Wife observation.

[Maria 60]

I am going to try to write this without getting it removed, I have to explain somethings that is going to be hard for me to write in proper wording, but let's try.
The last 3 weeks has been crazy in our house, who's air conditioning broke, who's car broke and it's easier to get the bus in the morning from our house, who painted there house and it smells, it's been like a train station here, people coming and going.
Yesterday I put a bag together before everyone got home and stashed it in the trunk of my car and called my wife and told her I'm going for a Maria drive later, she agreeded it's been crazy lately.
A few minutes later she called me back and told me instead why not go for dinner together, well I have my priorities straight and said Maria has to wait, the wife comes first and she could probably use a break to.
We went for dinner and she was talking about a few day holiday to Vegas or something like that, I told her if we go to Vegas again this time I would like to get a make over and maybe have a girls night out with her, after all it is sin city. Strangely she told me that I don't want that, I asked her how she knows what I want.
She tells me that my dressing is 85% hormonal, but I definitely have very strong feminine feelings, I asked her since when did she become a expert on this topic. She explained that she knows me and that she sees my actions, she said when having sex dressed as soon as we are finished I remove the fem clothes and I never get undress from my fem things without some form of release, though sex or personal, but she does admit that she can see I do enjoy being dressed.
She said that when I called her earlier in the day, she thought it was a bad idea for me to go for a drive because it's been crazy in our house and we haven't had much time to ourselves so I would be very vounable and that I take bigger risks and take more chances when I feel like that.
She finds that when I am sexually satisfied Maria doesn't want to take a drive or I don't take as many chances and that's why she believes it mostly sexual.
She said if I'm serious about walking the streets of Vegas or wanting to get out more, than we should consider our next step like maybe telling the kids, so they don't see a pic of me on Facebook or something like that. The only reason she's OK with the once in awhile drive is because she sees a big difference in my mood and attude when I do go for a drive, but admits it's a big risk. A few weeks back I almost got into a car accident dressed, and she said imagine the looks on the kids face if I ended up in the hospital wearing make up and women clothing, explain that to them.
She believes that I don't really want to walk the streets dressed, and if we do go to Vegas and I got a make-over and afterwards we would have sex, I would remove everything and lose the courage. My hormones are my courage, but she tells me to really think about it because we are not getting younger and if I want out, really really want out she will back me up, but consider doing it with a plan and doing it right, and for me to seriously think about it.
Well I then told her that the plans for dinner were so she would save myself from myself, that I'm my own enemy and dressing is sexual. She said I must see the pattern that when we don't have sexual action for a while I will underdress more aggressive, wearing a white t shirt with a pink bra, or just taking more risks and then once we have sex, it all changes.
I told her I didn't know she was analyzing me like a patient, but did admit she does have a lot of good points and is probably very right about most of her observations and agreed if I want to move forward she is on the right track about going through it with a plan.
If you read my last post, I had to have a test today at the hospital and will be getting results in a week, and I don't know if that's what triggered my wife to bring up a lot of things last night, and my last post her asking me if I wanted to be with a man. But now she has me thinking if getting out is really what I want to do, and why I didn't see things the way my wife does. I know all of us here dress for our own reasons, but does anyone else see a pattern like my wife diagnosed me with. Just wondering thanks.
Interesting conversation and flattered she is by my side whatever I decided.

[Alice Torn]

She sounds like a flexible lady, and accepts your need to dress. How rare! i cannot get a date, at 62, because of my telling single women i dress. Work with her, and it should be fine.

[Teresa]

Maria,
I'm not sure if it's hormonal but you do appear to be at the stage where you're trying to find a balance, it's not all sexual but I do understand her comment about undressing when the sexual apart has died down.
It does get to the point where just going for a drive isn't enough, I can only speak from my own experience but I've reached a better balance now I socially meet other members of the TG community at a hotel. It has given my CDing a meaning, just to get fully dressed around the house wasn't enough , I'm in a DADT situation but my wife and kids know about my dressing and they accept me going out dressed . I'm sure your wife would see a balance in your CDing needs if you could get out and maybe not feel under pressure with knowing you do have a sexual component to your dressing. I'm in a slightly different situation because we don't have intimate contact anymore so she knows my dressing has substituted her, I accept her wishes but she does realise I still have a need. I go out because it does satisfy an inner need but it's not sexual, she knows I'm not gay also she doesn't wish to participate in my dressing so there's no girls night in or out.
I know I take the chance on having an accident, I do take drab clothes with me when I go out along with makeup and nail polish remover which gives her some peace of mind.
It's good that your wife does support you but I've had to try and get a balance without my wife's help, at the time it did hurt that she refused now I prefer it that way, we both know I can deal with it without involving her, OK there are some secrets and lies at times but it has to be a compromise for me.

[TrishaTX]

Wow that story is pretty close to how I feel. You have a great wife...if she understands this. I am sure I don't have ovaries etc...but I always felt something femine inside me and I agree it might be hormonal. I also feel the release you do when I have sex ...so this story is close to mine.

[phili]

You are definitely married to an exceptional woman who loves you, and that is NOT likely to be repeatable, so unless you actually don't care about that, I suggest you explore her ideas with her more deeply. See if she might have a point, run a test where you are paying attention to your sexual feelings and timing of the pink urges. etc.

[Heisthebride]

First, you should be thankful your wife is understanding and trying to process and help you out. While sometimes an outsiders perspective helps you to see things you may not see, you also have to understand yourself. I agree that there is pent up energy and sexual release can trigger the an end to dressing activities, I have found that going out dressed also fuels a desire to be accepted for yourself out in the real world. Maybe it is time to come out of the closet a bit, maybe to your kids, maybe not. The odds of being found out on Facebook seems pretty low unless you are posting pics of yourself dressed to common friends.

From my own experience, I have become much more public in the last five years and it's not all about sex. I have become active in the burlesque community, performed on stage en femme, traveled to Las Vegas for five straight days and nights of dressing. Unlike you my wife does not like to have sex while I am dressed so I can say that many nights, just dressing and going out is enough for me.

Maybe take things slow, or experiment if your wife is up to it. Take one night out and commit to not having sex before hand. Go to the movies, or even easier order take out and watch a movie from home and go for a walk after nightfall. Do something where you get to be Maria and that's it. Do an emotional checkup the next day. Do you still feel stressed? Do you still want to dress up? Was the previous night satisfying or frustrating? This will help you decide if you want to go out to go out or you need to release pent up urges.

[Pat]

Your wife sounds very smart and very observant. And, yes, there is a known phenomenon where men lose interest in crossdressing after sexual release. The hormone drop may not be the reason, though. The issue may well be total tension -- that is, you're feeling tension from not dressing and at the same time you're feeling sexual tension and the total tension crosses the limit. You could actually release one or the other and get good results but most men would prefer to release the sexual tension. When the level drops the need to dress isn't strong enough by itself and the guilt and self-loathing so many men feel over this sort of thing overpower the good feelings of being dressed drive you to get up and get the fem clothes off. If you repeat this a few times and don't question it, it becomes habit.

I found that if I powered through the guilt and stayed dressed, I'd eventually start feeling good about it again and that lead me to explore the feelings more and eventually got me to the point where crossdressing was no longer sexual for me. Your mileage may vary.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, I'm sure from what you have told us about that teat that that is weighing heavily on your mind......

[Lana Mae]

Know that women have intuition we males even we crossdressers will never understand. She may be partially correct in her hormone theory but if she is that is only part of it and it is bigger than that! Hugs Lana Mae

[Taylor186]

Much of what your wife observes in you resonates with me. I do see a decreased interest in dressing after a release but really, the diminishment doesn't last that long. My dressing desire is also stress related. The higher and longer the stress the more I want to dress. I assume this is some kind of escape mechanism at work. I will say that driving while dressed would do nothing to improve my stress level and might even increase it. Underdressing helps as does spending time on this forum.

[Confucius]

While I agree your wife is pretty observant, however I think she is only half right. Crossdressing is much more complicated that just hormones. (Okay, what follows is my theory.)

Crossdressing is hardwired into our brains. During brain synaptogenesis we develop an excess amount of neural connections and then through the learning process, some neural connections are reinforced and others are cut (neural pruning). Our life experiences, our expectations, our perception of reality, can all contribute to synesthesia. Synesthesia is a neurological phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory pathway. For us that means that our brain is hardwired to interpret crossdressing as actual contact (or identification) with a female. This means our brain will release dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and a host of other feel-good neurotransmitters with crossdressing.

Does this mean crossdressing is entirely a sexual experience? There are some parallels, for instance when you have sex your brain releases dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and a host of other feel-good neurotransmitters (just like crossdressing), and then you have orgasm and your brain now releases prolactin (a neurotransmitters associated with the pulling-away following orgasm). The prolactin works counter to dopamine (the gratification neurotransmitter), and shuts it down. So you no longer receive gratification from crossdressing. For a while you may not experience positive sensations from crossdressing. However the prolactin only works for a short time. Soon you are back to your old ways, feeling the wonderful sensations from crossdressing again.

Yes, I believe more research is needed in studying the relationship between crossdressing and dopamine levels.