I don't post here very much, but I've done a lot of lurking on this forum for a very long time as I have been coming to terms with who I am. I learned quite a bit from many smart ladies here over the years. The most important thing I learned was the need to be real with myself, to separate fact from fiction and personal truth from fantasy, and to get to a place of absolute self-acceptance first and foremost. My transition has really been moving along at a glacial pace because the self-acceptance hadn't been coming very easily to me at all, and I was petrified (convinced) that I was opening myself to endless criticism and rejection should I ever reveal my truth to those I love.
After about four years of therapy and a year on HRT (and feeling so, so much better for having started both), and getting gendered female in public on an increasingly consistent basis without even really putting a whole lot of effort into my appearance, I figured it was time to blow my cover and hope for the best. Over the course of this past week, I have come out to both my sisters and their husbands, my sister-in-law, and my two best friends. I am overwhelmed by their unconditional love and acceptance, and how they have embraced me. The first sister to whom I came out even said, "I have a baby sister now!" I spent that entire afternoon, during and after that conversation, grinning like an idiot and crying. Everybody I've told thus far has been pretty much like, "Okay. But you know we love you for YOU, not your gender, right? This really isn't that big a deal." It's really turned my worldview and self view on its ear. I had been so afraid for so long, and now I know how loved and supported I am. I struggled with feelings of horrible despair and thought about suicide so much over the years, and the small hope that I could experience this someday is why I never gave in.
Today, I'm sending an e-mail to my nieces and nephews, and I expect that will also go well because they're great people. In the upcoming weeks, I still have to come out to my parents, mother- and father-in law, my wife's aunt and uncle, and my job. There will be some trepidation and I'm sure some upset along the rest of the way, but I know it's all going to turn out okay. I'm not only not ashamed of myself, but I am looking forward to sharing the real me with the world. My coming out process has been liberating, cathartic, and satisfying; I've slayed so many demons to get here. I'm so happy I have an awesome wife who is my rock and family and friends who love me, and I'm happy I took the advice given to me here (albeit indirectly) to heart. I believe all the hard inner work I've done really was obvious to everybody I've shared with, and I think it helped them realize that this is a very, very good thing for me. I'm strong and beautiful, and I never thought I'd feel this way about myself. For anybody reading who is living with the same fears I lived with, maybe my experience can be a little proof that a good outcome is possible.
Tomorrow is my 46th birthday. It's going to be my very best one yet even though it's on a Monday.
Coming out is a dangerous time but it sounds like you've weathered it well. I hope it all goes well with the parents and in-laws. If everyone else is for you it's hard to imagine they'll be against you. Best of luck.
Lallie
Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
