How long between point A, and point B?

[I Am Paula]

There's currently a thread running about 'When did you know you were TS?', an excellent question.
I would like to expand on that, without disrupting her thread.
How long from the time you knew (or had strong inclinations) you were TS, until you started doing something (beyond experimenting with crossdressing) serious about transition?

I knew something was wrong in my early teens, and wrote it off to being gay. By the time puberty had a strong hold, I knew I was supposed to be female. I made that giant decision to transition at 53!! That's some serious denial! Perhaps I'm the world champion procrastinator.
I had a girlfriend a couple of towns over (sadly we've lost touch) who swears it never even occurred to her until she was 50 something that her problems were gender. She almost immediately quit her job, and began transition. One day she presented male, the next female.

I'm sure most of you fall somewhere between these.
Did you wait until the kids were old enough?
Were you so terrified of yourself that you hid in denial?
I'm sure there are a thousand good reasons to put off transition. How long did you wait?

[Christina Kay]

Well your timeline sounds about where mine is -3yrs. Started down the slippery slope 5 months ago. Yes and with therapy , removed the denial barrier for myself. Had an inkling at 11, suicidal and depression at puberty. So lets say 40yrs of denial. At least now i'm doing something about it. With HRT happy with myself and who I'am,,,,1st time ever. :-)

[Eryn]

For me, about 3 years between "experimental" dressing with immediate return to male mode and 24/7 living as female. I did a lot of androgynous presentation in this period and finally realized that I was being gendered as female most of the time.

[Angela Campbell]

I guess about 52 years. Always knew, mostly thought there was nothing I could do about it. Eventually there was an event that allowed me to come to the conclusion that I could change, it is possible, but it seemed so difficult and I was terrified.

The event changed my life so completely, looking back I am still amazed. I had divorced. I was cleaning out the house after she moved out and found a wig. I had crossdressed all of my life in secret but had never gone all the way with hair, shoes and makeup. After finding the wig I gave it a try. When I dressed completely with all clothes, hair, makeup, shoes and jewelry, I looked at myself and broke down. I was shattered. I knew that for the first time in my life I was seeing me. I knew in that moment that I could not stop this thing and proceeded to go through the most terrifying time of my life.

I knew I could not go on as a man, but I could not face the consequences of transition. This feeling built up and became stronger everyday. Eventually it consumed me. I frantically looked for ways to avoid changing my life while at the same time heading toward transition like a runaway train. I couldn't stop it and also knew I had to stop it. I found a trans social group and met others, this was the key I guess. I met others who had transitioned, or were in the process and knew it was possible. I went to therapists, I researched, I thought about it all the time. I came here to this forum and learned more.

It has been about 3 years or so since that time, I have been living full time for 2 of those. Had several surgeries, changed all documentation, lost friends and family members, and changed my life more completely than is imaginable.

So, I waited 50 years or so before taking action, and completely did so at rocket speed. Seems so long ago now, even though it really isn't.

[Georgette_USA]

I guess from your point A to B, It would be about a year. From full on changes, about 23-26 years old, so about 3.5 years.

Had experimented with CDing as as teen, knew something wasn't right, knew I wasn't Gay but wasn't sure about the whole male/female sex stuff, didn't want anything to do with the boy bits. Had NO access to TS except for some stories of Christine Jorgensen.

Was able to explore that side of me at 22. Saw my world wouldn't fall apart. At 23 met with CDs at some parties. Also met some that CD wasn't the only thing. Was able to research and met some TSs, and it all fell into place. At 24, growing hair out, ears pierced, visited with a Pysch started HRT. At 25/26 it was all no stopping, got legal name change, came out to family and work, got them to agree, had SRS in SEP 77. And the rest is long history.

Have always been a procrastinator, but once I make a decision I just jump in and finish. Had NO sexual relationships with women, NO old friends, nothing to hold me back.

[natasha]

I knew from an early age but didn't do anything about it (albeit very slowly) until my early 40's, and now in my early 50's.

[Mirya]

I always thought I was a CD, but I never attempted to meet anyone from the community until a year ago (not even online!) Once I got out there in the real world community, and met other CD, TG, and TS women, I starting getting a sense of what I really am. And I really started to earnestly question myself for the first time in my life, after 38 years of denial and suppression. Now, one year after beginning to explore my gender identity, my transition is almost complete. I'm out to all my family and friends, had sessions with a gender therapist, had months of professional voice training, laser hair removal, 8 months on HRT, full-time for several months now, legal name change, FFS... all of that is done. Even threw in a laser skin resurfacing (erbium glass laser) to smooth out my face. All that in just one year! Bottom surgery is the only thing that's left to do. It's a ridiculously fast transition timeline, but once I knew, I didn't want to waste any more time living a life I was never meant to live.

[GBJoker]

13 years and counting. Nothing on the horizon. No reason to start.

Edit: ReineD, I've been on the internet since I was about 8-9 years old. I am not "in denial," obviously, but I will probably still keep this as a private at home thing that no one else knows about for the rest of my life though.

Edit2: The point being, I'll never get to point "B."

[ReineD]

I wonder if it will take as long for people who grew up with the internet. There's so much information that is readily available now! Do you think there will be as many millennials who will stay in denial for 40 years?

[Kate T]

Fewer. There will still be some though I suspect. Particularly those who are "heterosexually" attracted, i.e. the MTF TS who is attracted to females and the FTM who is attracted to males. It is hard to deny that attraction drive and it still defines us as humans heavily socially (witness the persistent use of heterosexual and homosexual even in the TS boards here where those terms are confuscating at best and downright innaccurate at worst) as well as the strong drive to reproduce. For this reason I suspect many millenials despite the knowledge base being there will still struggle to truly understand and seek solace in "simpler" lives and relationships which will cause them to doubt and deny themselves for some time, perhaps even into their 40's and 50's.

[PennyNZ]

When I was about 4/5 I wanted to be a girl and used to dress in my sisters stuff when no one was around. My mum may have known (they know everything) but she took me to therapy when I was 14 (1965)

I distinctly remember him say "we don't want you to turn into one of those then"
Had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but got the message loud and clear.
What I was doing was simply not acceptable

So I got on with life, joined the Navy, got
Married and had 2 kids, got divorced, had partners, the last for 15 years

Over the years I crossdressed secretly.

At 62 the disphoria started big time. Major responsibilities were over, and I started winding down business. At 63 after therapy and Doctors I went full time, lost my partner which I knew would happen and even it's been over a year i still miss her dearly. Had to do proof of life for several months before starting HRT, early this year.

So now I am a couple of months off 65

Overall for me it has been a wonderful experience and am currently planing a trip to Thailand for FFS and breast augmentation in Jun/Jul next year

Pen

[STACY B]

45 / 46 I think,, First time on H.R.T. ,, Backed up in denial again after a couple months, 18 months later another doctor and Bam back on for 18 plus months, So Paula I am with you on being hard headed and being in denial about it,, We run out of runway and have to make a move to keep going.

An Reine I think about the same thing,, What if,, What if,,, We didn't have the information readily available like they do now,, Bet it will be a whole different deal all the way around. Don't really think it will even be in the same ball game with us old timers,, I think once all of the old people are gone this whole deal will be different, I can say for sure all of the younger people around me accept it WAYYYYYYYY easier than the older ones. I do surround myself with the younger folks so I won't be judged as harshly as the old peoiple do,, An when I say old people I mean people my age and older, From about 35 and down they tend to get it better,, And the younger the better they respond. Like that youngest boy of mine NEVER batted and eye. Only thing he said was whatever makes you Happy. By the way he is 16,,,Words from a wise man,,,

[Rianna Humble]

Particularly those who are "heterosexually" attracted, i.e. the MTF TS who is attracted to females and the FTM who is attracted to males.

I must be missing something in your reasoning. An MtF transsexual who is attracted to females is not experiencing a heterosexual attraction - it is a same sex attraction. Likewise for a trans man who is attracted to men.

[Kate T]

Rianna

My approach is to try and make the language and terminology as simple and universal as possible. A hangover from my medico biologic training. What does heterosexual / same sex attraction mean for the individual who is gender fluid? Or what of the individual who is androgynous identified or even intersex? The terms meaning is diametrically contextually variable dependent on the identity state of the individual. The terms "male attracted" and "female attracted" remove the need to provide a reference point of the gender / sex of the individual experiencing the attraction, it is irrelevant. Thus the terms can be simply and consistently applied across all gender identities and sex physioanatomies and also over time within the same individual without confusion.

Addendum:
The added bonus of retiring the terms heterosexual and homosexual or even same sex attracted from our language is that by extension we will retire the idea of being homophobic (or heterophobic!). Without the language defining what homophobic / heterophobic individuals hate they are left somewhat in limbo and unable to explain themselves easily, as should be the case. Think about it, instead of someone being able to post some one line twitter or Facebook post "Homosexuality is unnatural" instead they would have to write "Females attracted to females and males attracted to males is unnatural". You remove the shock value of the inflammatory "sexuality" adverb and they wouldn't have enough characters in Twitter to make their comment!

Sub addendum:
Curious that my computer recognises homophobic as a word yet tries to tell me that heterophobic is spelled incorrectly without any known substitutions.

[ReineD]

I think it's best to simply specify the sex attracted to, for example using androphile (or saying "male-attracted"), or gynephile (or "female-attracted").

But it does get complicated if a woman or man is attracted to a Nonbinary, who identifies neither as a man nor a woman.

[Eryn]

I wonder if it will take as long for people who grew up with the internet. There's so much information that is readily available now! Do you think there will be as many millennials who will stay in denial for 40 years?

Nope, those bad days are over and the world is better for it.

[KymberlyOct]

Uh, 45 years. Is that a long time? I knew when I was about 10 and I was never in denial. My issue was I thought I would look ridiculous. My height was always my biggest concern and big frame - broad shoulders etc. Nothing has changed except I have lost 50 pounds with 40 more to go. The difference was 6 months ago I finally realized that this is ridiculous - living in hiding and being myself makes me happy. Do I still care that I will be clocked the rest of my life - yes. But I refuse to let that fear cause me to live my remaining years not being myself. I only wish I started 30 years ago but I am glad that I did not finish my life saying - what if? Now I am a patient at a transgender therapy clinic - going for voice therapy - doing electro and in less than 3 weeks start hrt - happiest I have ever been. :-)

[MissDanielle]

by the time i was 14, I knew something was seriously off. didn't do anything until after I turned 31.

[Kate T]

But it does get complicated if a woman or man is attracted to a Nonbinary, who identifies neither as a man nor a woman.

Oh I don't know. You can always use qualifiers e.g. strongly attracted to females, attracted to both male and female, attracted to neither male nor female (i.e. attracted to androgyny) or even not attracted to others (i.e. asexual, which I never really quite understood until I recently reconnected with an old school friend who is asexual and honestly I believe him, in fact it actually makes a lot of sense from my experiences and memories of him!).

[Rianna Humble]

Rianna

My approach is to try and make the language and terminology as simple and universal as possible. A hangover from my medico biologic training. What does heterosexual / same sex attraction mean for the individual who is gender fluid? Or what of the individual who is androgynous identified or even intersex? The terms meaning is diametrically contextually variable dependent on the identity state of the individual. The terms "male attracted" and "female attracted" remove the need to provide a reference point of the gender / sex of the individual experiencing the attraction, it is irrelevant. Thus the terms can be simply and consistently applied across all gender identities and sex physioanatomies and also over time within the same individual without confusion.

Unfortunately, Kate, what you wrote here is completely different to what you wrote in my previous quote. Introducing non-binary identities to justify saying (as you appear to gave done in your previous post) that a trans-woman who is attracted to women experiences a heterosexual attraction is merely deflecting the discussion from the falsehood.

[Kate T]

Did you not notice the quotation marks around the term "heterosexual"? Read the other posts I made and you will see I am quite happy to lose both the term heterosexual and homosexual from general language use. The TS woman who is attracted to females is to me just that, attracted to females. I really couldn't give a toss what her gender identity is, as it is essentially irrelevant in terms of describing whom she is attracted to.

[I Am Paula]

I think it's best to simply specify the sex attracted to, for example using androphile (or saying "male-attracted"), or gynephile (or "female-attracted").
But it does get complicated if a woman or man is attracted to a Nonbinary, who identifies neither as a man nor a woman.

Once again the overwhelming desire to label everything rears it's ugly head. My last relationship was with a man. Now I'm with a woman. I guess I like people.

[ReineD]

Paula, I was commenting on the points that people ahead of me in the thread brought up.

I get that lots of people are tired of using labels. But, if someone wants to use a label, there are labels that people find are less confusing than others. For example, the label "hetero". Should this refer to a person's body or their gender identity. If it refers to their gender identity and they have not yet transitioned, then what does "hetero" mean. For an MtF TS, prior to transition (when the TS is still living as a male) hetero would mean an attraction to females for most people. After transition it would mean an attraction to males. So I proposed using "male-attracted" (androphile), or "female-attracted" (gynephile) - again, IF the TS wants to describe their sexual attraction, which would not change unless the transitioner changes sexual orientation after transition.

[Emma Beth]

I think I was about 7 or 8 when I knew there was something wrong with me. I thought I had some kind of a birth defect. I couldn't articulate what was wrong with me beyond that.

For the next 7 or 8 years it was like that. Then around 15 or 16, the depression got worse. Partly because of a death in the Family around that time and the feeling that something was wrong with me intensified some what.

Then I went into the Navy at age 19. During this time, the walls went up and I lived my life as normally as one can under these circumstances. I got out of the Military, struggled to make my own way and stuff. I met and eventually married my Wife. Then the next 15 or so years was spent with her with my focus on her and us.

Then almost 4 years ago the walls began to crumble and I carefully pulled them down a few bricks at a time.

I then spent those four years coming to terms with myself and working towards where I am now which is on hormones and progressing each day.

I actively began to take the required steps to a better way of living for myself last year.

So, I guess my timeline in this would be about 37 or 38 years from knowing something is wrong with me and actively making changes with the help of Doctors.

[karenpayneoregon]

The following is a rough time line. I grow up in a very small and poor community else I believe I would had transitioned earlier. My mother admitted after my transitioning that she would had supported me early in life but sad to say my father would not had.

I've been in the same job for over twenty years, in the past few months two co-workers said to me, I can't remember your old identity after I've known you for 20+ years. In one way I see this as they may had seen the female beneath the male???

• Unconsciously knew I was different before the age of 10
• Around the age of 16 was leading a dual identity until the following
• Conformed to society and married at 30
• Separated at 50, went back to my old ways
• At 58 the beach ball refused to stay under so I had no choice but to begin transitioning
• At 59 had surgeries, bottom and top
• Two years and counting.