Looks promising

[jennifer0918]

Yesterday for my birthday I got a call from a old friend Alina(ts),after 2 years of no communication or meeting in person.We conversed for about an hour,catching up and agreed to meet up for coffee when our schedules are free.She has no idea of me dressing and I plan to come out to her,and seeing from her reaction I would make a decesion about coming out to my SO.I'm not going to come out to Alina right away since we have a lot to catch up and I missed her friendship so much,but when the time is right I will.I feel nervous about our first meeting but we'LL see.she is such a great makeup artist that any advice will be helpful.

[Alice_2014_B]

It definitely feels better when you tell another person (friend/SO/family); at least for me it does.

[Micki_Finn]

I'm not sure that your friend's reaction is a good gauge for your SO. Not only is she a completely different person, but the situations are radically different. I would by all means encourage you to come out to your friend if you feel the desire to do so, but she and your SO are apples and oranges.

[Laura912]

More like cantaloupes and footballs, Micki. Your SO is a totally different situation. You will, however, enjoy having a friend to share and from whom you can get advice.

[Jenniferathome]

... I plan to come out to her,and seeing from her reaction I would make a decesion about coming out to my SO....

Your friend's reaction is quite irrelevant to coming out to your SO. A friend does not have the vested emotional attachment as that of a spouse. While I am a vocal advocate of telling your spouse, don't make the mistake of thinking your friends reaction means anything toward that end.

[AllieSF]

Of course the friend is different from the SO. However, talking with a third party helps one get comfortable just talking openly and hearing them selves saying things that they may have never told anyone else in person. I think that it is great and could be helpful over the long run on determining how to come out to SO. That does not mean that the friend will give her all the tips on how to do it, but rather just help her develop the experience and skills necessary to be able to talk with the SO. Of course, that may not work either, but it could still be a good start in the right direction. Good luck and I like your go slow approach with your friend. It actually is not "always" about me. Maybe she also needs someone to talk with who listens and asks questions about her.

[jennifer0918]

I feel telling my friend one she could react by saying I don't want nothing to do with you and think I'm weird, or two she may be cool with it and have a new girlfriend. I'm going to take it slow my goal is November, before thanksgiving of coming out to Alina.

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Ladies thanks for all the wonderful advice,as I was debating about writing this thread.I feel on here I could write about anything and everyone is so helpful with their input.

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
I've come out to many by showing them my pictures, and not one has cut me off, so it's more than likely she will be OK about it.
Just to take up Jens point, it's not a good situation for other people to know if your wife doesn't know about your Cding, you just never know when or how she could find out, you have to bite the bullet and tell her before coming out to others.
I know I have done the same thing myself , my wife knows but chooses not to see me or my pictures and yet I've let others see me , so I have problems to come but it's so hard to balance a DADT situation .

[Cassiek]

Good luck with any choice you make. Your happiness is what is most important.

[Sarah Louise]

Just bear in mind that if you do tell your wife, she may not be happy that you told another woman first. Most women seem to react negatively to the lying more than anything else. I think you'll add to that by the fact that you've confided in someone else and it will be another thing for her to come to terms with. I'm not sure that what you get from telling someone else outweighs this.

[Amber83]

I wouldn't tell anyone else before telling my SO, especially another woman. The person that needs to know first is the one you love.

[Krisi]

Just bear in mind that if you do tell your wife, she may not be happy that you told another woman first. Most women seem to react negatively to the lying more than anything else. I think you'll add to that by the fact that you've confided in someone else and it will be another thing for her to come to terms with. I'm not sure that what you get from telling someone else outweighs this.

Those are my thoughts exactly. Your brother, sister or parent might be OK but keeping a secret like this one from your wife while telling another woman seems like a very bad idea.

Also, does your wife know about this other woman? How would she feel about you meeting up with her?

[Lana Mae]

I have to agree with Krisi on this one!! This could end up being a can of worms!! Relationships are based on communication and trust!! If you go to someone else first you are breaking that trust!! SO always comes first, regardless of their reaction!! Talk to them about it!! (SO) It is hard but it is for the best!! Best wishes going forward!! Hugs Lana Mae