I Am Just Being Me.

[Krisi]

"Crossdressing" encompasses a wide variety of behaviors, from occasionally putting on a wife or sister's panties to walking around in public in a rubber woman's body suit and everything in between. We all have our reasons for doing what we do and in most cases, it's legal and harmless.

Quite often, we see posts asking or wondering why we do the things we do and often, the response is "I am just being me.", "Because that's who I am." or similar responses.

Personally, that is not my answer. "Who I am" is a guy. I often use the name "Homer" to describe myself in male mode. In female mode, I become Krisi but who I really am is Homer.

So if you don't mind and have the time, if you are one of those who uses the term "I am just being me." or something similar, would you mind posting what that means to you and explaining why?

Just so we can all understand each other better.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I guess if you don't have GD you won't get it, I know now from my counselling that there is a female element in me with female needs. It can be a daily battle until you come to terms with it but when you do you can then learn how to live with it. I do prefer to be dressed because that part feels more comfortable, it is part of me. an inner need being satisfied, yes the male part is still there, taking a back seat. Looking in the mirror in drab is OK but now I see the features made up. The male part of me isn't interested in doing the male things anymore but that's the compromise I've accepted to support my family. If I had separated from my wife I was planning to dress almost 100% and make a new life around it away from my family, that was just going to hurt too many people too much but that underline feeling hasn't gone away. That's what I would have preferred when I said I'm just being me. I know we've had this conversation before and you admitted I'm more than a CDer.

[Dana44]

Krisi, I am a gender fluid male with dysphoria, I have wrote posts that I am more female than male today and identify as female most of the time. My male side exists and she pretty much runs it now. So, here is where we define ourselves okay, this is where I am at and looking forward to the TG thread as it is getting harder to post in the panty threads.

[Mayo]

I only have minor and occasional dysphoria - perhaps 'dissatisfaction with having been born male' would be another way to put it. I've enjoyed some stereotypical male pursuits in my life (mainly as a kid) but was more shy and less rough and tumble than some of my peers and tended to prefer the company of girls and women save for a few close male friends. I started dressing about two years ago in private, though I don't shave or wear makeup... I just feel more comfortable in skirts and similar clothing, more 'natural' or 'at ease', to the extent that I'm now tending to identify as more non-binary than male. I've always had a yearning to be female, and that 'just being me' isn't entirely male (regardless of the fact that I tend to present that way externally).

[gina shiney]

Krisi
please with 4200 posts are you that ridged, no variables?
but to try and answer; during the course of any week I am a male,with male upbringing, a male with questioning gender issues, a male who loathes/hates himself, a male who wants to remove all the maleness within himself, and sometimes in a perfect ZEN moment not male at all. If unlucky I can have both the negative and positive simultaneously, most days are a combination of these and more.
What makes us us is a combination of unique events, through birth, family, schooling, friends, enviroment, employment currently brought together under the banner of crossdressing. We don't know each other and if we recognize another we have an edict of not acknowledging so.
so "I am just being me" is a mental state of whom I am in THAT moment
gina

[Rachael Leigh]

For me Krisi by saying I'm just being me means Leigh is a part of me as the whole, it's a part of my female expression,
Yes I am a guy but Leigh is just another aspect of me and is very feminine and it's how that part of me is expressed

[ellbee]

There's a huge "no-(wo)man's land" out there between CD & TS. It's not an "either-or" kind of thing.


A new sub-forum here is opening up soon to help address some of the unique issues some may face. Certainly not trying to offend anyone, but I honestly hope it's not over-run by "your average CD'er." Let those who truly belong openly discuss things for a bit -- there's nothing wrong with someone just lurking for a while & seeing what it's all about, if they wish. And if things really start resonating with someone, perhaps it might be time for them to join in.



How might you know if you're more than just a CD'er? I don't know if this qualifies at any level, but years ago when I was trying to figure out a lot of things & needed more information, I *seriously* researched "all-things TS" for quite a while. Could this help explain what was going on with me? I'm not so sure the typical CD'er does something like that, at least in the manner that I did (and on some levels, still do a bit).

Turns out, I know deep in my heart that I have no need to transition. It's not me. Generally speaking, the male part of me can feel comfortable & natural. Though there's probably also a good chance that I'm a bit more than just a CD'er -- arguably a good deal closer to that than to a TS, however. (Then again, that's never a completely static thing in my case, either, as things can shift from month to month, year to year.)

But for a long time starting from a pretty young age, I've been aware that there's also a strong female part of me, as well -- which can also feel comfortable & natural. She might not usually be as dominant as the male in many aspects, but I believe that might be partially explained for a number of reasons. I'm not so sure I'm being fair to her, though, either -- if things both within & outside my control were a bit different, she would definitely be that much more of a presence. Certainly some issues I feel I need to explore further. (And for those wondering, yes, I referred to all that as "her" & "she" because I do live a good chunk of my outward life as male, though not necessarily by choice.)



I don't know. I really don't want to ramble here. But I am very interested in learning from others who genuinely identify in this "middle ground," as I had never really thought of that as being "an option" before... Since I realized that I didn't need to transition or anything, I've always just sort of assumed I was a "really strong" CD'er, and left it at that. But in my case, as I look back at a lot of my life, I feel there's probably a bit more to it than just that.


I hope that helps a bit -- or at the very least, didn't make things even that more confusing, LOL.

[Lana Mae]

I am male 80-90% of the time!! Lana Mae is only out 10-20% of the time! But I am both of them not one or the other! Lana Mae is what my feminine side is called! She is only part of me! Me is the sum total of Lana Mae and my male side! There is no real big time difference because they are both me!! Maybe I feel things different when I am Lana Mae but it is still me! And I am just being me!! Hugs Lana Mae

[docrobbysherry]

"Crossdressing" encompasses a wide variety of behaviors, from occasionally putting on a wife or sister's panties to walking around in public in a rubber woman's body suit and everything in between. -----------------------------------

I have not, nor would I ever, try on panties from any GG I know.

Do u really know anyone who wears rubber suits, Krisi? Sounds very fetishy to me. Personally, I can't stand the smell, sticky feel, or the way rubber disintegrates.

But, that's just ME!

Silicone however, is a completely different matter!

[Lorileah]

Very diplomatic Sherry

[Taylor186]

"Who I am" is a guy ... who inexplicably, occasionally enjoys wearing women's clothing.

[NicoleScott]

Even when dressed, I always identify as a guy. Sometimes the guy likes to dress up. Put a different way, even when not dressed, I'm a crossdresser. Most of the time, the crossdresser doesn't want to dress up.
I don't have GD, and I think Teresa is right: if you don't have GD you won't get it. The best we can do is to try to understand it academically. I think the same is true for [sexual] fetish dressers. If you don't have one you won't get it. But how about those who DO have GD? Can they really understand those of us who don't, why we crossdress? Heck, even WE don't know, not really. But in all cases, it (whatever that is) is who we are.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Krisi, Without getting into a lot of Clinical Mechanics I am just a regular male that loves dressing as a lovely older lady.

I have been in this program for over 69yrs. and it's just who I am & it's just what I do.

I am totally enjoying having the best of both worlds at 73yrs. old

[AlyssaJ]

There's a huge "no-(wo)man's land" out there between CD & TS. It's not an "either-or" kind of thing.

This is really the crux of the issue for me as well Laura. I couldn't agree more and you've put it into words very well. I have a similar situation. I know ultimately I'm a male, I don't have the kind of dysphoria that leads me to look in the mirror and feel like I'm in the wrong body. That said, there's more there than simply being a CD'er. I've tried over a long period of time to classify my situation according to convenient terms and none fit.

For a while I thought it was a fetish. I would get some excitement out of dressing and figured OK it's a sexual thing. Only after really focusing on what got me excited, it wasn't the idea of sex or some sexual attraction to the clothes. I got excited because I felt like I was sexy, I was letting go of all the masculine things I was told I needed to do and entering a world of just enjoying the luxurious feeling of wearing beautiful clothing.

I too explored the whole world of Transexualism, trying to understand if maybe I was in the early stages of discovering that I was not really a man at all. However, after a lot of time and research into the process as well as the clinical descriptions of transexual people, it became clear that I didn't have some deep rooted gender conflict between mind and body as seems to be the case with TS.

I'm still exploring just where I'm at in all this. After 30+ years of trying to figure it out, I think the concepts of non-binary gender identity and gender fluidity have finally opened a door for me to understand myself. So much so that for the first time in my life, I'm seriously considering going to a counselor/therapist/psychologist to help me fully explore and understand just who I really am.

Laura you see to be a bit further down that road to understanding than I am, so I'm hoping we can share quite a bit of information and experiences once the new forum opens for posting. Krisi, I hope that added some additional perspective for you to answer your question.

[Krisi]

............ A new sub-forum here is opening up soon to help address some of the unique issues some may face. Certainly not trying to offend anyone, but I honestly hope it's not over-run by "your average CD'er." ..................

That would be great because I think there are many "average CD'ers" here who feel that the MTF Crossdressing sub-forum is "over-run" by those who are not average CD'ers.

The problem comes when we give advice from our point of view without others understanding where we are in the spectrum, to others when it is often unclear where their point in the spectrum is. Often this leads to disagreements, arguments and either direct or implied insults.

I have gotten a few answers on the "I am just being me" question I asked and I thank these ladies for their honest answers. Hopefully, we can all try to understand each other better.

[Nikki.]

In the TS section, Kaitlyn posted a link to a white paper written by Anne Vitale. She grouped transsexual people into 3 groups, based on her research treating several hundred people. I identify with quite a bit, but not all of her group 3, and I've never thought I was a woman, and I don't recall ever being in crisis over it, more like angst. So maybe "group 3 light".

It's worth a read. http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

[LilSissyStevie]

fake hair
fake boobs
fake face
fake name
fake clothes
fake mannerisms
fake walk
fake voice
fake eyelashes
fake shape
fake identity
fake nails

I'm just being me

[ReineD]

Quite often, we see posts asking or wondering why we do the things we do and often, the response is "I am just being me.", "Because that's who I am." or similar responses.

When someone says this who also has a male life, I take it the way several others here have explained … that the "me" refers to only a part of themselves and their feminine expression is by no means all of who they are, which is actually how they live. Or, perhaps by "me", most people who say this mean "a person who crossdresses", which is a MtF who enjoys being feminine occasionally.

[OCCarly]

In the TS section, Kaitlyn posted a link to a white paper written by Anne Vitale. She grouped transsexual people into 3 groups, based on her research treating several hundred people. I identify with quite a bit, but not all of her group 3, and I've never thought I was a woman, and I don't recall ever being in crisis over it, more like angst. So maybe "group 3 light".

It's worth a read. http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

That is most definitely me in Group 3. Most of what is in there could have been written specifically about me. So here I am now three months on hormones and getting happier (and prettier) every day.

[ellbee]

That would be great because I think there are many "average CD'ers" here who feel that the MTF Crossdressing sub-forum is "over-run" by those who are not average CD'ers.

The problem comes when we give advice from our point of view without others understanding where we are in the spectrum, to others when it is often unclear where their point in the spectrum is.

I agree that can definitely be an issue sometimes. And with certain posts of mine, I get the feeling that some may be reading it, and thinking, "WHAT??"

I do try to be mindful of that sometimes, and try to "hold back" a bit. Though on the flip side, is doing so actually being honest with myself?

And I will say that it is easy & fun to get caught up in the whole CD aspect, especially after such a long absence of mine. But there can be more to it than that with some. I guess it can get really confusing sometimes to others -- maybe even a little "scary" to a new-comer.


Anyway, seems like many "in the middle" have also cut back on their activity in the CD sections, whether posting or lurking. Why? Perhaps for the same reasons I mentioned above.

And even though some may lurk in TS sections, as I do sometimes, some of us know we don't particularly belong there enough to post, and out of respect for everyone, we don't. So, for now, it's to the CD section, we go! (Which can still be pretty fun & interesting, BTW! )

[Amy Fakley]

I have been in a continuous search for who I really am since the day I was born. As if my identity were exploded and scattered at random, and my task in this life was to find all my pieces, and a perspective from which they all make sense. Like I said, it's been that way sense the beginning, and in retrospect, I probably felt that way because from the very beginning, none of the pieces I was born with seemed to make any damn sense.

So over the course of my life, there have been many different ways I have perceived myself. There have been many things I thought I was, that in time I came to understand weren't really true for me. But there also have been a few that have always been true, no mater what. Constants.

So when I say "this is who I am", I am referring to the constants.

One of these constants is that I am a musician through and through. I practically came out of the womb singing (and beat boxing -- before that was even a thing). I make and organize sounds. That is instinctual, that is inseparable from my identity.

Another of these constants is that I am extremely girly. I have always been extremely girly, and I will always be extremely girly. Given the opportunity, I will make myself look like a girl because that feels very very right to me, and I'll act like one too because that is how I would normally act if people didn't have objections.

But people have had objections. Since day number 1. And I had to grow up ... my mind had to develop from a child into an adult within the context of those unrelenting, very extreme objections. And so that too is now an inseparable part of who I am. I have to deal with that.

So yes ... objectively from an external perspective I am male, but that is not at all what's going on under the surface. From an external oberver's perspective the male persona is the "real me", and claims to be otherwise are obvious nonsense at best and deception at worst.

However, that ain't the case. The external world sees a guy, because I choose to show them what they expect to see , and I do that both because of the negative consequences I will surely endure if I didnt, and because I have been taught to throw up this male facade since the day I was born, that too is now damn near instinctual.

Count me as another somewhere in the middle I guess.
Some days I think that it's inevitable that I'll eventually transition. Some days I think I can keep doggpaddling the sea of life exactly the way I am now until the day I die. I don't know how it'll all end, but that's life.

In summary: this is just who I am, and after 42 years I think I'm finally ok with it.

[belinda0003]

I love your view on life. You really get it. Best wishes, Belinda

[Millie.Graham]

Krisi,

So I would describe myself as just a CDer.* I have no desire to transition I am comfortable as my male self even though I have a feminine side that needs to be expressed.* I had suppressed that side of me until a couple of years ago.* I initially thought it was simply about the clothes and that I could be content just dressing in private without a wig and makeup and such, but I soon found that I really hated being stuck in a hotel room all alone.

To me, and I am not just others in anyway, it is more confusing to people and seems to attract more attention if you go half way than it is to simply dress all the way.** By half way I mean, putting on a skirt and flats, but otherwise presenting as male.* I don't like to attract attention, I like to live life in the background quietly going about my business, the less people notice me, the better.* So when I decided that I couldn't take being locked in a hotel room any longer I decided that I would dress all the way and try to blend as much as possible.** I initially thought I would have like patients for the make-up and wig, but pretty much from the first moment I saw myself done up in the mirror, I have to say, I enjoy all the extra accoutrements as much as I do the clothes and I enjoy the process of getting ready (except for nails, I hate painting nails, my nail painting skills have yet to catch up with my OCD tendencies).

So that is kind of the mechanics behind how I got to going out in public.* Not to address the question, why do I say that, "I am just being me"?* I was seeing a therapist for a while and at one point I explained it to her like this.** I see myself as all one person, I never stop being me.** I don't think of myself like say a Venn diagram where there are complete separate circles of personality or that I have a split personality, I am always just me, just wearing different clothing.* The way I do see myself is like a multi-sided polyhedron.* Each surface of the polyhedron represents a different aspect of my whole self.* Or to put it another way, a different "hat".* For instance there is the husband, the father, the son, the friend, the engineer, the carpenter, and ....* Not every person ever experiences all of those parts of me, they just see different faces depending on how they fit into my life.* But overall my underlying character and self never changes.

Well the Melissa side of me isn't any different than other side of me other than for the fact that until recently I have never let anybody see that side of me.* So when I say I am just being me, I mean it in terms that I am getting to express my full self and allow a side of me to be seen that not many people have seen before.* I fully enjoy the opportunities that I have to just be me and go about the world presenting in a way that I feel comfortable and not being treated much differently than I would be if I were doing it as if I were presenting as a male (I have been out enough times now, that I have found a few instances where, yes indeed as a woman you get treated differently).

Anyway, I hope I explained that clearly.

-Millie

[Kandi Robbins]

I present completely a few times a week. Am I being me? Not really. Me is a husband, father, son. However, I am being happy. For whatever reason which is beyond my ability to understand it, this makes me happier than I ever imagined I could feel (except, of course, many things involving my wife and children). Do I feel like a woman? Since I am not a woman, I am not sure, but probably not. But I just finished laying out my outfits for tomorrow and Sunday and am so excited to get out and begin interacting with those that I come in contact with as Kandi. Once I stopped hating myself about all of this, it has been one very enjoyable adventure after another.

[DIANEF]

So, this is how I see myself. I identify as male, who when he can gets to assume the role of a female. When fully dressed I'm still me but another flavour, if you like, of me. I don't have any moments when I think I'm someone else but that doesn't mean I wouldnt like to be, for a while at least. Having said that, on rare occasions I have been able to to spend much more time than I usually get for dressing. Ive had full weeks and spent almost all of the time in femme mode, and towards the end I really didn't want it to be over. In my head I was starting to think, is this the real me, is this how I want to be and for brief periods I could actually see myself going all the way and transitioning. I rarely get that now, but its never entirely gone away.