Transitioning, Why? and What for?

[Teresa]

Kaitlyn,
Obviously I'm talking from a personal perspective, I was self employed for thirty years as a photographer so there were daily compromises dealing with customers needs and trying to juggle a family life around unsociable hours . Sometimes happiness didn't come into the equation especially when I was being dragged in different directions mentally, life has never been 100% happy it's not in the real World. There are moments of happiness and enjoyment along with times of depression and despair. I've never said categorically that I'm not TS, I'm just not convinced that fulfilling those feelings will bring me peace of mind and happiness into my life, I will lose far more than the gains it offers.
Talking to TSs at my social group has only reinforced those thoughts , it's a very difficult trade off, so I live with my compromise , like I said , what I have now is probably as good as it gets.

Paola,
I came out to my wife twenty years ago, it's still difficult at times, Coming out only two weeks ago you may have to let the dust settle and the thoughts sink in.

I hope I don't come over as unhappy person despite it all my sense of humour gets me through, whatever label I should be wearing now I'm finally enjoying going out dressed and meeting other members of the TG community. It has been a great leveller, seeing people worse off than you and others who just don't care , chatting to them, sharing a drink and having a laugh but importantly no segregation , all are welcome.

[Mirya]

I have been in therapy for about 19 months, trying to figure out my Transgenderism.

19 months in therapy is a really long time to go without an answer. Does your therapist have experience helping other people with similar questions about their gender identity? If I had gone 19 months without an answer, personally I would have started looking for a new therapist (maybe the two of you just don't click). Or maybe I would have started looking inward at myself, for not doing my part to make the sessions more productive (for example, were you being completely open and honest to your therapist from the beginning, were you taking notes after each therapy session, writing a daily journal recording your thoughts, etc)

So ai have 3 fundamental questions. The first one is my own, which has the more worries about the whole issue.

Does anyone have to feel Transgender since childhood in order to validate the condition?

The overwhelming majority of those I've met and spoken to have felt that way since they were young children, myself included. I don't think it's a strict requirement though. But if that experience is somehow missing, I would really wonder why...

The other 2 questions are from my therapist, because we are to a point in which we thought my Transgender condition was confirmed, but the doubts keep coming back, making me not to come up with a resolution of transitioning.

Question number 2 is: Why do I want to transition?

I asked this question in an earlier post in this thread, but I'll repeat it now. Do you want to transition both physically and socially? Because if you transition, that's what you will do. It's easy to think about the physical aspect, but what about the social aspect? Do you have a need to socialize with other women and other men, as a woman and not as a man? Men and women generally socialize in different ways. Is that what you want? IMO that should be one of the primary reasons for wanting to transition. It's not simply about gestures and mannerisms. It's about the core essence of how you socialize and want to socialize with all other human beings - as a man, or as a woman?

[GBJoker]

1: No.

2: I'm not sure anymore. I used to know, but now I do not possess that knowledge.

3: Sounds like the same question...

I wanted to transform so badly for about a decade... Then I came out of the closet and got destroyed, so now I don't know what I want.

[paola_gemi]

Mira: Yes, my therapy has gone on for 19 months. I guess it depends on what someone wants from therapy how long it goes on.
My therapist is not the greatest expert in transgenderism, but she knows her craft, I am comfortable with what I have accomplished so far.
I never said that I have been in therapy without any results, nor did I say that we have not discovered whether I am Trans or not. We have covered many issues, past and present of my life, but a very important one was "the coming out" I came out to my partner for 15 years just 2 weeks ago and that was a big threshold to pass.
That had been accomplished I know I can go over other issues, including the questions I asked in this thread.

It is not that I don't know if I am trans or not, but I want to find out what kind of Transgender person I am. And just as Teresa settled to live her life a certain way, because for her is as good as it gets, I want to find what is as good as it gets for me.
I know some people come out and finally they think they have the confidence to go on, and they find out thetas not as easy as they thought, and I want to risk as little as possible.
But you bring a very good angle to my questions. And that is the physical aspect of my transition, and the social one. It is definite that I want to transition physically, but the social one is a very good question, because I just want to be me. But I have been behaving male my entire life. When I transition, If I do, I do not wish to put on an act pretending to be a woman, but at the same time I have to have congruence with the change. I can not put on a pretty pair of high heels and walk like John Wayne.

The social transition is what scares me the most, I have no doubt that I want my physical appearance to be woman like. But I have to keep asking my self questions, in order to resolve my fears.
And as you probably thought, that my therapist was not experience enough, her questions as to what? and what for? led to your point of my social transition, which opens my eyes a bit wider, to contemplate that social aspect, and perhaps those questions can be answered easier.


Thanks for the input.



Love, Paola.

[Kate T]

For me, the key to happiness,is to always look forward to something.

Sounds like the key to restlessness to me. The key to happiness I think is seeing the beauty in everything around you, in the moment in time that you have right now. I have nothing against hope in the future, it is one of the things I hold dear, but it is meaningless without living in the beauty of now.