Live Like You Were Dying

[Cheryl Anne]

So this song means a lot to me now. I have stage 4 metastatic colon cancer. I was diagnosed with it Friday. I am not posting this to get sympathy or pats on the back or well wishes. (thanks to all that do though.) I am posting this to ask YOU, what would you do with the next 2.5 years of your life as a CD to make YOU happy.

Myself the first real outing of myself will be to wear blue nail polish and blue heart earrings to my next chemo treatment on Sept. 5th. From there who knows. I'm just tired of keeping the fem side of me closed up. I do go out dressed but to a friends house where it is safe, but I do drive there dressed.

Other things I plan to do is go out to eat and shop with my wife as Cheryl and let them have some fun together.

So what would you do?

[RADER]

Do what I did this summer; Take a cross country Train Trip, with a sleeper room.
All the meals are included, and the scenery is out of this world. Best part, it does not
cost an arm and a leg.
My best to the both of you.
Rader

[Jenny22]

I am so very sorry to hear of your cancer challenges. May the good Lord be with you, Cheryl Anne. I don't know about your family, but it may be time to let them know about Cheryl. I'd do it. Live your real Cheryl life and enjoy it to the fullest!. Hair loss will be the time to buy a REAL hair wig or two. Your "My Space" photos are very nice! They should be since you are a photographer! Buy new clothes and jewelry. You'll probably lose some weight. I did, so you may want to wait until you size down. I did. Chemo permitting, take short trips as Cheryl Anne with your wife. You will probably find comfort as Cheryl Anne, and that comfort could carry over to your medical treatment life. Become Cheryl Anne to your Medicos, too. Fight the good fight!! Sing and be as happy as you can be. Laugh a LOT. Its great for what ails you. Serious hugs, brave lady!

[Lana Mae]

May God bless you and strengthen you!! I think I would definately be out to everyone and dress everyday if it is comforting and comfortable! As others said small trips to the places I always wanted to go!! Share with your wife for sure and know this is hard for her too!! All the best to you both Super Hugs Lana Mae

[Dana44]

Cheryl Ann, Bless you and do what you want to, live each day to the fullest and I hope all goes well for the both of you. Find happiness the rest of your days and do have fun with your wife in both modes.

[Cheryl Anne]

Thank you all for all your best thoughts and wishes. But I think I was unclear with the question. I meant what would you do if you only had 2.5 years left. Would you still be in the closet? Would you finally go and get your nails done like you have always wanted? Would you go to that restaurant or clothing store? If fear is keeping you in then think of it this way. You now have 2.5 years left on your life and at the end are you going to say I wished..... ?

I have had a fun life as Cheryl I have come out to friends and family long before I had cancer. I have done a couple of drag shows and one day I might post pictures. Been out of the country to Canada and had fun there. So I don't have too many regrets as Cheryl just have not done enough as Cheryl because I thought I had time. My time is anywhere from 2.5 years and on. The 2.5 is the average and my Dr has a person on their 8th year so it can go any which way. And then again I could get hit buy a bus, truck, or fall down some stairs tomorrow. What about you? Do you really have tomorrow, next week or next year? It just got me thinking and have seen too many say I wish I could do that..... We all only have ourselves holding us back.

So thanks again for the well wishes. I guess I needed a wake up call to get my butt in gear.

[TrishaTX]

Fight hard , my wife recovered from cancer and so can you. I know they gave you an amount of time, but fight it hard with a positive attitude. I will pray and hope for the best for you

[mechamoose]

I'm a cancer survivor. They caught it wicked early. My whole family was freaking out, while I felt like I was sitting in a car on a roller coaster. I'm strapped in, I just need to get to the other side.

Nothing in our lives is a guarantee. To quote the amazing Warren Zevon, who died of pleural mesothelioma... "Enjoy every sandwich".

My Ride's Here

Heh.. curse on me for taking it for granted.. Warren had it covered. "My X is X'ed up" (I'm sorry mods, there is NO WAY to substitute the words.)

And a beautiful counterpoint:

Tori Amos - Happy Phantom

Honey, it isn't about how we die, it is about how we lived. Do what you always wanted, you have no-one to answer to. (You never did)

The world is a marvelous place, full of hope and fear. There is an amazing clarity that comes from knowing, deep down in your gut, that your time is limited.

The wheel turns, and we all have our place on it.

"Will I pay for who I've been?"

I'm sorry.

<3

Kitty / Moose

[lingerieLiz]

I have seen the face of death three times. Actually more but I didn't recognize it at the moment until it was over. I have seen my life flash before me and the last time accepted that it was the end and I had a great life. But it wasn't over and I am thankful.

What I have learned is to live life to the fullest. Accept that you can not change somethings but you still have choices. Do what makes you and the others that love you happy. One of the things I've leaned that helped me with my acceptance of the end was that I had people who loved me and accepted me. It didn't matter what others thought so long as my loved ones were with me. It doesn't matter what I would do, it is what you want to do and be remembered for. Don't put off what you want to do. Some of the people I've met are so wishful as to what they failed to do. Others say they are happy with what they have done. Only you can choose where you belong.

[Tracii G]

Sorry you are going thru this but do whatever it is you want to do.
Myself I have no idea what I would do I'm sort of out but do I need to come out all the way? Probably not, no sense in it really IMO.
Just remain myself and pray to God he would bring me thru it alive.

[Natalie cupcake]

I wish you the best Cheryl. As for me with 2.5 yrs to make me happy as a CD well travel a lot, have a professorial photo shoot, wear an elegant gown to a ball, and find other things to make being a CD meaningful.

[Sara Jessica]

Please do what it takes to get well and join those of us who are survivors.

As for the 2.5 years question, do what you want, what you can, the best you can. But be cautioned that you may not feel so much like doing any of that. I speak from experience. During the heat of my battle, the last thing I had on my mind was my gender expression. My main concern was survival and finding a way to fool my doctor into believing that I was in fact eating despite a side-effect 30 pound-plus weight loss (to avoid a feeding tube). You may not feel like doing much on some days, and that's OK. If doing things keeps you focused, then do it all and do it often. If it leaves you exhausted, listen to your body and rest. But never give up. You have lots of thoughts and prayers here in these pages.

[LeslieSD]

Be strong, Cheryl, be strong. There is always hope. Thank you for sharing and reminding me to enjoy everyday.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm so sorry, Cheryl. We all have to die, we just don't know when. I don't know u. U seem so brave and positive but all I feel is overwhelming sadness. I hope u complete everything on your bucket list while u r able!

I'm in my 70's and I'm running out of time. My fear is that something physical will happen and Sherry will leave me!

So, what would I do with 2.5 years? Hmmm-
The first thing is stop going to my business. I'd hire a manager and go in to check on things once a month, max!
Next, I'd hire a pro photo crew and travel around the world with them and Sherry!
Finally, I'd have a movie made about Sherry and me so that one day my kids and grand kids mite understand what and why I do what I do. And, maybe it would inspire others to BE WHO THEY R! To better enjoy their lives.

Much like u seem to be doing, Cheryl!

[Teresa]

Cheryl,
I would like to think you may be one of the lucky ones and you'll be dressing longer than you hoped for.

I would do as you and say it's definitely my time now, who can say exactly what would happen in your circumstances but any remnants of being in the closet would be gone. I'm not sure if I'd be accused of spoiling the family's memory of me but it's still a part of me I would want to be remembered for , I'm not ashamed of it.

[Lorileah]

FWIW, 85% of the time the DRs are wrong on time frames. I hope yours goes well beyond 2.5 years. Thank you for posting this reminder. There are no re-rides in this world and very few people ever say "I wish I had NOT done ________".

I was taught this after losing two wonderful women in my life.

What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

I did it. Just remember
"Tomorrow is not a promise, but a chance."

Rachel Joy Scott (first victim @ Columbine). Take that chance. Wishing you a good life

[grace7777]

Cherry Anne,

I pray and hope that you will overcome cancer. Miracles happen. You just have to keep hope alive.

I think we need to make the best of each day whether we have cancer or not. I am an accountant and have done accounting for nursing homes where I have seen people living out the last days of their lives. It got me to think that I need to live my life now in a way that If I end up in a home like that someday, that I can look back with pride on how I lived my life and have no major regrets.

Tomorrow is never promised, so we need to live life as we may not be around Next week or next year, but yet live as though we may be around 30 years from now. The key is balance.

Take Care,
Grace

[mechamoose]

Not to be a bitch here, but cancer is the ultimate Debbie Downer.

It is cells that reproduce and no longer listen to the body saying 'STOP!'

It just breeds and breeds and breeds. THAT is cancer.

I hate it so much. Both parents, cousins, myself. I have been 'clear' for 5 years, but I still worry every day.

I'm-gonna-grow-I-don't-care-what-you-say-I'm-growing!!

Pfft

[Pat]

The first thing I'd do? Ask him to repeat it with another person in the room then make sure we both heard the same thing. The next thing? Talk to a second doctor.

After that, then it's time to go out and start making those stories people are going to tell about me when I'm gone.

[Amy Fakley]

Another cancer survivor checking in. Like mecha, they caught mine super early too, thank God.

So, I feel a little but like a fraud saying "hang in there, you can beat it", and all that, simply because there was so much I didn't have to go through, that you definitely will have to endure. It wasn't until my surgery, that we even knew how lucky I'd gotten. I'd spent weeks preparing myself for what was probably coming.

I remember that thankfully brief phase of my life all too vividly. So in a sense, I do know what you're going through. Staring down quickly approaching, scientifically probable death is ... without a doubt ... the most emotionally intense experience of my life. You are powerless to affect the outcome, you're in the hands of scientists, and engineers and statisticians, and your hope rests with them. Unless you happen to already be one of those things professionally, you're going to understand about 10% of the stuff going on. You have to learn to trust strangers with your life, because you have no other choice. That was a hard pill for me to swallow, for sure.

It brings a sort of terrifying clarity to everything, and after a few days of that, it was all I wanted just to forget. But I couldn't because all my well meaning friends and family ... it's all they wanted to talk about. It was maddening, LOL.

If I had any advice ... if you have any reservations at all about the place where you are being treated, feel free to find another place. How much of a difference will that really make? Who knows ... but the main thing is that you are emotionally able to trust the people who will be trying to fix you. Being sure you feel like you're in the right hands avoids a ton of potential drama that you don't need.

As far as my girl side goes. I made up my mind long ago ... if my cancer ever comes back, I'm gonna be as out as I wanna be. It's my life, and if I've got to face the end of it on those terms, I'm doing it my way. If people wanna talk about how I went crazy towards the end (if it works out that way), cool by me. They didn't have to go through it, I did ... so they can take their objections and put em where the sun don't shine !

Best of luck. Even having been through a small bit of it myself, I can't even imagine what you're going through now.

Might get my post edited for this but there is one other thing that helped me get through it: weed. Look into that f you haven't already. It was priceless in those moments where I needed it.

[OCCarly]

Ask the doctor if anti androgens and female hormones would help fight the cancer. Not only shop en femme, but get professionally fitted for a bra. Get a spa treatment. Get a mani-pedi. Go to Southern Comfort or Diva or Esprit next year and every year while you can. Go to New York and see a Broadway show. Like "Rent" or "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" or find a revival of "Rocky Horror." Rent an RV and take a long road trip en femme and document it on Youtube. Pose for boudoir or cheesecake photos. Go to Hawaii and get surfing lessons en femme.

[CynthiaD]

On New Year's Eve 2009, I collapsed at home with massive blood clots in both lungs. As I was collapsing I was absolutely certain that it was the end for me. But I woke up lying on the floor and was rushed to the emergency room. The doctors there told me that I should be dead. I watched the sunrise from intensive care, thinking that this was the dawn of a day that I never expected to see come. The last six and a half years are a gift that I never expected to have.

These last six years have been transformational for me, especially as regards crossdressing. I've crossed boundaries I never expected to cross, and did things I never expected to do.

It's cliche to say "don't give up hope," but Don't give up hope. Miricles happen every day. One happened for me, and one could happen for you too.

Remember that time is the one thing we never get any more of. You've got time. Maybe just a little, maybe more than you think. Use it, as best you can, to do the things you've always wanted to do. The people around us are the only thing of value that we have in life. Enjoy them while you have time.

My prayers are with you.
Cynthia

[Barbara B]

I was given 2yrs with stage 4 kidney cancer and hopefully I celebrate 3yrs next week as I under go more radiotherapy. I have stuck my big girls pants on and when the body and mind allow I live everyday as I did before, to my best. Realistically I am looking at about 9 months now unless something else comes along but I shall continue dressing as long as possible even if I do look like a frail old man in a dress.

[sometimes_miss]

I would track down all the people in my life who have made a big impact on me, those who I never told, and thank them. And probably buy a motorcycle to ride around, while doing it. Then write an autobiography, and include as much information that I have learned as possible, and post it online somewhere in hopes that others will be able to avoid making the same mistakes that I did. There is so much that people are afraid to share, whether due to embarrassment or wanting to keep their secrets in hopes that they will be able to maintain an advantage over others by not letting them know how to be better than they are.