers or transsexuals. We don't play a role, we are that role. We have been it all our lives.
If I drink wine or eat a salad, it's because that's what I want to do, not because I am playing a role. Same for if I drink beer and eat a steak. When I dress as a man, I am not playing a role, that's how men dress and I've always dressed that way. It's when I dress as a woman that I am playing a role.
I understand this, but my point to the OP was to stop living in a CD-induced, severely restricted world where guys can only do certain things else others will "guess". How would the OP's friends or the other people in the restaurant "guess" that the OP enjoys feeling feminine if he drinks wine and eats salads, when scores of other men drink wine and eat salads without anyone batting an eye. The idea that others might "guess" based on whether a CDer likes art, dancing, salads & wine is all in a CDer's mind! It's a distortion of reality and it seems to me that if a CD enjoys these things he should feel free to enjoy them just like the rest of the world. Otherwise, a weird type of pressure will build where he will only feel free to eat what he wants and dance while he is dressed, and he will continue to split himself in two, eventually feeling as if he needs to make choices about living exclusively as one or the other, which will make him hugely unhappy if transition is not an option.
The only thing that causes others to guess that a CD crossdresses is appearance: clothes, makeup, jewelry, plucked eyebrows, shaved body, etc. Nothing else (personal interests, food choices, career choices, etc) is gendered. So he can either own it, tell selected people and go out in public attired like a female, or continue to dress in private.
Reine
I loved this post! You hit the nail on the head for me. Brenda
Reine -- I think we're in 100% agreement.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
and they said I would never use algebra
and the whole...car show as a guy but botanic gardens as a woman? I hope you're joking.
I get so confused by CD lifestyle sometimes. I want some of that magic fairy dust
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Oh, sweetie, if you've never experienced that, believe me, you don't want any of that dust. That dust is horrible bad.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
When I put on my women's workout stuff, you better believe I'm exercising like a chick!
On many levels, it's simply "easier" & I feel more free to do that, than if I were wearing men's clothing.
Just the way it is.
Heck, before I got back into the whole dressing thing, I didn't even want to workout. These days? Totally motivated!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XttdO1yipo
There is no real behavior difference for me. I'd still lay around, watch YouTube, play games, smoke, etc. No difference when it comes to bathroom stuff either.
I can actually dance in girl mode. Don't ask me to dance in male mode unless it's at Whole Foods behind a shopping cart with Godzilla playing over the PA.
I am told that I give off an androgynous aura at all times but my movements are more feminine when dressed.
From my experience, the whole notion that we a consciously thinking about limiting ourselves about what we do in each of our gendered selves misses the point entirely. When my wife and I realized that "Tina" really existed, we wanted to know who she was. When Tina cones to "visit" it is as if we both step back in amazement, watching her decisions, interests, likes, dislikes, etc. As has been mentioned above, my male self can't be in the same room with a chicken flick, so when my wife wants to watch one she either warns me, or she asks Tina to visit so they can watch it together! Tina has her own set of adult beverages, her own set of books she enjoys, musical instruments she prefers to play, crafts she prefers, foods she prefers (to cook and eat), and frankly, she's left handed while my male self is right handed..no kidding!
None of these preferences is a contrivance, but simply her choice. As a male, he makes his own choices, not at all worried about how that relates to Tina. Ok, so it is a very wild world, but now that we know who we are, we are very comfortable with this natural duality.
Tina, I've read your posts for years and I'm amazed that you and your wife continue to see your expression while dressed as a third person, even after all this time. If it works for you this is a good thing, but I don't think the personality split is something that most people go for?
Reine
Because gender is ultimately subjective. The minute you are born the Dr. slaps your behind and announces "it's a boy/girl" and that begins your training in gender. Everyone's training is slightly different depending on the milieu they are raised in and their interaction with it. These ideas are imprints and although we can intellectually understand that "pink" has no inherent gender, many of us will still viscerally associate that color with femininity. There isn't really anything you can do about it except to use the intellect rather than the gut when making the important decisions. This is the cognitive dissonance we all live with in a changing culture. The intellect believes one thing and the gut believes another. Try not to take it too seriously. If someone wants to act out their silly notions of gender, what is the harm? This generation and it's ridiculous notions and stereotypes will soon die off and be replaced by something equally dumb.
The one thing that I wish guys would do in girl mode is sit with their legs together. My husband's support group has guys that spend a lot of time and effort to look good as women but the dead giveaway is sitting with their knees three feet apart. Otherwise, no one really notices what they eat or drink.
Totally agree with the knees thing!
Would be really interesting to read a "pet peeves" thread, where everyone (GG's included) could chime in with this sort of helpful feedback.
Some females do some mannerisms and gestures and postures different than males. However for every rule there are exceptions! I have seen girls albeit with jeans on sitting with legs sprawled out! Women who gulp down food and drink!! And the type of food and drink makes no difference both eat and drink the same things!! I have seen women walking like male farmers (no offense to farmers) It is a diverse world we live in and we can just strive to do our best!! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae
Hi Reine. One reason I just posted as much as I did is the current discussion about a new forum about gender-fluid, bi-gendered, etc folks, and one of the themes seems to be this very issue of gender separation. Like you, I thought there weren't too many of us, but now I not so sure. It will be very interesting to watch the direction of that discussion. Lastly, the very gender separation that seems to be who I am may very well be why it has always been so easy for us. My wife kept her husband and gained a loyal girlfriend who is not trying to encroach on her marriage. It really is fascinating for all of us.
I refrain from really scratching my face with makeup on, if I can help it at all.
Though I've never drank in a bar or club en femme, I would most likely still get my usual drinks, I just love whiskey too much.
Definitely careful about my hair and how I'm sitting (I only wear dresses and skirts in girl-mode).
Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."
-Home Movies
(cartoon series)
Shoe size: 9 US women's.
Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
Height: 5' 6".
I notice that when I go to pick something up from the floor, how that I imitate how I girl would do it. Gracefully.
In girl mode, I used to be more expressive and maybe a little over the top with the gestures, especially the hand gestures. Now, I am the same no matter what. Clothes might change but nothing else
Being non-binary or having gender fluidity (as opposed to being either male or female), does not mean separating yourself to have one personality that is male and the other, female. It means permanently-all-the-time being non-binary (neither male nor female), at the very core of a person's being. If this makes sense. So someone like this might say things like "yesterday I presented as a boy and today I am presenting as a girl" (note there are no third pronouns like "he" or "she"). Whereas you always choose to talk about Tina in the third person. Does this make sense?
Reine
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