this is a great thread!
i agree with all those who say that you have to come to accept yourself first, then a lot of other things fall into place
also agree on dressing age / occasion appropriate, telling any potential partners up front, and never do a wholesale purge!
i'll add: don't get caught up in try to be perfect, the mirror can be a cruel mistress if you do
The desire to crossdress can run in cycles. In my teens, twenties and thirties I went for extended periods when I had zero desire to crossdress. Zero. And I often though, "finally I'm done with that phase." In my forties I realized that the desire never goes away and in my 50s I finally accepted that it is a part of who I am. I wish I would have done that a lot earlier.
It's not necessarily that you cannot stop; but that the desire to crossdress will always be there, lurking in the background, ready to bite you in the butt when you least expect it. Besides, everyone stops crosdressing....eventually. At the same time we stop doing everything else.Originally Posted by DIANEF
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I hear what you are saying, sometimes I will go months at a time without dressing. The urge is always there. Right now it is very strong. I wish I had not purged some of my favorite things. I have learned that dressing is just apart of me.
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I totally agree
As you learn there'll be times when the fashion police will be filling out charge sheets but there will be a day, for some sooner rather than later, that when you look in the mirror you'll know you got the right look..........and it will feel great!
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
1. I wish someone told me from the start that its better to invest in a higher quality wig than a cheap one from made in China. I'd say the biggest jump I made was when I finally plopped down $175 for a higher quality wig. It was a night and day difference in my look and appearance. I wasted so much time with the cheap wigs that if I had just gone the quality wig route from the start I'd come out ahead financially. A wig is an investment, perhaps your most important asset. Why go cheap?
2. PURGING NEVER WORKS. Trust me. It doesn't work. All you do is get rid of stuff you'll one day wish you never got rid of. Last time I purged I was adamant that this was it, I'll never CD again. It worked for about a year before I was knocking on the door again. All it resulted in was hundreds of lost dollars worth of good clothes and bras and shoes and makeup and a wig. Which is an extra bummer because my favorite bras were Victoria's Secret styles that are discontinued, so the only place to get them now is eBay.
3. Just go get your eyebrows waxed/threaded from the start. It's quick, easy, and gives you a great starting point. If nothing else, eyebrows. Don't think you can just pluck them yourself. Like with investing in a high quality wig, its best to just bite the bullet and get eyebrows waxed/threaded at the beginning. You'll come out ahead in terms of your time spent.
4. Be smart when buying clothes. Most of us aren't made of money and have to budget for clothes buying. I ended up buying clothes and outfits I'd only wear once and then they'd sit in my closet because I bought new clothes faster than I could wear them. What I eventually did was do a "capsule wardrobe" where you buy a bunch of items that all go with each other, so you can mix and match them to create a bunch of outfit combos with a small number of pieces. This was more economical.
5. Learn how to apply and master makeup application with cheaper makeup. I always used to think that my problems was the drug store makeup I was using, and would go out and buy expensive makeup from MAC or Sephora or ULTA and wouldn't see an improvement. The problem wasn't the makeup, it was my application. Once you have mastered using drug store makeup, then you can move up to the better stuff. Although there are two "expensive" items I recommend even for beginners, and that is Dipbrow for eyebrows and a quality eye shadow palette.
6. A common myth is that things will be easier and better if you live in a more liberal, LGBT friendly city or area. This is false. My line of work, I move a lot. I've lived in very progressive, liberal cities and very conservative, religious cities and blue collar, socially conservative small towns. What I have learned, is that it doesn't matter where you live. People are people. You get treated the same everywhere. 99% of the people anywhere don't care and will leave you alone. You aren't more likely to get attacked or made fun of in a conservative area, you aren't more likely to be treated better and nicer in a liberal area. I see too many girls think that the solution to their problems is to move to a more progressive area. The ONLY difference in more progressive areas is that there are more support groups and CD/TG groups.
7. The key to going out in public is not just confidence, but to smile. And not just a weak grin, a good smile. When you are smiling, it radiates vibes that you are 100% confident in what you are doing. This will cause others to be more comfortable around you. If you aren't confident and aren't smiling, others will be less comfortable around you. Trust me, it rubs off on others. I see a girl who is either a crossdresser or a transgirl every day walk by me when I am walking to work. She has a lot to work against, she is probably about 6'5'', well over 200 pounds. So she needs all the help she can get. It doesn't help that she is always slouched over, shoulders forward, very nervous look on her face, and a demeanor that screams "I am just trying to get where I am going as fast as I can and hope no one sees me". The nervousness rubs off on me and others. Meanwhile, if she relaxed, smiled, and owned it, she would be a lot better off.
8. If you go out in public, eventually you are going to have a bad experience. It's like Wheel of Fortune, if you keep spinning eventually you are going to land on Bankrupt. It's going to happen. You can, however, minimize your chances of having a bad experience. My bad experiences have almost always been with groups of teenagers. I've never had a bad experience with adults. It's always teenagers. There is always that teen in the pack that wants to try and boost themselves within their group at the expense of me. So if you are worried about a bad experience, just try to avoid places at times where groups of teenagers maybe rampant(i.e. mall on a Friday Night). The best way to deal with someone giving you a hard time is to ignore them and get away. I am not saying they are frequent, I have only had 3 bad experiences.
9. It's supposed to be fun. Remember this. If you aren't having fun, don't push forward. Withdraw, take off your clothes and makeup, unwind, examine why things went wrong and what can be done in the future to fix them, and live to fight another day.
I wish someone had told me the truth, that not everyone is looking at you to see if you are man or woman (outside of north carolina). In truth, if you have used even some basic (not even expert) care in choosing a wig, clothes, and use of makeup, their first and only impression is that it's a woman. It's a split second thought and then they keep walking. Even sales clerks or waitresses who see you up close don't care. You're a person and they serve you. Plus you'll feel great when they compliment or smile at you. Just soften your voice if you can. That's a challenge. Enjoy!!!
Oooh this is a big one.
I'll never forget the first time I went out in public. My outfit was nothing special(women's t shirt and women's sweatpants) that didn't fit well and I wore a very cheap, bad looking wig that I had ruined with a brush. My makeup application was still amateur level at best. And my first public outing? A mall on black friday!
I didn't have a care in the world. I had the ultimate confidence, was able to shop for hours on black friday in huge crowds with no problems. Because I had just started going all the way and honestly, was just glad I didn't look hideous.
As I progressed, and got better, and got a better wig and got better at makeup and better fitting clothes, I began to obsess more and more about being perfect and would make mountains out of molehills for my smallest flaws. This ultimately led to me purging, because I was mad I could not achieve perfection. I couldn't even go out anymore, something I used to enjoy and do without any hesitation, because I was worried that my flaws would out me and lead to bad things. Flaws that didn't deter me when I first started.
It took a purge and a lot of time off to realize that chasing perfection is stupid and counter-productive. Just do the best you can, master what you can control and don't worry about what is out of your control.
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