Why does she see CDing taboo or homosexual?

[Mayo]

Krisi,I have asked her in the past and it appears she is still stuck in the 1950s.She feels I shouldn't be doing domestic work,because her old man will never cook and her mom used this as ammo against her father when her mom would get angry at him.When her mom is upset she won't cook for him and just have him snacking all day.My SO when she found out that I could cook,iron,wash,and clean around the house in her up bringing she was not used to seeing a man doing these duties. There were 2 incidents in the past 1 I had left a skirt out by accident, and a wig .I was able to explain my way out of it in both cases. Her idea about the cd community comes from movies,media, E!,and logo.She has never picked up a book or even researched online about CDing she puts all this under one umbrella or should I say rainbow and this far from fact when it comes to me.

I think that's your answer, right there. She has a very old-fashioned view of gender roles, and for a man to cook or clean must mean there's something 'feminine' (and not in a good way) about him, thus the comment about CDing. She may have meant it as a joke or as a veiled/low-level insult (that's for you to decide), but it probably doesn't mean that you've been outed. If she knew you were a CD, you'd probably hear her opinion loud and clear. I suppose you could always try opening conversation by mentioning a news article or TV show on trans/CD people* and see what her reaction is.

* The remake of Rocky Horror with Laverne Cox is coming out in October, though that may not be the best way to introduce the topic. I've heard good things about the show Transparent but haven't seen it myself.

I think it's best to imagine that you are not a crossdresser and have never even thought of it but you come home one day to find your wife with her hair up under a baseball cap, her breasts bound, a fake beard and wearing men's clothes and shoes. Would that be a shock to you? How would you feel about it especially if she did it on a regular basis?

It would be a shock, but I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. I can see how a lot of people might, though.

[HelenR2]

As I remember...... Buffalo Bill thought he was transsexual but Dr. Lecter disagreed and told Clarice to search for people who had approached gender identity clinics but had been turned away as Bill did not fit he their definition of transgender.

[Tracii G]

Here is a novel idea:
Stand up to her and stop taking her BS.
If she is so June Cleaver ish in her beliefs say ok you clean the house then.Get on her if she doesn't clean it to your liking.
Stop cooking her dinner. Be the typical 50's male sit in the easy chair watch TV and tell her to bring you a beer.

[Mayo]

I have in the past tried to leave but came back because she threatened suicide and I don't need that.

That's flat-out emotional blackmail. It's very likely that she doesn't mean it and is simply manipulating you, which is another signal that you should leave. If she threatens again to do it, you tell her that you're concerned and give her some resources for self-help, and/or contact some of her friends and have them act as a safety net for her.

[jennifer0918]

Tracii it's funny you said that because she gets home from work late hungry and I didn't cook anything, she goes crazy her last comment was this,"hey you didn't cook?"me:no time! Her:"you're the b*tch,how come you didn't cook ?I ignored her bit my tongue and sat my butt in the couch watching baseball...

[Stephanie47]

I'm a retiree with a working wife, although right now our routine has been interrupted due to illness. We're in a DADT marriage. She knows or should know I wear women's clothing when she is at work. I do the baking and meal preparation, vacuuming, laundry and some ironing, washing dishes, etc. I do the cooking in the evening, not en femme, and she is appreciative of my efforts. Years ago she would make comments I did not appreciate about television shows that showed men as women. I don't know if she was intentionally trying to hurt me or she was just voicing an opinion. I asked her to think about what she was saying and to drop it. She did. I think over the years she has come to realize it is something we are born with. I do not think the situation is helped with portrayals of cross dressing men attired as ****s, clowns or perverts.

[jennifer0918]

Stephanie I think she fears that if she leaves me I could survive without her,so that's her way to outlet her insecurities by calling me names.But the convo always starts if she leaves, never if I leave, and believe me I been want to leave for a long time.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Her comment is cruel, contemptuous and ignorant. The lady sounds like she has a lot of hostility towards you. It also sounds like she enjoys harbouring hostility towards you. My immediate thought is lawyer-up and get outta Dodge, but I don't know if that is currently an option for you?

Good luck whatever you decide.

[Alice Torn]

Krisi, Well sais. Something we often don't like to consider.

[CONSUELO]

I thought that Silence of the Lambs was a very well-made thriller that in true Hollywood fashion, manipulated us into watching evil incarnate. I came away from that film feeling as if i had been USED, in the sense of having my emotions manipulated by the use of completely false constructs. I think "slimmed" would be a good word.

As for Jennifer, she is being abused badly and needs to do something about it. If a husband was doing that the advice would be to contact a women's shelter, but I don't know of anything similar for abused husbands.

[Tracii G]

Having been in two marriages that were very much like yours that is why I have a jaded outlook.
I refuse to be used and abused again.

[Alice Torn]

Sometimes,., sad to day, separating, or divorce, is the most merciful thing to do, for all involved, if lots of talking and counseling does no good. In time, you and her and the children may be able to be friends again. No guarantee though/

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Sadly, our world does not consider that men are abused, too. We are supposed to be strong, and take it, and are on our own. But, here are some attorneys that specialize in mens' cases.

[jennifer0918]

My fear with attorneys is when she hires one that my CDing will come to light.I don't know how me dressing will stop me from being a loving father to my children. But in modern America with all the taboo so rounded around crossdressing my concern is that her lawyers will hint that I'm homosexual for dressing witch is far beyond reality .Ladies I'm a firm believer of there is always 2 sides to every story I wish some how she could state her case on forum and like that really know for sure if it's me with the problem. Because I'm ready to move on ..for my own sanity

[suzanne]

There's bigotry and biases everywhere these days. The really bad news is that when the holder of a toxic idea is presented with contrdictory evidence they double down on it rather than change their minds.

I have no idea how to combat this. My education and working life have all been evidence based, so I can't conceive how proven facts fail to work. So I just try to proceed with my own life and hope someone's observing how it's working for me.