Wow Suzanne!...10 minutes in... Although she seems to lack diplomacy skills, apparently Dr V believes in giving the customer what they are paying for in short order!!!! At least she isn't one of those therapists trying to milk the patient for years!!!
With the beginning of school sessions, I will be getting back into a schedule of speaker panels at the local university and other locations and plan to refer the instructors to this paper... Thanks again Kaitlyn!!!!
A
Have you seen the little pieces of the people we have been?... Little pieces blowing gently on the wind... 11:11
I've been crossdressing since I was 12. I liked girls, so I figured that this was something that would go away with dating and puberty. (We all know the answer to that one). Since all of this was pre Internet, your only source for info was a rare library book or magazines like Penthouse Forum. I kept saying to myself that I must be just a crossdresser, can't be a girl cause I don't like guys as a sexual partner. For over 45 years, that's what I told myself.
In '07. I came down with a life threatening reaction to Lyme. I had lots of time on my hand recuperating and an IPad. I learned a lot getting well. Hey, You could still be TG and like girls! I would have two more bouts with the Lyme over a 5 year period. I also found out just how special I was, but wouldn't admit it to myself.
Finally in November of 2014, I had a week to be Heidi and be myself. I had already begun laser treatments on my beard in July just to give me a break from having such a heavy shadow. These two events finally convinced me that I was more than just a crossdresser. I had a long talk with myself and decided that everything pointed to being gender dysphoric. I waited until after the Holidays to make my first gender psychologist appointment. It didn't take her long to come to the same conclusion that had taken me 46 years to arrive at. So on my 59th birthday, March 11, 2015, I was given the go ahead to begin HRT as soon as the Doctor ok'd my health. So in a way I knew at 12, I just wasn't informed enough until much later. Better late than never, they say!
Last edited by Heidi Stevens; 09-22-2016 at 07:49 AM.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
I Knew from an early Age , probably 6 or 7 although at that time i did not know , i just thought it was natural , it was more later in life , hitting puberty , not wantng to change in the boys changing room etc
finding Girls easier to talk to , and being more comfortable around girls, but again did not think much of it and do anything and everything possible not to mix with the boys , which ultimately ended up being bullied for the reason of being different than the rest Kids can be distructive , i found myself being a loner in my teenage years , and found a hobby i liked , which also became my work which expanded with trips around the world , which was fantastic
ultimately ending up in marriage , kids etc .
But being away a lot meant i had time , ended up transitioning late in life , my only regret is not doing so earlier .
Early. And I mean REAL early. I was two. While playing with a large group (about 7) kids seated in a circle I still recall looking around and noticing there was a dichotomy. Intuitively I categorized myself as being one of these, not one of those. Ever since, it was a secret known just to me up through the early school years. Questions led to understandable scolds and I learned to internalize my realization. By college time I knew this would never relent and I began the long shift that should have occurred at conception.
Last edited by MarieTS; 10-01-2016 at 02:46 AM.
Marie
At a very young age I had issues being forced by my parents to conform to be a male and knew it was wrong. Lived in a small community were looking back there was (at least from my memories) nobody like me. So from say age 6 to early teens I was totally confused. Sometime around the age of 20 I began researching but nothing really came up. Sometime around 30 years old I found out about crossdressers yet I could not place myself into this category. A few more years rolled by and I learned about transgender and said to myself, this is me. Took another 20 plus years to make the decision to transition, did the normal things, hair removal and hormones then finished off with top and bottom surgeries.
In hindsight I have no regrets after transitioning of the lost years as what came before made me who I am today.
I'm very happy knowing that the younger generation will have an easier time overall being able to transition at earlier ages,
“When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be.” ― Julia Glass
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU- for all the wonderful posts!!! I SOOOOO appreciate learning about everyone's unique path. There is no "way" to transition except that which is right for each of us.
I think I should have been a girl!
Blessings to all!
Last edited by johnna; 10-16-2016 at 06:54 PM.
Johnna
It's only when we can celebrate who we are that the world will ever be able to do the same...
Know? What's "know"? I've posted before on how the meaning of this changes over time, but this time, I want to emphasize how the implications just keep sinking deeper and deeper. Anne Vitale describes how this plays out in terms of life stages accurately - but clinically. To consciously experience passing from one stage to another, however, is quite another thing, the difference between fearing what you may become to feeling its realization.
All the self-analysis drive has faded away for me. I don't need it to understand myself any longer, at least for gender. I still feel some need for validation, though, because analyses like this commentary on Vitale's views:
https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/2014...clinical-view/
... can still trigger - what? - pain, angst, even desperation - as my identity is questioned, parsed, and judged by others. Nothing, NOTHING in the literature really describes my life and how identity has played out and why. So "when did I know" doesn't seem like such an interesting question any more. The answers, including those I've given, don't seem that interesting or enlightening any more, either. Any time I have a more intimate exchange with another trans woman, the depth and complexity of the nuances are more telling than than any arbitrary knowledge milestones.
An old friend's signature line read "There are many ways to be a woman - or a transsexual." I've come to appreciate that point of view more and more over time. Life runs two ways: forward in un-appreciated experience and continuously retroactive in ever-changing understanding. There's beauty and pain at both ends. I'm not sure that valuing one stage of understanding more than another does anything but create more problems. Live in the now. Act in the now.
Sorry if this is a little dense.
Looking at that paper. I would describe my self to be a cross between type 1 and 3.
Never was interested in boys. Did have some occasions of being called sissy or such. Was a loner and spent much time reading. Not one for typical men's sports.
Probably why when I researched it in the 70s, was so easy to accept what I was and my path was clear. Did not spend years fighting what was inevitable.
Why do you think it triggers those reactions? Is it the linkage between Vitale's Group 3 to Blanchard's/Lawrence's AGP and the implicit negative connotation of misplaced erotic target locations? Personally I identify with a little of group one and a whole lotta group 3. Trying to understand...
Nikki, excellent question. Unfortunately, I have to reply both yes and no. The implications you mention are there and I don't like them. To the point of my reply, though, my lived experience doesn't fit neatly into the various boxes the theorists use. I'm not at all anti-label or opposed to systems and frameworks. I just wish they were used properly as aids to understanding and not as bases for judgment. The article I cited hints at the fundamental problem that leads to moral postures. The author uses Vitale's framework to justify, simplify and reduce her views, not to increase the depth of her understanding and empathy.
Lea, ouch, that's a tough blog you quoted! Jesus, you can practically hear the Schadenfreude.
In response to Nikki's question: why the angsty reaction? I read Kay Brown's AGP articles and was taken aback: they drip with disdain. She more or less calls any MtF transitioner over the age of puberty an incorrigible sexual deviant. If you believe differently, then either your therapist was too timid to say it, or you've managed to fool them.
There are generalizations all over the place:
- if you're attracted to the wrong gender (in line with the author's own preference), your transsexuality is invalid
- if you didn't dare to come out decades ago (like the author did), you're not really trans
- if you're not passable (like the author), you're not trans enough
etc
The overall tone and conclusions are crazy patronizing. Lea, your life is not the only one that doesn't fit those boxes Brown uses.
"Your hands are cold but your lips are warm..."
ok, I read more of Brown's articles from her blog and I get it. I basically agree with your take Jesse, except I don't think she invalidates one's trans experience based on sexual attraction, but rather your ultimate conclusion- someone like me (mostly vitale group 3) is trans, but a highly inferior, narcissistic, sexually deviant one, especially compared to group 1. Sweet. I also disagree with the idea that I was into my wife because I wanted to be her. That was and is completely inaccurate. And I'm not engaging in self deception.
Read Brown's articles, and others on AGP.
I was just about a +5 or so. Was military, computers and programming, higher IQ around the 130s, am more attracted to women, in the middle at age 26 (not late but not early enough) most people say I was an early Transition.
As far as sex with men, can take it or leave it. Did have at least 2 experiences prior to SRS, no male parts activity on my part. No male to female sex prior to SRS.
Lived with another Pre- / Post-Op MtF for 38 years. Have had multiple sex with women Post SRS.
I am good with children, even did some baby sitting as a teen. Just never really felt like children of my own. Have plenty of nieces/nephews and now grand nieces/nephews.
But 39 years later I have NO regrets about transition/SRS.
I believe the obsessive attention to most of the apparent differences between early and late transitioners will melt away, as they are actually distorted artifacts of an outmoded--normative and punitive--understanding of gender and sex. It's only very recently that a significant number of very early transitioners have even been identified and acknowledged. When I was a child, I would have been institutionalized and been given shock treatment for saying I wanted to be a girl--which I most certainly did--and I would be tortured until I shut up about it. Of course, I didn't care to suffer that fate. Today's nurturing attitude did most emphatically not exist in 1950, even among college-educated coastal liberals.
The stated correlation between socio-economic status and whether one is type one (real) or type three (fake, as they dog-whistle), which is said to prove effect, could just as likely demonstrate cause. A janitor or file clerk has less to lose by transitioning than a pediatrician, for instance.
Of course, there could be a million ways I am totally off-base here, but if I compare my own experience to what I read...it's like what the doctor says, while taking a pulse: "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
Time for a change.
It wasn't lost on me growing up that my mother underwent electroshock and that a cousin was lobotomized. I couldn't possibly have erected more impassable barriers to the psychs to which I was dragged if I had tried. Sit still. Say NOTHING. Hour after hour after ...
At least I didn't have to survive third-degree interrogations by a bunch of educated bigots...
Time for a change.
when did I know?
I knew I was a "girl" as early as age 4 (maybe before, but I don't remember anything specific before then). But knowing I was "TS" is different. I, like many above, had mental roadblocks about it. I went through a stereotypic progression.
* Internalized desire in high school. I didn't want to date the cheerleaders I wanted to be them. Later I now realize the women I idolized were women I wanted to be. Yeah, I played the be as macho as possible game at that time. (12-18 years old)
* I must be a freak because I don't get guys but just keep it to yourself (18-25)
* getting "permission" from some authority ( a professor) to be who you are (25)
* Underdressing works...ok maybe add nail polish...ok maybe longer hair...ok maybe women's shoes that are androgynous... (29-40)
* dressing fully when possible on the sly- taking the title "crossdresser" (40-50)
* realizing that I was really TS (55 or so)
Transitioning (57-present)
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Lorileah, all of that sounds really familiar to me--especially the "I don't get guys" part--except it took me a lot longer to get from 25 to 55...er, 65.
Time for a change.
When I was 4, staying with my Grandmother while my parents worked, I would play dress-up with my Grandmother till my Grandfather came home to find me in my Grandmothers Peignoirs and notified me that only fags did that and none of this would do. This of course, was before I even knew what a "fag"" was. Can't blame my Grandmother, though. She caught me in her Dresser ogling her feminine nightwear and I begged her to try it on. I'm sure I must have presented quite the adorable sight. Yet, my Grandfather, whom I loved dearly, would have none of it.
This was the impetus of a very long journey with anecdotal heartbreak and most probably..... some very humorous moments....but this was the beginning......at four years old....before I even knew what any of it all meant........and doing these things with my grandmother, innocence personified. I knew what I wanted then, but I was unable to process it or deal with who I was as I was too young. Fast forward to 1975. A show called "Medical Center" had a Dr. portrayed by actor, Robert Reed.....that's right, Mr. Brady of Brady Bunch fame, and playing a transitioning transsexual. Oh my God!!!!! That's me!!!!!!! All the lights came on at once, the epiphanies were all had...... I haven't been the same since.
Last edited by jentay1367; 11-04-2016 at 07:25 AM.
I remember my partner and I watching that show. We were at her place doing electrolysis on each other, and Medical Center was one we would watch.Originally Posted by jentay1367
My open minded and very supportive Mom recognized my "special interests" at around age six. Along with supporting my curiosity,she also made sure that I realized it wouldn't be good to "share " my interests with the other kids ! Lorileah's development outline fits so many of us. Years fly by until we realize that to feel happy,we need to be ourselves to the world.
right
I knew from day 1.... but i also didnt...
remember we are 5 yrs old...6? 7? when it hits us in some way.... i can only imagine the coping skills of a 6 year old
i don't remember much of what i thought then... i do remember in first grade catholic schools boys on the right girls on the left...
i went with the boys of course because of course i was a boy.... i just so desperately wished i was with the girls...but i wasn't "allowed" ..over time i also learned that the worst thing in the world to be is a p*ssy......
from there on it was fantasy and shame and wishful thinking...
I am real
our common bond.
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 11-05-2016 at 02:37 AM. Reason: fixed attribution. Removed attempt to get round word filter
The boys and the girls and the boys who are girls who can't know what they know ...
When I started praying ever night to GOD to make me a girl starting around 6 years old.
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