So i have a question about my gender please give me your input..

[Veronica putters]

Ok so here is my question and im sorry if this is in the wrong form. So im a 30 year old male if i must be called that and for as long as i can remember i have always wanted to be a women i would dress up in my mothers clothing at starting age 4 to about age 7. Then i stopped for a bit but i was always thinking about it.. I would wrap my self up in my blanket like i was in a cocoon hoping that if i stayed in there long enough i would turn in to a girl.well let me tell you that does not work. SO through my teens i found my self wanting to take my friends sister panties i hate to say it i did it twice... Plus i was starting to find my self wanting to be a girl more and more and paying attention to there clothing more and more not under standing why it looked more natural to me. So now im 16 and i have a gf and things are going good not thinking about it as much but its still there so now im on gf number 4 and im 22 years old.. All of a sudden that wave hits me again hard and im with this girl and i get the urge to dress but im not turned on when i dress even tho im a horny person all the time i try not to link it to that.. So now were going out i find my self going through her clothing trying it on and feeling like this is me.. She would ask me if she could paint my toe nails all the time id let her but i would put up this huge fight but i'd want her to do it so bad.. She tried to get me to wear makeup all the time i wanted to so bad but i would not let her thinking if i did it was over between us.. so things went south not because of that but other stuff. So now i am 30 years old and i have been single for 5 years and im not looking for a partner due to being unhappy with this gender. i dont think i am a cross-dresser its not something i want to do part time or on the weekends i would love to be a women but so things are holding me back for taking the first step and thats my family they dont get it i know them and the othere one is i dont have my own place.. So i dont think this is a fetish nor me being a cross dresser this is something i want to do and i dont enjoy being in this male body. this thought is always going on in my head like a loop and its at the point where im dressing every chance i get when no one is around. SO i can go on and on but i dont want this to be to long and ill try to end it quick.. my question is what am i i like women and i dont see my self as a man and dont want to be with one what am i boy girl i want to be one all the time im not happy but when i let me be me im happy and its been a long time since i felt that..

sorry and thanks for your time what am i ?

[JanePeterson]

What you've written sounds simliar to many of the stories of the TS women here... BUT

Mostly what folks are selling on this side of the house is a process, not a label or a diagnosis... It sounds to me like you have strong feelings and desires, but maybe you want someone else to confirm for you what you already suspect? That's the thing with this stuff - none of us can tell you what you are - all we can do is offer support and offer advice on the next steps, and in my mind that is a therapist with experience treating transgender people.

I hope this helps a bit,

Jane

[Marcelle]

Hi Veronica,

From reading your post, I get a sense of confusion . . . hence the question. I think we have all been there at one time or another. Are you transsexual (TS) in that you want to be a woman or are you gender non-conforming (e.g, CD, gender fluid) in that you want to take on some of the trappings of a woman but still on occasion identify as male? Unfortunately as Jane noted, none of us can answer that question for you. If you are questioning and seem to have been all your life, now is the time to dig deep and get introspective with who you are and what you want to achieve. Is it just that you want the opportunity to dress and present as a woman whenever you want or can you see yourself living as a woman? If you are TS (i.e., want to be a woman) then that is going to be a tough road to travel as you will need to lay your life bare and open for all to see and move forward from there and that includes your family knowing. If you are gender non-conforming (i.e. don't want to be a woman) then you can hide that from whomever you wish and do so at your leisure returning to being a guy whenever you wish. However in either case you need to be comfortable with who you are and I don't get a sense that you are there yet. My recommendation is to make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues. She/he won't have the answer for you but they will work with you, guide you and help bring a bit of order to chaos. In the meantime, you need to explore who you are and I am not talking if you are a woman or a man but who Veronica is and what Veronica wants out of life. Once you understand yourself then you can move forward in whatever direction you need to in order to live as an authentic person (again note . . . I did not say man or woman but person).

As an aside, sexuality and gender identify are not linked. I am a tans woman and married to a lovely woman who has stuck with me through this. So, you can still be a trans woman and like women.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Rogina B]

Your story of confusion is most common and it is a good thing that you are single ! Seek some help as it will bring you some calmness. But be completely open and honest in your sessions if you want to get anything from it.

[Badtranny]

Go through the TS threads over the last 2 weeks. Find the 6 women who identify as TS who have the highest post counts. Go to their profiles, read their last 10 posts. Learn.

[Brooklyn]

Well if you like to dress up in panties and paint your toenails you are definitely a woman. Is that what you want to hear? The only thing any of us can say is that you are a human being. You’ll have to work out the rest with a therapist. But know that even under the best circumstances, being a trans-woman is a tough life, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone unless their happiness depends on it. But you are young, single, and NOW is the time to deal with this question you have. Consider yourself fortunate, forget the bras and makeup, and do the work.

[jentay1367]

A good therapist can help you cope with all of this.

[Emma Beth]

Like the others have said, we can't tell you one way or the other for sure. You need to get with a Therapist that specializes in Gender issues.

Only you can truly answer your question, preferably with the help and guidance of a therapist.

However, prepare yourself. If it turns out you are, then you need to be ready for a lot to happen. Be ready to loose the life you have known. Leaving that life behind can be very painful. Even if it means loosing your Family. Loosing your career and finding another one. Possibly everything.

However, everyone is different and we all walk our own paths. You might not loose everything, but it could happen.

I will freely admit that I have been one of the lucky ones so far. I have only lost one person, and it wasn't because of me being a Transwoman, and that was my wife. I have my Family behind me, but they weren't at first. I can't say that you will be as lucky. Only you can be the judge of who in your Family will be the most likely to accept you.

Just be very careful and take everyone's advice and seek out a Therapist that can help you answer your questions.

[KellyJameson]

Being a woman is not something you do, but something you are. Think of it like that person that at your core never changes. This essence creates your gender identity.

It is not wanting to be a woman because often it is as much about being a woman but not wanting to be.

The implications of being TS before, during and even after transition are so alarming that only someone in the grip of delusion and fantasy would look forward to it.

Most TS women try to escape their situation, with transitioning being the final solution. They do not run into it but are pushed into it.

Often beforehand they will run into all manner of self destructive behavior but than relent because they have run out of options.

If you are running into and embracing womanhood there is a danger that you are not coming from a place of gender identity but something else altogether.

It is my opinion and has been my experience that very few MtF transitioners are actually women. Most are simply men who could not succeed at being men for reasons that have nothing to do with being a woman.

Go out and meet people who identify as TS and see if you have the same experience and than compare yourself to them. Are you like them and do you experience them as women?

The TS world is a very sad place made up of lost, broken people. Be very careful of identifying with it.

[Tommie.]

Most medium and certainly large towns have therapists and counselors as mentioned above... consider searching the net for a trans friendly counselor in your town or area and make an appointment.... looking at this site is good and there are wonderful and experienced people here but a guide you can talk directly to about all this is critical.... has been for me... huggs.... tommie

[Zooey]

It is my opinion and has been my experience that very few MtF transitioners are actually women. Most are simply men who could not succeed at being men for reasons that have nothing to do with being a woman.

I'm pretty sure I understand exactly the kind of people you're talking about, although I'm not sure that I would agree with your conclusion as a generalization.

The TS world is a very sad place made up of lost, broken people. Be very careful of identifying with it.

I would caution anybody against adopting "transgender" as an identity. It's not an identity - it's an adjective applied to one. Beyond that, I'd say the "TS world' is a mixed bag; it's most definitely not all sad.

[KymberlyOct]

Although I am early on, I also have to agree with Zooey that it is at least a mixed bag. I have way more of this journey ahead of me than I have behind me but being your real self and not hiding anymore has to be one huge positive aspect. It is so nice to not worry if someone will see something on my computer. Or tell a friend I can't get together because i have electro to go to instead of making up some BS. Or talk to a cis girlfriend about real stuff instead of faking. Or say I have to go to my appointment at the trans clinic. Lying SUCKS. So although many of you have lived the stuff I am just planning I at least have done some of the hard and good stuff like telling people who I really am and that part feels great.

[Veronica putters]

i just wanted to say thank you for talking so i can see where some people stand.. one of you was saying that i might be a cross dresser i dont think i am. i dont like being a boy. One scary thing is that now i find my self wanting to tell people thigs about that side of me and i want to yell it out. Now im sure youll say why not go for it but my old man would not talk to me again nor my brother and friends... in the past they would show me pictures of people we went to school with that wear womens clothing or who are in trying to become a women. they would make fun say there is something wrong with that as i would fight for them saying whats it doing to you and they would come at me and call me names after.

I dont know like i said this is something more for me then dressing up. i dont feel right in my boy body i have been fighting it for years... i read that some people never heard of others finding there self in the later years nor does she believe them... I was like wtf when i read that some dont have the opportunity to change in to them self'sat a young age and most cant talk about it to anyone and there parents have a lot to do with that...

I will be trying to contact a gender therapist with in a year then start my life over.. but ya thanks again ladies for talking looking forward to hearing from all of you.

[Brooklyn]

It is my opinion and has been my experience that very few MtF transitioners are actually women. Most are simply men who could not succeed at being men for reasons that have nothing to do with being a woman.

The TS world is a very sad place made up of lost, broken people. Be very careful of identifying with it.

This is the kind of hurtful comment I expect to come from the religious right, not from another trans-woman. Sure there are a few people I wonder about, but if someone goes through the transition process, then they are a woman. It is not my place to judge. Let's dispense with the notion of the "true" or "primary" transsexual - it only serves to divide our community and cause many people anguish.

[Mirya]

...i would love to be a women but so things are holding me back for taking the first step and thats my family they dont get it i know them and the othere one is i dont have my own place..

If I were you, I would focus all my thoughts and energy into getting my finances in order. Transitioning is very expensive, and if you can't even afford your own place to live, you will have a very, VERY hard time trying to go through what is already an extremely difficult process. The question of "what am I?" is almost irrelevant if you don't have the money to do anything about it.

[jentay1367]

I appreciate what you're saying Mirya, but that's a "cart before the horse" proposition. She needs to figure out what she wants and who she is before she allocates finances to something that may or may not exist. I think she's concentrating and putting her resources and energy into the proper channels at this juncture. When your head is where hers is, you need to focus on what's germane at the moment. Everything else is nonsense and more easily dealt with when you have some direction.

[KymberlyOct]

This is the kind of hurtful comment I expect to come from the religious right, not from another trans-woman. Sure there are a few people I wonder about, but if someone goes through the transition process, then they are a woman. It is not my place to judge. Let's dispense with the notion of the "true" or "primary" transsexual - it only serves to divide our community and cause many people anguish.

To be honest when I read your comment Kelly I felt the same way. I am sure there is some degree of truth to it but I thought it was painting with a broad brush and I was taken aback that it did seem hurtful. This is a tough path we choose and I have only taken a few steps. It is important that people starting on this path understand why they are doing so and start that journey with eyes wide open but I would like to assume they know what they are doing unless their words and actions prove otherwise.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I agree with Mirya

Get your finances and your HEALTH in good order... this gives you the best chance to make good informed decisions ..especially if you are at risk of more Gender distress going forward...

and if you make progress on things you can control, it can improve your quality of life and help you think straight about confusing and difficult things..

[Mayo]

The very first thing you need to do is obtain some counselling. This is obviously causing a great deal of stress and conflict in your life and you need to speak to someone who can help you get a better grip on it. Based on what you've said so far I'd guess you are TS but actually following through with that will be a challenging road and you'll need some help to confirm that even before you get started. If you can't afford to pay for a psychologist or gender counsellor, check the internet for LGBTQ resources in your city - they may have social workers, groups or other people you can talk to.

[docrobbysherry]

Another vote for u seeing an experienced gender therapist. All we can give u here r opinions and our experiences.

U need to work this out for yourself, Veronica. A good counselor can help!

[Teresa]

Veronica,
Just to take up the point you make about wanting to shout it out, that sounds familiar, in other words you are crying out for help and haven't found it yet. You must try and go to counselling to get to the root of your feelings, some of the things you describe relate to CDers and some to the start of transition, you've gone round in circles long enough and now need to find a way of living a more balanced and happy life.

[Veronica putters]

When i was younger i would have said yes i was a CD but that was me just wanting to put a title on it..it does not stop when i dress up.. When i look down there im not happy with what i see the hair on my body the way ii talk and walk.. There has always been something different about me when i look at my self i dont see a boy or a man i have always see a women looking back at me and i have been fighting it because it scared me Not knowing what will happen if i tell people how i feel and im happy i have found this site because you ladies are so nice and helpful...

One ladie was talking about me not having the money to move out right now no cuz i just got a new car but i can afford stuff it would be hard but most things that are... are worth it... like i said i dont feel like a boy and never have.. i have had to hid who i am for so long because people dont like change and it makes me sick.. But like i said i will by going to talk to someone i know this is a big thing to do but i have to i dont feel like the real me and it will suck if i my friends and parents dont agree with me but its not there life... thanks again for talking and leeting me hear what your side..

Veronica putters

[KymberlyOct]

Veronica, I can feel the struggle and conflict you are feeling just from reading your words. Don't suffer, don't struggle alone. Yes we are here for you and this forum is helpful but I feel very strongly that you should work with a therapist and make that your number one priority. Please don't take that the wrong way, I am not saying you are crazy or anything like that. I am seeing a therapist - I just saw her today and I am very confident that I am completely sane. What I am saying is that it is clear you are struggling with this - a therapist can help you sort things out. They do not sort it out for you. They help you sort things out for yourself. Be nice to yourself - find a good therapist. You deserve it !!!